What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland

Hector Savage wrote: »

Filthy feckin kernts!!
My ma had 2 Chinese birds staying in her gaff and the state of the jacks was almost as bad as that "Worst toilet in Scotland" in trainspotting .....

What is it about the Chinese ?
Probably get banned for racism now ...

To be fair, I’d say they say the same things about us when we go over there and destroy their “squatter” jacks after eating some unidentified bird washes down with a local “moonshine”.

JohnnyFlash

Reminds me of a time I was over in China on important company business - it was a few weeks before the Olympics in Beijing. Anyways, the food hygiene standards can be dreadful over there, and I spent the first half of the morning sitting on the can in my hotel bedroom. Turns out 12 bottles of cheap domestic lager and a kilo of duck dumplings isn't a good combination. Thought I was all cleaned out around 1PM and headed out for a gawk around Tiananmen Square and the areas around it.

Was wandering down a hutong there when I got an unmerciful cramp down in the lower digestive system. Needed to find some facilities - and pronto. Most of the houses in the hutongs don't have toilets, so there's communal shítters at the end of the street. Goose stepped my way into one, and was met with one of the most god-awful sights I've ever seen.

The jacks were nothing more than a long trench along the back wall with a miserable stream of water running along it. The smell was overwhelming, and the place was crawling with flies. But the worst of all was seeing a Chinese lad of about 70 squatting there with his peg pointing at me, and with a long coil of 'brown spine' about to lose its fight with gravity and plop into the trench.

The fúcker didn't pay a blind bit of remarks as I desperately lowered my shorts, and fired out a pint and a half of arse gravy - 'shelved' a fair bit of it as well I'm sad to report. No toilet paper of course, but at least I had some tissues in my pocket to get things tidied up, so didn't have to sacrifice my socks.

Straight back to the hotel afterwards. Hugely traumatic and upsetting experience. To be honest, I'm not sure I've ever fully got back my mojo since. Some images just always haunt your subconscious.

Stevieluvsye

Hmmmm

https://www.unilad.co.uk/news/smiling-serial-shtter-is-terrorising-toronto/

Deebles McBeebles

Thats's the happiest motherf*cker I've ever seen. Doing what he loves obviously.

Stevieluvsye

It was when she finished the article the journo questioned her life choices i'm guessing

Lucy Connolly
A Broadcast Journalism Masters graduate who went on to achieve an NCTJ level 3 Diploma in Journalism, Lucy has done stints at ITV, BBC Inside Out and Key 103. While working as a journalist for UNILAD, Lucy has reported on breaking news stories while also writing features about mental health, cervical screening awareness, and Little Mix (who she is unapologetically obsessed with).

And i'm not even sure how it is possible to go from having "stints" in BBC & ITV to Unilad

Doctors room ghost

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Reminds me of a time I was over in China on important company business - it was a few weeks before the Olympics in Beijing. Anyways, the food hygiene standards can be dreadful over there, and I spent the first half of the morning sitting on the can in my hotel bedroom. Turns out 12 bottles of cheap domestic lager and a kilo of duck dumplings isn't a good combination. Thought I was all cleaned out around 1PM and headed out for a gawk around Tiananmen Square and the areas around it.

Was wandering down a hutong there when I got an unmerciful cramp down in the lower digestive system. Needed to find some facilities - and pronto. Most of the houses in the hutongs don't have toilets, so there's communal shítters at the end of the street. Goose stepped my way into one, and was met with one of the most god-awful sights I've ever seen.

The jacks were nothing more than a long trench along the back wall with a miserable stream of water running along it. The smell was overwhelming, and the place was crawling with flies. But the worst of all was seeing a Chinese lad of about 70 squatting there with his peg pointing at me, and with a long coil of 'brown spine' about to lose its fight with gravity and plop into the trench.

The fúcker didn't pay a blind bit of remarks as I desperately lowered my shorts, and fired out a pint and a half of arse gravy - 'shelved' a fair bit of it as well I'm sad to report. No toilet paper of course, but at least I had some tissues in my pocket to get things tidied up, so didn't have to sacrifice my socks.

Straight back to the hotel afterwards. Hugely traumatic and upsetting experience. To be honest, I'm not sure I've ever fully got back my mojo since. Some images just always haunt your subconscious.

Nothing worse johnny than when you are out and about and you get a bad grumble in the guts.
A bad case of the down town push downs.
Same thing happened me and I in having a look at the Sydney opera house as part of a sight seeing tour a few years back.
A feed of rare steak and 5 or 6 bundybergs with coke washing it down the night before,was the cause of it I reckon.
Anyway there I was having a look around and all of a sudden the guts came alive so to speak.it was upper 30 degrees heat and I broke out in a cold sweat.
It was fight or flight.
Fight and try to keep a bad and angry lodger housed until I got back to the hotel or flight and find a toilet and release hell.
A pressured assessment decided flight was the only solution so I located a basement toilet and released said hell.
If I was a gambling man I’d have good money on that that toilet was taken out of service for a couple of days while it was powerwashed,bleached and probably replastered and re tiled.
I do still have a chuckle any time I see the opera house on telly and recount my war story to all within earshot.

NeinNeinNein

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

It was when she finished the article the journo questioned her life choices i'm guessing

Lucy Connolly
A Broadcast Journalism Masters graduate who went on to achieve an NCTJ level 3 Diploma in Journalism, Lucy has done stints at ITV, BBC Inside Out and Key 103. While working as a journalist for UNILAD, Lucy has reported on breaking news stories while also writing features about mental health, cervical screening awareness, and Little Mix (who she is unapologetically obsessed with).

And i'm not even sure how it is possible to go from having "stints" in BBC & ITV to Unilad

Appropriate.

tgdaly

Having a bit of a disaster with my toilet trips this week lads. On a training week in Dublin so getting the train early and on the cheap coffee which I wreckon is the cause of my trouble.

Arrived to the training place Monday morning and had to pinch out a chocolate hot dog straight away. One of those horrible little cramped toilets with your legs practically up against your chin, and ended up being an infinite wipe moment, might as well been running the tp over a brown highlighter. Didn't learn my lesson anyways, had a coffee and peanut butter donut on the train later, beef stir fry then for dinner and shot out a watery load in the downstairs toilet.

Yesterday had a nice normal drop off but was a bit bunged up and didn't "ship the goods" till I got caught short on the train home.

Today the coffee was really running through me, dropped a scuttery buttery load not too long after lunch. Bit of a nightmare this evening, not long after standing up to leave I had a fight or flight moment of my own, felt the rumble in the jungle, was on the ropes and knew I needed to go but didn't have much time having to get the Luas and make my train home. Decided to fight on like Ali, made it to the station, straight onto the train and dropped the jeans and unloaded a flurry of shots as they might say in boxing.

Always feel a bit unclean getting caught short and having to go on the train. One thing I'd have to say though, they give a great flush. Could do with a bit more water in them (I get it's probably not possible as the movement of the train would cause many a spillage), but they have great suction and move on the load with some force They could probably shift a Swiss roll with no effort

padd b1975

Hector Savage wrote: »

Filthy feckin kernts!!
My ma had 2 Chinese birds staying in her gaff and the state of the jacks was almost as bad as that "Worst toilet in Scotland" in trainspotting .....

What is it about the Chinese ?
Probably get banned for racism now ...

Prince Philip sussed those lads out pretty sharpish and wasn't shy about calling it either.

Long may you run sir.

padd b1975

Slideways wrote: »

Something like this no doubt

Neither in my case.

The trick is to land the cargo in the exact spot where the water hits the tray to maximise breakup before the inevitable contact with the foot.

Depending on consistency, all contact can be avoided by an expert craftsman (or woman in these politically correct times).

EmmetSpiceland

tgdaly wrote: »

Always feel a bit unclean getting caught short and having to go on the train. One thing I'd have to say though, they give a great flush. Could do with a bit more water in them (I get it's probably not possible as the movement of the train would cause many a spillage), but they have great suction and move on the load with some force They could probably shift a Swiss roll with no effort

You could be on to something with that “Swiss Roll” thing, T. All modern toilets should have to pass a “Swiss Roll Test”, could be like a AAA+ “rating” model.

Doctors room ghost

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

You could be on to something with that “Swiss Roll” thing, T. All modern toilets should have to pass a “Swiss Roll Test”, could be like a AAA+ “rating” model.

A great idea emmet and one that should definitely be put forward at a future board meeting somewhere relevant.
Dragons den perhaps, with a see through toilet to be used in the presentation.

One suggestion I may add though is that in the interest of health and safety,the Swiss roll used in the flush test should be a minimum 2 months past its use by date allowing it to stale some and therefore ensuring that the toilet can in fact handle heavy loads.
A Swiss roll of the fresh variety would tend to flake and crumble and give a false reading.

CantGetNoSleep

In my work there's decent jacks in the basement (usually the cleanest, single rooms so you can make whatever noise you want in there). Few weeks ago they were having a meeting to talk about renovating the office and some lad sticks up his hand and says can you put wifi in the basement. No phone signal down there

mfceiling

CantGetNoSleep wrote: »

In my work there's decent jacks in the basement (usually the cleanest, single rooms so you can make whatever noise you want in there). Few weeks ago they were having a meeting to talk about renovating the office and some lad sticks up his hand and says can you put wifi in the basement. No phone signal down there

What a prick. Now he's after letting everyone know that relaxing time is spent there and that the "eye" could be on lads nipping down to empty the wheelbarrow.

Brendan Bendar

mfceiling wrote: »

What a prick. Now he's after letting everyone know that relaxing time is spent there and that the "eye" could be on lads nipping down to empty the wheelbarrow.

Good call ceiling..... very bad form.

NeinNeinNein

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Good call ceiling..... very bad form.

Every workplace has a w**ker like that. Pretends to be thick but has another agenda entirely.

EmmetSpiceland

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Every workplace has a w**ker like that. Pretends to be thick but has another agenda entirely.

A proper Clark Kernt.

Hector Savage

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Every workplace has a w**ker like that. Pretends to be thick but has another agenda entirely.

Little bleedin' rat!!!

Doctors room ghost

I was in Lidl yesterday and treated myself to a pork and wild boar salami from the fridge section.
Had a good feed of it on toast last night and 2 good mugs of tea.
Can compare to a vintage car today with the mixture running over rich and a tendency to over rev and back fire spectacularly under load.
Farting like a butchers hound.

Brendan Bendar

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

I was in Lidl yesterday and treated myself to a pork and wild boar salami from the fridge section.
Had a good feed of it on toast last night and 2 good mugs of tea.
Can compare to a vintage car today with the mixture running over rich and a tendency to over rev and back fire spectacularly under load.
Farting like a butchers hound.

Pork is a fcuker for those kind of problems Doc.

Lined up a rack of pork ribs for the dinner about 10 days ago, lovely product, very tasty and tender..... but...... was farting like a fcuking belt-fed mortar for at least three hours after that.

Heavy thunderous reports that would blow the shale off a high mountain.

Difficult stuff is pork...... apple sauce helps to ‘calm things down’ but be aware that the odd ‘rimshot’ is not uncommon.

Stevieluvsye

I stay away from Pork personally myself B, more because it is fcuking disgusting rather than anything to do with my hole though.

On a sidenote, i have recently taken up Green tea over the last 4 weeks to detox prior to my december pis* up and can honestly attest to a much improved digestion system! Below taken from T'internet

1. Green tea
Green tea has been heavily researched for its many potential health benefits (1Trusted Source).

It was historically used as a natural remedy for diarrhea and infection from Helicobacter pylori, a strain of bacteria that can cause stomach pain, nausea, and bloating (2Trusted Source).

It may relieve other stomach issues as well.

For example, one study in 42 people noted that green tea significantly reduced the frequency and severity of diarrhea caused by radiation therapy (3Trusted Source).

In animal studies, green tea and its components have also been shown to treat stomach ulcers, which can cause issues like pain, gas, and indigestion

sligojoek

partyguinness

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

I stay away from Pork personally myself B, more because it is fcuking disgusting rather than anything to do with my hole though.

On a sidenote, i have recently taken up Green tea over the last 4 weeks to detox prior to my december pis* up and can honestly attest to a much improved digestion system! Below taken from T'internet

1. Green tea
Green tea has been heavily researched for its many potential health benefits (1Trusted Source).

It was historically used as a natural remedy for diarrhea and infection from Helicobacter pylori, a strain of bacteria that can cause stomach pain, nausea, and bloating (2Trusted Source).

It may relieve other stomach issues as well.

For example, one study in 42 people noted that green tea significantly reduced the frequency and severity of diarrhea caused by radiation therapy (3Trusted Source).

In animal studies, green tea and its components have also been shown to treat stomach ulcers, which can cause issues like pain, gas, and indigestion

I have found staying away from red meat as resulted in a drastic reduction in gaseous emissions and more specifically the foul rancid paint stripper kind. Red meat is hard to breakdown and puts a lot of stain on the pipes.

Brendan Bendar

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

I stay away from Pork personally myself B, more because it is fcuking disgusting rather than anything to do with my hole though.

On a sidenote, i have recently taken up Green tea over the last 4 weeks to detox prior to my december pis* up and can honestly attest to a much improved digestion system! Below taken from T'internet

1. Green tea
Green tea has been heavily researched for its many potential health benefits (1Trusted Source).

It was historically used as a natural remedy for diarrhea and infection from Helicobacter pylori, a strain of bacteria that can cause stomach pain, nausea, and bloating (2Trusted Source).

It may relieve other stomach issues as well.

For example, one study in 42 people noted that green tea significantly reduced the frequency and severity of diarrhea caused by radiation therapy (3Trusted Source).

In animal studies, green tea and its components have also been shown to treat stomach ulcers, which can cause issues like pain, gas, and indigestion

Good solid reportage there S.

Say it as you see it. No harm at all there.

Would suggest that pork taken in moderation,well cooked, and accompanied with a good Apple Sauce is an excellent meal.

What happens of course is a ‘gang a d’lads’ go into an ‘aytin house’ and order ‘dem phorrk chops’ wit all the trimmings.

Fcukers gannet them down and wonder why they feel like they swallowed a
Skoda battery three hours later.

Slow the fcuk down you shower of pricks.

Bullocks

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Good solid reportage there S.

Say it as you see it. No harm at all there.

Would suggest that pork taken in moderation,well cooked, and accompanied with a good Apple Sauce is an excellent meal.

What happens of course is a ‘gang a d’lads’ go into an ‘aytin house’ and order ‘dem phorrk chops’ wit all the trimmings.

Fcukers gannet them down and wonder why they feel like they swallowed a
Skoda battery three hours later.

Slow the fcuk down you shower of pricks.

I'm guilty of that Ben, I ate the dinner in less than 3 minutes usually and God help anyone that asks a question or interrupts those 3 minutes of my day.
I want every bite to scald my mouth on the way in and then only feel "right" when I'm swelled like I just swallowed that Skoda battery haha. Any wonder I'm running to fat and have a hernia on the oesophagus!
I'll hardly change though

NeinNeinNein

The diversions this thread takes always surprise, I can see some xmas recipes coming soon.

Stevieluvsye

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

The diversions this thread takes always surprise, I can see some xmas recipes coming soon.

We move with the seasons N.

Shakers and movers

NeinNeinNein

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

We move with the seasons N.

Shakers and movers

It's nice to have a wander up an alley now and again but it's also a blessed relief when one of the more stern posters returns the vessel to it's planned course with a "keep it faecal, people" type post.

gerrybbadd

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

The diversions this thread takes always surprise, I can see some xmas recipes coming soon.

Well the aul Brussels sprouts are meant to be great "fuel" for the aul wind production. I can attest. The one time i'd eat them a year, there does be some fairly noxious emissions.

Brendan Bendar

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

The diversions this thread takes always surprise, I can see some xmas recipes coming soon.

What!

Input and Output dude.

Jaysus, you can’t concentrate on one issue without taking account of the other issue.

Causality my friend.... like ... how can I ingest a half kilo of blown curry and not reference that action to the shower of buckshot which peppered the pan and coated the pewter with a spray of fawn midden two hours later?


Cause and event ,pal.


Fcuking standard operating procedure...