Women keep saying I'm 'Too Nice'.

lainey_d_123

Beechwoodspark wrote: »

Lot of women seem drawn to “bad men” aka immature rude angry possessive types. I don’t know why.

Maybe the same reason men seem drawn to "bad women" aka immature rude princessy entitled types. Some people seem to live on drama.

rgace

The last two posts could have hit the nail on the head, are you after partners that aren't suited to you?

The point was made earlier about calling out your partner when they are being a cnut, if I had to do that to my partner on any kind of a semi regular basis I would call a halt to the relationship tbh

Daisy78

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Maybe the same reason men seem drawn to "bad women" aka immature rude princessy entitled types. Some people seem to live on drama.

Absolutely. Not sure that it will make you feel any better op but your female counterpart is out there thinking the exact same thing, why do men go for the high maintenance "bitchy" types and not the nice girl. You like to think that both sexes mature and come round to making better choices as they get older. Some don't but I think a lot of people do see the value in kindness. It doesn't mean that you act like a pushover but I think decency and thoughtfulness are a great basis for a relationship. Please don't change, the right woman is out there for you, it just might take some patience on your part before you meet her.

Red Lightning

Daisy78 wrote:

Absolutely. Not sure that it will make you feel any better op but your female counterpart is out there thinking the exact same thing, why do men go for the high maintenance "bitchy" types and not the nice girl. You like to think that both sexes mature and come round to making better choices as they get older. Some don't but I think a lot of people do see the value in kindness. It doesn't mean that you act like a pushover but I think decency and thoughtfulness are a great basis for a relationship. Please don't change, the right woman is out there for you, it just might take some patience on your part before you meet her.

Thank you Daisy.

Red Lightning

Thank you for the advice. Its made me put a few things into action. I'm not going to change but I'm also not going to be as readily available for everyone and anyone.
I'm also going to start putting myself first more often and not be afraid to be myself whether people like me or not.
Will admit that my confidence with the women I like is still not where I would like it to be but it's all about working on it.

whiskeyman

Red Lightning wrote: »

Will admit that my confidence with the women I like is still not where I would like it to be but it's all about working on it.

What's your confidence like in general?
I know you mentioned anxiety. Do you have many friends are how do you interact?
Might be useful pushing yourself outside your comfort zones and build up your confidence levels a bit. Would you join a group / hobby with new people perhaps? Introduce yourself and talk to more people. Organise something... get out and do more.
Be proud of who you are and happy with yourself - that'll be huge I'd hope.

Springfields

cannotlogin wrote: »

I'll get shot for this but women in their 20s usually haven't a clue what they want.

By the time you are 30, they will be crawling all over you.

There is no such thing as too nice.

I was one of these women. Went out with a lot of dickheads in my 20's. Met my now husband at 31...he was and is the "nicest" guy I've ever met. Once I met him all I could think was wtf was I doing before ?? Don't change...the right person will come along..

Red Lightning

whiskeyman wrote:

What's your confidence like in general? I know you mentioned anxiety. Do you have many friends are how do you interact? Might be useful pushing yourself outside your comfort zones and build up your confidence levels a bit. Would you join a group / hobby with new people perhaps? Introduce yourself and talk to more people. Organise something... get out and do more. Be proud of who you are and happy with yourself - that'll be huge I'd hope.

Overall, my confidence is alright cos I'm happy with who I am and since I've started working out, I've seen a big improvement in my confidence. My self esteem used to be rock bottom. I would never really to girls at school. I went on my own to the Deb's in leaving cert because I literally didn't know any girls well enough to ask out.

Honestly feel it's a lot better now tho but still creeps in when it comes to getting to know a girl I like but definitely getting better in that regard.
I have noticed a positive change since I've started meeting up with friends more often (used to be a big introverted extrovert) Loved meeting people but never made the effort to do it.
Thanks for your reply.

Red Lightning

Springfields wrote:

I was one of these women. Went out with a lot of dickheads in my 20's. Met my now husband at 31...he was and is the "nicest" guy I've ever met. Once I met him all I could think was wtf was I doing before ?? Don't change...the right person will come along..

Thank you Springfield's. I know a lot of women that would go for guys like that but I imagine it would get boring pretty quickly when they aren't reliable etc etc.
It's understandable though cos they are young and are looking for thrills. I believe I can provide plenty of thrills mind you but it may not be obvious from looking in.

MartyMcFly84

My advice would be to focus on yourself. Do your best to be successful , workout , have a plan and do it , get your own place, and make some money.

When you have all of your own ducks in a line you become more attractive to the opposite sex as you will be seen as someone who has their **** together. Even if you dont have all of those things but are on your way this will also work.

Women (very general comment) dont want guys they will have to look after, or who will hold them back or who act like a Beta male trying to be their friend first and work in that way.

All of the above is very sweeping and generally but it will work a much of the time every time.

redfacedbear

MartyMcFly84 wrote: »

trying to be their friend first

Yep, I went through a similar 'too nice', being 'friendzoned', 'anyone I'm in to isn't in to me' phase in my early twenties. I eventually worked out that I was putting all of the decision making power (deciding if what we had was a thing or not) on the woman. I was way too diffident about showing any level of attraction before I got clear signals from her and mortally fearful of 'leading her on' if I wasn't as in to her as she was me. So these women had essentially moved on in their minds long before I got around to asking them out or whatever.

By knocking this on the head the 'too nice' thing disappeared. A bit of flirtiness, a bit of directness ('I'd love to go out on a date with you'), a bit of cop on (agreeing to meet up to see how you get on does not mean you need to make a commitment to keep seeing her even if you're not attracted to her).

Granted, I got knocked back plenty, but I was amazed at how often it worked.