What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland

Spent the morning fixing the washing machine. And how was I rewarded? With a late lunchtime dump and a “Neptune’s Kiss”, not to the butthole but between ball sac and leg.

Whatever way the stool hit, I’m guessing the length caused it to “bank” a little on entry and sent up an angled spout.

It was not pleasant “drying off”. Not pleasant at all.

Nevin Parsnipp

Fcukin Supermarkets !...not on The Nevs good list at the minute ...

Couple of auld beuers natterin at the veggie gondolas and blockin The Nevs efforts to get some Kiwi and Bananas.

Had to punch out a seriously ripe ar$e bomb...before they scuttled orf ..fanning themselves .....

Not easy these days Dudes ...

Brendan Bendar

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Fcukin Supermarkets !...not on The Nevs good list at the minute ...

Couple of auld beuers natterin at the veggie gondolas and blockin The Nevs efforts to get some Kiwi and Bananas.

Had to punch out a seriously ripe ar$e bomb...before they scuttled orf ..fanning themselves .....

Not easy these days Dudes ...

Indeed Parsnipp, hard to beat a ripe fetid gust of ‘brown air’ to dispel a small crowd.

I was on ICB in upstate NY on a small plane.

Group of hipster types congregated in the middle of the aisle before taxi.

Couldn’t get by, so using the fuel provided by a feed of burgers ,seeped out a viscous foul smelling heavy burst of arse gas.

Shifted them rapidly holding their noses.

Kernts.

padd b1975

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Indeed Parsnipp, hard to beat a ripe fetid gust of ‘brown air’ to dispel a small crowd.

I was on ICB in upstate NY on a small plane.

Group of hipster types congregated in the middle of the aisle before taxi.

Couldn’t get by, so using the fuel provided by a feed of burgers ,seeped out a viscous foul smelling heavy burst of arse gas.

Shifted them rapidly holding their noses.

Kernts.

Probably vegans Bren.

I surprised you didn't get your collar felt for committing a hate crime or some other trumped up nonsense.

Vegans in cahoots with US Marshals are a formidable foe.

Brendan Bendar

padd b1975 wrote: »

Probably vegans Bren.

I surprised you didn't get your collar felt for committing a hate crime or some other trumped up nonsense.

Vegans in cahoots with US Marshals are a formidable foe.

Possibly Pee, distasteful bunch of kernts anyway.

Teterboro or some place it was, seemed like Govt employees probably US Immigration dorks.... had a large minibus waiting for them at arrival...unattended while they faffed around looking for baggage.

I resisted the TEMPTATION to slip on and unload a quart of sour piss on one of the seats.

Not a good move, I think you’ll agree.

Dual wheels

Let a hoor of a ripper on a zoom call today had to pretend it was the dog

Brendan Bendar

Dual wheels wrote: »

Let a hoor of a ripper on a zoom call today had to pretend it was the dog

After a feed of ‘blown’ mince !

You the man

I picked a good evening to unleash a a flurry of hot and sour scour into the pan - red grapes will do that to a fella.
The rednecks in my village were spraying what smelled like human dung this evening, so they got the blame..

Brendan Bendar

You the man wrote: »

I picked a good evening to unleash a a flurry of hot and sour scour into the pan - red grapes will do that to a fella.
The rednecks in my village were spraying what smelled like human dung this evening, so they got the blame..

Like a bullock after a feed of aftergrass.

Comes out straight and hot.

Coat the pan in fawn scutther if she gets out of control.

Slideways

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Like a bullock after a feed of aftergrass.

Comes out straight and hot.

Coat the pan in fawn scutther if she gets out of control.

You’re up early Brenner. Fill the St Bernard PJ’s with a vile yellow scutter or are you on the morning shift out of Dawson St taxi rank

Brendan Bendar

Slideways wrote: »

You’re up early Brenner. Fill the St Bernard PJ’s with a vile yellow scutter or are you on the morning shift out of Dawson St taxi rank

Can’t talk now,buddy, got two skulls in the car headed for the Airport.

I’ll be leaving a ripe baton round in the filling station on the way out, I feel.

Gael23

A few days of feeling a bit sluggish edged this morning with an impressive evacuation. But it left an equally impressive skid mark at the bottom of the toilet bowl.

How do you remove the evidence?

Slideways

Gael23 wrote: »

A few days of feeling a bit sluggish edged this morning with an impressive evacuation. But it left an equally impressive skid mark at the bottom of the toilet bowl.

How do you remove the evidence?

This always, always calls for a preemptive strike. Walk into the bathroom and loudly accuse you OH/housemate of leaving a dirty big skid mark behind them.

Sheep Shagger

Can I just say these are useless ....and no we didn't pay this price.

https://eu.josephjoseph.com/products/flex-toilet-brush-light-grey?variant=32586248552508

Hector Savage

Sheep Shagger wrote: »

Can I just say these are useless ....and no we didn't pay this price.

https://eu.josephjoseph.com/products/flex-toilet-brush-light-grey?variant=32586248552508

f*cking vile things!!!

Brendan Bendar

Sheep Shagger wrote: »

Can I just say these are useless ....and no we didn't pay this price.

https://eu.josephjoseph.com/products/flex-toilet-brush-light-grey?variant=32586248552508

Hmmmm....... looks like she could clear a nest of ‘chandlers’ from around the muzzle? Save the auld back.

Depend on how flexible she is and is she suitable for a heavy duty rasp.

No good if too flexible, have to go back to the ‘ Dagginbuster’ glove.

Hard to scope out the ‘tincture’ with those lads, not easy to reach.

Sheep Shagger

Sheep Shagger wrote: »

Can I just say these are useless ....and no we didn't pay this price.

https://eu.josephjoseph.com/products/flex-toilet-brush-light-grey?variant=32586248552508

I think it would want to be made of heavy duty wire bristles to be any use on the average Irish toilet. Especially after a "heavy" weekend.

partyguinness

Slideways wrote: »

You’re up early Brenner. Fill the St Bernard PJ’s with a vile yellow scutter or are you on the morning shift out of Dawson St taxi rank

He shat the bed.

Brendan Bendar

Deleted User wrote: »

I think it would want to be made of heavy duty wire bristles to be any use on the average Irish toilet. Especially after a "heavy" weekend.

No no no no......wire bristles would scrape the pewter and leave grooves which would eventually get clogged with stale midden and would not be easy to shift.


That’s a no no nialler.

partyguinness

Slideways wrote: »

This always, always calls for a preemptive strike. Walk into the bathroom and loudly accuse you OH/housemate of leaving a dirty big skid mark behind them.

Nothing worse when you are arrive at the scene of the crime and some dirty fecker has got away with it but you are now left holding the baby.

You have to man up and clean that skid mark as you will be the fall guy.

EmmetSpiceland

partyguinness wrote: »

Nothing worse when you are arrive at the scene of the crime and some dirty fecker has got away with it but you are now left holding the baby.

You have to man up and clean that skid mark as you will be the fall guy.

Wouldn’t be “keen” on clearing off another man’s, or womxn’s, scuds, P.

Best just to fold over a few “sheets”, lay them on top of the waterline and get the hell out of Dodge. Out of sight, out of mind.

partyguinness

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Wouldn’t be “keen” on clearing off another man’s, or womxn’s, scuds, P.

Best just to fold over a few “sheets”, lay them on top of the waterline and get the hell out of Dodge. Out of sight, out of mind.

I agree. Cleaning up another man's **** is not the default position but only if you find yourself in a situation where you will be the only culprit e.g a unisex toilet at the in laws or at work. Now, having said that destroying the MILs toilet is too good for the old cow.

Brendan Bendar

Sluiced out a nice oily log, bit of a bang of Bombay Mix off her, otherwise good.

Can’t beat the early morning evacuation, sets a lad up for the day.

Hector Savage

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Sluiced out a nice oily log, bit of a bang of Bombay Mix off her, otherwise good.

Can’t beat the early morning evacuation, sets a lad up for the day.

Indeed Brenner , I myself had a large coffee and croissant this morning and made a beeline for the jax and scuttered out a long satisfying nest of baby eels.

Was like an ice cream gun that was just left running , christ tho I felt 2KG lighter afterwards.

Was a shock to turn around and see the horrors in the bowl, couldn't flush the phucker fast enough...

Slideways

Haven’t shït in 4 days.

Have a belly on my like a young fella off the Trocaire box. I’ll have to resort to pear cider and a punnet of plums at this rate

You the man

Slideways wrote: »

Haven’t shït in 4 days.

Have a belly on my like a young fella off the Trocaire box. I’ll have to resort to pear cider and a punnet of plums at this rate

I did laugh out loud, but in fact it's not a laughing matter.
You'd better have the power washer to hand coz when that crust gives way, the product would rival no more nails.

You the man

Slideways wrote: »

Haven’t shït in 4 days.

Have a belly on my like a young fella off the Trocaire box. I’ll have to resort to pear cider and a punnet of plums at this rate

I did laugh out loud, but in fact it's not a laughing matter.
You'd better have the power washer to hand coz when that crust gives way, the product would rival no more nails and stick to everything.

Brendan Bendar

You the man wrote: »

I did laugh out loud, but in fact it's not a laughing matter.
You'd better have the power washer to hand coz when that crust gives way, the product would rival no more nails and stick to everything.

Indeed....like the poor auld lad (28hcap) left the jocks hanging on a hook in the gents changing room down at the club.

Probably was covered by the trousers which had obviously fallen off.

Fcuking thing had more holes than a pheasant after an Autumn Shoot and looked like a Chicago Town deep crust pizza with extra cannelloni.

Hope no one was around when the poor kernt came in to ‘claim’ them.

IAMAMORON

Found myself in difficulty whilst out for a jog this morning. It is a bit of a head scratcher, as I had sat on the throne for a good 10 minutes forcing out a few constipated pellets the size of small cigars beforehand?

Thankfully I had kept to the estates and off the main roads.

Had gone a few miles down towards Dundrum and whilst heading under the Luas bridge got a sincere and honest message from the ringpiece. " Achtung Moron , delivery imminent" ... mother of holy christ. I had no roll, I was only wearing my every day sweat jersey with a Millenium 88 t-shirt on underneath. Thankfully I managed to close the traps whilst I sussed out a decent landing zone. I managed to cut over the road down some avenue and suddenly found myself staring down a longish driveway with a nice looking bit of bushy shrubbery about 20 yards down... things were imminent so elected for an emergency landing.

Shorts and jocks straight off and it basically gushed out my hole like spreading slurry. I had nothing to grab onto so had adopted the backwards crab - The reverse cow girl. It phucking poured out to beat the ban. The almighty stink of it, some mild dry retching.

Whatever it was when making my emergency landing I neglected to do a precursory recon prior to dropping the load. It started with a fairly low pitched growl and when I turned around looking to find something to wipe with I realised the family guard dog was giving me full on meanies - an Alsatian - grrrrrrr...grrrrrr. I had to think quickly.

In fairness to the hound he actually got what was going down, he seemed satisfied that I was only dropping in. But when he felt the fear coming out my asshole he started barking and roaring like a good thing. Then to my dismay the next thing all I can hear is some octogenarian screaming from the front door, " What is it Patsy? what are you barking at , who is there?"

To be continued...

Brendan Bendar

IAMAMORON wrote: »

Found myself in difficulty whilst out for a jog this morning. It is a bit of a head scratcher, as I had sat on the throne for a good 10 minutes forcing out a few constipated pellets the size of small cigars beforehand?

Thankfully I had kept to the estates and off the main roads.

Had gone a few miles down towards Dundrum and whilst heading under the Luas bridge got a sincere and honest message from the ringpiece. " Achtung Moron , delivery imminent" ... mother of holy christ. I had no roll, I was only wearing my every day sweat jersey with a Millenium 88 t-shirt on underneath. Thankfully I managed to close the traps whilst I sussed out a decent landing zone. I managed to cut over the road down some avenue and suddenly found myself staring down a longish driveway with a nice looking bit of bushy shrubbery about 20 yards down... things were imminent so elected for an emergency landing.

Shorts and jocks straight off and it basically gushed out my hole like spreading slurry. I had nothing to grab onto so had adopted the backwards crab - The reverse cow girl. It phucking poured out to beat the ban. The almighty stink of it, some mild dry retching.

Whatever it was when making my emergency landing I neglected to do a precursory recon prior to dropping the load. It started with a fairly low pitched growl and when I turned around looking to find something to wipe with I realised the family guard dog was giving me full on meanies - an Alsatian - grrrrrrr...grrrrrr. I had to think quickly.

In fairness to the hound he actually got what was going down, he seemed satisfied that I was only dropping in. But when he felt the fear coming out my asshole he started barking and roaring like a good thing. Then to my dismay the next thing all I can hear is some octogenarian screaming from the front door, " What is it Patsy? what are you barking at , who is there?"

To be continued...

Never turn your back on a hound like that.

Best bet there is to stare down the auld lad, if possible splurt out a few gouts of hot scutther onto the the camellias.That would unnerve the cnunt.

Don’t turn your back on Patsy, fcuker would have the cluster snipped off and down the throat in jig time.

Back out carefully.