What's the etiquette here??

Hector Savage

sligojoek wrote: »

I sent her a teary eyed smiley.

Myself and the brother will be sharing a hotel room in Dublin next week. He'll probably leave a "deposit" for me then.

So long as it's in the toilet and not on your pillow no problem!!

Bullocks

Hector Savage wrote: »

So long as it's in the toilet and not on your pillow no problem!!

Infecting with pink eye is definitely poor toilet etiquette, not too mention doing it to a family member!

Slideways

Here is a perfect example of good toilet etiquette. Went to feed the seagulls earlier and was straining at the leash. Walked in to find a full house.

Ended up unleashing at the disabled schitter

Borderfox

Very posh, ours are as comfortable as a jail cell

KWAG2019

These hipster sinks are confusing. All very “on point” no doubt and probably “woke“ but an older generation seeing a metal tray by a wall will have one reaction only.

Ever notice a smell off those sinks?

Nevin Parsnipp

KWAG2019 wrote: »

These hipster sinks are confusing. All very “on point” no doubt and probably “woke“ but an older generation seeing a metal tray by a wall will have one reaction only.

Ever notice a smell off those sinks?

That Golf Club Dude that was "strumming" his tackle wit a towel would hoof out a couple of flitches of arse butter into it I'll be bound .....and not even shout...

Fore !

gerrybbadd

In trap 1 just there when an offender landed in beside me, disturbing the silence, into trap 2.

Down with the slacks and jocks, slap of the cheeks onto the bowl, and the most festive set of farts arrived, that i've ever heard.

They were released to the tune of Jingle Bells. I couldn't believe it. Had to whip up the trousers and leave myself after that. Filled with the spirit of Xmas now, I am.

Bobblehats

Dashing to the jacks
From a one course open buffet
After eats we go
Farting all the way ho-ho-ho

Hotblack Desiato

# It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas... #

Aglomerado

In the bleak middle trap
Not -so -silent Shyte
Tagnuts roasting on an open toilet (the Christmas Pong)
Once in Royal David's Sh1tty
O come all ye Fartfull
Fart! the herald angels ming!

NeinNeinNein

Farty Tale of New York

tgdaly

We wish you a merry Sh1tmas, and a happy Poo Year

Brendan Bendar

Might be time for a bit of midden based doggerel with an Xmas theme...

Gimme about five mins....

Brendan Bendar

Cautionary Tale


T’was the night before Christmas
I collapsed on the pot
A thick club of midden
Was primed in the slot

***********************

There was no need for hurry
That’s the name of the game
I had been here before
And results were the same
*************************

Then I stepped up the pressure
Eased up in the clutch
There was instant reaction
The load gave a lurch

********************

As I blew out my cargo
All cleaned out in one go
Heard a distant voice shouting
Sounded like Ho-Ho-Ho

*****************************

Said”The fcuker is with us
As I polished my hole
Hope he emptied his guts
Before leaving the Pole

*****************

T’was the night after Xmas
I can still get the fent
Of the sourest of midden
God or man ever sent
********************

So lads just be careful
In and round Xmas night
A fat slob from Finland
Might drop in for a shïte.



©️HH Belloc.Prof. Mod.Eng. Balliol Coll. Oxen.

fuerte1976

Incredibly bound up this morning.
A lot of effort with very little reward as yet.. Wait n see now, the minute I head off to school with the kids, the other kids will need dropping off.. FML!

Hotblack Desiato

Remember your breathing technique

Don't push until you're fully dilated.

NeinNeinNein

fuerte1976 wrote: »

Incredibly bound up this morning.
A lot of effort with very little reward as yet.. Wait n see now, the minute I head off to school with the kids, the other kids will need dropping off.. FML!

Sounds like the meaning of life.

Sharp MZ700

fuerte1976 wrote: »

Incredibly bound up this morning.
A lot of effort with very little reward as yet.. Wait n see now, the minute I head off to school with the kids, the other kids will need dropping off.. FML!

Sh1tting like an ice cream machine myself these days, if I had a cone I'd probably manage a large chocolate 99.

Is this a thread for people talking about talking ****s

Nevin Parsnipp

Deleted User wrote: »

Is this a thread for people talking about talking ****s

Whatever makes you come to that conclusion ?

sligojoek

Deleted User wrote: »

Is this a thread for people talking about talking ****s

No sh1t Sherlock

Sharp MZ700

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Is this a thread for people talking about talking ****s

Unload, this is a safe place.. Clogged up long?

KWAG2019

sligojoek wrote: »

No sh1t Sherlock

Alas a frequent complaint here followed by the dire and sometimes tragic consequences of the Great Escape.

EmmetSpiceland

Had a rough experience earlier. On the grand scheme of things it was quite tame but it gave me a “start” and unsettled my mood for the evening.

I was on my out of the office but needed a quick “whizz” before making the trek home. The way the toilets in the reception area are laid out is that there’s a gents on one side and a ladies on the other but they’re each a single cubicle setup.

So, in I pop. The water is full of “bog roll”, I didn’t bother flushing as it was only a piss. And, let’s be honest, pissing through a load of soggy tissue can be a joy only matched by that of kicking a big pile of leaves as a child.

Now, every child gets cautioned to be careful when kicking up leaves. Sometimes there’s something under them, dog “fouling” and the like.

I learned a harsh lesson. The heavy stream pummelled into the paper and began to borrow through. It didn’t take long for the brown bits to show. It was only a small borehole but the smell it kicked up was like some sort of rotten “seaside” stink.

I diverted the stream to the side but that sort of opened up another “section” to the air and, again, the smell was rank.

I flushed once I was done and left but felt dirty, like the smell was on me and, as I said, really “hampered” my mood.

Hoping for a “uneventful” Friday now. I can do nothing else but wish the same for all of you.

NeinNeinNein

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Had a rough experience earlier. On the grand scheme of things it was quite tame but it gave me a “start” and unsettled my mood for the evening.

I was on my out of the office but needed a quick “whizz” before making the trek home. The way the toilets in the reception area are laid out is that there’s a gents on one side and a ladies on the other but they’re each a single cubicle setup.

So, in I pop. The water is full of “bog roll”, I didn’t bother flushing as it was only a piss. And, let’s be honest, pissing through a load of soggy tissue can be a joy only matched by that of kicking a big pile of leaves as a child.

Now, every child gets cautioned to be careful when kicking up leaves. Sometimes there’s something under them, dog “fouling” and the like.

I learned a harsh lesson. The heavy stream pummelled into the paper and began to borrow through. It didn’t take long for the brown bits to show. It was only a small borehole but the smell it kicked up was like some sort of rotten “seaside” stink.

I diverted the stream to the side but that sort of opened up another “section” to the air and, again, the smell was rank.

I flushed once I was done and left but felt dirty, like the smell was on me and, as I said, really “hampered” my mood.

Hoping for a “uneventful” Friday now. I can do nothing else but wish the same for all of you.

Emmet, I am failing to see the connection between skipping along kicking the leaves and breaking up some lazy b*stard's stinky logs with a powerful and hot stream of slash. This requires further explanation, why did you not flush before unleashing? Do you enjoy the foreign smell on you? Did you piss in the leaves as a minor?

JohnnyFlash

Drank an impressive quantity of porter last night. Very warm and lingering farts this morning that have ‘tasting notes’ of cabbage, nutmeg, and, well, stale porter off them. Fücking grotesque.

Estimated time of cargo unloading is 13.45PM. Very hazardous goods and a delicate delivery requiring careful planning. I’ll keep you posted.

Wish me luck.

armaghlad

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Drank an impressive quantity of porter last night. Very warm and lingering farts this morning that have ‘tasting notes’ of cabbage, nutmeg, and, well, stale porter off them. Fücking grotesque.

Estimated time of cargo unloading is 13.45PM. Very hazardous goods and a delicate delivery requiring careful planning. I’ll keep you posted.

Wish me luck.

I’d recommend a few double espressos if you really want to add some fireworks to your Friday

EmmetSpiceland

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Emmet, I am failing to see the connection between skipping along kicking the leaves and breaking up some lazy b*stard's stinky logs with a powerful and hot stream of slash. This requires further explanation, why did you not flush before unleashing? Do you enjoy the foreign smell on you? Did you piss in the leaves as a minor?

If you read back you’ll see I was equating the “experience” to uncovering the unknown without any due care.

As a child I was always warned about the, potential, “dirty dangers” associated with childish activities such as kicking leaf piles or running in the long grass.

I don’t know where you’re from, N, maybe your people don’t mind a shoeful of cow “pat” or disturbing a pile of sheep droppings but over here, in Dublin, it’s dog and, sometimes, human excrement that is littered around the streets.

As to the flushing, something I also covered in my post, which I’m starting to doubt you did little more than glance at, I didn’t flush as I was just having a quick slash and didn’t think it warranted one. A mistake on my part but I tell myself it was the more environmental option.

No, I did not enjoy the smell. It was, utterly, disgusting. I am not a weird scent “fetishist”. No siree.

As I child, and young adult, I would have pissed, extensively, outdoors. Any leaves that got hit were purely incidental, or in the way. I certainly never would have “piled” leaves up with the express intention of urinating on them.

A bizarre thought. Were you into that sort of “thing” yourself, N?

Now, is that any clearer for you? I really hope it is.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Drank an impressive quantity of porter last night. Very warm and lingering farts this morning that have ‘tasting notes’ of cabbage, nutmeg, and, well, stale porter off them. Fücking grotesque.

Estimated time of cargo unloading is 13.45PM. Very hazardous goods and a delicate delivery requiring careful planning. I’ll keep you posted.

Wish me luck.

Well, the obvious thing to do,John, is to, what do they say, use it or lose it.

I’d slot into the exec. shïtters,spool up,hold brake release till the pressure is close to max,then discharge an ‘uncontained’ sheet of scutther covering the furniture and fittings and surrounding area with a wide ‘damage footprint’.

Leave the lot there to ‘season’.... and a nice gesture would be to leave an Xmas Card with a note....something like “Thanks for the Xmas Party, the Asian selection was lovely’


It pays to be nice, John, you know that.

NeinNeinNein

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

If you read back you’ll see I was equating the “experience” to uncovering the unknown without any due care.

As a child I was always warned about the, potential, “dirty dangers” associated with childish activities such as kicking leaf piles or running in the long grass.

I don’t know where you’re from, N, maybe your people don’t mind a shoeful of cow “pat” or disturbing a pile of sheep droppings but over here, in Dublin, it’s dog and, sometimes, human excrement that is littered around the streets.

As to the flushing, something I also covered in my post, which I’m starting to doubt you did little more than glance at, I didn’t flush as I was just having a quick slash and didn’t think it warranted one. A mistake on my part but I tell myself it was the more environmental option.

No, I did not enjoy the smell. It was, utterly, disgusting. I am not a weird scent “fetishist”. No siree.

As I child, and young adult, I would have pissed, extensively, outdoors. Any leaves that got hit were purely incidental, or in the way. I certainly never would have “piled” leaves up with the express intention of urinating on them.

A bizarre thought. Were you into that sort of “thing” yourself, N?

Now, is that any clearer for you? I really hope it is.

The environmental option? I see.

Like the next person, I have released my fair share of various bodily fluids in forests, beaches, rivers, lakes, parks, derelict buildings, public transport, rooftops etc.