What's the etiquette here??

Hector Savage

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I hope you emptied the contents of the child’s underpants on the aisle before disembarking.

Can’t stand that level of bureaucratic nonsense. Should be punished at every opportunity.

In fairness they are just doing their job, with every idiot nowadays suing they have to cover their asses.

EmmetSpiceland

Hector Savage wrote: »

In fairness they are just doing their job, with every idiot nowadays suing they have to cover their asses.

That won’t cut the mustard with me, H. Not only would I empty the kid’s shít on the floor, I’d be “logging on” myself in solidarity.

A message has be sent. In the event of a “soiling” emergency let them use the jacks, it’s not like it’s dumped onto the runway when you flush.

EmmetSpiceland

Bit of advice needed here, I’m normally like clockwork with the 10/10:30 “evacuation” in the morning and that hasn’t changed but something has happened that has impacted my “shítcadian” rhythm.

I’ve basically had “nature calling” at 12/12:30 every night for the last couple of months. It’s very disheartening as it’s keeping me up later than I would like and it’s not the nicest feeling settling into bed with a hot “gun barrel”.

Anyone have any similar experiences or found a way to shift the timings of your “leavings”?

I’d appreciate any suggestions, but serious ones only please.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Filthy kernt, was going to give you a like till I read the last line.

News for you, dropped a load like a bucket of wallpaper paste into the rear convenience of an Aer Lingus flight from Amsterdam yesterday..... fairly large damage footprint which had to be cleaned, had to abandon the jocks in Dublin Airport as the crotch was well ‘pasted’.

Presumed you worked at the airport, and not using it to fly in and out from Dublin on ‘important company business’. The ‘lav cart’ lead driver and supervisor on the late night shift.

AndrewJRenko

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That won’t cut the mustard with me, H. Not only would I empty the kid’s shít on the floor, I’d be “logging on” myself in solidarity.

A message has be sent. In the event of a “soiling” emergency let them use the jacks, it’s not like it’s dumped onto the runway when you flush.

Maybe if parents did some parenting, they'd be managing the food intake and toilet schedules for the kids, making sure they empty out during the flight, while the loos are available, instead of getting taken by 'surprise' by the eminently predictable event during landing? Having parents and kids bouncing around with no seat belts during landing isn't a 'bureaucratic' problem.

Sheep Shagger

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

Maybe if parents did some parenting, they'd be managing the food intake and toilet schedules for the kids, making sure they empty out during the flight, while the loos are available, instead of getting taken by 'surprise' by the eminently predictable event during landing? Having parents and kids bouncing around with no seat belts during landing isn't a 'bureaucratic' problem.

Do you have kids? Like many adults, the time you need to **** and piss can be very difficult to 'schedule'.

padd b1975

Sheep Shagger wrote: »

Do you have kids? Like many adults, the time you need to **** and piss can be very difficult to 'schedule'.

Maybe it's time to introduce 'sheating' to what seems like a busy home life?

You can thank me later.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Presumed you worked at the airport, and not using it to fly in and out from Dublin on ‘important company business’. The ‘lav cart’ lead driver and supervisor on the late night shift.

You mean the ‘Honey Cart’ John.

AndrewJRenko

Sheep Shagger wrote: »

Do you have kids? Like many adults, the time you need to **** and piss can be very difficult to 'schedule'.

"very difficult" to take kids to the loo mid flight?

California Dreamer

Hector Savage wrote: »

Ias we were landing

Of course you should have been allowed to get up from your seat walk freely about the cabin with a child. Be dammed the landing whether there is crosswinds or a rough landing or anything like that. As long as your kid can take a ****!!! :mad::mad::mad:

I will take the ****ty pants over a head injury, broken bones or worse any day!

Sheep Shagger

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

"very difficult" to take kids to the loo mid flight?

Ideally yes but kids don't always think like that- to go during the flight.

AndrewJRenko

Sheep Shagger wrote: »

Ideally yes but kids don't always think like that- to go during the flight.

That's when the parents need to do some parenting.

Bullocks

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

Sheep Shagger wrote: »

Ideally yes but kids don't always think like that- to go during the flight.

That's when the parents need to do some parenting.

Bate the "****e" out of them before the flight kinda thing?

Sheep Shagger

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

That's when the parents need to do some parenting.

Ok then - you're the expert.

AndrewJRenko

Bullocks wrote: »

Bate the "****e" out of them before the flight kinda thing?

I was more thinking about bringing them to the loo mid-flight when the loos are accessible. Beating children is illegal in Ireland and most countries now. But if you like beating small people, you could try choosing holiday locations where it is not illegal, if that's your thing.

Hego Damask

Congrats JohnnyFlash on the Liverpool win, I am sure there is some Spanish cleaning lady cursing you as she has discovered the pewter in your hotel room!

Brendan Bendar

Hego Damask wrote: »

Congrats JohnnyFlash on the Liverpool win, I am sure there is some Spanish cleaning lady cursing you as she has discovered the pewter in your hotel room!

I’d suggest the bang of stout logs emanating from that device would be sufficient to stun a mature rhino.

Filthy kernt.

JohnnyFlash

Hego Damask wrote: »

Congrats JohnnyFlash on the Liverpool win, I am sure there is some Spanish cleaning lady cursing you as she has discovered the pewter in your hotel room!

Don’t want to go into too many details,
Hego, but ended up not using my hotel room at all due to the fact that I ended up in the room of a busty little Scouser in her mid-40’s. I didn’t manage the 90 minutes as I was fairly well oiled at that stage. Great ride I must say. Got her number so that’s me sorted for a place to stay in Liverpool.

Some sour enough farts discharged this morning on the taxi to the airport though (Miguel, the driver was giving me the filthies in the rear view mirror), and thoroughly coated the rear dunny with foul smelling midden on Aer Lingus flight 593.’Shelved’ most of it. Not pleasant. Extremely acidic as well, and have a severe enough case of ring sting as a result. Just in the door now, and I was going to crack the skull open on a few cans of Guinness while watching a replay of the match. Mightn’t bother now though. Think I need a roast dinner and a few pints of tea instead.

YNWA.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Don’t want to go into too many details,
Hego, but ended up not using my hotel room at all due to the fact that I ended up in the room of a busty little Scouser in her mid-40’s. I didn’t manage the 90 minutes as I was fairly well oiled at that stage. Great ride I must say. Got her number so that’s me sorted for a place to stay in Liverpool.

Some sour enough farts discharged this morning on the taxi to the airport though (Miguel, the driver was giving me the filthies in the rear view mirror), and thoroughly coated the rear dunny with foul smelling midden on Aer Lingus flight 593.’Shelved’ most of it. Not pleasant. Extremely acidic as well, and have a severe enough case of ring sting as a result. Just in the door now, and I was going to crack the skull open on a few cans of Guinness while watching a replay of the match. Mightn’t bother now though. Think I need a roast dinner and a few pints of tea instead.

YNWA.

I’d keep a sharpish lookout on the stem over the next week or two, John,any weeping around the hogs eye or scabs around the rim of the helmet would require urgent action.

Hanging her in a mug of Dettol won’t cut the mustard here John, them scousers not noted for hygiene.

Any build up of ‘Helmetdale’ should not be ignored.

Bullocks

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

Bullocks wrote: »

Bate the "****e" out of them before the flight kinda thing?

I was more thinking about bringing them to the loo mid-flight when the loos are accessible. Beating children is illegal in Ireland and most countries now. But if you like beating small people, you could try choosing holiday locations where it is not illegal, if that's your thing.

Not my thing at all Andrew

gerrybbadd

Jonny I'd say you're on the road to recovery today after a monumental dose of celebrating. Hope that Scouse bird didn't leave ya with an itch.

I'm not right since I returned from Trabolgan. There hasn't been one solid movement. Woke again this morning with the absolute fear of letting rip afear I might end up with smelly wet jocks.

The best day I had so far was yesterday but even then, it was a nest of baby eels followed by about 10 loud echoing farts and a toilet that needed a seeing to with bleach and a good stiff brush

Brendan Bendar

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Jonny I'd say you're on the road to recovery today after a monumental dose of celebrating. Hope that Scouse bird didn't leave ya with an itch.

I'm not right since I returned from Trabolgan. There hasn't been one solid movement. Woke again this morning with the absolute fear of letting rip afear I might end up with smelly wet jocks.

The best day I had so far was yesterday but even then, it was a nest of baby eels followed by about 10 loud echoing farts and a toilet that needed a seeing to with bleach and a good stiff brush

Always have a spare set in your pocket in times like this,Gerard.

Was waiting to interview a client once on ‘important company business’ and to try to head off stomach rumbling, put a squeeze on the muzzle.

Unfortunately I released a thin spray of loose drittle which coated the jocks with a good greasy footprint of sour midden.

Luckily had the spare, left the soiled item in the cistern, cleaned up, and was good to go.

padd b1975

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Always have a spare set in your pocket in times like this,Gerard.

Was waiting to interview a client once on ‘important company business’ and to try to head off stomach rumbling, put a squeeze on the muzzle.

Unfortunately I released a thin spray of loose drittle which coated the jocks with a good greasy footprint of sour midden.

Luckily had the spare, left the soiled item in the cistern, cleaned up, and was good to go.

Surprised to read that an experienced campaigner such as yourself was fazed by stomach rumblings.

The ability to survive a few 'depth charges' is a skill worth honing, it can actually be quite refreshing if performed successfully.

Some ingenuity may be required as regards explaining the rumblings in polite company.

JohnnyFlash

padd b1975 wrote: »

Surprised to read that an experienced campaigner such as yourself was fazed by stomach rumblings.

The ability to survive a few 'depth charges' is a skill worth honing, it can actually be quite refreshing if performed successfully.

Some ingenuity may be required as regards explaining the rumblings in polite company.

Different levels of rumblings, Padd. There’s the usual sort - the ones that remind you that you’re due a visit to the ‘room under the stairs’ at some point in the next hour or so. But there’s the other sort- the almost demonic sound of your digestive system working in harmony to let you know that you’ve approximately 8 seconds to find a suitable vessel for a movement that will be more liquid and gas than solids. And even then you’ll probably have to ditch the y-fronts as the sight of the Thomas Crapper causes the Hula Hoop to relax and the first half litre is ‘gone rogue’ before you get the cheeks fully lodged on the throne. Sounding like a box of wellies being thrown down a lift shaft.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Different levels of rumblings, Padd. There’s the usual sort - the ones that remind you that you’re due a visit to the ‘room under the stairs’ at some point in the next hour or so. But there’s the other sort- the almost demonic sound of your digestive system working in harmony to let you know that you’ve approximately 8 seconds to find a suitable vessel for a movement that will be more liquid and gas than solids. And even then you’ll probably have to ditch the y-fronts as the sight of the Thomas Crapper causes the Hula Hoop to relax and the first half litre is ‘gone rogue’ before you get the cheeks fully lodged on the throne. Sounding like a box of wellies being thrown down a lift shaft.

Good call there, John, actually you raised an important point there re the relaxing of the ‘dump valve’ at the sight of relief as it were.

Was taking a few swings near the first tee before driving off recently when a sudden push put severe pressure on the pit head.

Just enough time to sluice out a baton round and headed for the privies in a certain kind of waddling walk.

Soon as I got within earshot of safety,I released the clutch a bit but unfortunately the cleaner(female) was there - no one else.

Jaysus I can’t unload this cargo under these conditions but I was three fingers dilated and ready to blow. Tee off time minus five mins!!

Luckily thought of the last resort the invalid convenience, got there took aim and pumped a burst of stewing beef all over the furniture.

Hadn’t time to do much clearing up but sorry Magda if you had to clean that bad boy up.

Doubled bogeyed the first two holes after that!:mad:

Hector Savage

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Different levels of rumblings, Padd. There’s the usual sort - the ones that remind you that you’re due a visit to the ‘room under the stairs’ at some point in the next hour or so. But there’s the other sort- the almost demonic sound of your digestive system working in harmony to let you know that you’ve approximately 8 seconds to find a suitable vessel for a movement that will be more liquid and gas than solids. And even then you’ll probably have to ditch the y-fronts as the sight of the Thomas Crapper causes the Hula Hoop to relax and the first half litre is ‘gone rogue’ before you get the cheeks fully lodged on the throne. Sounding like a box of wellies being thrown down a lift shaft.

literally having spasms laughing here!!!

Former Observer

Boarded flight over the weekend, in good form, ready for a few days of sun, sea and sand, one of the last to climb the steps to the plane (always enjoy watching the goon brigade stand around needlessly for 40 minutes while I slog back four or five pints). So I'm ascending the steps when I hear a shout of protest and disgust from behind me. I look back and its the guy that puts the luggage on the plane. So I'm wondering whats got him all pissed off (he is cursing like a mothertrucker) and then I see it.

First theres a long trail of streaming piss running off across the runway from the plane. So far so bad, but then I see what's following it: torrents of stinking brown slushy chite with nuggets of.. something... escaping from beneath the plane and racing off towards finbarr the luggage guy. It was like mount vesuvius had exploded. Poor finbarr hopped in his buggy thing and spend off like a villager in indonesia running from a mudslide. So I board the plane and sure enough this shameless gormless tw&t wearing designer specs and tattoos and a dolce and gabana shirt (looked like an anorexic james arthur) is exiting the rear cubicle. Smell of chite everywhere, and yer man has a big goofy grin, and just generally a pretty WTF moment to start my holidays.

Voodoomelon

Better on the tarmac than in his jocks is all i'll say. A fine mess for the aeronautic hygiene technicians to sort out.

Hector Savage

So the tank was being emptied and some lad decided to empty his guts into an open tank !!

padd b1975

Ramadan finished yesterday.

Regular patrons of public conveniences will no doubt have made alternative arrangements.