What's the etiquette here??

Borderfox

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Lads, this is class and all but some of you could be suffering from Chrones. It's not normal to be sh1tting in a violent manner more than once a day.

I've a cousin working as an Arse doctor in Beaumont. I would happily refer anyone here on to him.

All he's sees all day every day are 18 spokers!! No thanks

Sluiced one out after baking it for 72km on a bicycle and it sounded like chitty chitty bang bang starting. Pure pleasure with a Teflon end to it as well.

Hotblack Desiato

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re9YorsrUa4

The Princess Bride

https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1127244506670276608?s=09

Just because you all love talking utter sh!te

Brendan Bendar

Simmering nicely....

Bullocks

The Princess Bride wrote: »

https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1127244506670276608?s=09

Just because you all love talking utter sh!te

Think that was JohnnyFlash as a boy

Pero_Bueno

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Lads, this is class and all but some of you could be suffering from Chrones. It's not normal to be sh1tting in a violent manner more than once a day.

I've a cousin working as an Arse doctor in Beaumont. I would happily refer anyone here on to him.

I've always wondered, who wants to specialise in Arse doctory ?
Is it the fella that grauduates bottom of medical school ?

JohnnyFlash

Pero_Bueno wrote: »

I've always wondered, who wants to specialise in Arse doctory ?
Is it the fella that grauduates bottom of medical school ?

Must have been behind in his studies

Hector Savage

I knew there was another thread on this ...

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057945199&page=9

Check out JF post on the wedding

gerrybbadd

Lads i've come to the conclusion that i have zero sense. Not an ounce.

Saturday night, decided a 4 in 1 would be grand for the dinner. Spent most the day yesterday with a dicky tummy. Anyhow, come dinner time last night, i made the wise decision to have... you guessed it.... another 4 in 1 for the dinner.

I woke myself farting this morning. Low, howling noises, extended in duration, in place of an alarm. The baby was crying in the bed beside me, i think she was after dutch ovening herself.

That was all well and good, until one of the howlers turned to liquid. Hot gravy between the cheeks. Good jesus, i've been dashing all morning. Just landed into work, and i had no sooner sat down, when i felt the guts clenching up. I knew instantly i was in trouble. I literally waddled out the door, and was in the hall between the office and the jacks when the inevitable happened - this baby was coming early - my waters were after breaking. High speed now into Trap 1, and the force of the liquid that evacuated from my bowels created a richocet effect on the water, splashing the ring, cheeks and Colm Cooper with foul water.

I had to sit in there for 10 minutes, to be sure all the leakage had subsided. All i'll say is, it's a good thing the toilet seat was there, becuase if not, i'd have shyte all up my back too.

Hector Savage

4 in 1 ?

gerrybbadd

Hector Savage wrote: »

4 in 1 ?

Curry, rice, chips and chicken

Woke Hogan

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Curry, rice, chips and chicken

That sounds absolutely disgusting.

partyguinness

I knew it was only a matter of time before someone started posting pics.

gerrybbadd

Woke Hogan wrote: »

That sounds absolutely disgusting.

You'd be wrong there.

Just back from round 3, and i'm more than happy to report, i've finally found some solidity in my soilage. Now, what was dropped off was by no means a fiberous mass, rather it was like freshly opened play doh, but its a start. Much better than píssing out the arse anyhow

Hector Savage

Leaving the office yesterday, I stopped by the jax for a quick piss, JAYSUS THE F*CKING FENT of the place!.

My eyes were burning but I had to go so I just bared it.
Some people are f*cking animals!!
Even the glade didn't help that at least the smelly fat f*cker was kind enough to spray after he deposited about 18KG of gravelly yobble to the back of the pewter.

Christ!, and then you take shallow breaths but all that does is make you wanna take a deeper inhalation a few breaths later!!!

ffs!!

gerrybbadd

Small sniffs Hector, Small sniffs

Scoundrel

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Lads, this is class and all but some of you could be suffering from Chrones. It's not normal to be sh1tting in a violent manner more than once a day.

I've a cousin working as an Arse doctor in Beaumont. I would happily refer anyone here on to him.

Hector Savage

I remember years ago (almost 20 now) I was playing tennis down in St. Annes and I felt the old gurgle down below - was playing my brother who I have a very competitve relationship with on the court, just lost the 1st set 6-7 so was in foul form - the toilets at the little shack there were out of bounds so I went into the line of trees behind the courts and just emptied me guts into the small stream there.
Sounded like a family of otters diving into a river - took a couple of tennis balls with me for TP - funny sensation wiping your starfish with a tennis ball that's for sure.

Then we continued the game with them and I tell ya the topspin effect while flecks of ****e were flying off the ball and getting stuck in the strings .... nah just joking here!!!
Nah, I dumped them into the stream too and laughed heartily as I watched them bob down the river - a mix of green and brown - ****ing rank!

River is full of rats too, so didn't feel bad about the littering aspect.

Felt a lot lighter after getting rid of that kilo or 2 of midden and stormed the next set 6-2 .... won the third too 6-4 or 7-5.

Belter of a match and let off a massive fart to celebrate, you know people talk about McEnroe - Borg, Ivanisevic - Rafter .... Nadal - Federer, Djokovic - Federer ... but I tell ya, I know the legendery match in my head.

Former Observer

Any of ye ever had a 'tearer'? A rough and gravelly dehydrated log that feels like sandpaper as it slowly and methodically passes through your angus chute? Because of their relative density they will not conform to the shape or circumference of your balloon knot, instead pushing through like a snow plough. Abrasive little bastards sometimes followed by a few pebbles and/or the passing of blood.

Brendan Bendar

Hector Savage wrote: »

I remember years ago (almost 20 now) I was playing tennis down in St. Annes and I felt the old gurgle down below - was playing my brother who I have a very competitve relationship with on the court, just lost the 1st set 6-7 so was in foul form - the toilets at the little shack there were out of bounds so I went into the line of trees behind the courts and just emptied me guts into the small stream there.
Sounded like a family of otters diving into a river - took a couple of tennis balls with me for TP - funny sensation wiping your starfish with a tennis ball that's for sure.

Then we continued the game with them and I tell ya the topspin effect while flecks of ****e were flying off the ball and getting stuck in the strings .... nah just joking here!!!
Nah, I dumped them into the stream too and laughed heartily as I watched them bob down the river - a mix of green and brown - ****ing rank!

River is full of rats too, so didn't feel bad about the littering aspect.

Felt a lot lighter after getting rid of that kilo or 2 of midden and stormed the next set 6-2 .... won the third too 6-4 or 7-5.

Belter of a match and let off a massive fart to celebrate, you know people talk about McEnroe - Borg, Ivanisevic - Rafter .... Nadal - Federer, Djokovic - Federer ... but I tell ya, I know the legendery match in my head.

I’d say you had to put the shorts in with the spuds to boil-wash them, when you got home.

Former Observer

Texture of a rusk.

Hotblack Desiato

Former Observer wrote: »

Any of ye ever had a 'tearer'? A rough and gravelly dehydrated log that feels like sandpaper as it slowly and methodically passes through your angus chute?

No but you can get a similar effect from eating a few packets of Doritos.

EmmetSpiceland

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

No but you can get a similar effect from eating a few packets of Doritos.

That happened me awhile back, I’m sure I posted about it here. I believe it was the “Cool Original” flavour.

Left a sandy layer on the floor of the bowl after the flush. Was not pleasant.

Hego Damask

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

No but you can get a similar effect from eating a few packets of Doritos.

Actually I had an 108g bag of Doritos the other week and my digestive system was not right for a day or two after it.
Was shooting pebbles and just felt blocked down there.

Felt I needed a good strong laxative to sort it.

Aglomerado

A poo should not have corners. F#ck Doritos.

Fr_Dougal

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I’d say you had to put the shorts in with the spuds to boil-wash them, when you got home.

Bloody*Mary, that’s horrific.

Hotblack Desiato

Aglomerado wrote: »

A poo should not have corners. F#ck Doritos.

Maybe you need to chew a bit more thoroughly

But still, can form quite an abrasive 'aggregate'-like substance.

Former Observer

Imagine breaking a ginger nut biscuit in half and running the rough edge up and down the inside of your angus tract.

Hector Savage

Former Observer wrote: »

Imagine breaking a ginger nut biscuit in half and running the rough edge up and down the inside of your angus tract.

Stick around and someone will post their experience of it ...

partyguinness

Lads, in a dream last night I shat myself twice (in the dream that is). I don't know if it is from reading this thread too much or my little girl's toilet training atm. Never had such a dream in my life.