What's the etiquette here??

JohnnyFlash

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Bulled out a huge chump of sour puddin...while watchin the elekkie results ...fcukin Shinners has a lot to answer for.

Fcukin bang off the log was rank...really toxic.. I am a bit concerned.....

You on the cooking lager and microwaveable burgers last night, Nev?

Fireball81

Pints last night along with some greasy burgers on Lansdowne Road (was at the rugby).

Very dark ****es today, not sure if it was the Gunness, the burger van food or a mix of both. Quite dry when wiping too.

Nevin Parsnipp

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You on the cooking lager and microwaveable burgers last night, Nev?

Double Whopper in Burger King may have been the culprit...Auntie Marge had to use the facilities just arter me and opined that she might just know where the big Labrador from nxt door, who barked no stop ended up . !

Big black unit he was ..dissapeared in ...uh...mysterious circs....

:rolleyes:

NeinNeinNein

Had the most satisfying ****e of many a day earlier. Couldn't help thinking of a battered Joan Burton poster I saw flailing in the breeze at the weekend, hanging on for dear life to its solitary remaining cable tie. Take that Joanie.

Cartman78

^^^

Poetic....such vivid imagery.

Just following up on the native jargon of this thread, my own personal favourite "discovery" is undoubtedly the word "fent".

Like all great idiomatic slang, you might never have seen/heard the word before but the first time you see it you just know instinctively how, where and when it should be used.

Eg. You'd never walk into a bakery and think "Jesus...there's a lovely fent of bread in here."

No, fent is a dark and dangerous thing to be treated with equal amounts of caution and respect

Brendan Bendar

Cartman78 wrote: »

^^^

Poetic....such vivid imagery.

Just following up on the native jargon of this thread, my own personal favourite "discovery" is undoubtedly the word "fent".

Like all great idiomatic slang, you might never have seen/heard the word before but the first time you see it you just know instinctively how, where and when it should be used.

Eg. You'd never walk into a bakery and think "Jesus...there's a lovely fent of bread in here."

No, fent is a dark and dangerous thing to be treated with equal amounts of caution and respect

Comes from the Latin ‘fentaro’ to inhale or taste.

Apparently the great poet Cicero was one of the first to use it when he espied his retainer Claudius Distillio wandering around the Casa Maxima with a well used set of his chambermaids undercrackers draped over his head and sniffing deeply.

“ Mirabile visu “ he was heard to say, auld Claudio must be getting the full “fentaro Maximus” as those shreddies seem to be quite ripe and sludgy.

Must try that manouvre “quam cellerrime” he muttered.

Raconteuse

What do ye do about the sore bums?

Slideways

Raconteuse wrote: »

What do ye do about the sore bums?

Stop letting Pierre go off road and nailing you in the jacksie for a start

NeinNeinNein

Raconteuse wrote: »

What do ye do about the sore bums?

Stop whipping them?

Raconteuse

This isn't a joking matter! :mad:

Some of you must have the arseholes torn/burned off ye. How do you soothe them?

IAMAMORON

Raconteuse wrote: »

This isn't a joking matter! :mad:

Some of you must have the arseholes torn/burned off ye. How do you soothe them?

Throw a pack of baby wipes in the fridge besides the lettuce for a few hours.

Works for me.

If I have had a long weekend of Beer swilling, burger and curry eating, all washed down with peanuts and around 5 or 6 Sunday afternoon cures... the last thing I need is any unwanted discomfort of a Monday morning.

I usually throw the wipes in the fridge on Sunday evening before I hit the nest. Set the alarm for 6 in the morning and use the downstairs jacks. Open the window wide and just let fooooking rip.

gerrybbadd

A dose of sudocreme onto the afflicted area does wonders as well. A barrier cream and a soothing balm all in one.

The lord jaysus lads, i'm blowing out some serious doses out of me today. Made a biryani out of leftover doner meat last night, and not only have i the runs, but violent wind with it. Poor Zbigniew may resign when he sees the state of the place this evening.

Brendan Bendar

gerrybbadd wrote: »

A dose of sudocreme onto the afflicted area does wonders as well. A barrier cream and a soothing balm all in one.

The lord jaysus lads, i'm blowing out some serious doses out of me today. Made a biryani out of leftover doner meat last night, and not only have i the runs, but violent wind with it. Poor Zbigniew may resign when he sees the state of the place this evening.

Would always steer clearof Sudocreme, very oily and leaves the badge weeping and irritated.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Would always steer clearof Sudocreme, very oily and leaves the badge weeping and irritated.

Excellent advice, Brendan.

This stuff is the only job:



Specialist itch and sting cream, has a rather pleasant tingling sensation when applied to the rusty tea towel holder, and gets to work right away without being excessively greasy or watery. No serious beer merchant should be without it.

fuerte1976

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Would always steer clearof Sudocreme, very oily and leaves the badge weeping and irritated.

Nothing but nothing is as uncomfortable as a weeping anus.. Put a person in right foul mood.

I do ask myself sometimes, what health forum or doctors practice would you get such solid advice from?
Answer : None.
This place is gold.

JohnnyFlash

Been a bit bound up since Saturday morning - think the election might have caused it. Anyways you could normally set your pocket watch to the site of JF heading into the can, but not today. Was farting very frequently though and even broke wind in front of my sister this afternoon.

‘I’d like to declare a climate emergency’ wasn’t seen as amusing by herself.

Anyways had a large punnet of plums for the tea break this morning and that certainly got things moving. Released back a serious brown trout. Tried to use the piss chisel to clear the shroud of Turin, but no joy so had to get the brush out.

Dreadful yokes.

An Ri rua

Fireball81 wrote: »

Embarrassing earlier today (well for a minute), flew over to London for work with Ryanair.

Mid air my stomach started gurgling had an emergency dump but by **** did it smell. Also runny bits stuck to the bowl as its air flushing not water

A nice young looking polish (I think) girl had to go in after me.....ran up the aisle to take my seat quickly so she couldn't spot me.

Nice bit of narrative finished off with a bit of Eastern European sex appeal thrown in. This is where the phrase 'polish the turd' comes from.

sligojoek

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Would always steer clearof Sudocreme, very oily and leaves the badge weeping and irritated.

Leaves an awful "residue" on the jocks as well.

JohnnyFlash

sligojoek wrote: »

Leaves an awful "residue" on the jocks as well.

I’d say even plenty of Vanish and a long-cycle hot wash would struggle to get that oil slick out.

sligojoek

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’d say even plenty of Vanish and a long-cycle hot wash would struggle to get that oil slick out.

Only one word for it J. Bin job.

Urethral Buttercup

A little steroid cream lads, especially if you've a loved one to apply it.

Hotblack Desiato

sligojoek wrote: »

Leaves an awful "residue" on the jocks as well.

You could always 'borrow' one of the mrs' panty liners.

Utter Consternation

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

You could always 'borrow' one of the mrs' panty liners.

How would one broach the subject with their other half? It's not an issue you could bring up over dinner or casually drop into conversation.

EmmetSpiceland

Urethral Buttercup wrote: »

A little steroid cream lads, especially if you've a loved one to apply it.

I’d have my fears around this form of “self” medicating, U. If it works well you’ll go back to it, over and over.

Can’t that stuff weaken the “integrity” of the hoop itself? Would it thin the skin? I wouldn’t be a fan of that. Especially if it caused “translucent” patches to form. I’ve seen what an egg looks like when left in vinegar.

I’ll stick to rotating between Sudocrem, E45 cream and, the old, Silcock’s Base. Thank you very much.

Brendan Bendar

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I’d have my fears around this form of “self” medicating, U. If it works well you’ll go back to it, over and over.

Can’t that stuff weaken the “integrity” of the hoop itself? Would it thin the skin? I wouldn’t be a fan of that. Especially if it caused “translucent” patches to form. I’ve seen what an egg looks like when left in vinegar.

I’ll stick to rotating between Sudocrem, E45 cream and, the old, Silcock’s Base. Thank you very much.

Don’t forget Savlon, nice and cold, massaged into the ‘eye’.

She’ll thank you for it.

Bullocks

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Don’t forget Savlon, nice and cold, massaged into the ‘eye’.

She’ll thank you for it.

Savlon is underrated, a great little cream

EmmetSpiceland

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Don’t forget Savlon, nice and cold, massaged into the ‘eye’.

She’ll thank you for it.

Where would you stand on “dabbing” with some TCP in a cotton ball?

Just a drop now, nothing “excessive”.

Leg End Reject

I'd try Bepanthen if I "suffered" from this "affliction", I'd most certainly "avoid" TCP, that stuff would bring a tear to your eye just "smelling" it.

sligojoek

TCP.. Tom Cat's Piss, my father used to call it.

Utter Consternation

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Where would you stand on “dabbing” with some TCP in a cotton ball?

Just a drop now, nothing “excessive”.

Why the hell would you do that? You may as well splash some fcuking jeyes fluid or bleach up your hole too.

Fcuking lunacy.