What's the etiquette here??

J Mysterio

IIGeminiII wrote: »

I was drunk Hector, and there's been an issue with our toilet for the last couple of weeks. Continental plumbers aren't like our fine folk back home. Very relaxed. A simple fix can take several visits.

Very warm weather here too. We had the air conditioning on but I'd say the potty was a nest of insect larvae by the time I chucked it in the sink. You know the way some human waste has a sort of warm, almost chocolatey familiarity? Well this was of the other kind. Pungent, corrosive, fishy, a little bit bleachy. A kind of angry, obnoxious smell that hung around in the air at least until I'd gotten back from work yesterday evening.

WTF?!?! Untill now this thread has basically been light hearted humourous banter but... you're actually shockingly vile! That is absolutely rancid and basically unforgivable.

IIGeminiII

Don't see the big deal. We have a good relationship and she understands the toilet is banjaxed. It's almost a full time job getting a plumber here.

Voodoomelon

Have you no garden? I'd almost relish the excuse to dig a hole and spend a few days with a cool breeze kissing my arse cheeks as I give back to mother earth. Make yourself a wooden box ala the military still use in the field and plant it over a hole. For extra effect, make sure the neighbours see you and have a copy of the Daily Mail spread across the lawn, flicking through the pages with bog hole in one hand, bowl of cereal in the other.

Roger Hassenforder

Mission accomplished IIGeminiII
I tip my hat

Ha Long Bay

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Don't see the big deal. We have a good relationship and she understands the toilet is banjaxed. It's almost a full time job getting a plumber here.

I'm almost afraid to ask but how is herself managing this situation of a broken toilet?

IIGeminiII

No garden. Top floor apartment in rural Spain. Poor facilities and poor tradesmen.

Honestly I think I'm sorted now anyway. I'll carry the waste to work in a piece of tupperware and empty it there.

IIGeminiII

john4321 wrote: »

I'm almost afraid to ask but how is herself managing this situation of a broken toilet?

She has not done a number two in the house in about two weeks she says.

Cookie_Monster

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Thanks, but if those are your suggestions I’m going to carry on with my existing routine. For all the talk about chite in this thread, ye all seem to become a little squeamish when it comes to get your hands dirty.

Ok so no water in the bathroom, but is the outflow also blocked? Otherwise just use it and pour buckets of water down it (or fill the cistern from the bucket), I can't understand how chiting in a potty is a better option than that? Clearly you have water to the kitchen sink to fill a bucket from.

J Mysterio

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Friggin' genius. I'm chucking out the frozen lasagna in the fridge and using the tupperware going forward. Deposit it in work toilet next day. Quick rinse of the tupperware in the kitchenette sink.

Honestly. Thank you. First genuine suggestion and I owe you my gratitude. Realisable, confidential, and hygienic.

Side note: I'm wondering if I could freeze some of this stuff too until the plumber gets back.

Jesus, that idea is even more fuçked. Not content in stewing in your own faeces, you are now intent on carrying your unholy creations about with you? That is going to be unbelievably messy, disgusting and will stink to high heaven.

Don't be surprised if your colleagues start to give you a wide berth with your manky sh1t fingers and sh1tty box full of sh1t.

IIGeminiII

We were advised not to use the toilet until it was fixed as material would get trapped or stuck in the pipes. Even with a bucket of water.

IIGeminiII

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Don't see the big deal. We have a good relationship and she understands the toilet is banjaxed. It's almost a full time job getting a plumber here.

I would be apprenticing as a plumber myself post haste just to fix this ****ty situation as quickly as possible. Sounds like there would be great demand from the brown fingered denizens of wherever the **** you are for a half decent plumber.

EmmetSpiceland

IIGeminiII wrote: »

No garden. Top floor apartment in rural Spain. Poor facilities and poor tradesmen.

Honestly I think I'm sorted now anyway. I'll carry the waste to work in a piece of tupperware and empty it there.

Be sure to “double bag” that container, G.

You do not want to be mistake for a “fecoterrorist” if you get a spill.

J Mysterio

I think this is actually the most amazing post I have ever seen on Boards. Its hilarious how nonplussed this fella is about his cretinous carry on.

There's so many things wrong here, its hard to know where to begin or what to think.

For one - god - it would be much warmer in Spain.

I mean, even the basic solution... Put a bag into a bin or potty and then seal it up and empty that to a bin outside.

I am concerned also as to the veracity of the posters claims re the small size of his bathroom. Even so, to **** in your bedroom and leave it there all night... And with a partner in there with you?! And to plan to do this FOR 10 DAYS?!? I'm just completely flabbergasted.

hank scorpio89

I actually cant wait for the story when your stopped by the policia with a tupperware full of barry white!.

IIGeminiII

J Mysterio wrote: »

I think this is actually the most amazing post I have ever seen on Boards. Its hilarious how nonplussed this fella is about his cretinous carry on.

There's so many things wrong here, its hard to know where to begin or what to think.

For one - god - it would be much warmer in Spain.

I mean, even the basic solution... Put a bag into a bin or potty and then seal it up and empty that to a bin outside.

I am concerned also as to the veracity of the posters claims re the small size of his bathroom. Even so, to **** in your bedroom and leave it there all night... And with a partner in there with you?! And to plan to do this FOR 10 DAYS?!? I'm just completely flabbergasted.

Hi. This will be my last post on this topic as I feel I am being misunderstood.

Firstly, I only left a full potty beside the bed once. I did this because I was drunk. That was why I posted the original 'anecdote'. I agree it may have been a bit horrible for her but I was inebriated.

Secondly. Leaving poo in the rubbish bag overnight seems weird when you can simply flush it from the premises.

On reflection I've decided I'm not going to bring it to work as yes, maybe that is a bit strange.

Lastly our bathroom is minuscule. Almost criminally small. Getting in and out without any potty on the floor is already difficult as the door clips the toilet basin.

I'll just stop doing this at home until the situation is fixed. Goodnight.

gozunda

I'll just leave this here ...

There was an old geezer from Krite*
Who struggled to go for a shyte
He grunted and groaned
With no remedy unowned
Alas having only a fart last night



*A small village in Algeria which you possibly don't want to visit ...

See: https://www.tripmondo.com/algeria/ain-defla-province/krite/

J Mysterio

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Hi. This will be my last post on this topic as I feel I am being misunderstood.

Hate to hound you out, it's absolute comedy gold. Perhaps we can discuss further tomorrow, including details of your plans for the forthcoming days.

ToddyDoody

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Hi. This will be my last post on this topic as I feel I am being misunderstood.

Firstly, I only left a full potty beside the bed once. I did this because I was drunk. That was why I posted the original 'anecdote'. I agree it may have been a bit horrible for her but I was inebriated.

Secondly. Leaving poo in the rubbish bag overnight seems weird when you can simply flush it from the premises.

On reflection I've decided I'm not going to bring it to work as yes, maybe that is a bit strange.

Lastly our bathroom is minuscule. Almost criminally small. Getting in and out without any potty on the floor is already difficult as the door clips the toilet basin.

I'll just stop doing this at home until the situation is fixed. Goodnight.

I'm a fan of cling film. Maybe cling film the poo, put poo at bottom of water basin somehow. Wash hands thoroughly. Post in public post box on way to work.

Cookie_Monster

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I'm a fan of cling film. Maybe cling film the poo, put poo at bottom of water basin somehow. Wash hands thoroughly. Post in public post box on way to work.

:pac::pac:
May as well address it to a politician if you are going to do that.

Roger Hassenforder

Its a sad day, and reflects very poorly on the members when a chap cant take a shît in a Tupperware container, and bring it with him on the bus to dispose of at work, without drawing such opprobrium.

Sharp MZ700

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Its a sad day, and reflects very poorly on the members when a chap cant take a shît in a Tupperware container, and bring it with him on the bus to dispose of at work, without drawing such opprobrium.

So long as he keeps it well tight and odourless on public transport I can't see the issue here either. That goes for his sphincter as well obviously.

partyguinness

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I'm a fan of cling film. Maybe cling film the poo, put poo at bottom of water basin somehow. Wash hands thoroughly. Post in public post box on way to work.

Fresh poo in cling film doubles up as a hand warmer for those cold winters morning and nights.

Utter Consternation

J Mysterio wrote: »

Hate to hound you out, it's absolute comedy gold. Perhaps we can discuss further tomorrow, including details of your plans for the forthcoming days.

I hope Gemini takes note of your hearfelt sentiments Mysterio. This thread is about sharing experiences and ideas, inclusivity, looking at things from a different angle and most importantly of all, learning from each other.

gerrybbadd

Now.... Nowe we are getting somewhere.

Brain Wave lads.

Seen 2 good suggested ideas here. Cling Film, and freezing the bolus.

Here's what ya do, for forever happiness. Lay down a good bed of cling film, and let loose the length of shítty spine. Fold your cling film over the top, then flatten out the pile, before depositing into the freezer.

Once frozen, if you've flattened sufficiently, what is now in your possession, is a fantastic new shít frisbee. And all you need to is launch that bad boy off into the night, from the balcony. Never to be seen again.

partyguinness

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Now.... Nowe we are getting somewhere.

Brain Wave lads.

Seen 2 good suggested ideas here. Cling Film, and freezing the bolus.

Here's what ya do, for forever happiness. Lay down a good bed of cling film, and let loose the length of shítty spine. Fold your cling film over the top, then flatten out the pile, before depositing into the freezer.

Once frozen, if you've flattened sufficiently, what is now in your possession, is a fantastic new shít frisbee. And all you need to is launch that bad boy off into the night, from the balcony. Never to be seen again.

Be careful not to turn into a boomerang.

Roger Hassenforder

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I hope Gemini takes note of your hearfelt sentiments Mysterio. This thread is about sharing experiences and ideas, inclusivity, looking at things from a different angle and most importantly of all, learning from each other.

It really is the only true support group on boards.

Many come to scoff and snigger, but many more contributors and countless lurkers, find it a suppository repository of the wisdom of experience, a goto place for advice on a sensitive matter.
It should really be government funded.

A problem shared, is truly a problem halved.

ToddyDoody

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

It should really be government funded.

Plenty of welfare recipients on here.

EmmetSpiceland

What size “drone” would you need to shift a small bucket of liquid, or frozen, shíte?

Utter Consternation

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

It really is the only true support group on boards.

Many come to scoff and snigger, but many more contributors and countless lurkers, find it a suppository repository of the wisdom of experience, a goto place for advice on a sensitive matter.
It should really be government funded.

A problem shared, is truly a problem halved.

The HSE should issue a pamplet containing suggestions from this forum.

Available in all GP's receptions.

Deebles McBeebles

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

What size “drone” would you need to shift a small bucket of liquid, or frozen, shíte?

I don't have an answer for that one, E but it got me thinking it might be about time to future proof the thread.

Best drone for fly tipping a load of personal waste.
How to program your Japanese toilet to shoot the cleaning jet at just the right angle.
How to use the 3 seashells method.