What's the etiquette here??

Hector Savage

partyguinness wrote: »

Situation yesterday evening at work. Been struggling with a cold etc over the past few weeks and normal toilet routine is all over the place so I found myself having to deliver a post lunch payload which is most unusual

Anyways, standard fare until I had to reach for the toilet brush. The brush head broke clean off and into the pan. May have been a little too rigorous or it was a suicide attempt by the brush. I had already flushed so the flora and fauna was passable but still had to dip the hand in to retrieve it. But to my shame I managed to coax the brush head back on to the handle and gently place it back in the holder for the next guy to take the hit.

Bumped into the other lad working here this morning coming in the door clutching with a new toilet brush and holder telling me how he somehow managed to break the toilet brush.

On mature reflection and all things considered this is probably an example of bad toilet etiquette and a little cowardly.

Reminds me of a time in one of our first places in Spain when we were sharing a flat with 2 other girls, so it was my then girlfriend and myself in a double room and 2 other girls had a single each - one was quite an attractive young Mexican.

Anyway the flat was really old and I managed to block the jacks .. at the time it was just the gf and me in the apt (thank christ), so I was attempting to unblock it ... and it was a real nasty job ... flecks of scutther everywhere.

At one stage I was screaming CALL THE PLUMBER .. QUICK BEFORE THE MEXICAN LASH GETS BACK!!!

Eventually I got a coat hanger and was poking away with that, and all of a sudden THWWWUUNNKKKK the sound of all the twater gushing out of the pan, my gf heard it in the next room and shouted "What did you DOOOOO??"
I guess the pipes weren't used to so much midden and twater travelling at once.

I grabbed the brush and cleaned the jax, but that and obviously the coat hanger were in a nasty state as you can imagine, dumped them into a plastic bag and took them to a street bin about 3 blocks away and cast them away, the poor bin collectors ....

Got a new toilet brush in a Chinese shop for €1.50 and just casually put it in it's place.

Later watching tele with my gf the Mexican wan comes home, first thing she says after going into the jacks - "Oh thats a new toilet brush"

Trying to hold our laughter in , I mumble a well acted disinterested "dunno... we didn't get it ... ".

Brendan Bendar

Hector Savage wrote: »

Reminds me of a time in one of our first places in Spain when we were sharing a flat with 2 other girls, so it was my then girlfriend and myself in a double room and 2 other girls had a single each - one was quite an attractive young Mexican.

Anyway the flat was really old and I managed to block the jacks .. at the time it was just the gf and me in the apt (thank christ), so I was attempting to unblock it ... and it was a real nasty job ... flecks of scutther everywhere.

At one stage I was screaming CALL THE PLUMBER .. QUICK BEFORE THE MEXICAN LASH GETS BACK!!!

Eventually I got a coat hanger and was poking away with that, and all of a sudden THWWWUUNNKKKK the sound of all the twater gushing out of the pan, my gf heard it in the next room and shouted "What did you DOOOOO??"
I guess the pipes weren't used to so much midden and twater travelling at once.

I grabbed the brush and cleaned the jax, but that and obviously the coat hanger were in a nasty state as you can imagine, dumped them into a plastic bag and took them to a street bin about 3 blocks away and cast them away, the poor bin collectors ....

Got a new toilet brush in a Chinese shop for €1.50 and just casually put it in it's place.

Later watching tele with my gf the Mexican wan comes home, first thing she says after going into the jacks - "Oh thats a new toilet brush"

Trying to hold our laughter in , I mumble a well acted disinterested "dunno... we didn't get it ... ".

Bad mistake, you should have ‘seasoned ‘ it by immersing it in a wallow
of loose midden, shook it off and then it would assume it’s usual dark ochre look, with a a few ricicles of small peanuts in the middle.

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

JohnnyFlash

Had the misfortune of finding myself in the company of a large bunch of mid-ranking civil servants today. You know the sort - bloodshot eyes, badly cut Debenhams suits, rambling style of conversation, EY on speed dial for advice on what to say.

Anyways, said I’d use the facilities circa 11.30. Jesus Christ, what do these guys get served in Government Buildings for the breakfast?

The fücking hum off all the cubicles would strip the paint from a Massey Ferguson. Ended up having to make a beeline across the road to Buswells for a shïte.

Alpha_zero

Walk hand in hand into extinction.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Had the misfortune of finding myself in the company of a large bunch of mid-ranking civil servants today. You know the sort - bloodshot eyes, badly cut Debenhams suits, rambling style of conversation, EY on speed dial for advice on what to say.

Anyways, said I’d use the facilities circa 11.30. Jesus Christ, what do these guys get served in Government Buildings for the breakfast?

The fücking hum off all the cubicles would strip the paint from a Massey Ferguson. Ended up having to make a beeline across the road to Buswells for a shïte.

Any Farah trousers there, with the yella tab?

Fair auld build of arse spend on these units and the whack is ingrained for posterity.

Lad I knew brought a pair down to the cleaners to have them ‘sponged and pressed ‘ for a wedding.

Lass came out ,took a sniff ,went back in and came back pulling on a pair of plastic hygiene gloves.

Fcuking bang was like a nest of vermin being burnt out.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Any Farah trousers there, with the yella tab?

Fair auld build of arse spend on these units and the whack is ingrained for posterity.

Lad I knew brought a pair down to the cleaners to have them ‘sponged and pressed ‘ for a wedding.

Lass came out ,took a sniff ,went back in and came back pulling on a pair of plastic hygiene gloves.

Fcuking bang was like a nest of vermin being burnt out.

Didn't spot any Brendan. Wasn't looking to be honest. Did check out the internet to see what Farah trousers were famous for. Seems it's for their 'flexi waist' and anti-stain trousers. Seems like the sort of trouser you'd be in the market for to be honest.

Ush1

Was away in the south of Spain at the weekend. Not on important company business as is often the case but was just a piss up with the lads. I tend to get homesick anus and "bind up" while I'm away. As soon as I touched down in Dublin airport was straight to the traps.

All that gassy Spanish Mahou and prawn pil pil ended no bueno. Started out well but quickly degenerated into sludge and hot toxic fumes. Finished with a sput, sput, sput, SPLUT!

The last push spitting flecks of brown fizz all over the seat and cistern.

Still, all in all a cracking weekend.

Sharp MZ700

That Mahou is potent stuff alright Ush, left me spitting arsefire like a Messerschmitt the last time I was on it.

Ush1

Ush1 wrote: »

Was away in the south of Spain at the weekend. Not on important company business as is often the case but was just a piss up with the lads. I tend to get homesick anus and "bind up" while I'm away. As soon as I touched down in Dublin airport was straight to the traps.

All that gassy Spanish Mahou and prawn pil pil ended no bueno. Started out well but quickly degenerated into sludge and hot toxic fumes. Finished with a sput, sput, sput, SPLUT!

The last push spitting flecks of brown fizz all over the seat and cistern.

Still, all in all a cracking weekend.

I'd never touch prawns after reading this thread. Especially Spanish prawns.

Alpha_zero

Ush1 wrote: »

Was away in the south of Spain at the weekend. Not on important company business as is often the case but was just a piss up with the lads. I tend to get homesick anus and "bind up" while I'm away. As soon as I touched down in Dublin airport was straight to the traps.

All that gassy Spanish Mahou and prawn pil pil ended no bueno. Started out well but quickly degenerated into sludge and hot toxic fumes. Finished with a sput, sput, sput, SPLUT!

The last push spitting flecks of brown fizz all over the seat and cistern.

Still, all in all a cracking weekend.

Did you clean the throne with tissue paper after bro, as flushing will not remove you filthy git.

Hotblack Desiato

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

While what you did would certainly be frowned upon on your home “patch”, in a work setting you were perfectly entitled to, simply, walk away.

Well, exactly. H&S rules demand that the employer must supply the correct equipment to carry out the "job".

In fact, going back in for the brush head would be seen as going “above and beyond” what is expected of you.

Indeed. Should really be awarded the Distinguished Sh*tting Medal for services to plumbing.

Hope yer man's not a boards user btw

Aglomerado

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Had the misfortune of finding myself in the company of a large bunch of mid-ranking civil servants today. You know the sort - bloodshot eyes, badly cut Debenhams suits, rambling style of conversation, EY on speed dial for advice on what to say.

Anyways, said I’d use the facilities circa 11.30. Jesus Christ, what do these guys get served in Government Buildings for the breakfast?

The fücking hum off all the cubicles would strip the paint from a Massey Ferguson. Ended up having to make a beeline across the road to Buswells for a shïte.

It's not just the lads, Johnny. I once wrote a tale of my quest for the perfect civil service sh1tter.
It took four tries one day to find a crapper that was acceptable...

1. Looked clean but stank like rotten arse
2. Brown Soup (fermented)
3. Lid down (here be dragons)
4. Perfect.

I called it Bowldilocks ....

Last I heard in that building the phantom sh1tter was on the loose as well.

I'm going to a meeting in there next week, will be stocking up on immodium before I go in...I'm used to nice clean toilets in my current office, I'm dreading to see what the dirty hoors are up to in the other place.

Sharp MZ700

Alpha_zero wrote: »

Did you clean the throne with tissue paper after bro, as flushing will not remove you filthy git.

For this reason alone all showers should be placed next to the jax. I'm sure it was probably trialled at some stage, only to end up with f<ckers taking a shortcut and sh1tting directly into the shower pan.

Dyson or Karcher should really research this potentially lucrative area further. Why leave Andrex with the majority market share?

sligojoek

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

For this reason alone all showers should be placed next to the jax. I'm sure it was probably trialled at some stage, only to end up with f<ckers taking a shortcut and sh1tting directly into the shower pan.

Dyson or Karcher should really research this potentially lucrative area further. Why leave Andrex with the majority market share?

Something like this? Detachable and expandable

Hotblack Desiato

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Dyson or Karcher should really research this potentially lucrative area further.

Careful now, potential for major blowback problems there. More isn't always better.

Slideways

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

For this reason alone all showers should be placed next to the jax. I'm sure it was probably trialled at some stage, only to end up with f<ckers taking a shortcut and sh1tting directly into the shower pan.

Dyson or Karcher should really research this potentially lucrative area further. Why leave Andrex with the majority market share?

Something like this no doubt

Hector Savage

^^

Christ, how about just not sh*ting in the shower full stop!!

filthy kernts!!

NeinNeinNein

Quite thoughtful how he doesn't pull the shower curtain back. Helping to reduce the risk of cross contamination for his loved ones.

EmmetSpiceland

Hector Savage wrote: »

^^

Christ, how about just not sh*ting in the shower full stop!!

filthy kernts!!

But if you “have” to, H, be sure to avoid using the heal for the, overrated, “waffle stomp”. All you’ll do is spread, and spray, the mess all over the place. It’ll be on the walls and on the shower door.

No, in a situation like that you’ll have to employ the “toe” to get it down the plug hole in a cleaner, and more efficient, manner. It’s the only way to go. “Stomping” with your heal is just uncouth.

NeinNeinNein

That third picture might look like something completely different if viewed in isolation.

EmmetSpiceland

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

No, in a situation like that you’ll have to employ the “toe” to get it down the plug hole in a cleaner, and more efficient, manner. It’s the only way to go. “Stomping” with your heal is just uncouth.

More like "mashing" Emmet, which is even worse imo.

JohnnyFlash

Any man who says he has never been caught short in the shower is a liar.

Sharp MZ700

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Quite thoughtful how he doesn't pull the shower curtain back. Helping to reduce the risk of cross contamination for his loved ones.

Clever too in that he "reaches around" to grab the faecal pudding, no smearing of the ball sack on the way back with a full paw. The tips you pick up in this thread!!

KWAG2019

The golden age of radio reports from the traps, the slatted shed, the golf club, the in-laws etc etc draws to an end as we enter the graphical era. I fear the addition of pictures and even diagrams will draw a different sort of "viewer" to the thread. I expect even a "how to" guide, influencers and "FAQS". But we've all been here before.

:eek:

Ush1

That picture actually reminds me of a story.

A friend of mines parents used to take in foreign students over the summer as they had a big gaff. They had two Chinese fellas this particular year. His oul fella couldn't help but notice that when he was using the shower he was getting a full on blast of hot feces emanating from the drain at the bottom of the shower. He pulled up the trap to investigate and low and behold the thing was packed tight with partially digested human waste. The Chinese lads were cr*pping in the shower and using the toe poke method.

The old man had to have a serious word with the lads about etiquette.

EmmetSpiceland

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Clever too in that he "reaches around" to grab the faecal pudding, no smearing of the ball sack on the way way back with a full paw. The tips you pick up in this thread!!

“Sac smear”, something no man wants to endure.

An incredibly difficult clean as the “thread” of the ball bag and the course scrotal hair simply cause havoc. Absolute, shítty, carnage.

Hector Savage

Ush1 wrote: »

That picture actually reminds me of a story.

A friend of mines parents used to take in foreign students over the summer as they had a big gaff. They had two Chinese fellas this particular year. His oul fella couldn't help but notice that when he was using the shower he was getting a full on blast of hot feces emanating from the drain at the bottom of the shower. He pulled up the trap to investigate and low and behold the thing was packed tight with partially digested human waste. The Chinese lads were cr*pping in the shower and using the toe poke method.

The old man had to have a serious word with the lads about etiquette.

Filthy feckin kernts!!
My ma had 2 Chinese birds staying in her gaff and the state of the jacks was almost as bad as that "Worst toilet in Scotland" in trainspotting .....

What is it about the Chinese ?
Probably get banned for racism now ...

Hotblack Desiato

In fairness if you're in a bad way and have liquid erupting from both ends then getting into the shower is your only choice really.

Nevin Parsnipp

Hector Savage wrote: »

Filthy feckin kernts!!
My ma had 2 Chinese birds staying in her gaff and the state of the jacks was almost as bad as that "Worst toilet in Scotland" in trainspotting .....

Probably get banned for racism now ...

Maybe their arseholes are ,you know, going crossways like and they they sh1te "landscape" mode. ?

A bit similiat to their minges...or is that an urban myth ?

Stevieluvsye

This thread has taken a slightly sinister tone