What's the etiquette here??

Hego Damask

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118661824#Comment_118661824

Fair Dinkum!!!

Captain Barnacles

Just bunted out a rotten pile of sludge in the office jax there - needed 2 flushes to remove all the evidence.

The fent off of it would have knocked down a rhino on speed.

Might go see an arse doctor after it actually...

Brendan Bendar

Squirted out a thick streel of ‘ military camouflage’ runnell into the disabled shïtter in a well known golf club recently.

Didnt get the accuracy quite right and sprayed the cistern with a khaki combo of corn husks and green beans.

Had to rush to the first tee and leave her.

still cordoned off when we went in for the 19th.

soz lads.

Captain Barnacles

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118718506#Comment_118718506

Filthy phuerkin kernt!!

StevenToast

I have been farting away in shops since April 2020.....up and down the aisles....."cropdusting".....no one seemed to mind....

Can't get away with it anymore...

Bring back mandatory mask wearing.....

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118718562#Comment_118718562

Aaahh heeeyur!!!!

Could have plastered the back of my Galvin Green shower proof strides up around the fourth tee-box.

Foooherking road block by a set of tubby cops on the way up…. Bang of Kentucky Fries and vinegar off the hoors.

No choice but to ‘overlay’ the pot.

Forking big handles are great for building up the revs. fast.

Was in Limerick on important company business yesterday, and finished up nice and early so hit the pub for 8 pints of pale ale and a huge slab of pork belly. Had the full fry up this morning and a couple of cups of fairly putrid coffee.

Had to pull into Barack Obama Plaza on the way back, and absolutely destroyed the 4th cubicle. The flush wasn’t able to handle the load at all. Sorry about that Pat, but you need to get that flush sorted. Said I’d have a sneaky garlic and cheese chips afterwards, and saw some lanky spotty dork heading into the shïtters with a plunger, mop, and bucket.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118720053#Comment_118720053

Wouldn’t be the first time he saw a ‘blowout’ Doc.

After a race meeting in Dundalk a while back saw a thick set 48/26 and a half lad being ‘oxtered out’ of a cheap caff nearby, toes dragging, trousers billowing like the main sail of a yacht.

He nearly made it to the door.

Knees buckled completely and the trousers filled like a sack of herrings, leaving plenty of ‘chum’ in his wake.

Apparently he was part of a syndicate with a winner at the races..

Lowlife kehherntt

Saw something similar at the Galway Races about 15 years back - height of the Celtic Tiger era. Some poor cünt in a cream suit falling out of the Guinness and Oyster tent with a huge shïte patch on the arse of his trousers. Must have overindulged on one or both of the offerings.

What made it even worse was he was attempting to uses his missus’s fancy hat to cover up the evidence. And herself walking in front of him (better than behind him in fairness) bawling her eyes out.

Slideways

It could happen to a bishop..

and probably did. Annie Murphy probably carried a large hat for such occasions

Sgt Hartman

After 6 pints of Guinness and a Black Bush whiskey in a nice little establishment in Limerick I got back to my parent's house and raided the fridge, making myself a ham and spicy pickle sandwich with soda bread, and I also devoured a big fistful of Manhattan cheese and onion crisps.

At exactly 4.50am I woke up with dreadful rumbling in my belly and a bladder that was about to explode. I darted straight for the jacks, whipped down the jocks and unleashed a flatulence assisted myriad of black sludge. It took at least a good 3 minutes to empty the bladder also. The resulting miasma was horrendous however, I had to leave the bathroom window open and spray some of my Mam's anti perspirant to try mask the stench, as well as squeeze about a quarter of a bottle of bleach down the toilet. I'm on the train back to Dublin this morning, still feeling the flatulent effects 🤢 I didn't get time to have any breakfast either so when I get into Heuston Station I think I'll get two sandwiches and a big bag of Doritos to devour on the next train to Balbriggan.

Brendan Bendar

Filthy kerrrrntt

JuanBerrosa

At the inlaws this weekend, had a massive feed of BBQ meat, with a load of scallions yesterday .

Sank about 6 cans of Guinness along with some cava with dessert at the end.

Jaysus the explosive black sludge shotgun blasted on to the backv of the porcelian was a sight for sore eyes.

The bang of rotten cabbage and stale kippers would've been something the jacks of the civil service would be proud of ... you know the types, working for the department of agriculture - on about 120k a year for doing **** all ... 30 hour weeks, 6 weeks summer holidays ... cheap polyster suits going in there after the subsidized breakfast - sounds like a bolt of otters diving off a riverbank .... etc...

Even after an hour of the window open I can still smell the stale kippers....

The mother in law will be busy scrubbing that jacks tonight!!!

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118740797#Comment_118740797

In fairness you spread a fair bit of bile there, lad.

You must have had a run in with Ashton Gate from a few shiny arsed jobsworths there recently?

Smell of stale smeg and dried in piss off them.

Grouptherapy

To borrow a description form a previous post - I just deposited a yoke like a rolling pin in the office jacks. I knew it was going to be serious based on the weekend diet & the actual heat haze from the farts - never mind the bang.

I went to the back-up jacks, the ones down past the canteen, as they're usually quieter first thing. The smell was horrendous and of course the sub wouldn't dive even after a few flushes. Exasperated, I tried the musket loader technique... Folded up a few wads of the dual ply and repeatedly rammed them down with the brush. It worked, log was sufficiently broken and the head of water in the filled bowl was enough to force everything down stream.

It's a useful technique but not without risk - it can just make blockage worse resulting in cleaners mobilising with out of order signs and mops etc. And you just know they're eying everyone up after thinking who was the dirty animal who did that.

You the man

I think I need group therapy with the mission I'm currently in the process of performing..

Bad weekend diet. Lots of stout.

An environmental catastrophe is unfolding.

easygoing39

Took a dump there last night,2 beautiful brown trout,minimum clean up on the jacks roll front.Flushed the jacks and away they went to the lads in Ringend.Bit of a skid mark at the u-bend,nothing major,but it's nice to leave the old Shanks clean for the family,so got the toilet brush and gave it a quick scrub.As soon as I removed the toilet brush one of the brown trouts reappears and breaks the water line,gave me a shock.Have never had a lurker before,reminded me of this scene.............

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I91DJZKRxs

Might be useful advice for lady readers of a certain age who are feeling ‘bound up’.

Larbre34

My kids watch a channel on YouTube that's of a family and their fun adventures with their 3 Malamute dogs, 1 Golden Retriever and a cat.

In recent days, the oldest of the Malamutes was a bit under the weather, off his food, lethargic, unsettled.

Worried about twisted stomach, which can afflict such dogs they attended the Vet, who recommended scans and a trip to a specialist, which they promptly did.

£1,500 later, it turned out the big furry kernt just needed to fart, which the veterinary consultant assisted with a catheter and a bowl of hot stewed prunes. Apparently he didn't think of both sides of that equation and when it got out, it took the paint off his walls and the laminate off his desk.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118759449#Comment_118759449

Fcuker would be in a can of second grade Chum if he cost me that Larry.

Larbre34

Let's just say they were a little frustrated at the cost for the furry old bersterd.

But still, you wouldn't see them in pain all the same, and we all know what it's like to have a cramp from an immovable fart at a family event. It can ruin your whole day.

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118764089#Comment_118764089

Or make your whole week.

Lewis_Benson

I'd say a good few on this thread are fairly bound up after seeing the fuel prices rising.

I wonder if sour midden can be refined to make diesel?

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118767476#Comment_118767476

The sour midden spread around here would burn the engine out of a Challenger tank, Lewis.

Theres lads on here with asbestos lined skiddies.

Lewis_Benson

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118767581#Comment_118767581

We could extract the gas to use for home heating....

easygoing39

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118767737#Comment_118767737

Here's a bit of light reading regarding the use of sh1te in the home.....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dry_dung_fuel

Lewis_Benson

Dung cakes would work well in the auld Stanley 90.

cj maxx

I'm not sure what's wrong with my gut , but I haven't had firm stools in a couple of months. A slurry type consistency is how I'd describe it. Buying all-bran and weetabix tomorrow.

And a new toilet brush !

Larbre34

As someone with bowel cancer in my family, don't leave a persistent change in bowel habits, particularly from firm to consistently loose stools unchecked. Especially if you are between 40 and 50.

Very quick and easy check.

Though most of the kernts in here probably blew their bowels down the pan years ago, now it's just a straight pipe.

Have started making my own curries from scratch. Made a vindaloo last night which was at the very limit of what was comfortable. Sweating eating it sort of thing. Then had 10 cans of stout while watching the Liverpool match. Knew my hole was going to be septic this morning, but it was even worse than I imagined.

Huge quantity of damp farts being let go all morning. Smelled like something had died down there. Finally managed to “clean out the boot” around 2PM. Just back in the door and there’s still a major whiff emerging from the place.

Going to head in there and light a few matches before herself gets home.