What's the etiquette here??

Brendan Bendar

Probably in the queue for Stonewall there in Oxford St as we speak.

Cretin.

Grouptherapy

Must’ve eaten half the apple / pear crumble by myself yesterday. This coupled with plenty of vegetables in the lunch, all washed down with a mixture of wine & beers meant I was absolutely rotten this morning.

Had a dose of the munchies plus a tender head so decided a cooked breakfast was in order. Was queuing and this gimp in pointy shoes was standing way too close behind me. Poor etiquette. Shuffling along with his head down looking at phone. I released another silent killer and the fcuker caught it full blast. I heard a muttered curse and he social distanced himself the fcuk back from me.

Mid-morning the weekend brew, coupled with the morning coffee, was ready for unloading. The eventual discharge was like the anchor and chain from a frigate dropping into midden bay. Great start to the week!

Hoop66

Two good feeds of pints over the weekend, lads. And two good dinners.

My home office is very small, it's like working inside a packet of dry roasted peanuts.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119791387#Comment_119791387

Don’t strike a match!!

Nevin Parsnipp

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119787081#Comment_119787081

Very well done ....these cnunts what shade you in the line really deserve what they get ....had a spaff behind me in the Superette queue the other day who kept nudging me with his trolley.

Luckily I had a spidery fart on the clutch which I hissed out in short 10 second bursts ...spaff got a fit of coughin and departed at speed for another checkout.

Saw that cnunt orf I muttered with some satisfaction....

Larbre34

Same happened me at Bristol Airport this morning. Some kerntette and her feral children were invading my personal space while queueing for Security, when, go tobann, the 6am Full English with Orange Juice and two strong coffees kicked in and I clapped out the opening bars of Amhrán na bhFiann with the satisfying warmth of a guaranteed direct hit.

Last I saw she was reviving her youngest with a waved copy of Cosmopolitan magazine.

Nevin Parsnipp

I wish to nominate my "upstairs commode" for the pewter of the week award...

Had been suffering from a touch of anal stifle for the past few days ....which all finished this morn when I burst out two enormous girthy hawsers of solid midden.

Put a savage stretch on the ring piece so they did..

Didn't think my small but well appointed cludgie would be able to deal with the two beasts so it was with some trepidation I pushed the big button.

Healthy flush and gurgle and I watched the two elephants tusks disappear at first flush with minimal staining ...

Must admit I was very chuffed ...and confidently propose my commode for "Pewter of the week" award.

EmmetSpiceland

Seconded.

StevenToast

Turded

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119799877#Comment_119799877

Equipment that often doesn't get the recognition it deserves. Especially modern compact eco-friendly ones with hardly enough of a flush to lick a stamp, never mind shift some of the bowl-busters mentioned in these hallowed pages.

Brendan Bendar

Blew out two full arse-cheeks of ripe ‘stewing beef’ into the en suite of a Midlands Hotel recently.

Coated the furniture extensively.

Only then saw the sign in the room “due renovations water may not be available in these rooms between 10 and 12 “

Then gave the days date which was that day.

Decided to pay cash for the stay …….to lessen traceability hopefully.

easygoing39

Can they get DNA from a turd???

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119803159#Comment_119803159

Hope you left tenner in the room too for Malgorzata when she rocked for the room clean.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119803054#Comment_119803054

The pull chain is the ultimate shïtbox design. Can deal with even the heaviest loads. Classic Victorian design - Brunel was probably involved.

Not a perfect setup in they picture though - why go installing a thick solid wood door when the side partitions aren’t fully ceiling to floor? Also the pissers are too close to the cubicles and an errant peg might splash a load of hot vinegary piss all over the floor and potentially into the cubicle.

Edit - those dispensers look like they might be the dreaded Tork Single Sheet dispensers - a perfect example of man’s inhumanity to man. Should be viewed the same as leaded petrol.

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119804238#Comment_119804238

Was thinking just the same as the good doctor. Elevated tank gives 7 feet of hydrostatic pressure. Man enough for all but the most protein-dense logs. Proper design means you can't reach chain from sitting position -ensures you're at a safe distance from the flush.

Brendan Bendar

Hmmm. ….. always looked forward to the ‘hoop sprinkle’ after a sit down flush.

The cold water douse helps to …well…. ‘calm her down’ a bit after busting out scatther of beef stew.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119803906#Comment_119803906

A score, with a handwritten note saying “Sorry for your troubles”.

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119805270#Comment_119805270

I got Poseidon’s “kiss” on the back of the nut purse, recently, B. Was very unnerving.

Even after a thorough drying I felt a cold, wet, “sensation” in that area for the rest of the day. Very possibly some form of, localised, cold water shock.

Just remember, whatever “games” you are playing, always respect the water.

Was in an "authentic" Chinese restaurant last night. Fish head soup, green beans fried in chili oil, bang bang chicken, and pot sticker dumplings. Had a fair few large bottles of Tsingtao lager with the food.

Won't go into too much detail, but had to deal with a large amount of pot stickers again this morning. They also had a very cabbagy twang off them. Not a job for chopsticks, so went for the vigorous toilet brush and two 6 litre flushes (sorry Minister Ryan) resolution.

Sgt Hartman

Sunday evening's Bacon and cabbage dinner was followed up by a nice bottle of Dada No.8 red wine and an evening snack consisting of blueberries, natural yogurt, tahini paste, honey and mixed seeds. The resulting log the next morning came out very smoothly but it smelled rather odd and the log itself had a rich, dark burgundy hue. The dark wine tannins were quite evident on the toilet paper when wiping, and the log itself left two dark blood like streaks in the bowl after I sent it on it's way to Irishtown with the relevant paperwork. I felt so satisfied afterwards however that I went downstairs, curled up on the couch and took a nice nap.

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119805290#Comment_119805290

Fair play BB.

What would be the going rate if say a pair of soiled boxers was stuffed in the bin too? Asking for a friend.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119820654#Comment_119820654

Fork all, G, all the lass has to do is empty the bin.

Now, different story if a well clagged set of skids is found lodged among the sheets and there has been some ‘runoff’.

Now best way would be to horse the garment out the window but sometimes that’s not possible.

I’d suggest a tenner and a note saying the scallops might have been a bit ‘blown’ should avert any ‘follow up’.

Lad I knew overdid the shellfish and rice based beer on a stag……..blew severe burst of buttery midden into the cot and could not rectify.

cost a ‘fiddy’ and a personal meeting with Magdalena who, in fairness,he said, seemed quite familiar with the issue.

Be careful out there.

Brendan is Guineys largest buyer of XXXL keyhole y-fronts.

Cookie_Monster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119821283#Comment_119821283

Scandalous rumour spreading

Though to be fair I'd well believe it

Lewis_Benson

I'd say brendan is the type to drive an 07 lexus, thinks its the dogs bollocks.

easygoing39

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119822723#Comment_119822723

With a set of Dunlop golf club's in the boot!!

On the committee of one of the taxi driver golf clubs up past the airport.

Brendan Bendar

Lot of fcuking shade coming this way …..all of it untrue.

Not a fan of the keyhole kex, too difficult to get the wand out past the Galvin Green wetgear out on the course.

Whos the kernt who mentioned the Dunlop golf clubs?

Parsnipp might hike those sticks but the Brenner is pure Ping.

Next thing I’ll be playing TopFlite XLs!!!

Shower of kernts.

Arthur Fent

Woke this morning, after a troubled sleep...to the sound of all out mayhem in the guts. It was like one of those old steam engines. Gurgles, hisses, water moving around etc. Knew I was in for some serious trauma. Headed straight to the jacks and hoped for the best. 20 mins of hot arse gravy and sounds you'd only hear in an abertoir. Was left a shadow of my former self. Popped down for a little breakfast before work, but was back on the throne in minutes for round two. Wolfed down a fee Immodium instants, and thankfully that's put the breaks on, for now at least. Have a feeling a I haven't seen the end of it yet. Pray for me lads. ...

Lewis_Benson

So it took 2 and a half years, but ive caught Covid.

Let me tell you lads. Its a horrible horrible dose.

The scutters are the most unpleasant i3ve ever had to evacuate, and the smell is that of the town landfill.