What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland

cjmc wrote: »

The OP should be grateful he’s not working with a Mexican. Because the plumbing is so inadequate in parts they throw the used toilet roll in the bin . Awful stench it leaves !!

Greeks too, C.

Pipes can’t handle the paper. To be fair, those lads were shítting indoors while we were dumping in rain-soaked ditches.

JohnnyFlash

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Could be a description of his hole too.

I met Paddy once in Toners after a rugby match. The lad is taller sitting down than he is standing up. Big belly on him as well, supported by a ‘load bearing’ belt. He had plenty of porter drank at the time, and had a very unhealthy colour on him - think the colour you’d get if you blended cream with pickled beetroot. Big gawky head on him in general - like a FF councillor from Roscommon.

padd b1975

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I met Paddy once in Toners after a rugby match. The lad is taller sitting down than he is standing up. Big belly on him as well, supported by a ‘load bearing’ belt. He had plenty of porter drank at the time, and had a very unhealthy colour on him - think the colour you’d get if you blended cream with pickled beetroot. Big gawky head on him in general - like a FF councillor from Roscommon.

Strikes me as the type of character who's found himself in 'no man's land' as regards tailoring a waist for his strides.
Orders a batch of stretch-waist strides from mrbigandwide.com once a year and types 'heavy duty elastic please' in the additional info window.

He's most likely popping a statin on a daily basis for cholesterol and BP as well.

Hotblack Desiato

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

And you’re certain it’s an anus, presumably human, and not just an asterisk?

I can assure you my anus-recognition skills are up to scratch (as it were)

Hotblack Desiato

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

and lodge it in the pewter pot....

Don't know what sort of pots you're sitting on, but the ones around these here parts are made out of porcelain.

Deebles McBeebles

We should implement a rollout of stainless steel pots, porcelain is too hard to clean.

Boom_Bap

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

We should implement a rollout of stainless steel pots, porcelain is too hard to clean.

Imagine the noise! It would be like those Caribbean drums!

Deebles McBeebles

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Imagine the noise! It would be like those Caribbean drums!

A scattergun affair after a weekend on the lash and you could play Under The Sea to keep yourself entertained. I see no downsides so far.

Boom_Bap

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

A scattergun affair after a weekend on the lash and you could play Under The Sea to keep yourself entertained. I see no downsides so far.

I have a business proposal for you :pac:


Learn to play Stairway To Heaven on your toilet can.

Boom_Bap

Boom_Bap wrote: »

I have a business proposal for you :pac:


Learn to play Stairway To Heaven on your toilet can.

Incorporate your own wind instrument for dramatic effect

Deebles McBeebles

Boom_Bap wrote: »

I have a business proposal for you :pac:


Learn to play Stairway To Heaven on your toilet can.

If there's a bustle in your arse thatch, don't be alarmed now...

JohnnyFlash

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Incorporate your own wind instrument for dramatic effect

The old rusty trombone.

EmmetSpiceland

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The old rusty trombone.

To the tune of ‘A Kiss to Build a Dream On’.

Pintman Paddy Losty

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I met Paddy once in Toners after a rugby match. The lad is taller sitting down than he is standing up. Big belly on him as well, supported by a ‘load bearing’ belt. He had plenty of porter drank at the time, and had a very unhealthy colour on him - think the colour you’d get if you blended cream with pickled beetroot. Big gawky head on him in general - like a FF councillor from Roscommon.

Em, less of the personals there pal. I could barely keep both eyes open I was so full but I still got a look at you and your no oil painting fella.

Very malnourished looking individual. Type of physique that belies a very unhealthy diet. This poster would opine that there's an awful lot of frozen oven-cooked food cooked on Chez Johnny. Fundus crispy pancakes with a side of waffles. Washed down with cheap Eastern European lager.

Greasy shine face on you too. That slick back combover thing isn't working for you either. Much too thin on top to pull it off. Could see the liver spots on your head through my squinted eyes.

As for the dress sense... You're in your late 50s man. Dress appropriately. Drainpipe bottle green chinos, slip on deck shoes and a sports coat is not a good look.

The carpet bombing approach of chatting up and making 'witty' remarks at every bird that walked by isn't a good tactic. Lots of laughter by the birds. At you not with you though.

A tragic character.

gerrybbadd

Serious bit of Schizophrenia in the thread today.

Its like watching Split or something

JohnnyFlash

padd b1975 wrote: »

Strikes me as the type of character who's found himself in 'no man's land' as regards tailoring a waist for his strides.
Orders a batch of stretch-waist strides from mrbigandwide.com once a year and types 'heavy duty elastic please' in the additional info window.

He's most likely popping a statin on a daily basis for cholesterol and BP as well.

Do Wranglers even do a 42” x 28” size in stonewashed bootcut denim? I’d say Paddy is a regular visitor out to Mr Big N’ Tall in Goatstown.

EmmetSpiceland

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Serious bit of Schizophrenia in the thread today.

Its like watching Split or something

You sound like you might have been “split” yourself, G, and things haven’t quite healed up for you.

Just an observation.

JohnnyFlash

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

You sound like you might have been “split” yourself, G, and things haven’t quite healed up for you.

Just an observation.

Are you suggesting he has a hole on him like the south bore of the Jack Lynch tunnel?

Utter Consternation

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Em, less of the personals there pal. I could barely keep both eyes open I was so full but I still got a look at you and your no oil painting fella.

Very malnourished looking individual. Type of physique that belies a very unhealthy diet. This poster would opine that there's an awful lot of frozen oven-cooked food cooked on Chez Johnny. Fundus crispy pancakes with a side of waffles. Washed down with cheap Eastern European lager.

Greasy shine face on you too. That slick back combover thing isn't working for you either. Much too thin on top to pull it off. Could see the liver spots on your head through my squinted eyes.

As for the dress sense... You're in your late 50s man. Dress appropriately. Drainpipe bottle green chinos, slip on deck shoes and a sports coat is not a good look.

The carpet bombing approach of chatting up and making 'witty' remarks at every bird that walked by isn't a good tactic. Lots of laughter by the birds. At you not with you though.

A tragic character.

I didn't previously get the impression that you were a 'fashionista' Paddy.

Big fan of flower arranging and interior decor too?

EmmetSpiceland

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Are you suggesting he has a hole on him like the south bore of the Jack Lynch tunnel?

I wouldn’t like to speculate, J, but a “cleft” anus can have a very negative and sour effect on one’s personality. Very sour.

Pintman Paddy Losty

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I didn't previously get the impression that you were a 'fashionista' Paddy.

Big fan of flower arranging and interior decor too?

Not a fashionista by any means consternation. You don't need to be a wooly woofter to recognise that Johnny Flash has a very poor dress sense. An ill-fitting oversized sports jacket with shiny brass buttons is never going to look good on a man with a BMI approaching single digits. That's all I'm saying.

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I didn't previously get the impression that you were a 'fashionista' Paddy.

Big fan of flower arranging and interior decor too?

Big fan of pastel colours and soft furnishings, I’d say. Not a fan of the football.

Utter Consternation

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Not a fashionista by any means consternation. You don't need to be a wooly woofter to recognise that Johnny Flash has a very poor dress sense. An ill-fitting oversized sports jacket with shiny brass buttons is never going to look good on a man with a BMI approaching single digits. That's all I'm saying.

Each to their own Paddy, each to their own.

I must do a bit of back seat modding and point out that this thread is being dragged off topic.

Let serious debate recommence...

EmmetSpiceland

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Each to their own Paddy, each to their own.

I must do a bit of back seat modding and point out that this thread is being dragged off topic.

Let serious debate recommence...

Well said, U.

I’m still stuck with that late night trip and, I’m telling you now, I could do without it.

I’m loath to try “holding” it in after what happened last week but last night it was all “huff and puff” with only small round pebbles for reward.

No real clean up but since I clipped everything in the “back bush” department things have generally been easier.

I think I’ll just have to tweak the diet slightly. Maybe less bread might be a start.

Utter Consternation

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Well said, U.

I’m still stuck with that late night trip and, I’m telling you now, I could do without it.

I’m loath to try “holding” it in after what happened last week but last night it was all “huff and puff” with only small round pebbles for reward.

No real clean up but since I clipped everything in the “back bush” department things have generally been easier.

I think I’ll just have to tweak the diet slightly. Maybe less bread might be a start.

How did you manage to trim back there? Did you have assistance?

EmmetSpiceland

Utter Consternation wrote: »

How did you manage to trim back there? Did you have assistance?

No, no, as I stated previously I left the partner out of it. There are some “intimate” things a couple can engage in but I think shaving or trimming around the arsehole just isn’t one of them.

As another poster on this site recommended to a different user, who was suffering from a type of “anal boil”, I went with the double mirror technique.

Got the looking glasses aligned, then lay back and lifted both legs, spread, up into the air. At this point I used an old work tie to “hoist” up the old “wedding tackle” so as to avoid any potential puncturing or castration.

It all went smoothly enough, no pun intended, but I didn’t take it down too low. Just enough to avoid any future “entanglement”. It hasn’t been all plain sailing though, there is quite a “prickly” sensation whenever I stand up straight. I’ve gotten used to it now but it’s still there.

A small price to pay for peace of mind, and body.

Deebles McBeebles

Where did you place the camera for the youtube "how to" video, Emmet?

EmmetSpiceland

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Where did you place the camera for the youtube "how to" video, Emmet?

Hahaha, no chance, D. This was a first “attempt”, could have ended in disaster.

Also, I’d imagine I’d be banned for life from YouTube if I put up a video from that, most unflattering, angle.

I would just like to reiterate the importance of the “double mirror” technique whenever you are engaging in a “procedure” around the anal, barse or ball bag, regions.

gerrybbadd

Emmet the penis hammock creation was a genius idea.
Can you confirm that the aul farts are of a higher pitch now that there's no muffling effect from the hairy ring?

Deebles McBeebles

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Hahaha, no chance, D. This was a first “attempt”, could have ended in disaster.

Also, I’d imagine I’d be banned for life from YouTube if I put up a video from that, most unflattering, angle.

Call it an unboxing in the title and you'd be grand. Technically true too.