What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Easy to judge, but what do you suggest mate?! I've another nest of blobby black sewage brewing as we speak so if you've any good ideas please let me know.

Invest in some strong drain “unblocker” or even some “thick” bleach. You’re going to need “scented” candle or some form of air “freshener”, at least.

Good luck with it, G.

IIGeminiII

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Shyte into a plastic carrier bag and launch it high, high into the branches of the nearest tree. For all to admire.

I suppose you're joking with the discus throw but I did consider carrier bags. The problem is the ones where I'm living are extremely poor quality. Like the ones you'd get at home in the early 90s. Extremely thin with small perforations at the bottom. I think I'm stuck using the potty for a few more days.

EmmetSpiceland

IIGeminiII wrote: »

I suppose you're joking with the discus throw but I did consider carrier bags. The problem is the ones where I'm living are extremely poor quality. Like the ones you'd get at home in the early 90s. Extremely thin with small perforations at the bottom. I think I'm stuck using the potty for a few more days.

Would you have a small hard plastic bin at your “disposal”? That would be able to take a lot more “punishment” and wouldn’t be any issues with overflow.

Just a thought.

IIGeminiII

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Would you have a small hard plastic bin at your “disposal”? That would be able to take a lot more “punishment” and wouldn’t be any issues with overflow.

Just a thought.

I do alright but it's stainless steel. I could buy a plastic bucket easily enough and probably get it downstairs after midnight and toss away the slurry in a sewer. But tbh, that seems like a lot more work. It's only a few more nights.

To be clear, I don't usually let it fester. Usually it goes straight down the sink if nobody is around.

armaghlad

I would have thought an outdoor plop would be a reasonable solution, especially in hours of darkness. Go prepared, or use leaves if you want the authentic, natural experience. It’s the perfect crime to be fair.

IIGeminiII

armaghlad wrote: »

I would have thought an outdoor plop would be a reasonable solution, especially in hours of darkness. Go prepared, or use leaves if you want the authentic, natural experience. It’s the perfect crime to be fair.

Perhaps I'll take a drive tonight. Just myself, Roy Orbison, and a packet of alovera wetwipes.

cj maxx

thelostboys23 wrote: »

Had a third party etiquette issue last week. The wife is on maternity and I got home from work early Wednesday. Herself was upstairs as the baby was having a small nap so I went about my business downstairs.

Popped into the latrine and was met with a stench in the nostrils that shocked me. Was prepared to let things go but Friday exact same thing. Surely etiquette determines I'm given some sort of a heads up before I enter. Even a small 'I'd give that a few mins' would be appreciated.

The unexpected exposure gives a panic sensation and it took a while to shake off the smell if I'm honest.

Anyways she thinks I'm proper weird now as spent the weekend announcing I'm using the bathroom soon, just so everyone was on the same level.

From experience , get her to avoid all tomato based foods .

Sharp MZ700

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Perhaps I'll take a drive tonight. Just myself, Roy Orbison, and a packet of alovera wetwipes.

No need.
Shìte in the coal bucket and top it up with real coal. The poker will be handy nearby if movement is minimal.Blame the rank stench on a "bad batch" of coal without sniggering too much as to give the game away.

Slideways

Sitting here upon the throne
I rock, I heave, I wince I moan
The sphincter starts to open wide
Alas the bolus will not slide

The turtles head it starts to poke
No laughing matter, it is no joke
Just when I thought relief was near
A moments break and it’s disappears

I pant and moan, sweat and shake
The colons hold I cannot break
The thought of a fingers intervention
Will the digit ease the tension?

Those phucking peanuts on which I snack
Are close to causing heart attack
Prunes and dates, coffee and cigs
In my desperation I’ve resorted to figs

With fingers clenched beneath the seat
Leaning forward, no more retreat
A big breath in and one last heave
When out it thunks, such a relieve

From now on in, veggies every day
No more white bread they hear me say
Fibre, juice and potions bought
To ease the arse grapes I now have caught

So heed my warning, don’t be glib
These tale of woe it is no fib
3 times a day or 3 times a week
A regular bowel movement all should seek

sligojoek

All the sink talk reminded me of the old joke:

Jaysus, that wife of mine is an awful lazy bitch. I got up for a piss in the middle of the night and the sink was full of dirty dishes.

Purple Mountain

IIGeminiII wrote: »

armaghlad wrote: »

I would have thought an outdoor plop would be a reasonable solution, especially in hours of darkness. Go prepared, or use leaves if you want the authentic, natural experience. It’s the perfect crime to be fair.

Perhaps I'll take a drive tonight. Just myself, Roy Orbison, and a packet of alovera wetwipes.

That's called a wilderpoo.

Brendan Bendar

Slideways wrote: »

Sitting here upon the throne
I rock, I heave, I wince I moan
The sphincter starts to open wide
Alas the bolus will not slide

The turtles head it starts to poke
No laughing matter, it is no joke
Just when I thought relief was near
A moments break and it’s disappears

I pant and moan, sweat and shake
The colons hold I cannot break
The thought of a fingers intervention
Will the digit ease the tension?

Those phucking peanuts on which I snack
Are close to causing heart attack
Prunes and dates, coffee and cigs
In my desperation I’ve resorted to figs

With fingers clenched beneath the seat
Leaning forward, no more retreat
A big breath in and one last heave
When out it thunks, such a relieve

From now on in, veggies every day
No more white bread they hear me say
Fibre, juice and potions bought
To ease the arse grapes I now have caught

So heed my warning, don’t be glib
These tale of woe it is no fib
3 times a day or 3 times a week
A regular bowel movement all should seek

Is your own work slide?

Slideways

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Is your own work slide?

It is Brenner, not a fan of plagiarism.

Brendan Bendar

Slideways wrote: »

It is Brenner, not a fan of plagiarism.

Good lad, noble effort indeed.

Edit...

If I could be so bold....

Last line in stanza 4 is a we bit clunky.....

“In my desperation I’ve resorted to figs”

Might I suggest.……’In desperation tried some figs “

The ‘resorted to’ throws that line out of kilter in my opinion.

You could actually leave the ‘my ‘ in too. As “In my desperation, tried some figs”

What do you think.

Excellent work though, not much else wrong with it

Slideways

Constructive criticism is always welcome and from such a lofty poster is gratefully received

In hindsight I should have said “nearing” in stanza 2 and line 4 could have been disappearing.

Deebles McBeebles

Its like being a fly on the wall when Elton John and Bernie Taupin are writing, lads.

Hector Savage

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Easy to judge, but what do you suggest mate?! I've another nest of blobby black sewage brewing as we speak so if you've any good ideas please let me know.

Well ... as other suggest even an outdoor shite is a better option then that!

And also, what exactly is wrong with your toilet ? if it's only a broken flush then just chite away in the bowl and then get a bucket of water and pour it in from a height - don't even need much water, just the height needs to be decent to get a good bit of force behind it - removes all midden as good as any powerful flush.

Utter Consternation

Slideways wrote: »

Constructive criticism is always welcome and from such a lofty poster is gratefully received

In hindsight I should have said “nearing” in stanza 2 and line 4 could have been disappearing.

Very eloquent poetry, Slideways. It's obvious that you are a very deep individual with profound thoughts.

Brendan Bendar

Slideways wrote: »

Constructive criticism is always welcome and from such a lofty poster is gratefully received

In hindsight I should have said “nearing” in stanza 2 and line 4 could have been disappearing.

Yes that would have worked fine I think

There’s another bit that could be a bit smoother... I’ll go back and get it and see what you think.

IIGeminiII

I'd say both Lord Alfred Tennyson's and Sir Mathew Arnold's dead rotten balloon knots are twitching in appreciation from six feet under for that last piece of lyrical genius.

Brendan Bendar

So heed my warning, don’t be glib
These tale of woe it is no fib
3 times a day or 3 times a week
A regular bowel movement all should seek

The “or” in line three is a bit clunky

And I’d leave out the “bowel” in line four

Like

So need my warning, don’t be glib
This tale of woe,it is no fib
Three times a day,three times a week!
A regular movement,all should seek.

You could also try the last two lines as

Three times a day, three times a night
We all should strive, for a regular shyte

excellent poem, worth taking time to try to polish and hone, I think.

Hope you agree.

Aglomerado

IIGeminiII wrote: »

I'd say both Lord Alfred Tennyson's and Sir Mathew Arnold's dead rotten balloon knots are twitching in appreciation from six feet under for that last piece of lyrical genius.

And Byron's opiate-induced fecolith is trundling towards the exit.

IIGeminiII

Hector Savage wrote: »

Well ... as other suggest even an outdoor shite is a better option then that!

And also, what exactly is wrong with your toilet ? if it's only a broken flush then just chite away in the bowl and then get a bucket of water and pour it in from a height - don't even need much water, just the height needs to be decent to get a good bit of force behind it - removes all midden as good as any powerful flush.

Top floor apartment. No running water at all on that side of the house. Very little turning space in bathroom for placement of potty. Only option is potty in bedroom and disposal of slurry juice in kitchen sink.

Took a drive last night. Pulled up along a quiet country lane I thought was private. Pulled off my pants, haunched over, could feel a long brown section of mortadella beginning to crown, when lights are turned on in a house several meters away. Dog starts barking, straight back in the car, drove another five minutes up the road. Lovely peaceful, pastoral surrendering of bowel slurry with clean up via alovera wet wipes and a little dabbing of purse lips with a handkerchief. Beautiful country at night. So much wildlife. Thousands of frogs croaking, bats flittering about, a few birds of prey en-route.

Aglomerado

IIGeminiII wrote: »

. Thousands of frogs croaking, bats flittering about, a few birds of prey en-route.

Are you sure that wasn't just farts?

JohnnyFlash

Real ‘fent’ of patchouli oil around here in the past day or two. Plenty of fans of musicals and soft furnishings around, this poster would opine.

Utter Consternation

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Real ‘fent’ of patchouli oil around here in the past day or two. Plenty of fans of musicals and soft furnishings around, this poster would opine.

High brow stuff, that you may not understand, Johnny.

I'd always had you down as an avid reader of the Daily Sport.

'Pwhoaring' over some birds cracking top tens and elbowing a fellow tradesman who thinks you're a bit of a knob.

Brendan Bendar

Utter Consternation wrote: »

High brow stuff, that you may not understand, Johnny.

I'd always had you down as an avid reader of the Daily Sport.

'Pwhoaring' over some birds cracking top tens and elbowing a fellow tradesman who thinks you're a bit of a knob.

In fairness John, you come across as a bit ‘high on your heels’ and ‘good with colours’ yourself, betimes.

Word is that a good solid ‘schlong’ with a nice ‘snas’ on the nob gets your attention.

So Fr.Brendan Tierney said anyway …………

Utter Consternation

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

In fairness John, you come across as a bit ‘high on your heels’ and ‘good with colours’ yourself, betimes.

Word is that a good solid ‘schlong’ with a nice ‘snas’ on the nob gets your attention.

So Fr.Brendan Tierney said anyway …………

Rumour has it he has been spotted walking out from behind the Temperance Hall in Loughrea with a very ginger gait on multiple occasions.

Hector Savage

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Top floor apartment. No running water at all on that side of the house. Very little turning space in bathroom for placement of potty. Only option is potty in bedroom and disposal of slurry juice in kitchen sink.

Took a drive last night. Pulled up along a quiet country lane I thought was private. Pulled off my pants, haunched over, could feel a long brown section of mortadella beginning to crown, when lights are turned on in a house several meters away. Dog starts barking, straight back in the car, drove another five minutes up the road. Lovely peaceful, pastoral surrendering of bowel slurry with clean up via alovera wet wipes and a little dabbing of purse lips with a handkerchief. Beautiful country at night. So much wildlife. Thousands of frogs croaking, bats flittering about, a few birds of prey en-route.

I just have more questions now!
So , even if there is no running water the bucket of water should still do the trick - and in the KITCHEN SINK!!!????

as in the Kitchen ???

Where you prepare meals ??


Oh holy christ, ... what country are you in anyway ? Italy ?

Brendan Bendar

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Rumour has it he has been spotted walking out from behind the Temperance Hall in Loughrea with a very ginger gait on multiple occasions.

:eek: Not heading towards the Kilchreest area was he!!