What's the etiquette here??

Lewis_Benson

Woeful gaseous today...few pints and a pizza + chips last night.
I feel a storm coming, and its name ain't Dennis.

Fireball81

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

He’s a dirty cünt at the best of times though.

Lads at the rugby club often call me that too, maybe this is why....

Woke Hogan

I’m not a regular in this discussion but I’m hoping some of you could offer some advice.

My family and I were out for dinner last night when my daughter visited the loo before our meals came, to “make some room.”

Unfortunately the WC was right next to our table so we could hear the whole grim spectacle as it unfolded. I wouldn’t be as adept a wordsmith as some of the men in here but what we heard was similar to what I would imagine a jealous sow devouring a rival’s piglet would sound like: lots of rancid grunting, squealing and what sounded to me like the crunching of bones.

It was extremely off-putting and I couldn’t finish my haggis when it eventually came. My wife and I have always eaten well so neither of us would have ever struggled colicly whereas our daughter is very, very heavy and has a very unhealthy diet.

I understand that most of the people who visit this website would also be morbidly obese so I suppose it would sense why so many of you are experts in faecalry.

I think my daughter needs to go to a doctor. How would you broach this topic to her? Indeed how would you like someone to intervene regarding your destructive habits if you had anyone in your life who would be concerned? Thanks a million.

Bullocks

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I’m not a regular in this discussion but I’m hoping some of you could offer some advice.

My family and I were out for dinner last night when my daughter visited the loo before our meals came, to “make some room.”

Unfortunately the WC was right next to our table so we could hear the whole grim spectacle as it unfolded. I wouldn’t be as adept a wordsmith as some of the men in here but what we heard was similar to what I would imagine a jealous sow devouring a rival’s piglet would sound like: lots of rancid grunting, squealing and what sounded to me like the crunching of bones.

It was extremely off-putting and I couldn’t finish my haggis when it eventually came. My wife and I have always eaten well so neither of us would have ever struggled colicly whereas our daughter is very, very heavy and has a very unhealthy diet.

I understand that most of the people who visit this website would also be morbidly obese so I suppose it would sense why so many of you are experts in faecalry.

I think my daughter needs to go to a doctor. How would you broach this topic to her? Indeed how would you like someone to intervene regarding your destructive habits if you had anyone in your life who would be concerned? Thanks a million.

Does she have daddy issues ?
Could yourself and the wife be the reason she is morbidly obese ?
Maybe she shat like a noisey trooper just to piss you off and stop talk at the table because she couldn't take any more . Maybe .

EmmetSpiceland

Bullocks wrote: »

Does she have daddy issues ?
Could yourself and the wife be the reason she is morbidly obese ?
Maybe she shat like a noisey trooper just to piss you off and stop talk at the table because she couldn't take any more . Maybe .

Sounds more like an “IBS” issue, B.

I used to work with w guy who’d spend an inordinate time in the toilet. He was a “middle stalwart” too. Terrible etiquette. He would wait outside the door of the middle stall, regardless of there being vacant ones either side.

Once inside he would grunt, gasp, sigh and, frequently, burp. It made for very unpleasant “company” if you happened to have the misfortune of being in a neighbouring stall at the time.

Very unpleasant.

Bullocks

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Sounds more like an “IBS” issue, B.

I used to work with w guy who’d spend an inordinate time in the toilet. He was a “middle stalwart” too. Terrible etiquette. He would wait outside the door of the middle stall, regardless of there being vacant ones either side.

Once inside he would grunt, gasp, sigh and, frequently, burp. It made for very unpleasant “company” if you happened to have the misfortune of being in a neighbouring stall at the time.

Very unpleasant.

I remember asking the old fella did he think I might have IBS one time . "You're irritable in every other way so I don't see why you're bowel wouldn't be irritable aswell " was his opinion

Woke Hogan

Bullocks wrote: »

Does she have daddy issues ?
Could yourself and the wife be the reason she is morbidly obese ?
Maybe she shat like a noisey trooper just to piss you off and stop talk at the table because she couldn't take any more . Maybe .

I don’t think so. I think daughter does resent me because I insisted she live temporarily with my sister in Dublin from the ages of twelve to seventeen. But that was a common enough practice back when my parents were growing up.

Her brother was still very young at the time and I believed that it would be easier to ensure he would be raised right without her around to distract us, and my daughter would be able to go to secondary school with her cousin (they are the same age).

Unfortunately it was a disaster. My sister isn’t anywhere near as disciplined as we are regarding nutrition so my daughter gained a lot of weight. My niece hated my daughter as well so there was a sustained campaign of ostracisation in the school towards my daughter.

I still find it utterly baffling why my daughter managed to pick up such a broad Dublin accent after her time there. I’m almost certain she does it just to annoy me because it’s well known that you pick your accent up from your peers and yet she didn’t have any friends when she was there.

Bullocks

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I don’t think so. I think daughter does resent me because I insisted she live temporarily with my sister in Dublin from the ages of twelve to seventeen. But that was a common enough practice back when my parents were growing up.

Her brother was still very young at the time and I believed that it would be easier to ensure he would be raised right without her around to distract us, and my daughter would be able to go to secondary school with her cousin (they are the same age).

Unfortunately it was a disaster. My sister isn’t anywhere near as disciplined as we are regarding nutrition so my daughter gained a lot of weight. My niece hated my daughter as well so there was a sustained campaign of ostracisation in the school towards my daughter.

I still find it utterly baffling why my daughter managed to pick up such a broad Dublin accent after her time there. I’m almost certain she does it just to annoy me because it’s well known that you pick your accent up from your peers and yet she didn’t have any friends when she was there.

Well I'm practically in the sticks here in Galway but I know a lad that picked up a pure Claddagh accent . He had feck all mates in town or the country but I think he might have put on the accent to try and make buddies with the townies when we went dossing in there from school . Nearly 40 now and he still has the Claddagh accent . Fat ****er too .
Your daughter probably tried the same stunt to fit in with the "Jackeens" but when it didn't work she turned to the grub . Understandable really ,

JohnnyFlash

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I don’t think so. I think daughter does resent me because I insisted she live temporarily with my sister in Dublin from the ages of twelve to seventeen. But that was a common enough practice back when my parents were growing up.

Her brother was still very young at the time and I believed that it would be easier to ensure he would be raised right without her around to distract us, and my daughter would be able to go to secondary school with her cousin (they are the same age).

Unfortunately it was a disaster. My sister isn’t anywhere near as disciplined as we are regarding nutrition so my daughter gained a lot of weight. My niece hated my daughter as well so there was a sustained campaign of ostracisation in the school towards my daughter.

I still find it utterly baffling why my daughter managed to pick up such a broad Dublin accent after her time there. I’m almost certain she does it just to annoy me because it’s well known that you pick your accent up from your peers and yet she didn’t have any friends when she was there.

Is it one of those ‘Mr’s Brown’s Boys’ accents? Has she any other ‘true blue Dub’ characteristics - roots showing on dyed blonde hair, leopard print coat, smokes John Player Blue, a love of potato waffles, a loud and cackling laugh etc etc?

Not too sure what this has to do with laying some chain but we’ll try and get it solved now that you’ve asked for help on it.

Bullocks

Woke Hogan wrote: »

I’m not a regular in this discussion but I’m hoping some of you could offer some advice.

My family and I were out for dinner last night when my daughter visited the loo before our meals came, to “make some room.”

Unfortunately the WC was right next to our table so we could hear the whole grim spectacle as it unfolded. I wouldn’t be as adept a wordsmith as some of the men in here but what we heard was similar to what I would imagine a jealous sow devouring a rival’s piglet would sound like: lots of rancid grunting, squealing and what sounded to me like the crunching of bones.

It was extremely off-putting and I couldn’t finish my haggis when it eventually came. My wife and I have always eaten well so neither of us would have ever struggled colicly whereas our daughter is very, very heavy and has a very unhealthy diet.

I understand that most of the people who visit this website would also be morbidly obese so I suppose it would sense why so many of you are experts in faecalry.

I think my daughter needs to go to a doctor. How would you broach this topic to her? Indeed how would you like someone to intervene regarding your destructive habits if you had anyone in your life who would be concerned? Thanks a million.

What kind of "atin' house " were ye in that the jax was so close and poorly sound insulated that all the sounds of a womans back end evacuations could be heard anyhow ?

Woke Hogan

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Is it one of those ‘Mr’s Brown’s Boys’ accents? Has she any other ‘true blue Dub’ characteristics - roots showing on dyed blonde hair, leopard print coat, smokes John Player Blue, a love of potato waffles, a loud and cackling laugh etc etc?

Not too sure what this has to do with laying some chain but we’ll try and get it solved now that you’ve asked for help on it.

That’s exactly what she’s like. The school she went to was fairly rough so she definitely picked up some very distasteful habits from the capital. A low point was when she asked my wife what my wife was planning to make for “bleedin’ tea.” Tea. I mean Jesus Christ almighty.

Woke Hogan

Bullocks wrote: »

What kind of "atin' house " were ye in that the jax was so close and poorly sound insulated that all the sounds of a womans back end evacuations could be heard anyhow ?

I won’t say for my own personal anonymity and also lest it hurt their business.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Is it one of those ‘Mr’s Brown’s Boys’ accents? Has she any other ‘true blue Dub’ characteristics - roots showing on dyed blonde hair, leopard print coat, smokes John Player Blue, a love of potato waffles, a loud and cackling laugh etc etc?

Not too sure what this has to do with laying some chain but we’ll try and get it solved now that you’ve asked for help on it.

John, As I’m sure you know, this never happened.

This tool is just trying to wind up this discussion group.

Would warn him/her not to make fun of folk with eating disorders or weight problems.

Not on.

fuerte1976

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Not too sure what this has to do with laying some chain but we’ll try and get it solved now that you’ve asked for help on it.

Me thinks the 'bottom' of the issue has been
gotten to as B. B. above suggests!

sligojoek

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

John, As I’m sure you know, this never happened.

This tool is just trying to wind up this discussion group.

Would warn him/her not to make fun of folk with eating disorders or weight problems.

Not on.

Not very "woke" at all

EmmetSpiceland

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Would warn him/her not to make fun of folk with eating disorders or weight problems.

Would you suffer from “IBS” yourself, B?

I’ve seen a number of post, outside of this thread, where site members will mention having an “irritable” bowel, sleep apnoea, fibromyalgia and other neckbeardy, or geeky, “ailments”.

Wouldn’t be too big of a stretch to assume some of the more, excuse the pun, “regular” posters in here might suffer from an “irritable” bowel.

Nevin Parsnipp

Too right Bendar... This tool is just trying to rile up respected posters and disrupt the thread.

Surprised the lad Flash took the bait ....would have thought him to be more experienced than that ?

This thread is about the many aspects of toilet behaviour..."****tery" for short and should be confined strictly to conversations on "Fent / Bullskutter / Muzzle Burn / Drittle / Chumps and Pluggs" or indeed any sh1te connected topic.

As for his daughter ...a good shoe in the snatch mite be required ?

Woke Hogan

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

John, As I’m sure you know, this never happened.

This tool is just trying to wind up this discussion group.

Would warn him/her not to make fun of folk with eating disorders or weight problems.

Not on.

Excuse me, I am not here to wind anyone up. I am as sincere as the next man in here.

JohnnyFlash

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Too right Bendar... This tool is just trying to rile up respected posters and disrupt the thread.

Surprised the lad Flash took the bait ....would have thought him to be more experienced than that ?

This thread is about the many aspects of toilet behaviour..."****tery" for short and should be confined strictly to conversations on "Fent / Bullskutter / Muzzle Burn / Drittle / Chumps and Pluggs" or indeed any sh1te connected topic.

As for his daughter ...a good shoe in the snatch mite be required ?

Sorry, Nev, hit the porter very hard this weekend and my brain is turned half to mush as a result. I’ve had at least half a barrel since Thursday. Haven’t had a shïte either - severely constipated.

EmmetSpiceland

Have to say I don’t like this current trend of “attacking” the veracity of a contributor’s output.

While I may have a “personal” dislike of this man, I don’t believe in treating him any differently than any other person in here.

I take every post at its “word”, I don’t believe anyone else should be any different. If you don’t like what is said or feel a point needs to be “challenged” then, by all means, challenge it but dismissing out of hand or, indeed, accusations of lying are ugly and uncalled for.

Anyone who has seen “previous” posts this poster has put forth, regarding his own daughter, will know that this isn’t something that’s out of the ordinary. There is form there. Pretty nasty form.

fuerte1976

This thread is self cleansing to date and hasn't required the intervention of outside filtering .
I'd laugh my ar5e off if someone of them came on and insisted we keep on topic!

Keep it going peeps!

Urethral Buttercup

Truly vile, these individuals that shoot out stringy globs of semen or salmon scented silver snakes in our shared bathrooms, be they in shopping arcades or at the workplace.

What I will say however, is that once a fortnight or so, after filling the bowl with a grainy mound of steaming
solid, I'll get the idea to jack off down onto the surface of the fudge and watch the two substances commingle. You get little eddies and gorges of glue on the surface of the excrement, along with globs of white mucus and pearly lakes in the mud. It almost resembles a beautiful extraterrestrial world, but the fumes are something horrid. Rotten pork and beans, ammonia, mackeral, burnt rubber, necrotic tissue.

Fireball81

Just flicked on work email (I know I know) and there's an email from Friday night saying that our facilities are getting upgraded this week and in the meantime we have to all use one block of Jacks (for the entire week).

It's going to be very hard to get a seat at times, suppose it's worth it for an upgrade of facilities on our floor.

Brendan Bendar

Fireball81 wrote: »

Just flicked on work email (I know I know) and there's an email from Friday night saying that our facilities are getting upgraded this week and in the meantime we have to all use one block of Jacks (for the entire week).

It's going to be very hard to get a seat at times, suppose it's worth it for an upgrade of facilities on our floor.

Plastic bag out the window?

Sober Crappy Chemis

How do you guy(s) do “it” ?

Multiple tabs? One incognito? One on mobile data? Another on VPN?

Must be “tiring” for you neckbeards (touché).

Don’t get me started on the “radio lover” who “nudges” his stools around the bend. FIB aka BB.

Strange but entertaining.

Slideways

Sober Crappy Chemis wrote: »

How do you guy(s) do “it” ?

Multiple tabs? One incognito? One on mobile data? Another on VPN?

Must be “tiring” for you neckbeards (touché).

Don’t get me started on the “radio lover” who “nudges” his stools around the bend. FIB aka BB.

Strange but entertaining.

Evening chap. You seem a little out of sorts. Like there’s a little piece of dry roasted peanut trapped inside the 18 spoker. Perhaps try the pinky finger in there to root it out

Cartman78

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Plastic bag out the window?

Or the old reliable method....Tupperware container and into the freezer for safe keeping

Sober Crappy Chemis

Slideways wrote: »

Evening chap. You seem a little out of sorts. Like there’s a little piece of dry roasted peanut trapped inside the 18 spoker. Perhaps try the pinky finger in there to root it out

Maybe I’m “bound up” with bolus.

Weird hobby from this person(s).

Brendan Bendar

Sober Crappy Chemis wrote: »

Maybe I’m “bound up” with bolus.

Weird hobby from this person(s).

What’s your point dude, your insinuations are getting quite annoying.

Best come out with your theories rapido, or expect some affirmative action.

Sober Crappy Chemis

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

What’s your point dude, your insinuations are getting quite annoying.

Best come out with your theories rapido, or expect some affirmative action.

Affirmative action? Lol.