What's the etiquette here??

An Ri rua

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Obviously I don’t want them to shîte themselves. However waiting a minute or two for me to finish up is surely less awkward than popping into the cubicle beside me and unloading a few pints of toxic arse gravy. I heard everything and I find the whole encounter awkward is all. It crossed my mind to fire him to be honest.

How soon after this did the relationship between ye become physical? The repulsion is classic homo-erotic stuff. Hopefully ye've both come out of the (water) closet and are busy making puppies.

An Ri rua

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

And I reckon it’s piss in the glass as the can has not been opened.

You may well be right. This could be what is realistically the first glimpse of the modern day Shamanic druid drinking their piss in the iterative circle of enlightenment as they embrace the magic of the mushroom (apologies for the homo-erotic undertone; not my intention). We do all approach the throne in hope and trepidation, after all, and leave lighter, enlightened and yet somehow more grounded to the bowels of Mother Earth. As if we astrally travelled, for a brief reverie, to the dimension where the toilet is always available, it never splashes your ass and the toilet roll doesn't show signs of previous human interaction by those still at the anal awareness stage of consciousness growth.

Hector Savage

Well lads, it has happened.
I **** my pants.

I feel such deep shame, what the f*ck is happening to me !! ???
Am I that old now (41) I can't control the oul sheriffs badge ?

So I was up early this morning, felt a bit of a stirring below so made sure I went before I left the house, dropped a load of rancid midden - but was still farting away when I left - low warm ones with a fent that would knock dead a charging bull - this was a warning sign I shouldn't have ignored.

Anyway, all of a sudden on the way to the office really felt the turtle's head pressing .... and soon realised I wouldn't hold the torrent, could feel a horrible wetness on the cheeks, was waddling into a cafe - that has a habit of having no bogroll, no time for such luxuries however, straight to the jacks and first thing I see - bog roll, great !! - no lock on the door tho, anyway, no time ... down with the pants and unloaded a machine gun scuttery torrent of pebbly midden smashing the pewter ... it just went on and on and on .... followed by a sound like a fishmonger emptying a bucket of mackerel onto a tiled floor - the volume surprised me to be honest.

So feeling greatly relieved I started the cleanup - the underwear was a bit of a disaster and was thinking I'd need to go home, however the trousers survived so I carefully removed the jocks and socks and then disposed of the boxers in a bin - thank christ there was a bin in the jacks otherwise the barista would have gotten a shock 10 mins later....if you had told me earlier I would be in a cubicle in a cafe jacks bottomless inspecting my legs and arsecheeks and doing a cheap cleanup while my boxers lay in the bin I would have laughed and thought impossible.

I've always been proud that I had NEVER **** myself, I have had some close calls - but all of these have been when I have left the gaff without going and having a cofffee on the road - silly rookie mistakes.

Been very careful since so this morning really mistified me - and I'm not sick.

I did however eat a lot last night - pasta - this usually agrees with me fine though.
Had some weissbeer and a large mug of tea before going to bed tho ..

Dunno, It's great to have this thread, I won't be telling anyone else about this ....

sligojoek

Had some weissbeer and a large mug of tea before going to bed tho ..

Therein lies the problem.

I've had many a 'narrow escape' after drinking that stuff. Plays hell with the guts.
Never again.

Voodoomelon

The pasta too, wrecks havoc with me, stick to the wholewheat personally.

I wasn't sure if this should go in the trivially annoying thread or here but here is probably better. Just spent the last few minutes trying to untangle some bog roll from the dispenser in the trap. When the cleaner replaced the roll they never "separated" the end of it so it couldn't be pulled out of the dispenser. Got it in the end but t'was fierce annoying.

Voodoomelon

I personally detest having to interact with the dispenser in any way. Nothing worse when the free end isn't hanging down and you have to venture your hand all the way inside to unfold it. God only knows what kind of hands have been in there.

Utter Consternation

I think we need to have a conversation about the toilet brush.

Some cnut in our place must have been on a serious session over the weekend and to be fair to him cleaned up the carnage but left the toilet brush in a less than clean way.

The fcuking thing should be brought out and shot. It's like a gruesome, Guinness sh1t decorated miniature Christmas tree. Would he not at least have had the decency to swirl it around a bit in the water to clean off some of the detritus?

He would have been as well off to leave the mess stuck to the backwall.

I'm not touching the fcuking thing to clean it. :mad:

gerrybbadd

Was in Dealz today and seen these for sale.

Make Toilets Great Again?

Hector Savage

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Was in Dealz today and seen these for sale.

Make Toilets Great Again?

It's good actually, and I usually have no time for this Trump = Orange man bad woke **** ... but THAT IS FUNNY!!!!

Utter Consternation

Hector Savage wrote: »

It's good actually, and I usually have no time for this Trump = Orange man bad woke **** ... but THAT IS FUNNY!!!!

The only problem with Trump is that there seems to be great difficulty in making any sh1t stick to him at all.

tgdaly

Utter Consternation wrote: »

The only problem with Trump is that there seems to be great difficulty in making any sh1t stick to him at all.

Imagine what the cleaners must be using in the White House to clean out the jacks after Trump has left his post McDonald's "Big Mac" deposited in the porcelain. Probably have to scrub the thing with serious industrial stuff

KWAG2019

Hector Savage wrote: »

Well lads, it has happened.
I **** my pants.
and soon realised I wouldn't hold the torrent, could feel a horrible wetness on the cheeks, was waddling into a cafe - that has a habit of having no bogroll, no time for such luxuries however, straight to the jacks and first thing I see - bog roll, great !! - no lock on the door tho, anyway, no time ... down with the pants and unloaded a machine gun scuttery torrent of pebbly midden smashing the pewter ... it just went on and on and on .... followed by a sound like a fishmonger emptying a bucket of mackerel onto a tiled floor - the volume surprised me to be honest.

So feeling greatly relieved I started the cleanup - the underwear was a bit of a disaster and was thinking I'd need to go home, however the trousers survived so I carefully removed the jocks and socks and then disposed of the boxers in a bin - thank christ there was a bin in the jacks otherwise the barista would have gotten a shock 10 mins later....if you had told me earlier I would be in a cubicle in a cafe jacks bottomless inspecting my legs and arsecheeks and doing a cheap cleanup while my boxers lay in the bin....

I’d fully expect to see a bad CCTV image of you plastered to the window of the cafe with the word BANNED over it. That was some fcuking onslaught on their facilities. I can see Ms X the twice divorced cleaner who now offers counselling on Facebook throwing a serious strop when she discovers the carnage. She’ll probably produce the boxers as Exhibit A and fling them on the manager’s desk. Fair dues man, you’ve finished the season of good will in that caf. And a “clean” getaway!

Brendan Bendar

Hector Savage wrote: »

It's good actually, and I usually have no time for this Trump = Orange man bad woke **** ... but THAT IS FUNNY!!!!

What the fuuuherke is that unit at the back of the hopper?

tgdaly

tgdaly wrote: »

Imagine what the cleaners must be using in the White House to clean out the jacks after Trump has left his post McDonald's "Big Mac" deposited in the porcelain. Probably have to scrub the thing with serious industrial stuff

Good thing they have the military close at hand, they probably need napalm or the like to sanitise the trap afterwards. Rumours abound that he eats nothing but fast food so his gastric system must surely be in tatters. Probably leaves fake tan handprints all over the jack's too the filthy kernt.

Bobblehats

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

What the fuuuherke is that unit at the back of the hopper?

A ‘freshener’ I believe. Excessive craptrap

Voodoomelon

Voodoomelon wrote: »

I personally detest having to interact with the dispenser in any way. Nothing worse when the free end isn't hanging down and you have to venture your hand all the way inside to unfold it. God only knows what kind of hands have been in there.

Almost as annoying is when the roll is squashed into an "oval" shape and doesn't roll properly in the dispenser, leaving you with postage stamp sized scraps of paper. This happens all too regularly in the work traps here.

Brendan Bendar

Deleted User wrote: »

Almost as annoying is when the roll is squashed into an "oval" shape and doesn't roll properly in the dispenser, leaving you with postage stamp sized scraps of paper. This happens all too regularly in the work traps here.

Cheap paper dude, best bet is buy a cheap towel and cut it int quarters.

Bring it into work with you and if caught with a discharge of a ‘lean mixture’ it will clean the hoop very nicely.

Into the washing machine and good to go again.

Avoids an unintended ‘hull breach’ as well.

Voodoomelon

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Cheap paper dude, best bet is buy a cheap towel and cut it int quarters.

Bring it into work with you and if caught with a discharge of a ‘lean mixture’ it will clean the hoop very nicely.

Into the washing machine and good to go again.

Avoids an unintended ‘hull breach’ as well.

A question if you will, how do you take the soiled quarters home with you? I'd imagine a large resealable sandwich bag from IKEA is your only man.

Which would almost be a shame, one would love to witness the poor cleaners face when confronted with a stack of soiled towel quarters chucked into the corner of the cubicle.

Brendan Bendar

Voodoomelon wrote: »

A question if you will, how do you take the soiled quarters home with you? I'd imagine a large resealable sandwich bag from IKEA is your only man.

Which would almost be a shame, one would love to witness the poor cleaners face when confronted with a stack of soiled towel quarters chucked into the corner of the cubicle.

Correct, that or one of those green re-cycleable sacks for the compost caddy.

armaghlad

This thread has taken another disappointing turn

Voodoomelon

armaghlad wrote: »

This thread has taken another disappointing turn

It's best to talk about these things out loud; it prepares the mind for horrors one might see upon gingerly nudging open the door of a public lavatory.

I for one still carry the scars of bawling my eyes out at just 7 years old on the sight of a cubicle in Portsmouth that had been showered in sh1te by some animal of a man.

Brendan Bendar

Voodoomelon wrote: »

It's best to talk about these things out loud; it prepares the mind for horrors one might see upon gingerly nudging open the door of a public lavatory.

I for one still carry the scars of bawling my eyes out at just 7 years old on the sight of a cubicle in Portsmouth that had been showered in sh1te by some animal of a man.

Big naval base there Vee, the auld sphincters tend to be quite slack in the drawstring dept.

That condition can cause a wide ‘damage footprint’


Do you get me dhrifft?

Blowheads

What gives ye gas? And I mean the type that has a man running for bread soda to fix. Pasta, some brown bread, stout, sausages? Can be the cause of serious damage below as well..

Hector Savage

armaghlad wrote: »

This thread has taken another disappointing turn

Whats wrong ? too graphic ?
it's a thread about the scutters amongst other method of evacuating arse slurry - speaking of which .... ...

Utter Consternation

Blowheads wrote: »

What gives ye gas? And I mean the type that has a man running for bread soda to fix. Pasta, some brown bread, stout, sausages? Can be the cause of serious damage below as well..

Crunchy nut cornflakes me fart like it's going out of fashion (which it never will btw).

Hector Savage

Thankfully my bowel movements have been a lot more mannerly today.

Still can't believe the sheer volume yesterday .... must have machine gun fired out my arsehole for a full 10 seconds ...

Blowheads

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Crunchy nut cornflakes me fart like it's going out of fashion (which it never will btw).

And I just after eating a bowl 😂

Hector Savage

Looking forward to consuming about 20 KG of sprouts over the Christmas - should produce some interesting results at least ..

armaghlad

Hector Savage wrote: »

Whats wrong ? too graphic ?
it's a thread about the scutters amongst other method of evacuating arse slurry - speaking of which .... ...

The thread title needs changed. It’s about etiquette. Not about carrying about a soiled rag to bring home to wash for re-use. Reprobate behaviour.