What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117612199#Comment_117612199

It’s giving me “the runs”, P.

You the man

Found this place at last again...

Bound up all week - smells like a rotting bag o fish has been torn open in the gaff now.

Good to be back

EmmetSpiceland

Been on holidays the last while so wasn’t too put out by the whole boards “rebranding”. Doing a bit of a tour around the south and west of the country.

Down south I had a bad “experience” with some battered prawns and, overly, greasy chips. The hotel had a nicely appointed bathroom but a wall mounted commode with a very small drop zone. 3 flushes to complete the “courtesy flush”, after that it was 3 more to shift the paper and streaks. I’m all for being green but the low flush stun setting is an abomination.

Now, we’re out west at the moment and, while it’s not as nice as the last place, the bathroom is like a regular civilian one. Doesn’t look great but 1 flush does the job and the bowl is stuck to the floor. Mighty stuff.

Out at the beach near Spiddal earlier on. A lovely spot but decided to head off once the sun started to go down. A wise move, on the  way we passed a line of “hill people” who appeared to be offering prayers to the wind turbines out on the blasted heath. Who knows what would have happened had we dallied?

Thankfully, I had the unblockable toilet waiting for me on the return. Took the remains of the sea food chowder and grilled salmon with ease. Always good to have peace of mind when travelling. Can’t put a price on that.

Looking forward to another hotel breakfast tomorrow, full Irish followed by a feed of pancakes. Can’t go wrong with that for starting the day.

Hego Damask

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117622286#Comment_117622286

I'd imagine you'll be broke spending all that $$ in a hotel in Ireland during the staycation rip off ... would give you the scuts !

Sheep Shagger

Jesus, €3.50 to drop a load in fancy public jacks out the west...

https://amp.rte.ie/amp/1235746/

TomSweeney

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117628019#Comment_117628019

I'd be taking a copy of war and peace in there and make it worth it .... would sit on the throne and read for about an hour.

I might do a bit of top decking too ... disgraceful prices ..

Grouptherapy

"low flush stun setting" Brilliant.

Been a bit backed up lately and I had a lot of meat over the weekend. Good example of the ancestral diet. Enjoyed it but feared it wouldn't do much to move things along as it were.

Earlier however, I experienced a surprise but welcome feeling of pressure moving steadily towards the badge exit, and knew it was nearing time to log out. Made my way to the nicely appointed work facilities - I wasn't able to get my favorite end of terrace spot but got a good mid-terrace with no neighbours.

Usual prep work, and relaxed with Instagram feed to help pass the time. To be honest I was a bit anxious but crust broke without too much trouble and a real champion contender of a log followed. A real specimen! The weekend's meat must've helped as this solid one-piece had a real protein density to it.

Effortless clean up and if was judged the score for the flush would've received 10s all round.

Back to the desk with a lightness in my step - what a start to the week!

EmmetSpiceland

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117627515#Comment_117627515

Would happily have paid more to stay in “self catering” accommodation, H. Hotel room living with kids isn’t the easiest. Still, the hotels have swimming pools and there’s good food about so enjoyed that part of it.

Been, actively, avoiding battered or excessively greasy stuff though. For obvious reasons.

One thing that is bothering me is that I’m dropping a “deuce” before bed but then, first thing in the morning, I’m back in there dumping out another big load. Another of life’s mysteries, I suppose.

Hego Damask

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117633050#Comment_117633050

Good stuff E, I have been noticing I am dumping a lot lately too, I think it's the combination of the heat and drinking a lot of wheaty beers ...

Kilos of arse gravy being hosed on to the pewter every morning, multiple times.

Nasty nasty, I am thinking of quitting beer for a week or 2, ill post back to see if it makes a difference to my "movements"

EmmetSpiceland

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117639085#Comment_117639085

Not a bad idea, H, but be sure to keep up the hydration in this weather. At least you’re passing “gravy” I, myself, had a terribly dry movement yesterday.

Wasn’t easy to pass either, a sharp clingy exit but mealy and crumbly in the bowl. Left a “sediment” of sandy drittle that I’ve no idea how to shift. It’s still there today but reckon time, and multiple flushes, is the only thing that going to sort it.

Slightly unrelated, but I’ve noticed since the hot weather started that I’m getting piss shivers every time I go for a slash. Now it’s quite a pleasant feeling, so I’m not complaining, but I wonder what is causing this sudden spike in the phenomenon?

Aglomerado

Drank a bottle of Vinho Verde last night and there was a tang of alcohol off my morning log...Vinho Merde!

Slideways

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/117641296#Comment_117641296

Rumour has it that women folk cannot get "peegasms" at all

Brendan Bendar

This forking ‘new site’ is the ‘Dogs Bollox’

Now big current problem with the Bren is ‘swampy plums’

This heat has them swimming in ‘bag drittle’ like two tomatoes in a plastic bag of sump oil.

The ball bag is in angry mode with fairly crusty evidence of ‘wine glow’ in the gutters and round to the rusty rivet.

Not settling down despite applications of caldescine and as recommended by a friend- garlic butther.

Fuckers ‘blew up’ after that and even the helmet started to protest with an outbreak of ‘bad cheese’ in the rim area.

Any help welcome and appreciated.

You the man

Ffs Bren, I've no remedy off the top of me head but sounds like you're in a spot of bother..

Bad dose of 'ire' as they describe it in the rebel county..

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117653294#Comment_117653294

A terrible “affliction” to suffer, B. My only suggestion would be to pick up a product called ‘Silky Underwear Dusting Powder’ from Lush. I believe it’s all natural so not going to be causing any future problems like you might see with a Johnson & Johnson product.

As for your outbreak of “Bishop’s Bloom” that might require a topical steroid cream to shift. Saving that, you might want to bathe the affected area in a diluted TCP solution. You can clear the more obvious signs with a good rinse, and some manual “manipulation”, under the tap first.

Best of luck with it, not going to be easy in this heat.

EmmetSpiceland

Feeling truly blessed today. Had one of those serendipitous “moments” earlier on. Was about to hop in for my morning shower, I know a lot of boards users aren’t into showering daily but for me it’s a must.

Anyway, I had the water running but felt a sudden pressure on the badge. Thought maybe it was just a bit of “passing gas” but was quickly convinced otherwise.

On to the jacks. Textbook “evac”. Minimal wipage and the deed was done. Straight into the shower and clean as a whistle. You could eat your dinner off it.

What a day! Wishing you all similar joy.

Arthur Fent

Was getting ready for work this morning. Brushing the teeth, when I started getting the warning signs. Wasn't long before payload delivery was imminent. Assumed the position on the throne just in time. The trap door opened, and what sounded like a bucket of wet mackerel being hurled down a wooden staircase was unleashed ! All over in seconds. The bowl was filled with several fine specimens. Clean up was a tad messy though. Felt like a champ on the morning commute afterwards.

Bobblehats

Paid a visit to the rick witter earlier before an appointment, was hoping to make a clean break but got bogged down. A type of reverse 99 occurred where I dispatched the flake; not a bother but then came the fondant…. cranked the handle; hoping to cut off supply like how you mimic a pull of a smoke to get going. In an ideal world, maybe but it never turns out does it…

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117653294#Comment_117653294

Sorry to hear about your current struggles Brendan.

An old friend used to suffer from similar in the warm weather. Made worse when he went out foreign for work.

'Have a bag on me like a turkey's neck' was how he used to describe it.

Hopefully the reduction in daily temperatures is offering some relief.

Nevin Parsnipp

Hi Dudes...not been very active this past while...but felt I should post this observation.

Injested a large packet of cashew nutz while watchin the Olympics..all was well shouted the Skibb lads home and retired to the bedroom.

Rose circa 8am following morn with severe cramp,necessitating a sprint for the bang box...dropped the skiddies and exploded a sheet of pale white scree in the pan....blew out several more skuttery slabs to complete the evac ....and cleaned up despite the military strength bang !

Got a bit of a fright to be honest ....anyone have anythin similiar involving cashews ???

I was nearly caught short in the gym this morning. On the bench press and felt the warning signals from down below. Quick marched to the lift to get upstairs as I didn't trust myself to make it up three floors to the jacks. It was one of those bucket of mackerel evacuations so aptly described by previous posters. Strong fent as well. Got back to the workout a bit sweatier and leaner than when I left and put a decent effort in for the remaining sets.

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117678095#Comment_117678095

Looks like it was some “workout”, N.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117678518#Comment_117678518

Indeed E, lots of core abdominal work. You've got to keep the body in tip top shape to avoid any injuries during "stressful" evacuations etc.

Brendan Bendar

Hmm.. just popped a fat bolt of buttery shïte.

Feeling a lot better right now………..hoop still flapping a bit, like a windsock.

EmmetSpiceland

Heading over to the in-laws now, haven’t had my morning “constitutional” and have been laying these very bubbly, wet sounding, eggy farts all morning. Foul things.

Not looking forward to this now, at all. They don’t have a dog so can’t blame that. I reckon the youngest will be getting a number of, unnecessary, nappy changes. Will make out like it’s a “tummy bug”. Should get brownie a few points for doing the changes too.

My other fear is the undercrackers, considering the class of flatus there is a real chance of a buttery “churn” building up. The sort that requires a wet wipe to clear out of the hair, even without a trip to the bog. 

Might, actually, “paper down” before leaving. Not ideal but needs must. Safety first, and all that.

I don't normally drink red wine, but the odd time I do have it I find myself running towards the toilet like a lad trying to make the front row at a Metallica gig. I know grapes are well known for their laxative properties, but is a sudden need to use the facilities a common occurrence when the regulars around here unscrew the cap and have a large glass of Chateau CircleK?

Dangerous stuff.

EmmetSpiceland

Overdid it on the veg yesterday, particularly the cabbage and broccoli. Dropped a large “deposit” late last night and then the carts started. The room stank this morning, my partner was not impressed.

Was worried I’d be facing a day steeped in noxious fumes but thankfully I felt the “urge” around 10:30. What came after could only be described as spreading slurry. It reeked and just kept coming. The worst part was the violent escaping of gas in between the flow. Sprayed the stuff all over the bowl. Up under the rim and all.

Wasn’t fun, at all, but once it was done that was it, no more farts. But, god, the bowl afterwards. Bits that wouldn’t budge with the flush looked like sticky jelly, or small leeches. Was hard work getting all that off. Deeply unpleasant.

You a pintman, Emmet? That type of coat the bowl and replace the toilet seat discharge is usually linked to sustained consumption of canned Guinness or Bulmers.

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117732674#Comment_117732674

I would enjoy a “feed” of pints, when the mood takes me, ADP but, these days I’ve mostly been on the red wine. Not more than a glass or 2, though. Nothing that would cause this level of silage smelling gunk.

There was nothing out of the “ordinary”, bar the volume of cabbage and broccoli. Really did a number on the innards and, later on, the “facilities” here.

Have stayed away from heading out too often, since we’ve “opened up”. Still listening to the NPHET advice and just being careful. Great to have the covid cert all the same. Will come in handy when the weather turns and there’ll be no indoor drinking, or dinning, without it.