What's the etiquette here??

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Unfortunately that type of toilet technology would never take off here. Some cnut would find a way to sabotage it and probably bring a claim against the owner of the toilet because they caught their tits or ball bag in the machinations of the device.

The compo culture has ruined everything. :mad::mad:

A spate of ballbag related comps claims would have the courts clogged up with chancers going on about emotional distress, not being able to work, not being able to ride the missus etc.

Utter Consternation

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

A spate of ballbag related comps claims would have the courts clogged up with chancers going on about emotional distress, not being able to work, not being able to ride the missus etc.

I'm sure the book of quantum would probably give you twenty grand just for PTSD, never mind the perforated ballsack.

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I'm sure the book of quantum would probably give you twenty grand just for PTSD, never mind the perforated ballsack.

It would be distressing though. I got a decent sized piece of mickey skin caught in the fly of my trousers about 15 years ago when zipping up in haste so I could get back out to watch the Liverpool game (Champions League Semi Final vs Chelsea). Extremely upsetting and stressful situation, and the 7 or 8 pints I had already consumed did very little to help. Ended up having to take ‘a grip it and rip it’ approach, and a taxi home minutes later with a wad of toilet paper wrapped around me todge to stop the bleeding.

Utter Consternation

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It would be distressing though. I got a decent sized piece of mickey skin caught in the fly of my trousers about 15 years ago when zipping up in haste so I could get back out to watch the Liverpool game (Champions League Semi Final vs Chelsea). Extremely upsetting and stressful situation, and the 7 or 8 pints I had already consumed did very little to help. Ended up having to take ‘a grip it and rip it’ approach, and a taxi home minutes later with a wad of toilet paper wrapped around me todge to stop the bleeding.

One could develop a ten thousand yard stare after that type of trauma.

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

One could develop a ten thousand yard stare after that type of trauma.

At the time it was enormously distressing and traumatic. The thoughts run through your mind - is my mickey mangled, will I have to get stitches in my schlong, will I be left with a scar that looks like Gary Neville’s head?

Luckily enough there was no permanent damage to my stonker. Thing is like a baggage handler’s arm.

Utter Consternation

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Thing is like a baggage handler’s arm.

It's always touching other peoples bags?

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

At the time it was enormously distressing and traumatic. The thoughts run through your mind - is my mickey mangled, will I have to get stitches in my schlong, will I be left with a scar that looks like Gary Neville’s head?

Luckily enough there was no permanent damage to my stonker. Thing is like a baggage handler’s arm.

All scrapes and scratches from going in and out of zip baggage?

Like the claw on a Fiddler Crap maybe?

https://images.app.goo.gl/siiHJUEsC1bFexdc6

Hotblack Desiato

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Anyway to cut the story short, Leinster attacking, lost control of the beaker dropped it and showered the two ladies in piss.

Luckily they thought it was just lager and after apologizing profusely the matter ended there.

Would be hard to tell the difference with Heineken, all right

Voodoomelon

Those rotating toilet seats aren't all they're cracked up to be.
I distinctly remember a video doing the rounds of one in action where someone had left a sizeable deposit on the seat, only for it to be smeared around with total coverage as it spun, like spreading Nutella around a bagel. Dirty bollixs.

padd b1975

Voodoomelon wrote: »

Those rotating toilet seats aren't all they're cracked up to be.
I distinctly remember a video doing the rounds of one in action where someone had left a sizeable deposit on the seat, only for it to be smeared around with total coverage as it spun, like spreading Nutella around a bagel. Dirty bollixs.

There's a bit of assumed etiquette involved Voo.

Nothing unreasonable.

Hector Savage

Voodoomelon wrote: »

Just boarded a plane back from Lanzarote, hopped into the jacks before everyone was even seated and was greeted with this fine scene.

[img]https://i.snip....qEyEx.jpg[/img]

Its unlikely to be what it looks like, but it raised an eyebrow none the less.

It's better than being met by a bowl of chocolate arse cake which is all-too common a sight.

I hope this thread doesn't decend into posting pics of scutter in the jacks,
it's a great thread, don't want it closed, let's keep it verbal - funnier anyway.

and @Voo , I know this pic is grand, but it might have others saying .. you think that's bad look at this ...
<inserts image of hippos leg stuck in the jacks in burger king > etc ...

Utter Consternation

Hector Savage wrote: »

I hope this thread doesn't decend into posting pics of scutter in the jacks,
it's a great thread, don't want it closed, let's keep it verbal - funnier anyway.

and @Voo , I know this pic is grand, but it might have others saying .. you think that's bad look at this ...
<inserts image of hippos leg stuck in the jacks in burger king > etc ...

Very true, the high standards and excellent contributions must be maintained. :cool:

Hector Savage

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Very true, the high standards and excellent contributions must be maintained. :cool:

Some of the writing here could fill a Ross O Carrol Kelly book ...

Aglomerado

I was in a hotel on Saturday with a large walking group. Before we set off most of us decided to use the facilities in case we got caught short while out and about.
I queued up outside a single toilet with two other women. When the first one went in, I was chatting to the second about the walk. She went in and was in there for about five minutes. When she emerged she was very downcast and averted her eyes from mine.
When I went in I understood why. A miasma of arse soup or faecalbreeze (TM) hung in the air and the bowl was liberally streaked with brown stripes,as if the turd had fingers and had clung on for dear life as it was sucked down the u bend.
I did a very quick wee and emerged praying that no-one else was waiting outside thinking I was responsible for the horrendous stench.

I was lucky that there wasn't, and I carried on my way with a new appreciation for fresh air.

Lesson learnt: if she's taking too long, prepare for a pong.

partyguinness

Stayed in a classy hotel in London Friday night.

Now, normally when staying in a hotel I will always make an excuse to head down to the lobby to drop off the Cosby kids. Will never use the room toilet if sharing with the missus.

I was about to step into the shower Saturday morning, water running bollock naked and then bang...no waiting around and no way out of it. I had to use the toilet. But being quick and water running nobody would have been the wiser.

Unfortunately I ruined the toilet and no fcuking toilet brush no matter how many times I flushed it would not budge. The angle of the pouncy bowl made it impossible.

So I had to improvise a toilet brush- bits of cardboard from the toiletries and tissue and start flicking away. Had to put the wet cardboard in the dustbin.

EmmetSpiceland

partyguinness wrote: »

Stayed in a classy hotel in London Friday night.

Now, normally when staying in a hotel I will always make an excuse to head down to the lobby to drop off the Cosby kids. Will never use the room toilet if sharing with the missus.

I was about to step into the shower Saturday morning, water running bollock naked and then bang...no waiting around and no way out of it. I had to use the toilet. But being quick and water running nobody would have been the wiser.

Unfortunately I ruined the toilet and no fcuking toilet brush no matter how many times I flushed it would not budge. The angle of the pouncy bowl made it impossible.

So I had to improvise a toilet brush- bits of cardboard from the toiletries and tissue and start flicking away. Had to put the wet cardboard in the dustbin.

Was this a “skid mark” issue or a stubborn turd that would budge? A wire coat hanger can be a boon either situation.

If it’s a big log that’s either “beached” due to size or one of them “buoyant bastards” you can simple stretch out the hanger use the hooked end to chop the “jobby” into smaller, more manageable, pieces.

If it’s the shítty streaks situation you apply a liberal amount of paper to the hook and then, after it’s been stretched, you can use it as a match shift brush.

No use to you now, I guess, but could sort you out in any future crises.

tgdaly

partyguinness wrote: »

Stayed in a classy hotel in London Friday night.

Now, normally when staying in a hotel I will always make an excuse to head down to the lobby to drop off the Cosby kids. Will never use the room toilet if sharing with the missus.

I was about to step into the shower Saturday morning, water running bollock naked and then bang...no waiting around and no way out of it. I had to use the toilet. But being quick and water running nobody would have been the wiser.

Unfortunately I ruined the toilet and no fcuking toilet brush no matter how many times I flushed it would not budge. The angle of the pouncy bowl made it impossible.

So I had to improvise a toilet brush- bits of cardboard from the toiletries and tissue and start flicking away. Had to put the wet cardboard in the dustbin.

At least you got it out before getting in the shower, and didn't have to evacuate mid wash. Ain't much fun trying to wipe a wet arse

RollieFingers

Two chaps I went to school with used to wait until lunchtime to do their business. They would go into the bathroom together (separate stalls beside each other) and proceed to have a game of 'Battleshi*s'. Essentially there was no game, it just involved random shouts of you sunk my battlesh*t while lashing oodles of bum gravy into the armitage shanks. Pure ruffian stuff, typical childish secondary school behavior, but it did elicit a few chuckles from the student body all the same. Real bottom of the barrel stuff that obviously wouldn't be tolerated in a work-place today, no doubt big John would give them their marching orders, and rightfully so.

Ha Long Bay

RollieFingers wrote: »

Two chaps I went to school with used to wait until lunchtime to do their business. They would go into the bathroom together (separate stalls beside each other) and proceed to have a game of 'Battleshi*s'. Essentially there was no game, it just involved random shouts of you sunk my battlesh*t while lashing oodles of bum gravy into the armitage shanks. Pure ruffian stuff, typical childish secondary school behavior, but it did elicit a few chuckles from the student body all the same. Real bottom of the barrel stuff that obviously wouldn't be tolerated in a work-place today, no doubt big John would give them their marching orders, and rightfully so.

Were these the chaps?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scmlw48mMr0

RollieFingers

Released in 2004, makes sense and adds up time wise, must have been where they got their inspiration from!

Brendan Bendar

partyguinness wrote: »

Stayed in a classy hotel in London Friday night.

Now, normally when staying in a hotel I will always make an excuse to head down to the lobby to drop off the Cosby kids. Will never use the room toilet if sharing with the missus.

I was about to step into the shower Saturday morning, water running bollock naked and then bang...no waiting around and no way out of it. I had to use the toilet. But being quick and water running nobody would have been the wiser.

Unfortunately I ruined the toilet and no fcuking toilet brush no matter how many times I flushed it would not budge. The angle of the pouncy bowl made it impossible.

So I had to improvise a toilet brush- bits of cardboard from the toiletries and tissue and start flicking away. Had to put the wet cardboard in the dustbin.

Oh dear, another amateur....lookit if it was a posh hotel it undoubtably had a kettle and one or two cups on a little table.

You use the cups to ‘decant ‘ the sludge or to corral the‘ barrack buster ‘which can be can then be released into what will definitely be there .....a wastebin with a plastic bag liner.

This can be disposed of later creatively

Now next thing is the cups, simply dispose out the window or if that’s not possible into a bag for disposal later.

Then down to brekkie, slip two coffee cups into the bag...back to the room..bang bang all sorted.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Oh dear, another amateur....lookit if it was a posh hotel it undoubtably had a kettle and one or two cups on a little table.

You use the cups to ‘decant ‘ the sludge or to corral the‘ barrack buster ‘which can be can then be released into what will definitely be there .....a wastebin with a plastic bag liner.

This can be disposed of later creatively

Now next thing is the cups, simply dispose out the window or if that’s not possible into a bag for disposal later.

Then down to brekkie, slip two coffee cups into the bag...back to the room..bang bang all sorted.

Might be ok for a small movement, pal, but absolutely no use of it’s a ‘Barnes Wallis’ you’ve dropped out the bomb door. Never faced such a situation myself, but I’d say the dry cleaning bag they provide would be a suitably sizeable and robust vessel for a ‘lift and shift’ operation. Then dispose of it creatively or leave it in dispensing tray of the ice machine in the corridor if unhappy with the service in the hotel.

EmmetSpiceland

I feel like you’re both overcomplicating the faecal matter at hand. You don’t need to be getting your hands dirty, so to speak. Stick to the giving it “the chop” and you’ll be fine.

If the problem is with the toilet itself being broken then, by all means, “decant” the deed. It might be worth remembering that the hanger can be used as a type of “fishing” rod in a pinch.

Utter Consternation

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I feel like you’re both overcomplicating the faecal matter at hand. You don’t need to be getting your hands dirty, so to speak. Stick to the giving it “the chop” and you’ll be fine.

If the problem is with the toilet itself being broken then, by all means, “decant” the deed. It might be worth remembering that the hanger can be used as a type of “fishing” rod in a pinch.

You're really selling the clothes hanger angle. Are you on some form of commission?

EmmetSpiceland

Utter Consternation wrote: »

You're really selling the clothes hanger angle. Are you on some form of commission?

I’m just trying to help, UC. There’s no ulterior motive here.

One thing to note is that a lot of the Travel Lodge type of hotels won’t have removable hangers so best to pack your own, just in case.

You’ll obviously have to dispose of the hanger after, not really something you want back in your suitcase for the return trip.

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

You're really selling the clothes hanger angle. Are you on some form of commission?

Seems like a lot of effort to be honest. Taking a scalpel approach when it’s a sledgehammer you need. Or half a kilo of caustic soda.....

ArrBee

Hang on...
one moment the advice is to always carry a sturdy plastic bag, now its to carry a coat hanger?
Next it will be to just carry your own throne around....

JohnnyFlash

Think Emmet might be ‘smoking the herb’. Talking absolute balderdash at the moment.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Think Emmet might be ‘smoking the herb’. Talking absolute balderdash at the moment.

Think we are dealing with amateurs here John,panickers.

Lookit... if it’s a ‘King Edward’ you want to get off the premises..... wire coat hanger... skewer the fcuker... out the window

If it’s a ‘sludge fest’ slotted spoon from the grapefruit area... plastic bag.... gonzo.

Name of the game....always use the local facilities, think outside the box.

The accouterments are there folk

Last resort is to pay Magda a sawbuck and nod the head towards the thunderbox and say... “Was a bit high on the approach in there Mag, bit of a firm landing”

EmmetSpiceland

ArrBee wrote: »

Hang on...
one moment the advice is to always carry a sturdy plastic bag, now its to carry a coat hanger?
Next it will be to just carry your own throne around....

No, the plastic bag is to be carried in one’s pocket, or car boot, when traversing remote climes.

The hanger would go in your suitcase, or travel bag. Neither are particularly troublesome to bring with you and, if you get into a “situation” would be worth your weight in gold to you.

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Think Emmet might be ‘smoking the herb’. Talking absolute balderdash at the moment.

No need to be snide, Johnny. I’m just giving alternative options.