Anyone else enjoy being single?

lainey_d_123

Woke Hogan wrote: »

He sounds very happy with himself to me to be honest

I don't think he is, deep down, no. I think he genuinely cannot form any kind of a meaningful connection with anyone (platonic or otherwise) and distracts himself with hedonistic fun rather than facing his issues.

ToddyDoody

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I don't think he is, deep down, no. I think he genuinely cannot form any kind of a meaningful connection with anyone (platonic or otherwise) and distracts himself with hedonistic fun rather than facing his issues.

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

lainey_d_123

Dalomanakora wrote: »

What's actually wrong with him wanting casual sex but not a relationship? Plenty of men and women are in that boat, and more power to them. I don't really understand why you think he won't have those options in the future. There's plenty of middle aged women out there who are jaded by relationships but happy to have some fun once in a while.

You're totally (and wilfully) missing my point. It's not about the sex, it's about the lifestyle. Right now he still has friends his own age who are single and going out all the time and going to Ibiza on holidays, so he's basically still living like he did in his twenties. But they're slowly dropping off, as they get married and settle down. And then what? Is he going to go to nightclubs on his own? A 40+ year old guy on his own hitting on 20-somethings?

I never said he won't be able to find casual sex, but it's not about sex. It's everything. His friends are moving on, finding new joys in life, having kids, doing up houses, outdoorsy hobbies, whatever. Where's that going to leave him? I think his total lack of ability to be a loyal and reliable friend (in platonic friendships as well as relationships) is going to bite him in the ass the day that he's the one going through a hard time. He isn't there for people when they need him, and nobody will be there for him. All his relationships and friendships are totally superficial, and I think deep down he does know it. That's the point. It's not about casual sex, it's about not being able to move on beyond superficial nightclub culture and develop meaningful connections.

lainey_d_123

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

That's a saying about people who gossip about others in a petty way, not people analysing someone's behaviour. Nice try at derailing, though. Have a gold star to take home to Mammy.

Dalomanakora

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

You're totally (and wilfully) missing my point. It's not about the sex, it's about the lifestyle. Right now he still has friends his own age who are single and going out all the time and going to Ibiza on holidays, so he's basically still living like he did in his twenties. But they're slowly dropping off, as they get married and settle down. And then what? Is he going to go to nightclubs on his own? A 40+ year old guy on his own hitting on 20-somethings?

I never said he won't be able to find casual sex, but it's not about sex. It's everything. His friends are moving on, finding new joys in life, having kids, doing up houses, outdoorsy hobbies, whatever. Where's that going to leave him? I think his total lack of ability to be a loyal and reliable friend (in platonic friendships as well as relationships) is going to bite him in the ass the day that he's the one going through a hard time. He isn't there for people when they need him, and nobody will be there for him. All his relationships and friendships are totally superficial, and I think deep down he does know it. That's the point. It's not about casual sex, it's about not being able to move on beyond superficial nightclub culture and develop meaningful connections.

For him being a man you "dated for a while," you seem to have invested an awful lot of time psychoanalyzing him. That's actually a little concerning.


Sounds to me as though he's living his life exactly as he wants to. There's absolutely no reason he can't pick up the hobbies you talk about though. Maybe he's not a big fan of intimacy? Like, it's certainly unusual to have no close friends or partners, but it's hardly unheard of. Some people just don't attach to others. It doesn't necessarily mean he has issues as you seem to insist upon.


Your posts talking all about the issues some poor bloke has just because he has a different way of living life than you deem acceptable says a lot more about you than him.

ToddyDoody

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

That's a saying about people who gossip about others in a petty way, not people analysing someone's behaviour. Nice try at derailing, though. Have a gold star to take home to Mammy.

Why ever did he leave?

lainey_d_123

Dalomanakora wrote: »

For him being a man you "dated for a while," you seem to have invested an awful lot of time psychoanalyzing him. That's actually a little concerning.


Sounds to me as though he's living his life exactly as he wants to. There's absolutely no reason he can't pick up the hobbies you talk about though. Maybe he's not a big fan of intimacy? Like, it's certainly unusual to have no close friends or partners, but it's hardly unheard of. Some people just don't attach to others. It doesn't necessarily mean he has issues as you seem to insist upon.


Your posts talking all about the issues some poor bloke has just because he has a different way of living life than you deem acceptable says a lot more about you than him.

I'd known him over a decade before we had a short fling and we have mutual friends. That alright with you?

I love how you think you know more about this man than I do despite never having met him. I don't think he's genuinely happy, no. Some people are happy to be alone and genuinely feel no need for company. I don't think that's him. I think he's just one of those commitment-phobic people who thinks the grass is always greener, and one day it's not going to be. He uses people for his own ends and then discards them when they're not convenient anymore. He's done it to girlfriends, friends, family members. He'll happily spend time with people when it's all fun, but the moment someone needs his support, whether because of illness, bereavement or any other serious issue, you won't see him for dust. And I think it'll catch up with him one day.

But clearly you're not interested in actual discussion and would prefer to just shut down anyone who says anything you don't agree with, so OK.

lainey_d_123

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Why ever did he leave?

'Leave'? LOL. We had a short-term fling before I left to work abroad. Never gave any indication otherwise.

Not the brightest spark, I see.

Dalomanakora

Ah Lainey, you're a gas woman. You're giving out saying I'm trying to shut down discussion with anyone who doesn't agree with me, but I'm clearly responding to you trying to give alternate viewpoints lest your character assassination on a man who can't contest your anonymous posts be incorrect.


Then you respond telling me I don't want discussion? Nah, i just disagree with you, calm it down. If you don't want to reply to people who think differently to you, that's fine. But like I said, your nasty assumptions and posts about a man who hasn't actually done anything wrong say a lot more about your own character than his.

lainey_d_123

Dalomanakora wrote: »

Ah Lainey, you're a gas woman. You're giving out saying I'm trying to shut down discussion with anyone who doesn't agree with me, but I'm clearly responding to you trying to give alternate viewpoints lest your character assassination on a man who can't contest your anonymous posts be incorrect.


Then you respond telling me I don't want discussion? Nah, i just disagree with you, calm it down. If you don't want to reply to people who think differently to you, that's fine. But like I said, your nasty assumptions and posts about a man who hasn't actually done anything wrong say a lot more about your own character than his.

LOL. How can it be a 'character assassination'? I have literally given NO indication whatsoever of anything about the man. Absolutely zero identifying info, so grow up and go away with that rubbish.

Hasn't done anything wrong? You don't know him! You're giving out to me for talking badly about him, but you're making assumptions about someone you have literally NEVER MET.

Hilarious.

ToddyDoody

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

'Leave'? LOL. We had a short-term fling before I left to work abroad. Never gave any indication otherwise.

Not the brightest spark, I see.

Isn't this pleasant.

Dalomanakora

:pac:

lainey_d_123

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Isn't this pleasant.

Implying that someone left me is pleasant, yeah.

Love people who can give it out but can't take it.

ToddyDoody

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Implying that someone left me is pleasant, yeah.

Love people who can give it out but can't take it.

A real scrapper.

Lotus Flower

Jesus, why is Lainey getting such a hard time on this thread? It's obviously up to this man to be single if he prefers but he sounds like a d*ck/ flake for using people and dropping them when they're no longer convenient to him

lainey_d_123

Lotus Flower wrote: »

Jesus, why is Lainey getting such a hard time on this thread? It's obviously up to this man to be single if he prefers but he sounds like a d*ck/ flake for using people and dropping them when they're no longer convenient to him

People just can't accept any viewpoint that's different to theirs, that's why.

Exactly my point. It's not about choosing to be single, it's about not using people for what you can get because it eventually comes back to bite you. He wasn't there for his best mate when her new husband was diagnosed with cancer because she wasn't fun anymore and (obviously) never wanted to go out for drinks...that's just the way he goes on. As if people are there just to entertain him and meet his needs without having any of their own. And IMO that will make for a very lonely future once the last of his mates have settled down and he has nobody to go drinking/partying with.

Eircom_Sucks

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

I know someone who complains all the time about being single, but who wants any prospective partner to check so many boxes that no mere mortal could ever qualify.

I think some people expect a fairytale prince to show up at their door some day with a glass slipper.

Every woman is like that

Dalomanakora

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Every woman is like that

No, they're not.

Tell me how

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

People just can't accept any viewpoint that's different to theirs, that's why.

Isn't that EXACTLY what you are doing???
You keep trying to explain how they have the wrong take on it.

You were the one who was there fine, that gives you and advantage but, personally, in my opinion, it did initially read like a jilted person. That's just how it came across.

Just let it go.

Autosport

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Every woman is like that

Excuse you :P


He better arrive on a white horse or else he can keep on moving

lainey_d_123

Tell me how wrote: »

Isn't that EXACTLY what you are doing???
You keep trying to explain how they have the wrong take on it.

You were the one who was there fine, that gives you and advantage but, personally, in my opinion, it did initially read like a jilted person. That's just how it came across.

Just let it go.

Yes, to those with judgemental minds. I elaborated on why he's so bad as a friend/partner, and still people continued to pile on and think I was annoyed because he dumped me. Some hive mind on here, honestly.

ToddyDoody

Tell me how wrote: »

Isn't that EXACTLY what you are doing???
You keep trying to explain how they have the wrong take on it.

You were the one who was there fine, that gives you and advantage but, personally, in my opinion, it did initially read like a jilted person. That's just how it came across.

Just let it go.

I actually don't see anything wrong with thinking he''s possibly a selfish p*ick. Maybe he is. It's the whole 'and I think he'll live to regret his ways' bit that's complete nonsense.

lainey_d_123

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I actually don't see anything wrong with thinking he''s possibly a selfish p*ick. Maybe he is. It's the whole 'and I think he'll live to regret his ways' bit that's complete nonsense.

How is it nonsense? I was simply elaborating on what ginandtonicsky was saying. It's grand being single in your 20s and 30s when loads of other people are single and you're going out all the time and you have your family and friends. But once most people are settled down and busy with their own young families, is it still going to be so great?

DashOf

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Every woman is like that

If they were then the population would be declining fairly rapidly.

Eircom_Sucks

Dalomanakora wrote: »

No, they're not.

Yes they are

Especially the ones online

They want guys with 6 pack abs , fake tan , pearly whites , 100k a year

What did people do before the internet ?

They fcuking chatted , didnt base attraction solely on looks

This is it

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Yes they are

Especially the ones online

They want guys with 6 pack abs , fake tan , pearly whites , 100k a year

What did people do before the internet ?

They fcuking chatted , didnt base attraction solely on looks

You sound very bitter.

Dalomanakora

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Yes they are

Especially the ones online

They want guys with 6 pack abs , fake tan , pearly whites , 100k a year

What did people do before the internet ?

They fcuking chatted , didnt base attraction solely on looks

You sound jaded with online dating. I get that. I don't blame you for that either.


It doesn't mean women are shallow gold diggers like you seem to think though. Women and men have always based attraction on looks, to a point.


People still chat lots, in pubs, clubs, online etc. But if you chat to someone, an amazing personality isn't going to make them want to rattle your bones if you're not physically attractive to them.


I guess the difference is in a pub or other real life situation, we don't just assume the other person is looking for more than a chat. So we chat away like we would to anyone who approaches us for a chat. Whereas with online dating, the intent is clear. People are there to date, so men and women don't chat to people they don't find appealing, because they already know the intent is dating, and they probably don't want to lead someone on.

lainey_d_123

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Yes they are

Especially the ones online

They want guys with 6 pack abs , fake tan , pearly whites , 100k a year

What did people do before the internet ?

They fcuking chatted , didnt base attraction solely on looks

LOL

And you think some men are any different?

You think there aren't average, balding men in their thirties with beer bellies looking for stunning models with huge boobs?

Eircom_Sucks

This is it wrote: »

You sound very bitter.

Very far from it actually

Just made me realise i much prefer doing the old fashioned “ chat in a bar “ more , online to me is the fickle lazy way

Chat in a pub all the way

ToddyDoody

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

How is it nonsense? I was simply elaborating on what ginandtonicsky was saying. It's grand being single in your 20s and 30s when loads of other people are single and you're going out all the time and you have your family and friends. But once most people are settled down and busy with their own young families, is it still going to be so great?

You can't make one size fits all schemas for everyone like this. It may suit some to settle, it may, for whatever individual reasons, suit others not to. Simple as.

Gimme A Pound

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Yes they are

Especially the ones online

They want guys with 6 pack abs , fake tan , pearly whites , 100k a year

No every woman is not like that - it's really that straightforward. I have never been interested in a fella you described. Seems like a higher achieving TOWIE type. No thanks.

Looks like every woman you're drawn to online is though.

When I was younger, I got hurt by a string of charming dickheads, but of course all men aren't like that - I unfortunately was drawn to them though.

kowloon

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

What did people do before the internet ?

We frolicked in the fields and streams and the porn came on coloured slices of tree flesh.

Lotus Flower

For me personally, I had a blast being single but casual sex gets old and feels a bit empty. It's lovely to have someone to cuddle up with at night, to plan stuff with, watch films with, sit in eating pizza together, etc

pgj2015

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Every woman is like that

what about the large number of women who go for the no job, drug dealer, alco, general trouble maker and scumbag?

kowloon

pgj2015 wrote: »

what about the large number of women who go for the no job, drug dealer, alco, general trouble maker and scumbag?

I can't hope to tick all those boxes :mad:

Gimme A Pound

kowloon wrote: »

I can't hope to tick all those boxes :mad:

Never stop believing dude.

ginandtonicsky

Fake tan and bleached teeth is a definite NO in a man for most women I know. But it hints at the kind of woman you’re going for online, as Gimmeapound mentioned. A bit of self awareness never goes astray if you’re playing the dating app game I find.

lainey_d_123

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Never stop believing dude.

+ 1

Plenty of people manage it, there's no reason you couldn't too, with a bit of dedication.

lainey_d_123

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Fake tan and bleached teeth is a definite NO in a man for most women I know. But it hints at the kind of woman you’re going for online, as Gimmeapound mentioned. A bit of self awareness never goes astray if you’re playing the dating app game I find.

That's the thing. He's almost definitely going for TOWIE-type women and then being shocked when they're looking for TOWIE-type men.

Although I do have to say, I find really yellow/stained teeth quite offputting as well. No harm in a bit of bleaching to get rid of staining, but shiny blinding white teeth, no.

kowloon

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Never stop believing dude.

Just missed the midnight train to anywhere, but I'll give it another go tomorrow.

ToddyDoody

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Fake tan and bleached teeth is a definite NO in a man for most women I know.

What's wrong with showing a bit of class?

branie2

Yes

Eircom_Sucks

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

Every woman is like that

lol

upinsmoke

I'd like a missus as long as she doesn't live with me, boss me around and can see her when I feel like. I'd like a kid but the kid would have to live with her and I get to see him when I feel like.

You might find me selfish but it's the only way getting a relationship would work for me so guess I'll be single forever.

Just not interested in living with a partner

BBFAN

Dalomanakora wrote: »

You sound jaded with online dating. I get that. I don't blame you for that either.


It doesn't mean women are shallow gold diggers like you seem to think though. Women and men have always based attraction on looks, to a point.


People still chat lots, in pubs, clubs, online etc. But if you chat to someone, an amazing personality isn't going to make them want to rattle your bones if you're not physically attractive to them.


I guess the difference is in a pub or other real life situation, we don't just assume the other person is looking for more than a chat. So we chat away like we would to anyone who approaches us for a chat. Whereas with online dating, the intent is clear. People are there to date, so men and women don't chat to people they don't find appealing, because they already know the intent is dating, and they probably don't want to lead someone on.

I don't know about that I've met people who I didn't initially feel attracted to and later became attracted to them as I got to know them. And vice versa.

That part of attraction is definitely lost on the internet.

pgj2015

i have always found that with internet dating, a woman i would be trying to get away from on a night out wouldn't even respond to a hello on pof lol

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

pgj2015 wrote: »

i have always found that with internet dating, a woman i would be trying to get away from on a night out wouldn't even respond to a hello on pof lol

Follow that thought through there, why are you messaging women you'd run away from? Because you're only after the ride? Then just have that with the ones running after you irl.

And are you only saying hello?

pgj2015

just giving them a chance, see if they are sound to talk to.


yes just saying hello.

pgj2015

pgj2015 wrote: »

just giving them a chance, see if they are sound to talk to.


yes just saying hello.

nobody is going to respond to 'hello' copy pasted 1000 times in fairness
i think that's what she was getting at

pgj2015

bluewolf wrote: »

nobody is going to respond to 'hello' copy pasted 1000 times in fairness
i think that's what she was getting at

id say that is what 99% of people say first on a dating site. why would you need to say any more at first?