What's the etiquette here??

Brendan Bendar

Daragh1980 wrote: »

Had six large bottles of unchilled Guinness last night.

First dump this morning looked like a flock of swallows.

Second visit consisted of two farts as I sat down and nothing else.

About 10 minutes later I sharted a blood clot.

Just as well I am not on Dublin Bus.

Tamp the hankie up between the arse cheeks, lad.

Don’t force owt..... containment dude... nowhaamsayin?

EmmetSpiceland

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Tamp the hankie up between the arse cheeks, lad.

Don’t force owt..... containment dude... nowhaamsayin?

That’ll sort out the undercrackers right enough, B. But won’t do anything for the “sting” that comes with having a cleft anus, or so I would imagine.

Pintman Paddy Losty

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Tamp the hankie up between the arse cheeks, lad.

Don’t force owt..... containment dude... nowhaamsayin?

Solid advice Brenner but the quality of the plug is important. Don't go shoving some bargain basement sheets up there. Type of bogroll that is made from recycled Christmas decorations.

You want good three ply stuff that's soft to the touch, perhaps even a few drops of chamomile or aloe Vera infused in it.

You dont want it wedged up there too long neither. Stuffed a wad up my own hole after I noticed a bit of red specks after too much paperwork. Left it up yonder for 2 days. Thing had ended up shredded and looking like a neglected spring ewe. Soaked up sh1te, blood, and all general arse juice. ****ing rotten so it was.

Was in a neighbour's house at a road 'get together' when I made the discovery. I ****ed it in to the waste bin. Then blamed it on the odd lad that has about 20 cats.

Brendan Bendar

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Solid advice Brenner but the quality of the plug is important. Don't go shoving some bargain basement sheets up there. Type of bogroll that is made from recycled Christmas decorations.

You want good three ply stuff that's soft to the touch, perhaps even a few drops of chamomile or aloe Vera infused in it.

You dont want it wedged up there too long neither. Stuffed a wad up my own hole after I noticed a bit of red specks after too much paperwork. Left it up yonder for 2 days. Thing had ended up shredded and looking like a neglected spring ewe. Soaked up sh1te, blood, and all general arse juice. ****ing rotten so it was.


Was in a neighbour's house at a road 'get together' when I made the discovery. I ****ed it in to the waste bin. Then blamed it on the odd lad that has about 20 cats.

20 cats.!....How much did it cost to feed those fcukers.

Quick thinking Losty.... quick thinking.

Gael23

Those of you that cleanse the anus with a facecloth, do you keep the used ones together for a separate wash?

IAMAMORON

Gael23 wrote: »

Those of you that cleanse the anus with a facecloth, do you keep the used ones together for a separate wash?

No, but I will give them a serious rinsing under the hot tap before they get stuffed in with my underwear and socks and **** stained vests and t-shirts, the ones that have the consistency of a cream cracker, after sitting under the spare bed for a week or so.

If I have soiled myself they usually get thrown straight in the bin, I have found that there is only so much tide you can run against when trying to clean midden and gancky shight with the consistency of heavily graveled cement off your Calvin Klein's. It is not worth the hassle, most boxers will set you back the price of a few pints at the sales.

Never wear white underwear, it really is a pointless exercise, the skidmarks will always win.

Bullocks

Gael23 wrote: »

Those of you that cleanse the anus with a facecloth, do you keep the used ones together for a separate wash?

Not at all, I rinse them well, lather them up with that red bar of soap and leave it hanging to dry that way tíl I'm in the shower again. 100% Bosch job.

Gael23

Gael23 wrote: »

Those of you that cleanse the anus with a facecloth, do you keep the used ones together for a separate wash?

If its my own face cloth, I'd give it a good rinse.

Nevin Parsnipp

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

If its my own face cloth, I'd give it a good rinse.

Boil wash Ox.....no way you can get smears of buthery midden orf with a quick rinse !

Filthy kernt.....

Chap I know keeps a "special" sponge to clear orf the heavy topsoil.....then buffs with a facecloth.

Makes sense to this poster so it does......:D

Nevin Parsnipp

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Boil wash Ox.....no way you can get smears of buthery midden orf with a quick rinse !

Filthy kernt.....

Chap I know keeps a "special" sponge to clear orf the heavy topsoil.....then buffs with a facecloth.

Makes sense to this poster so it does......:D

Theres only a need to ensure your own face cloth is clean. Drop or two of Palmolive, bobs your uncle

Gael23

I have used cotton wool before after a particularly scuttery one

Brendan Bendar

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

Theres only a need to ensure your own face cloth is clean. Drop or two of Palmolive, bobs your uncle

Couple of auld shirts ‘cut up’ does the job, lads.

Keep them ‘under the sink’ and when the muzzle gets a bit splattered the unit can be applied to shift the ‘heavy stuff’ and then consigned to the black bin under cover.

Makes sense.

sligojoek

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Couple of auld shirts ‘cut up’ does the job, lads.

Keep them ‘under the sink’ and when the muzzle gets a bit splattered the unit can be applied to shift the ‘heavy stuff’ and then consigned to the black bin under cover.

Makes sense.

"Double bagged" like the nappy of a baby on antibiotics.

Slideways

First schit of 2021.

Slipped out without a whelp. Only the slightest crayon mark on the double quilted aloe Vera infused paper. A sign of good things to come hopefully

sligojoek

Few skittery bits of "light rope" coming out the last few days. I'm generally "regular" enough. There's a lot more went in than went out. Took three heaped teaspoonfuls of Andrews in a small glass of water. Drank while still "effervescent".

We'll see what the morning brings.

Brendan Bendar

sligojoek wrote: »

Few skittery bits of "light rope" coming out the last few days. I'm generally "regular" enough. There's a lot more went in than went out. Took three heaped teaspoonfuls of Andrews in a small glass of water. Drank while still "effervescent".

We'll see what the morning brings.

Should be a hefty splatther, José.

DEFTLEFTHAND

After caking the backboard of me Auntie‘s facilty with sh1te. Fcking no power in the flush mechanism and no arse brush in the room to scrub clean the evidence.

Down on me knees here wiping the sh1te splatter off the porcelain with a piece of jacks paper.

FintanMcluskey

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Never wear white underwear, it really is a pointless exercise, the skidmarks will always win.

Who actually buys white underwear?

It should be illegal

IAMAMORON

FintanMcluskey wrote: »

Who actually buys white underwear?

It should be illegal

My mistress does, she looks lovely in it.

But birds are less frugal with underwear. Hence the queues at Penneys.

Bullocks

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

After caking the backboard of me Auntie‘s facilty with sh1te. Fcking no power in the flush mechanism and no arse brush in the room to scrub clean the evidence.

Down on me knees here wiping the sh1te splatter off the porcelain with a piece of jacks paper.

We've all been there at one stage or another, nothing else you could do. Just don't think too much about the germs!

FintanMcluskey

IAMAMORON wrote: »

My mistress does, she looks lovely in it.

But birds are less frugal with underwear. Hence the queues at Penneys.

True that.

I do however believe that a misconception exists that somehow women have better bathroom etiquette.

Had a friend who worked in an Athlone nightclub.

Always claimed at 3am ladies resembled Aleppo after a heavy nights bombing

Totally anecdotal of course

You the man

Only one cure to clean up the specs of midden. Off with the tool bag and buff the potty.
Disposal of said toolbag is your problem then. Down with the rest of the scour or pocket it for the bin.

IAMAMORON

FintanMcluskey wrote: »

True that.

I do however believe that misconception exists that somehow women have better bathroom etiquette.

Had a friend who worked in an Athlone nightclub.

Always claimed at 3am ladies resembled Aleppo after a heavy nights bombing

Totally anecdotal of course

Never a truer word. They are animals.

In saying that they can add a touch of class to home facilities. They will keep their own spot fairly pristine, they are good like that.

But as soon as they start on the Cab Savs and dancing all hell breaks loose, decorum just gets phucked over. Farting, shighting with contrition,, riding well hung young fellas in the corner cubicle and screaming their heads off.

Brendan Bendar

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Never a truer word. They are animals.

In saying that they can add a touch of class to home facilities. They will keep their own spot fairly pristine, they are good like that.

But as soon as they start on the Cab Savs and dancing all hell breaks loose, decorum just gets phucked over. Farting, shighting with contrition,, riding well hung young fellas in the corner cubicle and screaming their heads off.

Fond of the knotty lad for sure, you are correct I.

Surreptitious

Game changer. They smell unreal as well.

Slideways

Setting yourself up for a fall there laddy.

All fine and well and quite a treat to the balloon knot but if you get too used to such luxuries then what happens when you find yourself in Barrack Obama plaza using the single ply after an over indulgence with Pat McDonaghs finest?

Tears is what will happen. Along with some grimacing and maybe even some whimpering. Consider yourself warned

Brendan Bendar

Slideways wrote: »

Setting yourself up for a fall there laddy.

All fine and well and quite a treat to the balloon knot but if you get too used to such luxuries then what happens when you find yourself in Barrack Obama plaza using the single ply after an over indulgence with Pat McDonaghs finest?

Tears is what will happen. Along with some grimacing and maybe even some whimpering. Consider yourself warned

Excellent consideration Slides, if you think your hoop will get that product when you need it most, say the downstairs dunnies in Buasaras after a bus trip from Donegal and holding her on a slipping clutch since ‘Blaney, you are mistaken.

Whats on offer there will not tidy up a well smeared muzzle, with the arse cheeks well pasted ,and the Calvins like a Dr. Okters mini pizza.

Only solution is sacrifice the CKs ,clear the smedge, and flush the Calvins .

Maybe you would block the whole unit and get something out of the day.

Stingy kernts.:mad:

gerrybbadd

I started into a course of "Alflorex", in a bid to right the wrongs going on internally in the bowel region. Apparently, these probiotics contain a bacteria called "35624" (catchy name), and are the same as what's passed from mother to baby at birth.

Jaysus lads, there must be a fierce amount of babies flying round the place with eggy arse holes on them. The whiff. Christ.

The instructions warn of a clear out and to expect it. Well, I spent a sizeable portion of the day yesterday, blasting liquid off porcelain. It sounded like a donkey pissing hard against a flat rock. The nostril hairs didn't require their new years day trim whatsoever afterwards, such was the singeing affect.

I'll keep you all updated with additional information as it happens

Brendan Bendar

gerrybbadd wrote: »

I started into a course of "Alflorex", in a bid to right the wrongs going on internally in the bowel region. Apparently, these probiotics contain a bacteria called "35624" (catchy name), and are the same as what's passed from mother to baby at birth.

Jaysus lads, there must be a fierce amount of babies flying round the place with eggy arse holes on them. The whiff. Christ.

The instructions warn of a clear out and to expect it. Well, I spent a sizeable portion of the day yesterday, blasting liquid off porcelain. It sounded like a donkey pissing hard against a flat rock. The nostril hairs didn't require their new years day trim whatsoever afterwards, such was the singeing affect.

I'll keep you all updated with additional information as it happens

Kiwi fruit are great for loosening the wad.

You can even hop the little seeds off the back and pit the target area.

Like a nest of fire ants.

Hector Savage

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

After caking the backboard of me Auntie‘s facilty with sh1te. Fcking no power in the flush mechanism and no arse brush in the room to scrub clean the evidence.

Down on me knees here wiping the sh1te splatter off the porcelain with a piece of jacks paper.

Just use one of their toothbrushes, give it a good rinse after tho ... sorted ///