What's the etiquette here??

Brendan Bendar

Not Jon Flash is it.

Like a fcuking gaff he’d hole up in

148multi

The ballad of father gilligan is a good one

Sonny noggs

Hector Savage wrote: »

Speaking of poo museums I think there is one somewhere ...
https://www.poomuseum.org/info/

f*cking weirdos ..

Was expecting this to be based in Germany. Some sick f**ks there, birthplace of munting for a start.


https://www.google.ie/amp/s/answers.yahoo.com/amp/qna/20120307162841AA2E844

Utter Consternation

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Aglomerado wrote: »

Don't plan on living that long . Also Guinness tends to firm things up. Too many people around to curl one out in comfort in those woods. I favour silence, plenty of bog roll and some reading material. Hard to go back to my tent with dangleberries for company.
I have a farmer friend who regularly drops one in a ditch when he's out on the land. I'd say his underpants are like Jackson Pollock paintings.

Guinness firms things up? What type of guinness are you drinking and where are you getting it?????

After a few gallons i'm usually splashing black water out my hoop like fcuking Old Faithful in Yellowstone Park (minus the Japanese tourists taking photos).

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

)

Guinness firms things up? What type of guinness are you drinking and where are you getting it?????

After a few gallons i'm usually splashing black water out my hoop like fcuking Old Faithful in Yellowstone Park (minus the Japanese tourists taking photos).

I was reading something recently (while sitting on the shîtter no doubt) about excessive gaming being the cause of over 200 divorces in the UK last year. You’d have to wonder how many cases in Ireland are down to the impacts of partners having to deal with evil smelling Guinness farts and bowel discharges). Dangerous to be honest.

gerrybbadd

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I was reading something recently (while sitting on the shîtter no doubt) about excessive gaming being the cause of over 200 divorces in the UK last year. You’d have to wonder how many cases in Ireland are down to the impacts of partners having to deal with evil smelling Guinness farts and bowel discharges). Dangerous to be honest.

Bad form with the aul gamer divorces - at least the Mrs knows where her fella is, he's above in the spare room chopping zombie's heads off, or sniping a nazi from 1000m away, scoring the winning goal in the Champion's League or whatever.

The Guinness could lead to more than just wild and loud farts. Infidelity. There's the true evil! Not the games

Pintman Paddy Losty

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Bad form with the aul gamer divorces - at least the Mrs knows where her fella is, he's above in the spare room chopping zombie's heads off, or sniping a nazi from 1000m away, scoring the winning goal in the Champion's League or whatever.

The Guinness could lead to more than just wild and loud farts. Infidelity. There's the true evil! Not the games

True enough Gerald.

I normally get a horn that could be used to club a herd of seals in Canada after a few pints.

Cant help the wandering eye I get. Especially in the summer when there does be young ones parading around with half nothing on. Jaysis.

Was supping a few porters down in stoneybatter. There must have been a festival on. Young ones with hot pants on and nork out on display and boots on. Got the horn of gander on me looking at them. Had to head off and engage the services of a professional in Smith field to ease the pressure.

JohnnyFlash

You've a problem with your flute, Paddy. You can't keep the fúcking thing in your trousers.

Pintman Paddy Losty

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You've a problem with your flute, Paddy. You can't keep the fúcking thing in your trousers.

It's an affliction Johnny. We all have our vices.

EmmetSpiceland

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You've a problem with your flute, Paddy. You can't keep the fúcking thing in your trousers.

It does sound like he’s got a problem, J.

Wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say he might be “overcompensating” for something.

gerrybbadd

Ah i woulnd't say that. Pintman is a legendary swordsman around these parts.

Rumour has it ye has an aul yoke on him like an extra value tin of Lynx

bodhrandude

Aglomerado wrote: »

Electric Picnic, 2007. I'll never forget the piles of glowing orange shyte in the portaloos following 3 days of pies, pizza and noodles. Fcuking bang off it would strip paint. I remember holding mine in until the following morning when the shyte truck came in and sucked all the stuff out, so I had a clean bowl to use. And I pissed in the woods as well.

http://www.thejournal.co.uk/news/north-east-news/charlotte-taylor-gets-stuck-toilet-4472827

Former Observer

Currently having a pint in my local. Just back from the jacks. Now I'm not shy to exaggerate the truth a little for the sake of a good story normally, but I've truthfully never in my life dropped such heavy loaves of clay in my life as just now. They were perhaps ejected with a little extra force or vindication, but once airborne they plummeted at least twice the speed of anything I've ever experience before. Each loaf sent water cascading over all four walls of the cubicle and the lil round basturds shot all the way through the plumbing without even a flush!!

Have had to go online and read about weight, density and gravity to try understand but can't make sense of the formulas. I feel a little dominated. Like a fruit fly that just shat out a bowling ball.

EmmetSpiceland

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Ah i woulnd't say that. Pintman is a legendary swordsman around these parts.

Rumour has it ye has an aul yoke on him like an extra value tin of Lynx

It’s just the “impression” those sort of posts give off, G. And I don’t fancy having any proof “produced”.

You can “look with your hands”, if he’ll let you but I'll be staying well away from that sort of “carry on”.

Pintman Paddy Losty

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

It’s just the “impression” those sort of posts give off, G. And I don’t fancy having any proof “produced”.

You can “look with your hands”, if he’ll let you but I'll be staying well away from that sort of “carry on”.

What's with all the quotation marks you nimwit?

I'm packing a serious love truncheon. The thing is like a lidl XXL pork tenderloin.

EmmetSpiceland

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

What's with all the quotation marks you nimwit?

I'm packing a serious love truncheon. The thing is like a lidl XXL pork tenderloin.

Yeah, take a step back there, bud.

Very angry and unnecessarily descriptive response, you must be suffering from a bad case of “micro” aggression.

Brendan Bendar

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

It’s just the “impression” those sort of posts give off, G. And I don’t fancy having any proof “produced”.

You can “look with your hands”, if he’ll let you but I'll be staying well away from that sort of “carry on”.

Good call ES, could be dragged into a cornholing session.

Hotblack Desiato

gerrybbadd wrote: »

at least the Mrs knows where her fella is, he's above in the spare room chopping zombie's heads off, or sniping a nazi from 1000m away, scoring the winning goal in the Champion's League or whatever.

Maybe he is, or maybe he's really pulling the skeleton out of himself in front of Chatroulette GILFs.

Obrieski

First time poster, long time admirer of the thread gents, keep up the good work.

Having my own difficulties today.
Left Ireland about a year ago to broaden my horizons. Back in the old sod, used to enjoy a Friday lunch curry before whiling away the afternoon on various chamber pots as required. Since I left, haven't partaken in the practice, until today that is.

New work crew brought me for a laksa which is basically a curry with noodles. (Actually a lovely dish for those wondering).
What followed in the afternoon wasn't so lovely.
Felt some rumblings in the early afternoon and had to make a break for it.
The laksa had acted like its namesake, a laxative, and it flowed through me like castor oil through a cat.

4 trips to the toilet later and I still don't feel the better of it.
Worse still, I have a first date later on tonight so hopefully the sphincter plays the wingman in time and knows when to shut up shop.

Wish me luck!

Utter Consternation

Obrieski wrote: »

First time poster, long time admirer of the thread gents, keep up the good work.

Having my own difficulties today.
Left Ireland about a year ago to broaden my horizons. Back in the old sod, used to enjoy a Friday lunch curry before whiling away the afternoon on various chamber pots as required. Since I left, haven't partaken in the practice, until today that is.

New work crew brought me for a laksa which is basically a curry with noodles. (Actually a lovely dish for those wondering).
What followed in the afternoon wasn't so lovely.
Felt some rumblings in the early afternoon and had to make a break for it.
The laksa had acted like its namesake, a laxative, and it flowed through me like castor oil through a cat.

4 trips to the toilet later and I still don't feel the better of it.
Worse still, I have a first date later on tonight so hopefully the sphincter plays the wingman in time and knows when to shut up shop.

Wish me luck!

Best of luck Obrieski. Hopefully you don't emit a thunderous fart as you're just getting to the business end of things.

Antidote to the horn for even the most discerning conquest.

Deebles McBeebles

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

I'm packing a serious love truncheon. The thing is like a lidl XXL pork tenderloin.

I think you spelled 'little' wrong, Paddy.

Utter Consternation

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I think you spelled 'little' wrong, Paddy.

You hit the nail on the head there Deebles. He talks the talk, but i'd say he's a man of all words and no action.

And probably hung like a fcuking church mouse.

Fooking spoofer.

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Best of luck Obrieski. Hopefully you don't emit a thunderous fart as you're just getting to the business end of things.

Antidote to the horn for even the most discerning conquest.

If you let an enormous blast of the arse trumpet go in company then you can defuse the awkwardness of the situation by following up with a quip.

Something like ‘a bit more choke and she would have started’, ‘more tea Vicar’, or ‘you were only meant to blow the bloody doors off’.

gerrybbadd

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

If you let an enormous blast of the arse trumpet go in company then you can defuse the awkwardness of the situation by following up with a quip.

Something like ‘a bit more choke and she would have started’, ‘more tea Vicar’, or ‘you were only meant to blow the bloody doors off’.

Or, blame the surroundings.

"Awful squeak in that floorboard", "What was that noise", or blame it on her - "Be the jaysus, they're some queefs yer lettin' outta ya love"

The smell would be harder to cover

Boom_Bap

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Or, blame the surroundings.

"Awful squeak in that floorboard", "What was that noise", or blame it on her - "Be the jaysus, they're some queefs yer lettin' outta ya love"

The smell would be harder to cover

The best one is, 'it must have been that low flying duck making noise'

Utter Consternation

Boom_Bap wrote: »

The best one is, 'it must have been that low flying duck making noise'

Always blame the dog. Even if it does smell like he must have drank twelve pints of guinness and ate two snackboxes.

Former Observer

All this drinking leads to shrinking. Too much estrogen in body. The whole genitalia reduces in size by up to 20% due to reduced blood flow. Something to keep in mind.

Utter Consternation

Former Observer wrote: »

All this drinking leads to shrinking. Too much estrogen in body. The whole genitalia reduces in size by up to 20% due to reduced blood flow. Something to keep in mind.

On that basis Johnny must have a fanny by now.

JohnnyFlash

Former Observer wrote: »

All this drinking leads to shrinking. Too much estrogen in body. The whole genitalia reduces in size by up to 20% due to reduced blood flow. Something to keep in mind.

Drinking pints causes your flute to shrink? Distressing news for the punters around here, as I get the feeling some of them aren’t exactly packing a ‘bride frightener’

Deebles McBeebles

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Drinking pints causes your flute to shrink? Distressing news for the punters around here, as I get the feeling some of them aren’t exactly packing a ‘bride frightener’

Mine is a pride frightener, Johnny. And I don't mean a pack of lions.