What's the etiquette here??

Slideways

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Was nothing personal, N.

When it comes to twitter links, or any non-image links, you just paste it firstly to the post. When you embed the link using the image icon or putting the IMG “tags” around it the site thinks you’re posting an image so the post appears blank.

Most of us caught on to these things quite early in our “time” on the site, but that’s ok, we all learn at different speeds.

Maybe write it down there on one of your circles of paper.

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

A rather sour post aimed at one of the most respected posters in these parts ....won't be forgotten ..so it won't ..

Just sayin....

Take no heed of this fella Nev. Sure he may have some computer smarts that you can’t seem to grasp but I would wager a bet he knows half of fcuk all when it comes to FMCG like yourself.

Probably calls the AA to change his tyre when he gets a flat too

Brendan Bendar

Slideways wrote: »

Take no heed of this fella Nev. Sure he may have some computer smarts that you can’t seem to grasp but I would wager a bet he knows half of fcuk all when it comes to FMCG like yourself.

Probably calls the AA to change his tyre when he gets a flat too

It will be SMCG after the 31st Slidey.... what with Brexit an all.

Was up at the Supermarket there a while ago and met this Bewer coming out with a trolley full of arse paper.

Hi Missus, i says “Big load there..did ye have a feed of pears in the gaff or something... was there a a bit of an arse treacle run in the throne room”

“No Fcuking way “says she” Fcuking Brexit...gets me arse wads on the Amazon usually, an the fcukers can’t deliver till mid Jan”

IAMAMORON

Had a lovely shight up on Kippure earlier this afternoon. It was just me and the mountain. Climbed up from the north side out of Bohernabreena, I was bursting to go all the way up. I waited patiently until I was in the clouds and then took my trousers, longjohns and Calvins off. Proceeded further up, I waited until my balls turned to walnuts and then felt a beautiful rumble in the pipes.

Contemplated trying to walk simultaneously but settled for a cloudy squat, it was simply sublime. The heat off my dispensed shight was beautifully soothing on my bare arse, so I hovered above for a minute before reversing to inspect my quite spectacular dump.

I felt a twinge of smugness as I feel my dump is somewhat of a natural return to the natural bog? It was roughly the size of an large black monster penis you might come across when surfing illicit pornsites in the discomfort of your home. A sharp and fervent stench with a magnificent brown gloss, in truth a masterpiece. It sat smugly, steaming away, at peace with the world. I wished it well as I ventured further towards the summit " fairwell dear friend, go ndeirí an bothar leat ".

IAMAMORON

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Had a lovely shight up on Kippure earlier this afternoon. It was just me and the mountain. Climbed up from the north side out of Bohernabreena, I was bursting to go all the way up. I waited patiently until I was in the clouds and then took my trousers, longjohns and Calvins off. Proceeded further up, I waited until my balls turned to walnuts and then felt a beautiful rumble in the pipes.

Contemplated trying to walk simultaneously but settled for a cloudy squat, it was simply sublime. The heat off my dispensed shight was beautifully soothing on my bare arse, so I hovered above for a minute before reversing to inspect my quite spectacular dump.

I felt a twinge of smugness as I feel my dump is somewhat of a natural return to the natural bog? It was roughly the size of an large black monster penis you might come across when surfing illicit pornsites in the discomfort of your home. A sharp and fervent stench with a magnificent brown gloss, in truth a masterpiece. It sat smugly, steaming away, at peace with the world. I wished it well as I ventured further towards the summit " fairwell dear friend, go ndeirí an bothar leat ".

John Hind stuff..


Walking past Easons side door the other day, some kernt had left a soggy deuce onto a disposable face mask in a door way.

Why?
Was it to keep it warm from the path?

IAMAMORON

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

John Hind stuff..


Walking past Easons side door the other day, some kernt had left a soggy deuce onto a disposable face mask in a door way.

Why?
Was it to keep it warm from the path?

His name was James. A true legend of the reformation.

Junckie types tend to knock around there to use the facilities.

I used to work in Arnotts as a cleaner when I was a teenager. Down the changing rooms in the basement. At least once a year some crazy bird would head in there and knock one out, filthy rotten kernt of a bitch. She used to verbally abuse everyone and she was sex mad, her calling sign was " show us your sausage, get down them knickers" .. this is in the day when there was no security. She was a nightmare and a walking comedy show rolled into one. Scary Mary we used to call her.

The basement bargains was not all about the bargains, those changing rooms were a hotbed for underground activity. A den of inequity. The bang of female BO would make you dry wretch come 5 o'clock of a Saturday evening. Just in time to whip out me hoover. Phucking rough stuff I tell you.

AdrianBalboa

I'll be thinking of my dearly departed friend JohnnyFlash this evening.


RIP Johnny. May you get the get the peace you could never have in this life, somewhere over the rainbow.

hurikane

AdrianBalboa wrote: »

I'll be thinking of my dearly departed friend JohnnyFlash this evening.


RIP Johnny. May you get the get the peace you could never have in this life, somewhere over the rainbow.

Is that you Johnny?

Purple Mountain

AdrianBalboa wrote: »

I'll be thinking of my dearly departed friend JohnnyFlash this evening.


RIP Johnny. May you get the get the peace you could never have in this life, somewhere over the rainbow.

You forgot the Liverpool jersey and the dial-a-scouse-brasser business card.

Lewis_Benson

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

You in trouble?

I was...

Nevin Parsnipp

Slideways wrote: »

Take no heed of this fella Nev. Sure he may have some computer smarts that you can’t seem to grasp but I would wager a bet he knows half of fcuk all when it comes to FMCG like yourself.

Probably calls the AA to change his tyre when he gets a flat too

Ah thanks Slidey....appreciate the kind words....takes some of the hurt away so it does.

Won't be forgotten my friend .....

Gael23

How do you clean your hole after churning out a slightly messy one?

Bullocks

Gael23 wrote: »

How do you clean your hole after churning out a slightly messy one?

As best you can with the tissue and then a good tidy up with a wet face cloth

Gael23

Bullocks wrote: »

As best you can with the tissue and then a good tidy up with a wet face cloth

Do you need to bin the cloth then after?

fuerte1976

Gael23 wrote: »

Do you need to bin the cloth then after?

No.
Into a tupperware container and freeze it..

Gael23

fuerte1976 wrote: »

No.
Into a tupperware container and freeze it..

Well you would at least rinse the poo off first

Brendan Bendar

Gael23 wrote: »

Well you would at least rinse the poo off first

Listen dude, buy a squirter bottle in Woodies, fill her 1/3 warm water, 1/3 liquid soap and a small dab of Winnies washing up liquid.

Make sure you have control of the pump handle if on your own.

Clear the badge area and ensure the ‘run off area’ can take the flakes.

Bend down and ensure the badge is as ‘proud ‘ as possible to the arse cheeks.

Reach around and apply the mixture strongly to the target with a firm pumping action,noting you should feel flakes of midden hitting off your hand.

Investigation with the fingers should reveal complete clear out but if not a rasp with a rough facecloth should shift the remaining clagge.

Then get your best white Calvins and pull up tight happy in the knowledge that the frikken Pope himself wouldn’t have a cleaner set.

Well worth the effort, dude, beats a cheap set of skids with the back like an Apache pizza.


Hope that helps.

fuerte1976

Gael23 wrote: »

Well you would at least rinse the poo off first

Most would.
You're obviously new here..

Brendan Bendar

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Listen dude, buy a squirter bottle in Woodies, fill her 1/3 warm water, 1/3 liquid soap and a small dab of Winnies washing up liquid.

Make sure you have control of the pump handle if on your own.

Clear the badge area and ensure the ‘run off area’ can take the flakes.

Bend down and ensure the badge is as ‘proud ‘ as possible to the arse cheeks.

Reach around and apply the mixture strongly to the target with a firm pumping action,noting you should feel flakes of midden hitting off your hand.

Investigation with the fingers should reveal complete clear out but if not a rasp with a rough facecloth should shift the remaining clagge.

Then get your best white Calvins and pull up tight happy in the knowledge that the frikken Pope himself wouldn’t have a cleaner set.

Well worth the effort, dude, beats a cheap set of skids with the back like an Apache pizza.


Hope that helps.

Spoken like a man who still regrets taking out his
Royal Doulton avocado pastel bidet.
They'll make a comeback old chap. Its only a matter of time before people wise up to the gravel flecked fibreglass that identifies as bum fodder these days.

Gael23

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Listen dude, buy a squirter bottle in Woodies, fill her 1/3 warm water, 1/3 liquid soap and a small dab of Winnies washing up liquid.

Make sure you have control of the pump handle if on your own.

Clear the badge area and ensure the ‘run off area’ can take the flakes.

Bend down and ensure the badge is as ‘proud ‘ as possible to the arse cheeks.

Reach around and apply the mixture strongly to the target with a firm pumping action,noting you should feel flakes of midden hitting off your hand.

Investigation with the fingers should reveal complete clear out but if not a rasp with a rough facecloth should shift the remaining clagge.

Then get your best white Calvins and pull up tight happy in the knowledge that the frikken Pope himself wouldn’t have a cleaner set.

Well worth the effort, dude, beats a cheap set of skids with the back like an Apache pizza.


Hope that helps.

Would a few squirts of Jif do?

Brendan Bendar

Gael23 wrote: »

Would a few squirts of Jif do?

Burn the hole of you,Gee.

Way too harsh and would disturb natural ‘oil’ of the nipsy.

What we want here is an emollient, a salve, not a fuhherking product that burns the natural oils off the unit!!!

Like a Fcuking cleaning agent on expensive Canadian White Oak flooring.

Would you let your partner to go at the unit with long fingernails ?

Go figure dude, a sore hole is a lot of grief.

Don’t go there.

Gael23

Gael23 wrote: »

Would a few squirts of Jif do?

Like using a flymo to trim a growler.

In theory, yea it would work.

Gael23

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Like using a flying to trim a growler.

In theory, yea it would work.

Like using what?

Gael23

Gael23 wrote: »

Like using what?

Goddammit
Fixed
Bloody spellcheck

Brendan Bendar

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Like using a flymo to trim a growler.

In theory, yea it would work.

Not around the lettuce though.....leave the area like a bag of steak strips.

Borderfox

Last day in work and one of the gents jacks blocked, the maintenance man thinks all his Christmases have come, long vets gloves on and he's going in to do battle with it

It wasn't mine, probably Yuri. He produces what can only be described as depth charges with accompanying footprints on the toilet seat

Brendan Bendar

Borderfox wrote: »

Last day in work and one of the gents jacks blocked, the maintenance man thinks all his Christmases have come, long vets gloves on and he's going in to do battle with it

It wasn't mine, probably Yuri. He produces what can only be described as depth charges with accompanying footprints on the toilet seat

Them processed Eastern European sausages, Reynard.

Tried the fcukers once and squeezed out an offering that looked like a horses hoof the next day.

Rock solid like a can of Master McGrath Super Dog.

Fcukking drawstring on the hoop nearly flittered, she was twitching like a freshly caught mackerels gob at the Ringsend outflow for days after.

Never again.....

Gael23

Every time I read this thread I feel my sphincter coming under pressure

Brendan Bendar

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Them processed Eastern European sausages, Reynard.

Tried the fcukers once and squeezed out an offering that looked like a horses hoof the next day.

Rock solid like a can of Master McGrath Super Dog.

Fcukking drawstring on the hoop nearly flittered, she was twitching like a freshly caught mackerels gob at the Ringsend outflow for days after.

Never again.....

Those German and Polish sh1tfarms must be under savage pressure from all the bratwurst and kielbasa turds; wonder do they have to smash them up to let the bacteria get stuck in, or do they float straight through the farm.

Any Irish Water tweets about such turds like their fatbergs?

Nevin Parsnipp

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Those German and Polish sh1tfarms must be under savage pressure from all the bratwurst and kielbasa turds; wonder do they have to smash them up to let the bacteria get stuck in, or do they float straight through the farm.

Any Irish Water tweets about such turds like their fatbergs?

Shunted out a massive ring stretcher this Christmas Morn...probably bulked up by a very unwise feed of bacon sarnies and Guinness the previous evenin.

took a while for the badge to return to it's normal "buttoned up" state ...but the test firing of a couple of "arse trumpets" have just confirmed that all is well between the cheeks.

Anyways sent her on her way to the sh1te factory with a two eoro coin embedded as a little Xmas thank you for all the lads there .

Slideways

Some great pearls of wisdom here. Mrs S knows me well