What's the etiquette here??

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122132379#Comment_122132379

I was thinking along the same lines - increased productivity and reduced downtime. It could be on the company's internal platform / intranet so you could check availability in real time before leaving your desk. Maybe even book a seat…

Civil Serpent unions would make a meal of it though. They'd look for increased pay due to staff training etc before it could be implemented.

JIdontknow

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122132862#Comment_122132862

Or a ticket system like in the motor tax office. Would avoid the weirdos who play "fastest checkout" and wait outside the door of what cubicle they think will open next… Its an agitating experience sitting embracing some focus time being at peace with yourself and some pleb in his beige chinos and loafers standing outside checking the door… It reminds me of the poem "The Listeners by Walter De la Mare" - "is there anybody there" said the traveler… knocking on the moonlit door (Of course there is, the door says engaged and you can hear me grunting trying to push out a dam buster and biting down on my leather belt).

On another golf related topic, I was playing in a well established (100 plus years) course recently and after the round decided to use the facilities. There was what can only be described as a cross between a sod of turf and a divot in the U bend (Im wondering if the person in question consumed some expanding foam)… if you had a German sprat you could have tried to land it but you’d need braid not nylon. I gave it two mighty flushes and it wouldn’t budge, had to use the adjoining cubicle… whoever landed that must take some divots, hope he doesn’t use a chrome soft because he’s not holding greens with the spin he’s generating by the looks of his “divot”, unless he “dead arms” it. One thing for sure his hoop was probably like the top of a wellie after delivering that sod of turf… Poor kernt.

Brendan Bendar

Why won't some people close the frikken door of the trap properly?

Pulled into an establishment in the Midlands recently…quick snack and a hand wash.(p1ss).

Door bursts open in in comes this hobbit, head on him like a slipper of ham, into the stall and whacks the door

'closed' but the thing bounces half open ….Im looking in the mirror and next thing a blast like a bale of broken briquettes being emptied hits the pan followed by long gush of brown air….

Up with the strides…no hand wash and out the door ….filthy kernt.

JIdontknow

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122148145#Comment_122148145

Unfortunately this situation is becoming all too common Brendan. Once I read Midlands that was enough, middle earth, all that shite… I also don't know why they don't have "cattle grids" around the toilets to prevent these hobbit like cretins from having a mud bath, but also for the "overboard" pish water to drip away from the floor instead of having it pool and trying to hold the hasp of the arse of your chinos off the ground at the same time trying to enjoy some peace and solace while sluicing one handed…

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122165695#Comment_122165695

Good call JI, lads from that particular area seem to have a propensity just to point the brown eye in the general direction of the pot and blow out a loose fuselade of arse muck which invariably has a wide footprint..like a few bull calves after a day in a field of aftergrass.

This is usually after a ‘big feed’ at the carvery, 11 or 12 pints of Porter and a Long Ray and chips on the way home.

Fcukkers must be full of tapeworms!!

PP Lee

So true

Lewis_Benson

A recent trip to Cambrils, Spain did me no favours in the sh1tter dept.

Was spewing out what can only be described as watery curry sauce for a week and half.

Must have been all the pub grub and strong beers. I'd say Juan and Rodrigo down at fabrica de mierda had their work cut out while I was there.

Brendan Bendar

You are not wrong.

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122172092#Comment_122172092

An enema might be kinder Bren? What do you do? Stand over it on 2 kitchen chairs and ease yerself down onto it? A home help assistant to crank it into life?

I think the gentle lapping of the enema solution is your friend.

An Ri rua

"A recent trip to Cambrils, Spain did me no favours in the sh1tter dept.

Was spewing out what can only be described as watery curry sauce for a week and half.

Must have been all the pub grub and strong beers. I'd say Juan and Rodrigo down at fabrica de mierda had their work cut out while I was there."

Dem two are only sh1t-stirrers, good enough for them.

An Ri rua

"Why won't some people close the frikken door of the trap properly?

Pulled into an establishment in the Midlands recently…quick snack and a hand wash.(p1ss).

Door bursts open in in comes this hobbit, head on him like a slipper of ham, into the stall and whacks the door

'closed' but the thing bounces half open ….Im looking in the mirror and next thing a blast like a bale of broken briquettes being emptied hits the pan followed by long gush of brown air….

Up with the strides…no hand wash and out the door ….filthy kernt."

The desolation of arse smog; no worst,there is none. To be f*ckin sure.

Tolkien spent time with Gerald 'Manky' Hopkins in Monasterevin and grew to also detest the Midlands.

Gave him nightmares and the trots, somme would say.

Slideways

Ms Slideways has left this in the en-suite, passive aggressive way of telling me my offerings are offensive I’m assuming.

Gave it a lash, it’s quite a powerful scent

cbreeze

For serious excavation atrocities try the portaloos at the Ploughing Championships. Unfortunately if you 're not a trade exhibitor you can't use the exclusive clean facilities.

cbreeze

You know you're a redneck if someone in your household says c'mere an look at this afore ah flush it ...

JIdontknow

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122172208#Comment_122172208

An awful existence. Half water half debris, like washing out a bowl of half eaten coco pops in a sink. And then the hoop chafing to follow, feels like grinding valve seats on an old 2 stroke engine… Sometimes in this situation a little dabble of sudo works wonders, just "takes the edge" off things so to speak. Glad you and the sump plug are better, it's no laughing matter…

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122133524#Comment_122133524

Drawstring on his hoop is obviously perished, no elasticity, no 'snap' in the fcuker, just gone slack like the hood of a cheap anorak.

That sod of turf you hoved up on was probably sluiced out from a cavity like the baggage delivery belt of an international airport.

Sphincter exercises needed here JI otherwise its the sail repair needle required.

Brendan Bendar

While I'm at it and discussing golf club changing rooms, why do auld lads insist on swanning around the locker rooms with nobs like turkey drumsticks dangling in front of them.

Fcuck sake a bit of respect here.

JIdontknow

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122174990#Comment_122174990

yeah I think so Brendan! Some back end kegal exercises should tighten up the undercarriage for the poor fella. Probably had a bit of a “knot” in a log that did the damage but not to worry the auld hoop ring is very versatile and recovers quickly, think of arse Pilates and some “crunches” but maybe avoid squats until the drawstring tightens up … you don’t want your hoop to turn inside out. It’ll be ok though don’t worry we are all with you.

JIdontknow

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122175106#Comment_122175106

I hear ya Brendan! I commented on this scenario previously, wild animals with their grey plumage and little chodes as they prance around tapping each other on the back in the showers saying, god Johnny that was a great 8 you had today on the index 1, a great “up and down”… oh thanks, I have “lost a lot of length off the tee” but the touch is still there and all this shite and they drying off and the chodes at eye level as you try put on a clean pair of socks… a rasher with the corner of a wet towel would be well deserved on some of them…

Baba Yaga

got "volunteered" to work security at a up-market function a few years ago,was told be great,double-time,youll enjoy it,best of eatables,nice people,great place blahblahblah anywho had to hit the facilities for a wizz,walked in,two lads at the pissers,hands behind heads,tuxedo strides and jocks near around the ankles and waving the 45gallon bellies in the general direction of the ceramics,pish fcukin everywhere,up-market me hole…co-incedently the midlands as well..what does be going through lads minds?supposedly "up-market" people…

Hotblack Desiato

Time for some (nsfw) music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf86b5gWrnI

@Baba Yaga a turd rolled in glitter is still a turd.

Lewis_Benson

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122177612#Comment_122177612

5 star nosh there.

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122177612#Comment_122177612

Hadn't seen the dining / sh1tter combo. That's a nice upgrade and will certainly appeal to this group of craftsmen.

Whereabouts?

Aytin and sh1t-tin, food at S*perm*cs 🎵

Hotblack Desiato

What you did with that word makes it look like Sperm Cnuts ?

mfceiling

Maybe one of the regulars in here might take inspiration from this. Save the lads in Ringsend from tackling what is a thankless task.

dulpit

Had need to use the facilities in local shopping centre today. The quality of toilet paper was abysmal, it was 2 ply but might as well have been 1 ply. I feel there needs to be a minimum quality that public facilities need to meet in this department. Everything else was top notch.

tohaltuwi

Japanese toilet paper is the only way to go. Very dense, completely effective, rolls weigh a ton and last forever. Superbly efficient.

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122190977#Comment_122190977

The rolls that play modesty white noise soundscapes are the best. Music sheets that hit the right note, one might say

https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/s/zvmonucaCM

https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/s/RMuyeHnTQg

An Ri rua

Quote

"Had need to use the facilities in local shopping centre today. The quality of toilet paper was abysmal, it was 2 ply but might as well have been 1 ply. I feel there needs to be a minimum quality that public facilities need to meet in this department. Everything else was top notch"

Have you brought this up with the political canvassers on the doorsteps?

Hot issue and, let's be fair, they above all others excel at talking sh1t.

Votail #2 if you want a national minimum ply.

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122189392#Comment_122189392

Wouldn't that leave them with a taskless tank though?