What's the etiquette here??

Bobblehats

I’m not sure anyone recommended you put a sock in it; sharp but then the in you seem to be no stranger to the latest household implements that may be beneficial you should such a fate occur

Would a third sock interest you? That way there can always be at least one in the wash. Something I have considered myself

Jesus, just back from the gym there and the fent from the upstairs bathroom hit me as soon as I opened the front door. My housemate was out last night and there was a small pile of crisp wrappers and bread crumbs on the table this morning when I got up. Late night crisp sandwiches and a load of beer does not make for a good combination for sharing houses lads.
I had to open every upstairs window in the house (and it's ****ing cold out) and spray half a bottle of pure to reduce the fent.

NeinNeinNein

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Lad I knew was devoid of arse wad and the only thing he had on his person was an old Aer Lingus ticket cover.

Needs must,so he drew the said cover across his hoop, but unfortunately there was a a staple embedded in the unit and ripped the hole off him.

Took weeks to get back to normal, not reccomended.:eek:

The nostalgia in that tale is quite beautiful.

Wouldn't happen in these days of online bookings.

The main challenge now is to not fall off the desk while squatting over the printer.

Brendan Bendar

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

The nostalgia in that tale is quite beautiful.

Wouldn't happen in these days of online bookings.

The main challenge now is to not fall off the desk while squatting over the printer.

Thank you for the excellent observation, pal.

Indeed that was partly the reason for reporting the event.

Instead of some fat sweaty fcuker with a chin strap beard waving a cheap phone over a device, you had a genuine dude with paper back up and a good attitude.

We need to think a bit about proper service, and less about chinless thossers who treat folk like three day dog scchite.

padd b1975

KWAG2019 wrote: »

The Messenger was always superior paper to The Far East. Beware of glossies lads. Poor absorption and liable to skid.

The only good thing about the Far East was the musings of a certain P. Ryan.

NeinNeinNein

padd b1975 wrote: »

The only good thing about the Far East was the musings of a certain P. Ryan.

Ra Ra Ryan?

padd b1975

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Ra Ra Ryan?

Pudsy.

Voodoomelon

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Lad I knew was devoid of arse wad and the only thing he had on his person was an old Aer Lingus ticket cover.

Needs must,so he drew the said cover across his hoop, but unfortunately there was a a staple embedded in the unit and ripped the hole off him.

Took weeks to get back to normal, not reccomended.:eek:

Jesus that's wildly obscure enough to be true! :eek:

Hector Savage

I was on a Malaysian Island back in 2001, was reading Sherlock Holmes on the beach - I had bought the book cos it was €2 in Charle De Gaule airport before my 14 hour poxy flight to Singapore.

Anyway, felt the guts rumbling and made a beeline for the jacks, no TP so had to rip out the 1st few pages and use them.
My brother found the story hilarious and even left a note on the book explaining the pages absense, would have been something I forgot but found the book recently and was in stitches laughing at the note.

Brendan Bendar

Voodoomelon wrote: »

Jesus that's wildly obscure enough to be true! :eek:

Better believe it Vee.... they used to staple the baggage reclaim tags on the cover, I'm told.

NeinNeinNein

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Better believe it Vee.... they used to staple the baggage reclaim tags on the cover, I'm told.

Disgusting and so wasteful.

Those were the days before we discovered the climate change emergency.

The world is truly a more caring place today.

Andreas77

Hi guys,
Welcome back. It’s a little warm in here.
Update: I‘ve been eating four tablespoons of nutritional yeast every morning for the last few weeks. For those of you not in the know about this super food, it is brown flakes of bacteria that grow on sugarcanes, fortified with B vitamins. Aside from this I eat three table spoons of medium-chain triglycerides, and three raw egg yolks. Stool is produced as caramel coloured worms about the width of your thumb, with a mealy texture, one at a time. If I squeeze just right they taper like ribbons,. Yesterday when I was examining the bowl, I observed two of these worms side by side, to form the most perfect pair of women’s legs you have ever seen. It was uncanny,. Calves, petite little knees, hips, all perfectly proportioned, very sexy, one leg beside the other, nothing gauche. You would almost imagine this woman was smoking a cigarette on Hollywood boulevard. Reminds me of a woman I once knew from Utrecht, a very fine specimen, who I rode like a pony on a hard wooden floor. Connection is, I bought this woman a very expensive faux-fur coat from Claudie Pierlot. I wonder where she is now,
.

Stevieluvsye

Andreas77 wrote: »

Hi guys,
Welcome back. It’s a little warm in here.
Update: I‘ve been eating four tablespoons of nutritional yeast every morning for the last few weeks. For those of you not in the know about this super food, it is brown flakes of bacteria that grow on sugarcanes, fortified with B vitamins. Aside from this I eat three table spoons of medium-chain triglycerides, and three raw egg yolks. Stool is produced as caramel coloured worms about the width of your thumb, with a mealy texture, one at a time. If I squeeze just right they taper like ribbons,. Yesterday when I was examining the bowl, I observed two of these worms side by side, to form the most perfect pair of women’s legs you have ever seen. It was uncanny,. Calves, petite little knees, hips, all perfectly proportioned, very sexy, one leg beside the other, nothing gauche. You would almost imagine this woman was smoking a cigarette on Hollywood boulevard. Reminds me of a woman I once knew from Utrecht, a very fine specimen, who I rode like a pony on a hard wooden floor. Connection is, I bought this woman a very expensive faux-fur coat from Claudie Pierlot. I wonder where she is now,
.

You're off your fcuking rocker

EmmetSpiceland

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

You're off your fcuking rocker

I dunno, S, I’ve heard stories about that nutritional yeast, or “nooch” as it’s sometimes called.

If you ever try any of the “soy” based products or Quorn even. Big blow outs of, fairly harmless, gas and then long, soft, slender turds.

I, myself, have been suffering of a different “issue” these days. Been dropping decent logs, probably a “type 4” on the stool chart but, here’s the thing, they all seem to be leaving stark, and lengthy, skid marks on the back right of the bowl, stage left as your sitting.

What’s that about? Does the “poop shoot” exit at a slight angle just as the pee one does?

It’s worrying but I’ve started to “paper” the back wall so as to avoid this from happening at home but, really, I shouldn’t have to.

Stevieluvsye

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I dunno, S, I’ve heard stories about that nutritional yeast, or “nooch” as it’s sometimes called.

If you ever try any of the “soy” based products or Quorn even. Big blow outs of, fairly harmless, gas and then long, soft, slender turds.

I, myself, have been suffering of a different “issue” these days. Been dropping decent logs, probably a “type 4” on the stool chart but, here’s the thing, they all seem to be leaving stark, and lengthy, skid marks on the back right of the bowl, stage left as your sitting.

What’s that about? Does the “poop shoot” exit at a slight angle just as the pee one does?

It’s worrying but I’ve started to “paper” the back wall so as to avoid this from happening at home but, really, I shouldn’t have to.

I was more referring to his **** looking like a woman having a smoke in hollywood

Bobblehats

Congrats to Victor Fentenstein there a real breakthrough in just whatever he’s trying to achieve. Dr. Strange must be salivating all over that one let’s just hope for the sake of humanity he keeps it contained

NeinNeinNein

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I dunno, S, I’ve heard stories about that nutritional yeast, or “nooch” as it’s sometimes called.

If you ever try any of the “soy” based products or Quorn even. Big blow outs of, fairly harmless, gas and then long, soft, slender turds.

I, myself, have been suffering of a different “issue” these days. Been dropping decent logs, probably a “type 4” on the stool chart but, here’s the thing, they all seem to be leaving stark, and lengthy, skid marks on the back right of the bowl, stage left as your sitting.

What’s that about? Does the “poop shoot” exit at a slight angle just as the pee one does?

It’s worrying but I’ve started to “paper” the back wall so as to avoid this from happening at home but, really, I shouldn’t have to.

Do you live on a boat?

If you do, try waiting for the 'choppyness' to die down before evacuation.

Hector Savage

Andreas77 wrote: »

Hi guys,
Welcome back. It’s a little warm in here.
Update: I‘ve been eating four tablespoons of nutritional yeast every morning for the last few weeks. For those of you not in the know about this super food, it is brown flakes of bacteria that grow on sugarcanes, fortified with B vitamins. Aside from this I eat three table spoons of medium-chain triglycerides, and three raw egg yolks. Stool is produced as caramel coloured worms about the width of your thumb, with a mealy texture, one at a time. If I squeeze just right they taper like ribbons,. Yesterday when I was examining the bowl, I observed two of these worms side by side, to form the most perfect pair of women’s legs you have ever seen. It was uncanny,. Calves, petite little knees, hips, all perfectly proportioned, very sexy, one leg beside the other, nothing gauche. You would almost imagine this woman was smoking a cigarette on Hollywood boulevard. Reminds me of a woman I once knew from Utrecht, a very fine specimen, who I rode like a pony on a hard wooden floor. Connection is, I bought this woman a very expensive faux-fur coat from Claudie Pierlot. I wonder where she is now,
.

Voodoomelon

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I dunno, S, I’ve heard stories about that nutritional yeast, or “nooch” as it’s sometimes called.

If you ever try any of the “soy” based products or Quorn even. Big blow outs of, fairly harmless, gas and then long, soft, slender turds.

I, myself, have been suffering of a different “issue” these days. Been dropping decent logs, probably a “type 4” on the stool chart but, here’s the thing, they all seem to be leaving stark, and lengthy, skid marks on the back right of the bowl, stage left as your sitting.

What’s that about? Does the “poop shoot” exit at a slight angle just as the pee one does?

It’s worrying but I’ve started to “paper” the back wall so as to avoid this from happening at home but, really, I shouldn’t have to.

I've only noticed similar, mine has a tendency to clip the right side of the pan on the descent. I wonder if they're hitting a "bump in the road" on exit, veering them off course.

sligojoek

Is there anything said for raising a buttock so the "Pendulum" hangs "Plumb"

NeinNeinNein

There's money to be made by patenting the design of the world's first bowl with built in spirit level.

Andreas77

I'm sorry to say this sounds like early symptoms of a palsy which occurs on the internal sphincter. A type of rectal distension. Advice, do not push or squeeze too hard as it's related to anal resting pressure.
You had any leakage in everyday life?

NeinNeinNein

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

There's money to be made by patenting the design of the world's first bowl with built in spirit level.

I wouldn't be surprised if those geniuses at Toto in Japan have self levelling toilets. Ahead of the game, those lads.

Hector Savage

Anyone here read that book Gut about some German lass that's obsessed with scutter ?

Bullocks

Hector Savage wrote: »

Anyone here read that book Gut about some German lass that's obsessed with scutter ?

Is she good looking Hector ?

Avadacov

Had to scarper out of a meeting in work today for an 'emergency landing'. Felt an intense pressure building up and knew an 'inverted' fart was only seconds away from being heard by the whole room.

All the cubicles were thankfully free, so went into my favourite - the right hand 'end of terrace' against the wall.

Had already unzipped, was about to perch cheeks on seat, and just noticed in the nick of time, a dark mass lurking in the depths, left by my toilet predecessor, hidden under a wad of paper. Didn't have much time to waste to quickly flushed the toilet only for it to dislodge the paper and expose the beast in all its glory. I'm not joking, I have never seen anything like it. It was like a ring of black pudding was thrown into the bowl, and rather nutty at one end. If it was stretched out and laid flat it must have been a foot long. I had already started unzipping as said, so flushed again, only for the giant log to roll over and bob in the water, looking at me mockingly.

I was approaching danger zone at this stage so pulled up the zip, burst out and into the next cubicle and unleashed a bowl rattler of a fart followed by two lovely solid logs. Barely any wipeage too, delightful.

EmmetSpiceland

Bullocks wrote: »

Is she good looking Hector ?

She is but she smells terrible!

EmmetSpiceland

Andreas77 wrote: »

I'm sorry to say this sounds like early symptoms of a palsy which occurs on the internal sphincter. A type of rectal distension. Advice, do not push or squeeze too hard as it's related to anal resting pressure.
You had any leakage in everyday life?

Just to come back to this. No, A, I haven’t “blown a gasket”. Jocks are clean at the end of the day. I’d be a very “thorough” wiper.

I think the crux of the “issue”, no pun intended, is the length. It’s curling out but due to the length it’s “beaching” at the back right.

Nothing “monumental” now, I had one a few months back that was huge and when it “beached” it stank the place out as it didn’t slide under the water until the flush.

I’ve “eased” up on the pushing and straining after delivering one “breech”. Had a “slight” tear before and don’t want to go through all that again. Ever.

Sharp MZ700

Avadacov wrote: »

Had to scarper out of a meeting in work today for an 'emergency landing'. Felt an intense pressure building up and knew an 'inverted' fart was only seconds away from being heard by the whole room.

All the cubicles were thankfully free, so went into my favourite - the right hand 'end of terrace' against the wall.

Had already unzipped, was about to perch cheeks on seat, and just noticed in the nick of time, a dark mass lurking in the depths, left by my toilet predecessor, hidden under a wad of paper. Didn't have much time to waste to quickly flushed the toilet only for it to dislodge the paper and expose the beast in all its glory. I'm not joking, I have never seen anything like it. It was like a ring of black pudding was thrown into the bowl, and rather nutty at one end. If it was stretched out and laid flat it must have been a foot long. I had already started unzipping as said, so flushed again, only for the giant log to roll over and bob in the water, looking at me mockingly.

I was approaching danger zone at this stage so pulled up the zip, burst out and into the next cubicle and unleashed a bowl rattler of a fart followed by two lovely solid logs. Barely any wipeage too, delightful.

Just a heads up should you happen upon a "dirty foreigner" like that again, couple of taps with the top of the phone should see it break down and around the swan neck on flushing. Works best with an I phone they say.

EmmetSpiceland

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Just a heads up should you happen upon a "dirty foreigner" like that again, couple of taps with the top of the phone should see it break down and around the swan neck on flushing. Works best with an I phone they say.

Would you recommend “wrapping” the phone first, S? I wouldn’t be tapping anything in a toilet bowl that I would later be putting up to my face.

Wrap before you “tap”, as they say.