What's the etiquette here??

IIGeminiII · 14-08-2019 4:33pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

as in the Kitchen ??? Where you prepare meals ??

Is that not what people with babys do Hector? I always assumed that they just throw the nappies in the bin and rinse out the slurry in the sink.

Look, I see what you're saying, but it would take me quite a while to explain the architectural eccentricities of our apartment, even without the current plumbing issue. The girlfriend hasn't taken a dump in the apartment in two weeks. She says using a potty is beneath her. But her circumstances are different. I tend to bring slabs back to the house after work and you know yourself, you cannot hold excrement in for too long when it is blobby and slimy and black. You are basically poisoning yourself unless you release it.

JohnnyFlash · 14-08-2019 5:06pm

Utter Consternation wrote: »

High brow stuff, that you may not understand, Johnny.

I'd always had you down as an avid reader of the Daily Sport.

'Pwhoaring' over some birds cracking top tens and elbowing a fellow tradesman who thinks you're a bit of a knob.

Not a tradesman, and don’t buy the Daily Sport - follow them on twitter though.

Guilty as charged to being a fan of a great pair of ‘gozongas’. Be a traditionalist that way - a woman’s personality is great and all, but I’m willing to ignore madness or obnoxiousness temporarily if she has an epic set of ‘hooters’.

mfceiling · 14-08-2019 5:15pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Not a tradesman, and don’t buy the Daily Sport - follow them on twitter though.

Guilty as charged to being a fan of a great pair of ‘gozongas’. Be a traditionalist that way - a woman’s personality is great and all, but I’m willing to ignore madness or obnoxiousness temporarily if she has an epic set of ‘hooters’.

Well said John. A big pair of funbags is to be appreciated even in this modern day "PC" world we live in.

IIGeminiII · 14-08-2019 5:42pm

I'll take a flat chest without any disappointment but I need meat on the rump. I want to slap that, shake that, spit on that, rub my face in that, lift and release, lift and release.

Do scales exist for specifically measuring women's rumps? If not I think I have an idea for Dragon's Den.

Bullocks · 14-08-2019 9:08pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Rumour has it he has been spotted walking out from behind the Temperance Hall in Loughrea with a very ginger gait on multiple occasions.

:eek: Not heading towards the Kilchreest area was he!!

Kilnadema Leitrim I believe he was seen wobbling for

Brendan Bendar · 14-08-2019 9:24pm

Bullocks wrote: »

Kilnadema Leitrim I believe he was seen wobbling for

Jaysus!

Even worse!

hank scorpio89 · 15-08-2019 4:16am

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Easy to judge, but what do you suggest mate?! I've another nest of blobby black sewage brewing as we speak so if you've any good ideas please let me know.

Do you have a permanent case of violent diarrhea?or are you mashing logs down your kitchen sink aswell ??? ðŸ˜®

EmmetSpiceland · 15-08-2019 8:42am

hank scorpio89 wrote: »

Do you have a permanent case of violent diarrhea?or are you mashing logs down your kitchen sink aswell ??? ðŸ˜®

Honestly, H, I’m at a lost on this one. Unless it’s pure “liquid” pouring it down the kitchen sink is a disaster.

I’m well “aware” of how to get it down the plug hole in a sink or a shower. You give it the toe. You never “stomp”.

With the kitchen sink you’d have to be up on the counter, awkwardly “stabbing” at it with your foot. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

You’d have to “employ” the use of some form of scrubbing brush or potato “masher”. To get things moving. And it would not be pretty.

Would there not be a sink in the “out of order” bathroom that could be used? The kitchen should, always, be spared toilet “activities”. Always.

Cookie_Monster · 15-08-2019 9:29am

you never know, he could have one of those Insinkerator, that'd chew it up good. Though I imagine there could be a bit of splatter if one is not careful.

Utter Consternation · 15-08-2019 9:39am

hank scorpio89 wrote: »

Do you have a permanent case of violent diarrhea?or are you mashing logs down your kitchen sink aswell ??? &#55357;&#56878;

I'm slightly puzzled as to the logistics of taking a dump into a kitchen sink. I'm also questioning myself as to why my first thought was the logistics and not why would someone be taking a sh1te into a kitchen sink??

You'd definitely want to be caught extremely short...

IIGeminiII · 15-08-2019 1:52pm

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I'm slightly puzzled as to the logistics of taking a dump into a kitchen sink. I'm also questioning myself as to why my first thought was the logistics and not why would someone be taking a sh1te into a kitchen sink??

You'd definitely want to be caught extremely short...

Folks I've already been though the logistics of this, but to paraphrase: Not enough turning space in bathroom for placement/utilization of potty. Additionally, bathroom is at far end of building to bedroom. No running water in bathroom.

Potty use is established by myself in bedroom for about ten days, unless she is bed, in which case I take it out into connecting corridor. Cool draft here and to be honest the corridor gives me a creepy vibe at night.

Transport of potty the entire length of home to bathroom which has no running water is inadvisable in my opinion (likelihood of spillage).

Kitchen sink is adjacent to bedroom. Big old fashioned, Spanish utility sink (a bit like a Belfast sink). Waste these days is largely liquid, with some soft and doughy turds which I push down the plughole with the knuckles of two fingers, or the ball of my thumb, cold tap half open and running all the while.

You'll see that beyond leaving the house, there really is not a whole lot of other options.

hank scorpio89 · 15-08-2019 2:03pm

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Folks I've already been though the logistics of this, but to paraphrase: Not enough turning space in bathroom for placement/utilization of potty. Additionally, bathroom is at far end of building to bedroom. No running water in bathroom.

Potty use is established by myself in bedroom for about ten days, unless she is bed, in which case I take it out into connecting corridor. Cool draft here and to be honest the corridor gives me a creepy vibe at night.

Transport of potty the entire length of home to bathroom which has no running water is inadvisable in my opinion (likelihood of spillage).

Kitchen sink is adjacent to bedroom. Big old fashioned, Spanish utility sink (a bit like a Belfast sink). Waste these days is largely liquid, with some soft and doughy turds which I push down the plughole with the knuckles of two fingers, or the ball of my thumb, cold tap half open and running all the while.

You'll see that beyond leaving the house, there really is not a whole lot of other options.

Im sorry i asked now.god help your poor missus she's a keeper dont let her get away.

Roger Hassenforder · 15-08-2019 2:11pm

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Folks I've already been though the logistics of this, but to paraphrase: Not enough turning space in bathroom for placement/utilization of potty. Additionally, bathroom is at far end of building to bedroom. No running water in bathroom.

Potty use is established by myself in bedroom for about ten days, unless she is bed, in which case I take it out into connecting corridor. Cool draft here and to be honest the corridor gives me a creepy vibe at night.

Transport of potty the entire length of home to bathroom which has no running water is inadvisable in my opinion (likelihood of spillage).

Kitchen sink is adjacent to bedroom. Big old fashioned, Spanish utility sink (a bit like a Belfast sink). Waste these days is largely liquid, with some soft and doughy turds which I push down the plughole with the knuckles of two fingers, or the ball of my thumb, cold tap half open and running all the while.

You'll see that beyond leaving the house, there really is not a whole lot of other options.

Jesus. Christ.

gerrybbadd · 15-08-2019 2:23pm

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Folks I've already been though the logistics of this, but to paraphrase: Not enough turning space in bathroom for placement/utilization of potty. Additionally, bathroom is at far end of building to bedroom. No running water in bathroom.

Potty use is established by myself in bedroom for about ten days, unless she is bed, in which case I take it out into connecting corridor. Cool draft here and to be honest the corridor gives me a creepy vibe at night.

Transport of potty the entire length of home to bathroom which has no running water is inadvisable in my opinion (likelihood of spillage).

Kitchen sink is adjacent to bedroom. Big old fashioned, Spanish utility sink (a bit like a Belfast sink). Waste these days is largely liquid, with some soft and doughy turds which I push down the plughole with the knuckles of two fingers, or the ball of my thumb, cold tap half open and running all the while.

You'll see that beyond leaving the house, there really is not a whole lot of other options.

Have you considered the plastic bag? 15c in the shops for these, and there's bound to be about 4,332 of them lying around the house. Instant trapping of smell, and easily disposed of.

Utter Consternation · 15-08-2019 2:26pm

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Have you considered the plastic bag? 15c in the shops for these, and there's bound to be about 4,332 of them lying around the house. Instant trapping of smell, and easily disposed of.

Do the old cowboy lasso over the head and straight into that cnut of a neighbours backyard who is always making noise in the middle of the night?

gerrybbadd · 15-08-2019 2:31pm

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Do the old cowboy lasso over the head and straight into that cnut of a neighbours backyard who is always making noise in the middle of the night?

You got it UC. A direct shot.

Blame a pigeon

EmmetSpiceland · 15-08-2019 2:39pm

How about getting back to “nature”? Driving off to a local parkland or wooded area with a shovel and toilet paper.

You might feel like a gangster “disposing” of a body or be mistaken for someone who’s looking to get the bonnet of their car “seagulled”, I believe that’s the term anyway, but you’d get the job done and with limited “environmental” damage.

Utter Consternation · 15-08-2019 2:43pm

gerrybbadd wrote: »

You got it UC. A direct shot.

Blame a pigeon

Could be a slight flaw in the execution. If the bag burst you might helicopter sh1t all over your back porch.

gerrybbadd · 15-08-2019 2:44pm

Or, sticking to the spirit of the thread, just do all in work.

Make sure and clear the guts out before you get home at all. I only drop the bombs over nagasaki at the weekend, otherwise, i'm dropping off all my fat boys in work

Utter Consternation · 15-08-2019 2:45pm

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Or, sticking to the spirit of the thread, just do all in work.

Make sure and clear the guts out before you get home at all. I only drop the bombs over nagasaki at the weekend, otherwise, i'm dropping off all my fat boys in work

Only do it on company time. Let someone else pay for the 'dirty business.'

JohnnyFlash · 15-08-2019 2:53pm

Jesus, pinching one out in your own kitchen sink is even worse than top decking in someone else’s gaff. And that’s an option of last resort as it is. Shocked and appalled.

15-08-2019 3:48pm

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I'm slightly puzzled as to the logistics of taking a dump into a kitchen sink. I'm also questioning myself as to why my first thought was the logistics and not why would someone be taking a sh1te into a kitchen sink??

You'd definitely want to be caught extremely short...

Folks I've already been though the logistics of this, but to paraphrase: Not enough turning space in bathroom for placement/utilization of potty. Additionally, bathroom is at far end of building to bedroom. No running water in bathroom.

Potty use is established by myself in bedroom for about ten days, unless she is bed, in which case I take it out into connecting corridor. Cool draft here and to be honest the corridor gives me a creepy vibe at night.

Transport of potty the entire length of home to bathroom which has no running water is inadvisable in my opinion (likelihood of spillage).

Kitchen sink is adjacent to bedroom. Big old fashioned, Spanish utility sink (a bit like a Belfast sink). Waste these days is largely liquid, with some soft and doughy turds which I push down the plughole with the knuckles of two fingers, or the ball of my thumb, cold tap half open and running all the while.

You'll see that beyond leaving the house, there really is not a whole lot of other options.

Put a gun to a plumbers head if you have to but get your ****ing toilet fixed you filthy kernt. Christ.

Bullocks · 15-08-2019 4:15pm

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I'm slightly puzzled as to the logistics of taking a dump into a kitchen sink. I'm also questioning myself as to why my first thought was the logistics and not why would someone be taking a sh1te into a kitchen sink??

You'd definitely want to be caught extremely short...

Folks I've already been though the logistics of this, but to paraphrase: Not enough turning space in bathroom for placement/utilization of potty. Additionally, bathroom is at far end of building to bedroom. No running water in bathroom.

Potty use is established by myself in bedroom for about ten days, unless she is bed, in which case I take it out into connecting corridor. Cool draft here and to be honest the corridor gives me a creepy vibe at night.

Transport of potty the entire length of home to bathroom which has no running water is inadvisable in my opinion (likelihood of spillage).

Kitchen sink is adjacent to bedroom. Big old fashioned, Spanish utility sink (a bit like a Belfast sink). Waste these days is largely liquid, with some soft and doughy turds which I push down the plughole with the knuckles of two fingers, or the ball of my thumb, cold tap half open and running all the while.

You'll see that beyond leaving the house, there really is not a whole lot of other options.

What's running through your mind as your plunging the ball of your thumb into a lump of your own ****e, in your own sink at this stage of your life? Haah

gerrybbadd · 15-08-2019 4:21pm

Bullocks wrote: »

What's running through your mind as your plunging the ball of your thumb into a lump of your own ****e, in your own sink at this stage of your life? Haah

Proabably "Whats that corn doing in there? when was the last time I even ate corn?"

IIGeminiII · 15-08-2019 4:57pm

Not many serious or helpful suggestions here from the so called ‘community’.

I’m obviously not going to be slingshotting low-grade plastic carrier bags with manufactured perforations which are full of human excrement into neighbouring territory. Apart from anything else there are more stray cats on the street than people and if they get their little claws into the bags it’s not going to be nice for anyone. Note: most of my neighbours have small children who pet these cats.

Yes, I could travel to the next village and buy superior plastic carrier bags, but then, why not just drop my pants and fill a refuse sack full of sloppy black slurry and nuggets of slime instead? And then what, carry these same bags down from our top floor apartment, out across the street in order to offload them in the community bins?

The main problem obviously, is that this situation is not amazing for my girlfriend (watching me carry this potty of waste to and fro every day). I try to drop as many bombs as possible at work, but I like to bring a slab home every other day, and by 1.00 AM my purse lips are contracting and grimacing like an epileptic having a **** during a seizure, and by 2.00 AM I've half an inch of smelly brown mortadella stretching out my ring-piece and taking it's first gasp of air. I'm on my own, having a few cans and there it is, the potty just beside.

Thanks, but if those are your suggestions I’m going to carry on with my existing routine. For all the talk about chite in this thread, ye all seem to become a little squeamish when it comes to get your hands dirty.

15-08-2019 5:07pm

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Not many serious or helpful suggestions here from the so called ‘community’.

I’m obviously not going to be slingshotting low-grade plastic carrier bags with manufactured perforations which are full of human excrement into neighbouring territory. Apart from anything else there are more stray cats on the street than people and if they get their little claws into the bags it’s not going to be nice for anyone. Note: most of my neighbours have small children who pet these cats.

Yes, I could travel to the next village and buy superior plastic carrier bags, but then, why not just drop my pants and fill a refuse sack full of sloppy black slurry and nuggets of slime instead? And then what, carry these same bags down from our top floor apartment, out across the street in order to offload them in the community bins?

The main problem obviously, is that this situation is not amazing for my girlfriend (watching me carry this potty of waste to and fro every day). I try to drop as many bombs as possible at work, but I like to bring a slab home every other day, and by 1.00 AM my purse lips are contracting and grimacing like an epileptic having a **** during a seizure, and by 2.00 AM I've half an inch of smelly brown mortadella stretching out my ring-piece and taking it's first gasp of air. I'm on my own, having a few cans and there it is, the potty just beside.

Thanks, but if those are your suggestions I’m going to carry on with my existing routine. For all the talk about chite in this thread, ye all seem to become a little squeamish when it comes to get your hands dirty.

This thread is about the simple and joyous experience of a good chite, but as Father Ted once said, "you want to get that away as quickly as possible". Words may be slightly off as I haven't seen that episode in ages but you get the idea.

fuerte1976 · 15-08-2019 8:51pm

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Not many serious or helpful suggestions here from the so called ‘community’.

I’m obviously not going to be slingshotting low-grade plastic carrier bags with manufactured perforations which are full of human excrement into neighbouring territory. Apart from anything else there are more stray cats on the street than people and if they get their little claws into the bags it’s not going to be nice for anyone. Note: most of my neighbours have small children who pet these cats.

Yes, I could travel to the next village and buy superior plastic carrier bags, but then, why not just drop my pants and fill a refuse sack full of sloppy black slurry and nuggets of slime instead? And then what, carry these same bags down from our top floor apartment, out across the street in order to offload them in the community bins?

The main problem obviously, is that this situation is not amazing for my girlfriend (watching me carry this potty of waste to and fro every day). I try to drop as many bombs as possible at work, but I like to bring a slab home every other day, and by 1.00 AM my purse lips are contracting and grimacing like an epileptic having a **** during a seizure, and by 2.00 AM I've half an inch of smelly brown mortadella stretching out my ring-piece and taking it's first gasp of air. I'm on my own, having a few cans and there it is, the potty just beside.

Thanks, but if those are your suggestions I’m going to carry on with my existing routine. For all the talk about chite in this thread, ye all seem to become a little squeamish when it comes to get your hands dirty.

Well, holy god.. Said Miley...

Bullocks · 15-08-2019 9:14pm

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Not many serious or helpful suggestions here from the so called ‘community’.

I’m obviously not going to be slingshotting low-grade plastic carrier bags with manufactured perforations which are full of human excrement into neighbouring territory. Apart from anything else there are more stray cats on the street than people and if they get their little claws into the bags it’s not going to be nice for anyone. Note: most of my neighbours have small children who pet these cats.

Yes, I could travel to the next village and buy superior plastic carrier bags, but then, why not just drop my pants and fill a refuse sack full of sloppy black slurry and nuggets of slime instead? And then what, carry these same bags down from our top floor apartment, out across the street in order to offload them in the community bins?

The main problem obviously, is that this situation is not amazing for my girlfriend (watching me carry this potty of waste to and fro every day). I try to drop as many bombs as possible at work, but I like to bring a slab home every other day, and by 1.00 AM my purse lips are contracting and grimacing like an epileptic having a **** during a seizure, and by 2.00 AM I've half an inch of smelly brown mortadella stretching out my ring-piece and taking it's first gasp of air. I'm on my own, having a few cans and there it is, the potty just beside.

Thanks, but if those are your suggestions I’m going to carry on with my existing routine. For all the talk about chite in this thread, ye all seem to become a little squeamish when it comes to get your hands dirty.

I'm not afraid of getting the paws dirty and often have but I would sooner lift the turd out of the potty and throw it in a green area to decompose rather than poke it down a plughole with my fingers.
Would you unload into a cheap disposable lunch box at home and bring it to work the next day to tip down the Jack's there? You could line the box with tissue and the clean up wouldn't be bad or just bin the box daily! Maybe wrap the box in clingfilm as insurance against smells/spillages or even work mate trying to lift the lid to see what kind of sambos the girlfriend made you

IIGeminiII · 15-08-2019 11:56pm

Bullocks wrote: »

Would you unload into a cheap disposable lunch box at home and bring it to work the next day to tip down the Jack's there? You could line the box with tissue and the clean up wouldn't be bad or just bin the box daily! Maybe wrap the box in clingfilm as insurance against smells/spillages or even work mate trying to lift the lid to see what kind of sambos the girlfriend made you

Friggin' genius. I'm chucking out the frozen lasagna in the fridge and using the tupperware going forward. Deposit it in work toilet next day. Quick rinse of the tupperware in the kitchenette sink.

Honestly. Thank you. First genuine suggestion and I owe you my gratitude. Realisable, confidential, and hygienic.

Side note: I'm wondering if I could freeze some of this stuff too until the plumber gets back.

J Mysterio · 16-08-2019 12:31am

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Had thirteen pints of Guinness last night and a bottle of red wine when I got home. Perky as hell this morning, no hangover, in early for work, but was wandering around in a distressed state during the night through the apartment, arguing with my girlfriend in between pinching out little slimy light brown eels into a children's potty (don't ask).

Woke up at 4.30 with the purse lips stretching and yawning like some sultry woman with mauve lipstick in a 90s softcore movie blowing smoke rings. Haunched myself over the potty and shat out a putrid mud stream of thick black fudge. Absolutely rank, gooey stinky fondant right up to the rim. Was going to pick it up and empty it in the sink, but was still fairly wasted so thought it best to leave it be till the morning lest I spill the whole lot on her kilim rug. Fell asleep and forgot about the whole thing. In the morning she had gone off to work and just stepped around the plastic potty of blobby black bowel vomit beside the bed. No text about it or anything during the day. Knocked it out of the park at work myself.

You took a sh1t in a bowl and left it next to your fuçking bed? Jesus christ that is rank. The smell must have been horrendous. That is grounds for divorce. If I woke up in a room like that I imagine I would quickly take to vomitting. Then anger.

What's the etiquette here??

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