What's your ultimate age limit (upper&lower!) when dating?

fash

fash wrote: »

Polyamorist?

Never been 100% sure what the exact correct label is - but pretty much yes.

Woke Hogan wrote: »

You started going out with one of your partners when he or she was seventeen?

It evolved slowly from there - it was not a full 100% committed relationship from the outset or anything. But yes we are officially together for coming up on 13 years now.

Witchie

I am 45. On my dating apps and such I would always go 10 years younger and 5 older as am not into older men.

Have been with my 29 year old boyfriend for a year though. We didn't meet on a dating app, we met on a forum and just clicked. We live together since October. He is more mature than me.

Only slight issue I have with his age is that he is not that much older than my sons....oops.

But I haven't been this happy in forever so am sure that they would not be too bothered. They know he exists but don't know his age.

I have never met his family because am not sure a strict muslim family would be that impressed with a white, Irish, atheist corrupting their son.

mohawk

My Ex was about 5 years older and there were many times when I felt like he was too old for me. He was forever telling me I was too giddy and don’t take anything seriously.
Now my other half is 8 years older and age doesn’t ever cross my mind with him. It’s just never an issue with us.

I never set out to date older guys it just worked out that way.

lainey_d_123

Vela wrote: »

Oh, I gave up on that long ago.

Gas-lighting drama queens often come with a penis attached. And it takes a lot of time and experience to see that they'll simply never change. Or be "fixable".

You can't fix someone who doesn't have the self awareness to realise what they need to work on.

And they never think the problem is them. Met several guys like this, banging on about how crazy their exes were but not acknowledging that their horrendous behaviour was what made them crazy. Went out with this guy who was a total gas lighting drama queen. Refused to let me feel any security in the relationship, wouldn't make future plans, didn't let me into his life (meeting friends etc.), checked out other women in front of me, and just generally behaved like a selfish asshole. And just could not accept that his entire way of being created anxiety and insecurity in any normal woman. We were compatible in many ways but I realised he would never change. The goalposts just kept moving further and further away, the gaslighting got worse and worse, he was so commitment phobic that he started to devalue me and find faults in everything I said or did to have an excuse to push me away.

And what does his Tinder profile say? 'No drama queens' :rolleyes:

lainey_d_123

Emme wrote: »

Yet you expect the person who you would date to go out with somebody significantly older than them.

Also somebody aged 30-50 is more likely to be around to care for you than somebody your own age.

Late fifties/early sixties man thinks he deserves a 30-year-old woman (who has her pick of pretty much everyone) but won't date someone a year older than himself. Funny.

oLoonatic

As long as my wife doesn't find out, I'm not too fussy.

Emme

oLoonatic wrote: »

As long as my wife doesn't find out, I'm not too fussy.

:D:D

YFlyer

Kivaro wrote: »

Right, that's your upper limit.
What's your lower limit?

Upper limit half my age
Lower limit (half my age)- 5

Autosport

I don't have an age limit, ex's have been older than me.

sbsquarepants

I don't think I'd have any interest in someone significantly younger or older than me, I'm 45 my missus is 40. You see 25 year olds and whereas they may look great, I just wouldn't have much interest in even bedding one, there's no way I'd consider dating one.


Much younger just feels sleazy and exploitative to me, and much older? What exactly would be the point!

Plopsu

Vela wrote: »

Oh, I gave up on that long ago.

Gas-lighting drama queens often come with a penis attached. And it takes a lot of time and experience to see that they'll simply never change. Or be "fixable".

You can't fix someone who doesn't have the self awareness to realise what they need to work on.

They're equally likely to come with a vagina attached but you're a lot less likely to encounter them romantically (I'm assuming you're a straight woman).

SusieBlue

I'd be reluctant to go more than 1 year younger, but my upper limit would be maybe...40? I'm 27, maybe its the circles I move in but I find guys my age and younger to be very immature and not wanting to settle down.
I know that it wouldn't apply to all men that age but unfortunately all the ones I seem to meet are that way inclined.
My ideal age bracket would be 30-34.

Deebles McBeebles

Fairly open I think. I'm 35, would go down to 25 at a push. As long as she doesn't have her phone permanently attached to her face, that's a deal breaker for me.

Upper limit around 40 I guess but then I've mainly had experience with the younger ladies so maybe some 50 year old could change my opinion on that.

PHG

Would go down to 27 max and upper of 33.

I am 31, but a lot of it is about the emotional maturity and having/in the process of having your sh*t together. Also, they need to enjoy the company of their family. I get on really well with both sides of mine and it means a lot that they would too*.



*Obviously there is at least one crazy on each side and if you don't know who it is, then it is you!!

SusieBlue

SusieBlue wrote: »

I'd be reluctant to go more than 1 year younger, but my upper limit would be maybe...40? I'm 27, maybe its the circles I move in but I find guys my age and younger to be very immature and not wanting to settle down.
I know that it wouldn't apply to all men that age but unfortunately all the ones I seem to meet are that way inclined.
My ideal age bracket would be 30-34.

I never thought I'd go out with a guy younger than me, but my OH is almost five years younger. He was late twenties and I was early thirties when we got together. Three years later everything is great, it is by far the best relationship I've been in and he's much more mature than my ex (who was three years older than me). It totally depends on the person.

I have noticed there's still a stigma about women going out with younger men, even if it's only a few years. I got negative comments from some of my friends, whereas if I was with a man five years older they wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Since meeting and getting to know my OH they changed their tune though. In fact, one friend who swore she'd never go out with a younger man is now in a relationship with someone four years younger.

Woke Hogan

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Late fifties/early sixties man thinks he deserves a 30-year-old woman (who has her pick of pretty much everyone) but won't date someone a year older than himself. Funny.

Thirty is only as low as I would go. I would happily date a 40-45 year old woman as well.

lainey_d_123

Flying Fox wrote: »

I never thought I'd go out with a guy younger than me, but my OH is almost five years younger. He was late twenties and I was early thirties when we got together. Three years later everything is great, it is by far the best relationship I've been in and he's much more mature than my ex (who was three years older than me). It totally depends on the person.

I have noticed there's still a stigma about women going out with younger men, even if it's only a few years. I got negative comments from some of my friends, whereas if I was with a man five years older they wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Since meeting and getting to know my OH they changed their tune though. In fact, one friend who swore she'd never go out with a younger man is now in a relationship with someone four years younger.

In Ireland there is. I find the Irish incredibly small minded about this kind of thing. I've lived in France and nobody there would have batted an eyelid at a man dating a woman five years older than himself. Sure look at Macron and his missus.

lainey_d_123

Woke Hogan wrote: »

Thirty is only as low as I would go. I would happily date a 40-45 year old woman as well.

I'm sure you would, but why would they date you? You'd still be nearly old enough to be their father. Lots of 40-year-old women still look fantastic, are in great shape and on Tinder etc. Why would they date an (almost) pensioner?

Woke Hogan

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I'm sure you would, but why would they date you? You'd still be nearly old enough to be their father. Lots of 40-year-old women still look fantastic, are in great shape and on Tinder etc. Why would they date an (almost) pensioner?

Because they find me attractive? Who knows. You can hardly blame me for finding women older than me unattractive. My wife isn't much younger than myself but she is still as beautiful as the day we married. Luckily for me.

SkeletonKiss

Worship Baal wrote: »

Bitter, bitter roastie.

Found the incel! What do I win?

Ultimate Seduction

Between 18 - 65.

Dial Hard

cannotlogin wrote: »

I dated a 27 year old when I was 17 & doing my Leaving Cert - didn't see anything wrong with it at the time but looking back it was all kinds of wrong but of course I wouldn't listen to anyone who said that at the time.

Similar here, I was 16 and he was 22 when we started going out and we lasted almost three years til I realised what a controlling, manipulative bollix he was. My mother LOATHED him but she knew that trying to stop me seeing him would just push me further towards him, me being a headstrong little so-and-so who thought I knew better than everyone else. So she chose to bide her time, but god, it must have been difficult.

We broke up over 18 years ago but to this day I can't hear his name without cringing. I generally choose to believe I was abducted by aliens for those three years.

Ugh, gagging just thinking about him. He was a disgusting creature both physically and personality-wise. I have absolutely NO idea what I was thinking.

chrissb8

Vela wrote: »

Yeah, I get that completely. When I was a teenager, my boyfriend was in his 20s because I was definitely more emotionally mature than most 16-year-olds. But it's mainly been my experience that men mature a bit later than women, so they're playing catchup until around 27 when it starts to level out. I think that's why I'd be more open to dating someone a bit younger now, whereas I wouldn't have considered it at all a few years ago.

Your boyfriend was a paedophille then. More "emotionally mature"....right. At 16? What made you so mature at 16? The fact you were with some weirdo who got with a girl who was just about out of childhood. That's not mature that's just freaking ominous. Any guy who can't get a girl within his age group give or take a couple of years and has to go after 16 year olds is a major red flag.

Marcus Rashford

Ephebophile is the correct term.

He had issues, but it’s neither accurate nor fair to bracket someone who’s attracted to sexually mature teenage girls with someone who’s attracted to children.

Reviews and Books Galore

Flying Fox wrote: »

I never thought I'd go out with a guy younger than me, but my OH is almost five years younger. He was late twenties and I was early thirties when we got together. Three years later everything is great, it is by far the best relationship I've been in and he's much more mature than my ex (who was three years older than me). It totally depends on the person.

I have noticed there's still a stigma about women going out with younger men, even if it's only a few years. I got negative comments from some of my friends, whereas if I was with a man five years older they wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Since meeting and getting to know my OH they changed their tune though. In fact, one friend who swore she'd never go out with a younger man is now in a relationship with someone four years younger.

In fairness, I haven't heard an older woman and younger man called exploitive or taking advantage.

I honestly don't see age gaps as that big if a deal. People have different needs and sometimes an age difference can meet that need. The only danger is that the higher the age difference the more probability that those needs will change.

Lorelli!

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

In fairness, I haven't heard an older woman and younger man called exploitive or taking advantage.

I honestly don't see age gaps as that big if a deal. People have different needs and sometimes an age difference can meet that need. The only danger is that the higher the age difference the more probability that those needs will change.

It depends on the age at the time I think like an 18 year old and a 25 year old is quite different than a 35 year old and 28.

I knew a woman who must have been around 35 at the time and was seeing a guy who was 19. His family weren't happy and her kids weren't happy about it. They did seem happy though but they got a lot of stick for the relationship and weren't taken seriously. It lasted about 4 years.

Dalomanakora

I'm 30, female.

I'd probably only be willing to date someone one or two years younger, so an absolute hard limit at 28. Oldest I'd go? Unsure. Maybe 40-ish.

lainey_d_123

Vela wrote: »

Yeah, I get that completely. When I was a teenager, my boyfriend was in his 20s because I was definitely more emotionally mature than most 16-year-olds. But it's mainly been my experience that men mature a bit later than women, so they're playing catchup until around 27 when it starts to level out. I think that's why I'd be more open to dating someone a bit younger now, whereas I wouldn't have considered it at all a few years ago.

That's the oldest line in the book for creepy men who go after naive teenagers. absolutely no normal 20-something man should be dating a child.

EmmetSpiceland

Reviews and Books Galore wrote: »

In fairness, I haven't heard an older woman and younger man called exploitive or taking advantage.

There’s been stories covered on shows regarding older British, and possibly Irish, women going over to places like Cyprus, Turkey and other such places specifically to hookup with young men.

The women get to have some fun and attention while the young men hope for marriage and a better life or they just enjoy getting showered with gifts.

Undividual

The age of consent.

Undividual

Deleted User wrote: »

Emotional maturity is the clincher for me, whether she be 27 or 37.

Same, whether she be 17 or 17 and a half.

Emme

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

The women get to have some fun and attention while the young men hope for marriage and a better life or they just enjoy getting showered with gifts.

It's the same thing as older white men going to places in the Far East and scoring much younger women.

EmmetSpiceland

Emme wrote: »

It's the same thing as older white men going to places in the Far East and scoring much younger women.

No, I wouldn’t agree with that. This is consenting adults, not the underage sex tourism that goes on further afield.

Reviews and Books Galore

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

No, I wouldn’t agree with that. This is consenting adults, not the underage sex tourism that goes on further afield.

I think she was talking about the non child sex tourism. Edit: Which, in fairness, is the vast majority.

I know men who complain about the women back home and date foreign women. Funnilly enough, they put up with abhorrent behaviour as the other woman will always be worse in their minds:P

Vela

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

That's the oldest line in the book for creepy men who go after naive teenagers. absolutely no normal 20-something man should be dating a child.

I wasn't naive at all at 16. I was living independently a year later. I also grew up very independently as my parents were very unfit, to say the least, and matured a lot earlier as a result.

I also wasn't sleeping with him until I was 19. We lived together for 2 years also after that. So ease up on referring to someone I had a 5 year relationship with as a creep please.

Skeleton Key

Vela wrote: »

I wasn't naive at all at 16. I was living independently a year later. I also grew up very independently as my parents were very unfit, to say the least, and matured a lot earlier as a result.

I also wasn't sleeping with him until I was 19. We lived together for 2 years also after that. So ease up on referring to someone I had a 5 year relationship with as a creep please.

Best to ignore Lainey, she has serious issues around men.

Last year, when I was 30, I had a brief sexual relationship with a 19 year old girl. Lainey no doubt considers that creepy.

lainey_d_123

Vela wrote: »

I wasn't naive at all at 16. I was living independently a year later. I also grew up very independently as my parents were very unfit, to say the least, and matured a lot earlier as a result.

I also wasn't sleeping with him until I was 19. We lived together for 2 years also after that. So ease up on referring to someone I had a 5 year relationship with as a creep please.

It is the oldest line in the book though, and a cliche. And to hear that your parents were unfit makes it even worse. I've spent years working with teenagers and have yet to meet any 16-year-old remotely mature enough to be having a relationship with a 20-something adult. 99% of the time in these cases, the adult has some serious issues preventing them having relationships with people their own age and go after younger people because the age gap gives them the upper hand. Maybe you genuinely clicked with the guy and he was genuinely decent and didn't chase you/know your age at first, but in the vast, vast majority of cases, it's predatory and creepy and ends very badly.

lainey_d_123

Skeleton Key wrote: »

Best to ignore Lainey, she has serious issues around men.

Last year, when I was 30, I had a brief sexual relationship with a 19 year old girl. Lainey no doubt considers that creepy.

Yes, it is creepy. But at least she wasn't a minor.

Skeleton Key

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Yes, it is creepy. But at least she wasn't a minor.

Only creepy in your little world.

ginandtonicsky

Skeleton Key wrote: »

Best to ignore Lainey, she has serious issues around men.

Last year, when I was 30, I had a brief sexual relationship with a 19 year old girl. Lainey no doubt considers that creepy.

Pretty creepy tbh

Skeleton Key

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Pretty creepy tbh

Nothing creepy about two adults having consensual sex.

Vela

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

It is the oldest line in the book though, and a cliche. And to hear that your parents were unfit makes it even worse. I've spent years working with teenagers and have yet to meet any 16-year-old remotely mature enough to be having a relationship with a 20-something adult. 99% of the time in these cases, the adult has some serious issues preventing them having relationships with people their own age and go after younger people because the age gap gives them the upper hand. Maybe you genuinely clicked with the guy and he was genuinely decent and didn't chase you/know your age at first, but in the vast, vast majority of cases, it's predatory and creepy and ends very badly.

We had mutual friends. We spoke about the age thing at length initially. He most definitely never had the upper hand. We weren't having sex when I was underage. Not that I should have to explain myself to you.

He didn't have any issues. Actually probably the most mentally stable guy I've ever dated. When we broke up, it was my decision at 21 because I wasn't in love with him anymore whereas he wanted a long-term commitment. But he never changed, he was the same nice guy he had always been.

I find your strong reaction quite disconcerting, perhaps some underlying issues at play on your part? Maybe examine that before making misinformed judgments on other people's lives and relationships.

Vela

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Yes, it is creepy. But at least she wasn't a minor.

I see. So when I was 21 and dating someone in their 30s, that was creepy too?

You're very easily creeped out. And maybe a little sheltered.

lainey_d_123

Vela wrote: »

We had mutual friends. We spoke about the age thing at length initially. He most definitely never had the upper hand. We weren't having sex when I was underage. Not that I should have to explain myself to you.

He didn't have any issues. Actually probably the most mentally stable guy I've ever dated. When we broke up, it was my decision at 21 because I wasn't in love with him anymore whereas he wanted a long-term commitment. But he never changed, he was the same nice guy he had always been.

I find your strong reaction quite disconcerting, perhaps some underlying issues at play on your part? Maybe examine that before making misinformed judgments on other people's lives and relationships.

As I said, I've spent years working with teenagers, many in situations like this which didn't end well. I have a cousin who was basically groomed by someone at 16 who turned out to be an abusive psychopath. There is a very good reason why most people consider it very creepy and inappropriate for grown adults to pursue teenagers. If your case was an exception, grand. Pretending it's always grand is verging on irresponsible.

Vela

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

As I said, I've spent years working with teenagers, many in situations like this which didn't end well. I have a cousin who was basically groomed by someone at 16 who turned out to be an abusive psychopath. There is a very good reason why most people consider it very creepy and inappropriate for grown adults to pursue teenagers. If your case was an exception, grand. Pretending it's always grand is verging on irresponsible.

Saying that it's always creepy is also irresponsible. Hence my point. I was talking about my personal experience and you chose to make a misinformed assertion on that.

lainey_d_123

Vela wrote: »

I see. So when I was 21 and dating someone in their 30s, that was creepy too?

You're very easily creeped out. And maybe a little sheltered.

Sheltered? Hilarious. If only you knew. I've dealt with all sorts.

Yes, I do find huge age gaps inappropriate, especially when the younger party is < 25. Most people grow up in their twenties, and someone of 30+ has life experience that a partner ten years younger simply doesn't have, no matter how mature they might think they are. I remember a guy of 35 hitting on me when I was 22 and feeling special and flattered. I look back now and realise how predatory it actually was. He's now 45+ and still hitting on 22-year-olds. Because he's so emotionally stunted that he can't relate to women his own age, and he likes to patronise young women who are impressed with his 'worldliness' (travelling around the world with his dad's money).

I'm in my early thirties and have feck all in common with 21-year-olds. Why would I have? They feel like children to me. I'd find it very concerning if I related better to people 12-13 years younger than me than people my own age.

Vela

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Sheltered? Hilarious. If only you knew. I've dealt with all sorts.

Yes, I do find huge age gaps inappropriate, especially when the younger party is < 25. Most people grow up in their twenties, and someone of 30+ has life experience that a partner ten years younger simply doesn't have, no matter how mature they might think they are. I remember a guy of 35 hitting on me when I was 22 and feeling special and flattered. I look back now and realise how predatory it actually was. He's now 45+ and still hitting on 22-year-olds. Because he's so emotionally stunted that he can't relate to women his own age, and he likes to patronise young women who are impressed with his 'worldliness' (travelling around the world with his dad's money).

I'm in my early thirties and have feck all in common with 21-year-olds. Why would I have? They feel like children to me. I'd find it very concerning if I related better to people 12-13 years younger than me than people my own age.

I don't know how else to put this. I am speaking from my own personal experience.

I've always dated older guys and I assure you it was never predatory. Of course older guys are sometimes a bit immature for their age in comparison to women their own age, that's WHY the age gaps often work. That guy I dated in my early 20s wasn't some kind of predator either.

I am simply saying that your point of view is one point of view, but it is not fact and nor does it represent every situation. I also think it is quite sheltered to think that you can't relate to someone just because they're 10+ years younger. Everyone matures differently. If anything, I'd have thought that your background would have shown you that.

Man, talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

lainey_d_123

Vela wrote: »

I don't know how else to put this. I am speaking from my own personal experience.

I've always dated older guys and I assure you it was never predatory. Of course older guys are sometimes a bit immature for their age in comparison to women their own age, that's WHY the age gaps often work. That guy I dated in my early 20s wasn't some kind of predator either.

I am simply saying that your point of view is one point of view, but it is not fact and nor does it represent every situation. I also think it is quite sheltered to think that you can't relate to someone just because they're 10+ years younger. Everyone matures differently. If anything, I'd have thought that your background would have shown you that.

Man, talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

You relate to them in an appropriate way, as a grown adult interacting with a teenager. Not as a peer. A 19-year-old is not my peer. I could practically be his mother. How could I not have the upper hand, when I have almost twice the life experience? I've been there and done that, so to speak. He hasn't. Which makes it very easy for me to manipulate him and convince him that certain actions or behaviours are OK. This is literally the reason people are concerned by huge age gaps when one party is very young.

Vela

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

You relate to them in an appropriate way, as a grown adult interacting with a teenager. Not as a peer. A 19-year-old is not my peer. I could practically be his mother. How could I not have the upper hand, when I have almost twice the life experience? I've been there and done that, so to speak. He hasn't. Which makes it very easy for me to manipulate him and convince him that certain actions or behaviours are OK. This is literally the reason people are concerned by huge age gaps when one party is very young.

What are you even talking about now.

I wrote a post about my experience in terms of age gaps. There was no issue in my relationship. It wasn't predatory and no-one had the upper hand. The same applies to my other relationships. I have friends in similar situations also and the same applies. One of my best friends is 25 and her boyfriend is 36. They are dating for 2 years, live together, and are very happy. She's extremely mature for her age which is why we get on. My younger sister is early 20s and her last BF was early 30s. She tends to date older because younger guys tend to (not always) mature a lot slower than young women, and she is also very mature for her age. I have zero concerns about her dating older men.

Your viewpoint is yours. Grand. But let's acknowledge that you're making a generalized point that cannot be generalized. It doesn't reflect on every member of the population and it doesn't apply to me. So why do you keep going on about it? It's almost like it causes you offense for some reason.

lainey_d_123

Vela wrote: »

What are you even talking about now.

I wrote a post about my experience in terms of age gaps. There was no issue in my relationship. It wasn't predatory and no-one had the upper hand. The same applies to my other relationships. I have friends in similar situations also and the same applies. One of my best friends is 25 and her boyfriend is 36. They are dating for 2 years, live together, and are very happy. She's extremely mature for her age which is why we get on. My younger sister is early 20s and her last BF was early 30s. She tends to date older because younger guys tend to (not always) mature a lot slower than young women, and she is also very mature for her age. I have zero concerns about her dating older men.

Your viewpoint is yours. Grand. But let's acknowledge that you're making a generalized point that cannot be generalized. It doesn't reflect on every member of the population and it doesn't apply to me. So why do you keep going on about it? It's almost like it causes you offense for some reason.

You're the one going on about it and making it all about you. Not everything is about you. If you think your relationship wasn't predatory, grand. There is very real concern when it comes to people in their twenties and beyond dating teenagers, particularly if they make a habit of it. Anyone working with teenagers, particularly ones coming from difficult backgrounds, is taught to look out for it and keep an eye on any kid with a much older partner. Not sure why that's so hard to grasp. 16 is not even past the age of consent. It's really not OK for a grown man to be dating a kid of that age. If they're sleeping together, it's not even legal.

I mentioned the 'you're so mature for your age' thing being a red flag and a cliche, because it is.