What's the etiquette here??

Sheep Shagger

PicardWithHair wrote: »

Surely needs to be a guest?

No, like most hotels they have facilities available to those using the bar etc, it's a busy place to easy to 'slip in'.

NeinNeinNein

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Spot on there John, nicely appointed, snug and warm, a lad can slip in, drop the skids, and blow a heavy butthery blast of spicy midden which would coat the pewter like a map of the Philippines.

Then no rush, brushes available, no shuffling of feet ‘next door’ clean her up and up and away.

Sensible simple ****tery I call it.

No stress and hoop trauma, just take your time and empty your guts at your own pace.........very important lads.

Fair play Brendan, a missive worthy of Tripadvisor. Must be one of the reasons why all the stars and Westlife stay there.

KWAG2019

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Fair play Brendan, a missive worthy of Tripadvisor. Must be one of the reasons why all the stars and Westlife stay there.

The classier places always cater for toilet etiquette at refined levels. Only appreciated best by those who have paid their dues in the dry toilets of an Irish racecourse of the 1950’s.

Ush1

The Friday morning before I finished up in work before Christmas was an awful time.

Headed into the large communal jax and 5 grand empty stalls. I headed to the farthest one in leaving lots of options for anyone coming in after in terms of buffering options(stalls 1,2 or 3).

Alls going well but then some animal comes in and goes right into stall 4 next to me. Next annoying thing is he starts whistling but it's not even proper whistling, like half whistling half blowing and to no particular tune.

Then suddenly I notice a bright light shining on the floor from under his stall, the f*cker has a torch out for some reason! Well now I'm tempted to get physical with the prick but could be tricky with half a cigar poking from my hole.

Anyway, in all this commotion I lose control of the turd I was holding on the clutch! I was trying to ease her out nice and slow, good sphincter control and gracefully dunk into the water with very little ripple. With the loss of control it slams violently into the water splashing all over my arse, balls and barse.

Friday morning ruined by that c*nt.:mad:

Sharp MZ700

Just spent the morning unblocking the ensuite toilet I blocked up myself there before Xmas. There was a brown whale's tail poking out from under the bend through the festive season, didn't bother me too much cos I had sealed the lid with masking tape and put a hazchem sticker on it. Plan was to get a plumber in in the New Year.

Until the flocking in laws invited themselves around for New Year's eve. This means three things, 1 I'm gonna have a good whiskey session interrupted by these misers(they'll stop in Lidl on the way for the cheapest tack they can find), 2) my king sized bed has been handed over for the night and I'm in a pokey double and 3) I had to unblock the fuching jax.

Started out with a skewer stabbing the bejaysus of it, ended up with the coal tongs pulling it out backwards nearly ended up on my arse in the process.
Only when I had it out I realised I'd no bucket to put it in. Dilemma. If I drop it back it could get wedged back in if someone flushes while I'm gone getting a bucket, or the sink. Sink it was.
Dropped her in, she stayed on her back like a window lady of Amsterdam whilst I retrieved a bucket, ended up burying her in the composterr. Jax is working perfect again happy to report.
Strange thing all that while there was no pang or waft off her... How's that lads?

PicardWithHair

^^ ah ffs! putting it in the sink !
I hope you gave the sink a good wash afterwards!!

Sharp MZ700

PicardWithHair wrote: »

^^ ah ffs! putting it in the sink !
I hope you gave the sink a good wash afterwards!!

Well obviously, I'm not an animal ffs!

PicardWithHair

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Well obviously, I'm not an animal ffs!

Sorry sharp, but when we have guys shiiting in potties and leaving it next to the wife for a whole night sleep - then toeing it down the shower the next morning, or mashing it down the sink as they are making prawns - or bringing it into work in tupperware - or freezing it in the freezer into frisbee shapes and then chucking it from the roof - etc, these q's must be asked!!

fuerte1976

An awful dose of 'ire' this evening comrades..
Breached all etiquette in my own home today I'm ashamed to admit..
Had family over for new years dinner but tarnished the 2 toilets (the ensuite is off limits I've been informed by the quare wan) with a couple of nasty ol' pours..
Doesn't bode well for the new year..

NeinNeinNein

Shi*ting was so much more relaxed during the recession.

Slideways

Some good news from Down Under.

Was working up north for the Christmas but had the presents all sorted for my absence.

Got the mrs one ot them lady shavers, keep the beetle bonnet in pristine conditions and eliminate any chance of furball.

Anyway, got back in on New Year’s Eve and saw this contraption in the shower. Having long been a fan of keeping the angry eel trimmed for aesthetics (and to be fair it adds a badly needed inch) I gave it a whizz with the lady shaver. Jaypers, it did a sterling job and no risk of a cut in or around the nut purse. ‘‘Twas then I got carried away and did the entire undercarriage with it. One leg cocked up on the edge of the bath and adopting the stance of a down hill skier I got stuck in. The Tea towel holder was looking pristine. Used the selfie camera to get a good look. While I was at it used some of her face toner on it to smooth out the wrinkles.

Well 2 days later I gotta day I’m still wild happy with the outcome. Had the mother and father of all shytes this morning after my run and having a bald sheriffs badge made the wipe up a thoroughly simple job.

Some free advice for ya for the new year people

Brendan Bendar

Great news indeed.. hopefully you didn’t clog the device with loose ‘arse mud’ .

Bullocks

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Great news indeed.. hopefully you didn’t clog the device with loose ‘arse mud’ .

Daggin's won't be long burning the motor out of one of them clippers

EmmetSpiceland

Just a word of caution, S. Be careful with any farty “blow outs”.

With the “muffler” gone the volume can be louder than you might think.

There are always consequences when you “interfere” with nature.

Sharp MZ700

Would there be new air currents around the nutsack with all the foliage gone S? Would your balls be shuddering on an average to good fart?

NeinNeinNein

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Would there be new air currents around the nutsack with all the foliage gone S? Would your balls be shuddering on an average to good fart?

I would imagine it might be similar to breaking off a frame of snooker.

armaghlad

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Just a word of caution, S. Be careful with any farty “blow outs”.

With the “muffler” gone the volume can be louder than you might think.

There are always consequences when you “interfere” with nature.

You say it like it’s a bad thing. I’m a big advocate of maintaining the “rear garden” and there is a certain sense of satisfaction to be had with the increased bass.

Also comes in handy in the work place, if like me you work in a predominately male environment. Us alpha males need to emphasise our dominance and loud flatulence is a sign of disrespect to your lesser colleagues whilst also laying down a marker as your role as numero uno in the office.

I especially enjoy performing such acts whilst walking past a seated colleague, it really lets them know their place in the food chain. I wouldn’t advise such displays of dominance in the presence of female colleagues; however if one was so inclined, and with the proper execution, an “SBD” can always be released and blame placed on the office scivvy.

Slideways

Lads, no joke, I'm like a new man.

Havent noticed any change in volume or tone of my farts but Great Thunberg has to be happy with the reduction in bog roll use. The uppity mare

padd b1975

Bullocks wrote: »

Daggin's won't be long burning the motor out of one of them clippers

Contraption was probably screaming like an underpowered chainsaw.

Brendan Bendar

armaghlad wrote: »

You say it like it’s a bad thing. I’m a big advocate of maintaining the “rear garden” and there is a certain sense of satisfaction to be had with the increased bass.

Also comes in handy in the work place, if like me you work in a predominately male environment. Us alpha males need to emphasise our dominance and loud flatulence is a sign of disrespect to your lesser colleagues whilst also laying down a marker as your role as numero uno in the office.

I especially enjoy performing such acts whilst walking past a seated colleague, it really lets them know their place in the food chain. I wouldn’t advise such displays of dominance in the presence of female colleagues; however if one was so inclined, and with the proper execution, an “SBD” can always be released and blame placed on the office scivvy.

Yes, kind of ‘marking your territory’ .

Good protocol advice there, although releasing a ‘crop duster’ in a predominantly female environment not to be recommended..

JohnnyFlash

I don’t know - there’s something very suspicious about a lad deciding to start shaving his hoop hair all of a sudden. Along with the hair on the back end of his ballsac and gooch. Especially a lad working in remote Australia. Be no surprise if we found out that Slidey is now a fan of Bruce over Sheila and is getting prepared for a major power bottoming session when he gets back to ‘base’.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I don’t know - there’s something very suspicious about a lad deciding to start shaving his hoop hair all of a sudden. Along with the hair on the back end of his ballsac and gooch. Especially a lad working in remote Australia. Be no surprise if we found out that Slidey is now a fan of Bruce over Sheila and is getting prepared for a major power bottoming session when he gets back to ‘base’.

Probably has just taken up life membership of ‘The Stonewall’ up in Darlinghurst and booked in for a ‘bleach’ in the Kinsella Hotel salon.

I see cottaging trips to the Blue Mountains and brown paper bags becoming important shopping requisites in the Paddington area.

Not good vibes John.

sligojoek

Slideways wrote: »

Lads, no joke, I'm like a new man.

Havent noticed any change in volume or tone of my farts but Great Thunberg has to be happy with the reduction in bog roll use. The uppity mare

Phew. For a second I thought the 'Tupperware' lad was back.

Nevin Parsnipp

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Probably has just taken up life membership of ‘The Stonewall’ up in Darlinghurst and booked in for a ‘bleach’ in the Kinsella Hotel salon.

I see cottaging trips to the Blue Mountains and brown paper bags becoming important shopping requisites in the Paddington area.

Not good vibes John.

Clean head shot there Benny...had the misfortune to be spooling out a bhuttery round of shiny midden in said pub when the next door trap became occupied.

Very strange sounds emanated from this trap and as i was finishing my ablutions...two big shave heads emerged covered in tattoos emerged.

Your poster did not realise the type of sh1te hole he had entered and made a very hasty exit !

Would probably suit the Slide fella very well though.....

perrito caliente

Was up in Westport for the holidays and ran into a young lady I spent a night with about seven or eight years ago.

I won't tell the whole story as it's not fair to the lass, but while we were having sex I shat the bed, rather abundantly it must be said, and the next morning the whole duvet had to be bundled up and disposed of as it was thick with slurry. I had to laugh though, because as we locked eyes, she was devouring a few of those miniature cadbury's chocolate gateaus.

Nevin Parsnipp

perrito caliente wrote: »

Was up in Westport for the holidays and ran into a young lady I spent a night with about seven or eight years ago.

I won't tell the whole story as it's not fair to the lass, but while we were having sex I shat the bed, rather abundantly it must be said, and the next morning the whole duvet had to be bundled up and disposed of as it was thick with slurry. I had to laugh though, because as we locked eyes, she was devouring a few of those miniature cadbury's chocolate gateaus.

Great Post NUMBER 2 my friend.....hope you had given her a good dab of the Weiner before the unfortunate occurrence.....

Brendan Bendar

Prolly swung the lass around and ‘dotted’ her with the plunger, Nev.

Then swamped the bedding with a bolt of watery midden.

Happened to a mate of mine, had to slip Anjelica a score in the corridor and leave kinda rapid.

KWAG2019

https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/northern-ireland/man-who-defecated-on-northern-ireland-hospital-floor-refused-to-clean-it-up-saying-thats-what-staff-were-for-38831856.html

The horror, the horror. Threw a stool around the toilet. Not a three legged one.

fuerte1976

KWAG2019 wrote: »

https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/northern-ireland/man-who-defecated-on-northern-ireland-hospital-floor-refused-to-clean-it-up-saying-thats-what-staff-were-for-38831856.html

The horror, the horror. Threw a stool around the toilet. Not a three legged one.

That was a horrendous breach of etiquette.
Wonder what caused it...

Sharp MZ700

perrito caliente wrote: »

Was up in Westport for the holidays and ran into a young lady I spent a night with about seven or eight years ago.

I won't tell the whole story as it's not fair to the lass, but while we were having sex I shat the bed, rather abundantly it must be said, and the next morning the whole duvet had to be bundled up and disposed of as it was thick with slurry. I had to laugh though, because as we locked eyes, she was devouring a few of those miniature cadbury's chocolate gateaus.

Was it missionary? Did you do a Van Gogh on the wall behind you? Did ye cuddle?