Anyone else enjoy being single?

.......

Memorandum10 wrote: »

Women on average.

Where can this objective fact be verified?

SusieBlue

23 year old me had little to no eyebrows and wore too much fake tan. I had hair extensions down to my arse and I got my style inspiration from The Only Way is Essex. :pac:
Current me gets far more attention than 23 year old me. 23 was most definitely not my peak year - if anything its the year I made the the most questionable fashion choices as it was when I was trying to establish my own style and identity.

Current 23 year olds are a totally different kettle of fish. With the access to social media (and all that comes with it, from tutorials to style inspiration) that simply wasn't there years ago, they are already at an advantage. Its incomparable really.

.......

Memorandum10 wrote: »

Studies and the real world can verify this.

Show me examples of studies where the subjective nature of attractiveness is verified for us all as an objective fact?

Cant post links - no worries, the study names, year and authors will be fine. Also indicate what part of the conclusion supports your assertions.

Dalomanakora

Memorandum10 wrote: »

It depends what you mean by over the hill, is 12 years past peak attractiveness over the hill?

Ah stop, I was manky looking at 23. I'm far more attractive now hitting 30 than i was 7 years ago ffs :pac:

yourdeadwright

Memorandum10 wrote: »

Studies and the real world can verify this.

Can they really ?
That would really surprise me ,

Not being smart but I know plenty of girls who look far better now than they did at 22 ,

For instance for 35 year olds now the gym fitness craze wasn't around when they where 22 , and a lot of them look a lot better now because of it


I personally think women are most attractive there 30s ;

.......

Memorandum10 wrote: »

Ask nicely and I'll show you the studies.

Nah youre boring me now.

Have a lie down or something, Im sure your account will be outed and banned shortly anyway.

Necro

Dont feed it, that's how they grow stronger. Dont any of you watch South Park? :pac:

Dalomanakora

....... wrote: »

Nah youre boring me now.

Have a lie down or something, Im sure your account will be outed and banned shortly anyway.

Already banned :pac:

.......

Dalomanakora wrote: »

Already banned :pac:

Im a psychic!! I knew it!

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

Pyr0 wrote: »

I think it's important to be comfortable in your own skin and doing things by yourself and not relying on someone else to enjoy activities with, even if it's normal every day things like having lunch or dinner alone, going to the cinema or a gig and even going on holiday. There's no reliance in any way on someone else and you can do whatever you want, whenever you want.

In my view, the best relationships are those where both people have the freedom to do things alone, if they want, and do other things together. Too many couples fall into the trap of feeling that they have to do everything together, and thus friends and interests get sacrificed for the sake of the relationship.

givyjoe

Memorandum11 wrote: »

As I explained, the average 23 year old woman is more attractive than the average 33 year old woman. Google it and do some investigation if you don't agree. Early twenties is the peak attractiveness age group for women.

Just for clarity.. under which previous alias did you explain this?

Pyr0

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

In my view, the best relationships are those where both people have the freedom to do things alone, if they want, and do other things together. Too many couples fall into the trap of feeling that they have to do everything together, and thus friends and interests get sacrificed for the sake of the relationship.

I agree. I've been in relationships where to do anything alone was seen as a wasted opportunity for us to do something together and I hated it. I've thankfully learned from it and don't intend to fall into the same traps again!

Mister Vain

Reminds me of what comedian Bill Burr said about women always wanting to do something. "Ohh there's an empty day in the calender. Lets fill it up with sh1t."

Dial Hard

Mister Vain wrote: »

Reminds me of what comedian Bill Burr said about women always wanting to do something. "Ohh there's an empty day in the calender. Lets fill it up with sh1t."

Or as Tim Allen said in one of his stand-up routines, "Women fill time, men kill time."

BTW my last question wasn't meant as having to ask for permission to do something. Consulting with a partner on a decision is something anyone is going to do but it still means it's an extra thing to think about when an opportunity comes along. I could up sticks and move away next week without feeling like I had to check with anyone right now. Not that I'm going to. :pac:

I have to say that as someone never in a proper relationship the moaning from people in them irks me quite a bit. :pac: Usually my response is "why don't you ask/say that to them?" which is met with "You just don't get it". Sounds healthy. :P

I couldn't put up with someone who constantly has to be doing stuff, more specifically who thinks "we" have to be doing stuff. I have stuff to do 2 nights a week after work, I've to walk the dog, I've to see my mates. Every second weekend is taken up with something to do with the car or cleaning the house or giving someone a lift to the airport or whatever. I like having "me" time and I'm fine with giving the same to others.

God I'm so lonely. :pac:

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Pyr0 wrote: »

I agree. I've been in relationships where to do anything alone was seen as a wasted opportunity for us to do something together and I hated it. I've thankfully learned from it and don't intend to fall into the same traps again!

Never got that, we do a lot together but if I got home this evening and he wasn't there I'd be luxuriating in the free solitude for at least a couple of hours before I started wondering where he is.

I don't think it's good for the individuals to b e joined at the hip but it's not good for the relationship either, probably. You have to have time to miss each other like.

I mean are you even IN A long term relationship if you haven't woken up, watched the rising sun on their dearly familiar sleeping face and thought "I think it might be the day. Today I might actually murder the prick "

Separate hobbies do mitigate against such moments. He's spent the last week taking 3 VCRs apart up in the attic, I have no idea why. I might do a bit of the Camino this summer, that wouldn't be his thing and I wouldn't drag him. He went off to Uganda for a few weeks last summer, first week or so was great and then I was pining away altogether for the last few days it.

vonlars

I'm 22 next week and was thinking I was really pushing on so this thread has made me feel a lot better :pac:

I think it's easier to be single these days. Just out of a two year relationship and I'm so much happier out of it. While he was lovely and gave me space and time and everything, part of me thinks I'm just too independent to ever want to commit myself to something like that ever again.

Gimme A Pound

vonlars wrote: »

I'm 22 next week and was thinking I was really pushing on.

Yaysus! Born in 1997.

I've CDs that are older than you!

Autecher

vonlars wrote: »

I'm 22 next week and was thinking I was really pushing on

This may be the most offensive sentence I have ever read on this site.

Gimme A Pound

Autecher wrote: »

This may be the most offensive sentence I have ever read on this site.

I felt sort of that way at 22 also though. I think a lot of people do. You think your youth is over because you're no longer 18. It doesn't make sense looking back, but at the time you feel freaked about entering adulthood.

I don't get why a person would think it's getting late to meet a partner at that age though.

B0jangles

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

I felt sort of that way at 22 also though. I think a lot of people do. You think your youth is over because you're no longer 18. It doesn't make sense looking back, but at the time you feel freaked about entering adulthood.

I don't get why a person would think it's getting late to meet a partner at that age though.

Also it's around the age when time starts really speeding up - primary school seems to last for a couple of decades, secondary feels like about half as long as primary, and college flies past in about a week.


It's unnerving

Deebles McBeebles

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Yaysus! Born in 1997.

I've CDs that are older than you!

1997 albums: OK Computer, The Fat of the Land, In it For The Money, The Colour and the Shape, Pop, Album of The Year....oh I feel my hips creaking.

Good for you, young 'un!

vonlars

B0jangles wrote: »

Also it's around the age when time starts really speeding up - primary school seems to last for a couple of decades, secondary feels like about half as long as primary, and college flies past in about a week.


It's unnerving

This exactly! Typing it out though makes me realise I probably do have a few years left :pac:

sbsquarepants

vonlars wrote: »

I'm 22 next week and was thinking I was really pushing on so this thread has made me feel a lot better :pac:

.

I was 22, eh 22 years ago;)

chrissb8

I think alot of people feel pressure to go and do everything with their partners and that they have to keep up with the relationship. Sometimes you have to do work on yourself in a relationship particularly when you're young and getting established. If that means more time away from your partner and they can't understand that then just break up with them. They're not supporting you or seeing the long view just the short termism neediness and want of seeing you which is just pure selfish in my eyes. As they're not really thinking of you and what's best for you they just want to latch onto you for emotional support but relationships are about supporting each in more ways than that.

If you have someone who wants to support you and is patient and understands that a relationship is a rollercoaster and what keeps the whole thing on track is an unsaid deep laying love and respect. Even through the times where you may only see each other once every 2 weeks because of educational or work committments. Well then you are on to something special. Relationships should be about growing together.

I know the above is nothing about being single but I find alot of people are single as a result of the first point so thought I'd throw my 2 cents in.

BBFAN

One thing that strikes me now I'm single is the people who are shocked to the core when you say you're going on holidays on your own.

You just know that these are people who just can't manage to do anything alone. I've even had one friend tell me she couldn't DREAM of having lunch on her own.

That to me is quite sad. It says to me that this person does not like themselves very much if they can't spend an hour in their own company.

In fairness they're usually the ones from large families who never spent 5 minutes alone in their lives.

fin12

BBFAN wrote: »

One thing that strikes me now I'm single is the people who are shocked to the core when you say you're going on holidays on your own.

You just know that these are people who just can't manage to do anything alone. I've even had one friend tell me she couldn't DREAM of having lunch on her own.

That to me is quite sad. It says to me that this person does not like themselves very much if they can't spend an hour in their own company.

In fairness they're usually the ones from large families who never spent 5 minutes alone in their lives.

It’s the same with cinema, I’m always like what does it matter, it’s not like I can have a conversation in there. To be honest it’s nearly better going by ur self no debates about what movie to see.

This is it

I'd have no issue going for food, to the cinema, or other bits and pieces myself. I'm not so sure about a holiday, maybe short city breaks

Mister Vain

BBFAN wrote: »

One thing that strikes me now I'm single is the people who are shocked to the core when you say you're going on holidays on your own.

Ohh I can relate to that alright. Most people I work with actually can't fathom the idea that I travel alone. Some think I'm messing and keep asking me who I'm going with. I often just lie and say I'm going with a friend to avoid any awkwardness. I once put up a photo on facebook of me with a girl I randomly met in Budapest and they were all convinced she was my girlfriend. Well at least it allayed their suspicions of me being gay anyway. :pac:

TomasMacR

Mister Vain wrote: »

Ohh I can relate to that alright. Most people I work with actually can't fathom the idea that I travel alone. Some think I'm messing and keep asking me who I'm going with. I often just lie and say I'm going with a friend to avoid any awkwardness. I once put up a photo on facebook of me with a girl I randomly met in Budapest and they were all convinced she was my girlfriend. Well at least it allayed their suspicions of me being gay anyway. :pac:

So people assumed you must be in a relationship with her, hardly a judgement on you being solo traveller?

We all meet strangers randomly, on our travels anywhere, not even as tourists...getting a picture taken with them after a short space of time and then posting it on social media is a bit odd unless there is an intimate tie so people will wonder.

Did you ride her? And after take a little snap together, if so, it's not that weird. It's a bit like a souvenir or something if that's what you want. If not, its a bit weird, "look here's just me and this other person I just met and know f*ck all about, may not meet again but I want you all to look at this".

givyjoe

TomasMacR wrote: »

So people assumed you must be in a relationship with her, hardly a judgement on you being solo traveller?

We all meet strangers randomly, on our travels anywhere, not even as tourists...getting a picture taken with them after a short space of time and then posting it on social media is a bit odd unless there is an intimate tie so people will wonder.

Did you ride her? And after take a little snap together, if so, it's not that weird. It's a bit like a souvenir or something if that's what you want. If not, its a bit weird, "look here's just me and this other person I just met and know f*ck all about, may not meet again but I want you all to look at this".

This post is a bit weird to be honest.

Tell me how

TomasMacR wrote: »

So people assumed you must be in a relationship with her, hardly a judgement on you being solo traveller?

We all meet strangers randomly, on our travels anywhere, not even as tourists...getting a picture taken with them after a short space of time and then posting it on social media is a bit odd unless there is an intimate tie so people will wonder.

Did you ride her? And after take a little snap together, if so, it's not that weird. It's a bit like a souvenir or something if that's what you want. If not, its a bit weird, "look here's just me and this other person I just met and know f*ck all about, may not meet again but I want you all to look at this".

Christ you are reading wayyyyyyy too much in to this.

Tell me how

BBFAN wrote: »

One thing that strikes me now I'm single is the people who are shocked to the core when you say you're going on holidays on your own.

You just know that these are people who just can't manage to do anything alone. I've even had one friend tell me she couldn't DREAM of having lunch on her own.

That to me is quite sad. It says to me that this person does not like themselves very much if they can't spend an hour in their own company.

In fairness they're usually the ones from large families who never spent 5 minutes alone in their lives.

I have travelled a lot on my own. City breaks, week in the sun, longer periods away.
Friends and family found it curious at the start but no one ever questioned it. On some occasions, some friends have invited me to holiday with them but I would sooner be on my own than be a third wheel.

Similarly in socialising at home, I go to a lot of plays, comedy shows, concerts and would go to most on my own. Mostly because very few friends are in to plays and also, what is becoming most the case, they are less available to go out because of family commitments.

Still, travelling on your own does have it;s downside. Eating alone in places like Lanzarote and so on where most everyone else is obviously with a partner or family or group can get a bit demoralising.

ToddyDoody

Remember the slutty cheese, easisingles?

Gimme A Pound

TomasMacR wrote: »

Did you ride her? And after take a little snap together, if so, it's not that weird. It's a bit like a souvenir or something if that's what you want.

Blimey. :pac:

But yeah I wouldn't go on holidays alone, nor out for dinner alone (unless I had to if staying at a hotel for work). I totally appreciate people do holiday alone and enjoy it but it wouldn't be for me. I prefer going to the cinema with someone, even though I know it's actually not sociable! But we would usually get food first and go for a drink after. Although I have gone to the cinema alone the odd time. There aren't always others interested in seeing a particular film you want to see. But I wouldn't go to a concert or play alone.

A bite to eat while shopping though, or even lunch alone - no biggie. Used to have a pint alone the odd time in my local before too, which was very pleasant.

Having preferences not to be alone in certain situations doesn't mean being needy or unhappy in oneself. That's only the case for people who cannot fathom doing absolutely anything alone, and who balk at the idea of others being a lone wolf.

Vela

BBFAN wrote: »

One thing that strikes me now I'm single is the people who are shocked to the core when you say you're going on holidays on your own.

You just know that these are people who just can't manage to do anything alone. I've even had one friend tell me she couldn't DREAM of having lunch on her own.

That to me is quite sad. It says to me that this person does not like themselves very much if they can't spend an hour in their own company.

In fairness they're usually the ones from large families who never spent 5 minutes alone in their lives.

This is something I just do not understand at all. I often spend more time alone than around other people because I like it that way. I love to travel alone and usually do so. If I'm in a relationship I still like to do things alone. And as for the cinema, what absolute numpty decided it was unusual to go to watch a movie on your own.

Man... People.

TomasMacR

Tell me how wrote: »

I have travelled a lot on my own. City breaks, week in the sun, longer periods away.
Friends and family found it curious at the start but no one ever questioned it. On some occasions, some friends have invited me to holiday with them but I would sooner be on my own than be a third wheel.

Similarly in socialising at home, I go to a lot of plays, comedy shows, concerts and would go to most on my own. Mostly because very few friends are in to plays and also, what is becoming most the case, they are less available to go out because of family commitments.

Still, travelling on your own does have it;s downside. Eating alone in places like Lanzarote and so on where most everyone else is obviously with a partner or family or group can get a bit demoralising.

no, totally agree. travel, eating, drinking, cinema etc. alone is thoroughly enjoyable and a lot of people judge it as being odd. point missed and that's not what I'm saying at all...im saying meeting someone on your travels momentarily, taking a picture with them and posting it on social media to show your "friends" who don't seem to know whether you are gay or straight is odd. unless of course he rode her and it was some kind of childish trophy memento to show his "friends"

fin12

This is it wrote: »

I'd have no issue going for food, to the cinema, or other bits and pieces myself. I'm not so sure about a holiday, maybe short city breaks

I’d never travel solo cause I know I wouldn’t enjoy it, I suffer from anxiety so would not cope well trying to figure out how to get around a foreign country but what I do do is go on holidays with groups but I’d have never meet them before till I meet them on the day. Really enjoy that meeting new people on the trip and not worry about the travel between places while on holiday.

lainey_d_123

BBFAN wrote: »

One thing that strikes me now I'm single is the people who are shocked to the core when you say you're going on holidays on your own.

You just know that these are people who just can't manage to do anything alone. I've even had one friend tell me she couldn't DREAM of having lunch on her own.

That to me is quite sad. It says to me that this person does not like themselves very much if they can't spend an hour in their own company.

In fairness they're usually the ones from large families who never spent 5 minutes alone in their lives.

I know! I work with this really smug, annoying guy who announced that he'd never been single for more than a few days of his adult life, as if that was a good thing. I was baffled. What's good about being so codependent that you can't be alone? I purposely take at least 6 months out of dating after the end of any major relationship to get myself together and work on myself a bit so I'm not dragging baggage into the next one. And also just to have some me time.

I mean, imagine not being able to have lunch on your own? That's verging on pathetic.

kowloon

BBFAN wrote: »

You just know that these are people who just can't manage to do anything alone. I've even had one friend tell me she couldn't DREAM of having lunch on her own.

I can't pay attention to anything around other people. The idea that a couple can both sit silently reading their own books in the same room is alien to me. If I shared a house with someone I'd need a room or shed to get away from them when I wanted.
I don't dislike people, but I don't need to be around them the entire time and need my space. I'd hate to be in a relationship where every waking moment had to be filled with fun activities to do together.

ginandtonicsky

It’s not an “I enjoy” or “don’t enjoy” thing, it’s just me really. Single about a year and a half now after two LTRs during my 20s/early 30s.

I’ve always been pretty independent though and don’t get people that aren’t. I mean we all entered and will exit this world alone, if you can’t be in your own company for more than a few minutes then you’re kind of screwed.

I’ve flirted with the apps but have come to realise than they’re not the way of emotional evolution for your standard human so these days I’m just doing my best in life and seeing who I meet along the way. I get a fair amount of male attention especially since I opened my eyes up to the world around me and deleted all the bs apps from my phone.

Met a guy at a wedding recently, another guy from an old workplace got in touch, a work acquaintance, guy at a house party, etc. I love flirting, I love the possibilities. Maybe that’s something I enjoy about being single - knowing that the sky’s the limit, even at this grand aul age of 33. As long as you’re engaging with the world and don’t take life too seriously. I know myself now and know what simply will not work for me. I was merely spitting in the wind in my 20s.

I think in Ireland we can be accused of being a bit narrow minded when it comes to the traditional timelines, married by 28, babies by 30, nappies and mortgages for the ensuing decade. That was never going to be me. I know that now, but I spent an awful lot of time worrying about it in the past. I see friends making these big life decisions driven purely by fear, be it fear of judgement or fear of “missing the boat” or whatever and I wouldn’t swap places for all the money in the world. I’ve learned through experience that for me there’s no hell quite like the wrong relationship.

That said, love is everything. I’ve got the most wonderful family in the world and would love to replicate that with someone special. I love the security and warmth and support of having someone to come home to. I suspect I’ll find it again too, I find men a lot more forthcoming now that I’m in my 30s than ever before. I went through hell in my most recent breakup and I think it ultimately opened me up a little, I’m quite attuned to the battle-hardened types we tend to be in our 30s. Divorced men love me! :-D

You have to be brave too if you want to meet someone. I’ve got too many friends who sit around complaining about men or the apps and I’m like - but what did YOU do about it? Did you ask him out, did you make eye contact, smile, flirt, crack a joke? Text him telling him you like him? You have to meet people halfway, that’s the only way relationships have ever happened for me.

If someone asked me to describe myself, “single” would not be a word that I’d use. I find that problematic in people - they see it as this negative thing, something to be ashamed of, or on the inverse, they tout it as something that makes them great or better than someone else’s life decisions. It shouldn’t define you, just like being in a relationship shouldn’t either. The trouble with thinking that way is that it can become a self fulfilling prophecy. People either self identify so strongly with being “perpetually single” that they never meet someone or they stay in the wrong relationships. An awful lot of that around too.

Mister Vain

TomasMacR wrote: »

no, totally agree. travel, eating, drinking, cinema etc. alone is thoroughly enjoyable and a lot of people judge it as being odd. point missed and that's not what I'm saying at all...im saying meeting someone on your travels momentarily, taking a picture with them and posting it on social media to show your "friends" who don't seem to know whether you are gay or straight is odd. unless of course he rode her and it was some kind of childish trophy memento to show his "friends"

You're reading waaaay too much into that and totally missing the point.

lainey_d_123

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

It’s not an “I enjoy” or “don’t enjoy” thing, it’s just me really. Single about a year and a half now after two LTRs during my 20s/early 30s.

I’ve always been pretty independent though and don’t get people that aren’t. I mean we all entered and will exit this world alone, if you can’t be in your own company for more than a few minutes then you’re kind of screwed.

I’ve flirted with the apps but have come to realise than they’re not the way of emotional evolution for your standard human so these days I’m just doing my best in life and seeing who I meet along the way. I get a fair amount of male attention especially since I opened my eyes up to the world around me and deleted all the bs apps from my phone.

Met a guy at a wedding recently, another guy from an old workplace got in touch, a work acquaintance, guy at a house party, etc. I love flirting, I love the possibilities. Maybe that’s something I enjoy about being single - knowing that the sky’s the limit, even at this grand aul age of 33. As long as you’re engaging with the world and don’t take life too seriously. I know myself now and know what simply will not work for me. I was merely spitting in the wind in my 20s.

I think in Ireland we can be accused of being a bit narrow minded when it comes to the traditional timelines, married by 28, babies by 30, nappies and mortgages for the ensuing decade. That was never going to be me. I know that now, but I spent an awful lot of time worrying about it in the past. I see friends making these big life decisions driven purely by fear, be it fear of judgement or fear of “missing the boat” or whatever and I wouldn’t swap places for all the money in the world. I’ve learned through experience that for me there’s no hell quite like the wrong relationship.

That said, love is everything. I’ve got the most wonderful family in the world and would love to replicate that with someone special. I love the security and warmth and support of having someone to come home to. I suspect I’ll find it again too, I find men a lot more forthcoming now that I’m in my 30s than ever before. I went through hell in my most recent breakup and I think it ultimately opened me up a little, I’m quite attuned to the battle-hardened types we tend to be in our 30s. Divorced men love me! :-D

You have to be brave too if you want to meet someone. I’ve got too many friends who sit around complaining about men or the apps and I’m like - but what did YOU do about it? Did you ask him out, did you make eye contact, smile, flirt, crack a joke? Text him telling him you like him? You have to meet people halfway, that’s the only way relationships have ever happened for me.

If someone asked me to describe myself, “single” would not be a word that I’d use. I find that problematic in people - they see it as this negative thing, something to be ashamed of, or on the inverse, they tout it as something that makes them great or better than someone else’s life decisions. It shouldn’t define you, just like being in a relationship shouldn’t either. The trouble with thinking that way is that it can become a self fulfilling prophecy. People either self identify so strongly with being “perpetually single” that they never meet someone or they stay in the wrong relationships. An awful lot of that around too.

This stood out to me, because, same. I've recently discovered eye contact. My therapist pointed out how I just avoid people's gaze (I'm on the autistic spectrum) and how it comes across as totally avoidant. I've also been wary of strange men since being harassed in the street a fair bit as a teenager with big boobs, so it's a protection mechanism too. Recently I've started looking people in the eye, and if I notice a man smiling or looking at me, I look back and smile back. Total game changer. Sounds so silly but I just hadn't realised how avoidant I used to be. I complained that nobody was approaching me but now I see that I wasn't giving them any signal to, and all my body language was screaming 'leave me alone', which ironically meant that only the most persistent and usually obnoxious guys still approached anyway.

leahyl

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

This stood out to me, because, same. I've recently discovered eye contact. My therapist pointed out how I just avoid people's gaze (I'm on the autistic spectrum) and how it comes across as totally avoidant. I've also been wary of strange men since being harassed in the street a fair bit as a teenager with big boobs, so it's a protection mechanism too. Recently I've started looking people in the eye, and if I notice a man smiling or looking at me, I look back and smile back. Total game changer. Sounds so silly but I just hadn't realised how avoidant I used to be. I complained that nobody was approaching me but now I see that I wasn't giving them any signal to, and all my body language was screaming 'leave me alone', which ironically meant that only the most persistent and usually obnoxious guys still approached anyway.

A very good point. When I think about myself, when I'm out and about I never make eye contact with anyone and I never seem to notice anything/make observations that friends of mine would. It's a shyness/self-esteem thing with me. I think I'm going to have to try to be more approachable/smiley (?!) cos this online dating thing is just not my bag at all.

Woke Hogan

While I’m sure there exceptions most of the people who claim to be happy being single scream “given up on myself” to me.

ginandtonicsky

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

This stood out to me, because, same. I've recently discovered eye contact. My therapist pointed out how I just avoid people's gaze (I'm on the autistic spectrum) and how it comes across as totally avoidant. I've also been wary of strange men since being harassed in the street a fair bit as a teenager with big boobs, so it's a protection mechanism too. Recently I've started looking people in the eye, and if I notice a man smiling or looking at me, I look back and smile back. Total game changer. Sounds so silly but I just hadn't realised how avoidant I used to be. I complained that nobody was approaching me but now I see that I wasn't giving them any signal to, and all my body language was screaming 'leave me alone', which ironically meant that only the most persistent and usually obnoxious guys still approached anyway.

Yep. It really is. Poor self-esteem and perhaps a deep-seated fear of rejection led to a habit of avoiding eye contact with men for me too over the years. Especially men I find attractive.

The strange thing is I'm great socially, great at the banter and the chats with work colleagues, friends, friends of friends etc but if I see someone checking me out over the years I'd immediately have averted my gaze.

I live in London and have noticed once you actually look up and don't avert your gaze, lots of guys are looking in your direction! I get glances, smiles, all the rest of it. Body language is so so huge with this stuff, it really is. And you need yours to be open. Look back and smile. Position yourself near someone you're interested in. Don't hide away in the corner with a huddle of friends if you're in a bar/pub/whatever.

It's really a two-way street. But I think people forget that and perhaps get knocked back a handful of times / don't get approached and think "fcuk men/women!" and their body language totally shuts down.

Dial Hard

Ramona Shrilling Matchmaking wrote: »

I don't think it's good for the individuals to b e joined at the hip but it's not good for the relationship either, probably. You have to have time to miss each other like.

As a wiser soul than me once said in response to the "You complete me" nonsense that gets peddled about relationships, your significant other should be complementary, not supplementary.

Tell me how

Dial Hard wrote: »

As a wiser soul than me once said in response to the "You complete me" nonsense that gets peddled about relationships, your significant other should be complementary, not supplementary.

It depends on how you view it.

Someone could be living while being single with (hypothetically) 95% satisfaction* in terms of daily happiness, enjoyement, contentment etc.

Having a partner may allow them to experience intimacy, companionship, selfless love in a way that they couldn't really do on their own raising their satisfaction levels to 100%. In this case, could they not say that being in a relationship (which allows the above) completes them in a certain way?

What do I have no time for is the expression that someone is nothing without their partner. That's just plain false.

* the satisfaction percentage is purely for the sake of discussion, it is subjective to each person and I don't know if anyone truly ever reaches 95% or above.

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Tell me how wrote: »

Someone could be living while being single with (hypothetically) 95% satisfaction* in terms of daily happiness, enjoyement, contentment etc.

Having a partner may allow them to experience intimacy, companionship, selfless love in a way that they couldn't really do on their own raising their satisfaction levels to 100%. In this case, could they not say that being in a relationship (which allows the above) completes them in a certain way?

I'd say that nowhere outside of Disney films do there exist relationships where both people are 100% satisfied!

Studies do show that people in relationships (and especially married couples) are generally happier than single people -- but that of course does not mean that all partnered people are happier than all singles. Being in a relationship comes with the potential for deep unhappiness as well. Not insignificant numbers of married people experience affairs, physical and/or emotional abuse, controlling or bullying partners, withdrawal of sexual intimacy, divorce, and other traumatic and hurtful life events that single people don't have to deal with.

So I'd say that a single person could be significantly better off in terms of happiness and contentment than someone in a relationship, especially a troubled relationship.

Tell me how

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

I'd say that nowhere outside of Disney films do there exist relationships where both people are 100% satisfied!

Studies do show that people in relationships (and especially married couples) are generally happier than single people -- but that of course does not mean that all partnered people are happier than all singles. Being in a relationship comes with the potential for deep unhappiness as well. Not insignificant numbers of married people experience affairs, physical and/or emotional abuse, controlling or bullying partners, withdrawal of sexual intimacy, divorce, and other traumatic and hurtful life events that single people don't have to deal with.

So I'd say that a single person could be significantly better off in terms of happiness and contentment than someone in a relationship, especially a troubled relationship.

Most definitely, they 'could' be, but not categorically so.