What's the etiquette here??

Roger Hassenforder

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

What size “drone” would you need to shift a small bucket of liquid, or frozen, shíte?

Ive a Mavic Pro. Would take a large enough Guinness turd 120m high, about 450m away. Wouldn't want to be too wet.

You could place it on the top of the battery pack, take off gingerly , fly slowly and steadily forward to your target, and then just jerk the thing* around to dislodge and drop your payload

If you're good, you could follow it down towards target...



*the drone

EmmetSpiceland

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Ive a Mavic Pro. Would take a large enough Guinness turd 120m high, about 450m away. Wouldn't want to be too wet.

You could place it on the top of the battery pack, take off gingerly , fly slowly and steadily forward to your target, and then just jerk the thing* around to dislodge and drop your payload

If you're good, you could follow it down towards target...



*the drone

I was hoping for more of an “Amazon” type delivery drone.

You know the one, the “pay load” would be carried, gondola style, beneath the drone, itself.

Something the amateur “enthusiast” could handle. Is there an “auto drop” function? Or would you have to instal some sort of “Robot Wars” type upgrade?

Sorry, I don’t know too much about drone usage. But enough to know that Sky Sports should not be showing people racing them.

gerrybbadd

When the day's been long, and you feel the urge,
The badge is twitching and you need to purge,
the toilet is fúked, and you need some relief,
Should I use this potty, as a makeshift toilet seat?

You've got other options, they're quite plentiful,
Head to the press, and take out the cling film roll,
wrap up that big log, to the freezer you take it,
but first into a frizbee, the shape you must make it.

Another good option is to get a big drone,
You can even see the payload delivered on your phone,
Dropped from a height, with the greatest of care,
the bomb drops from the sky, guaranteeing a scare.

So don't leave that potty at the foot of the bed,
Your wife's not asleep, she's passed out, face all red,
The fent is atrocious, caused by the drink,
But the relief is so wholesome, your arse starts to wink.

Avoid that potty, though it seems the solution,
and don't head to the sink, to provide some dilution,
that's meant for the dishes, not the spoils from your arse,
nor the dangly dingleberries that hang from your barce.

Stick with the lads here on Boards, we give good advice,
Paddy, Brendan, Johnny, Roger, we ask no price,
All the best suggestions to deal with your problem,
Our solutions are revolutionary, making the world more Awesome

EmmetSpiceland

Hector Savage

partyguinness wrote: »

Be careful not to turn into a boomerang.

Don't worry, he's in Spain not Australia !

gerrybbadd

Sorry for any of the valued contributiors I didn't include in the poem. Emmet, you're a treasured and valued poster here! Deebles, partyguinness, UC - all of ye legends, that will go down in history as this goes on to the a Nobel Prize winning thread, and known in history as the greatest thread on all of Boards.

Again, anyone I missed, thats my bad. I appreciate you all!

Hector Savage

IIGeminiII wrote: »

Friggin' genius. I'm chucking out the frozen lasagna in the fridge and using the tupperware going forward. Deposit it in work toilet next day. Quick rinse of the tupperware in the kitchenette sink.

Honestly. Thank you. First genuine suggestion and I owe you my gratitude. Realisable, confidential, and hygienic.

Side note: I'm wondering if I could freeze some of this stuff too until the plumber gets back.

In the kitchen sink that your work colleagues use aswell ????

You will rinse a ****ty tupperware into a sink that others prepare food beside ?
wash dishes etc ???

Why not use the sink in the jax ?


This is a wind up.

recyclebin

Some stench of bullsheeeet off that story alright.

Hector Savage

recyclebin wrote: »

Some stench of bullsheeeet off that story alright.

It is amusing in fairness !!!

Disgusting sure.... but has perked the thread up for drama sake!

EmmetSpiceland

Maybe I’m just being “gullible” but I find the level of detail to be too much for some shítty “tall tale”.

I mean, think about it, you bring home a “slab” of cans, and you proceed to drink the lot. Couple that with an oily, “Mediterranean”, diet and you are looking at a recipe for disaster.

Just imagine your only toilet is “dry” and has an issue with the pipe. No water in the sink either. All you’ve got is a little child’s, a toddler’s, potty.

Now, I ask you, would you, or would you not, take a big scuttery, burning, “dump” into said potty? Or would you hold it, like a gentleman, doing untold damage to, the business end of, your digestional tract?

I’m failing to see where the “doubt” is creeping in. And I, for one, will not be abandoning the poster in their hour of need.

J Mysterio

He's not to be abandoned, he is to be ridiculed. After all, this is an etiquette thread, and he is surely guilty of gross misconduct.

I also cast further aspersions as to his character given the unwholesome threads he has propogated in recent days.

There might yet be redmption for this lost soul however, provided he honestly engage with the group, admit his misdeeds, and follow the sage advice to be found here.

Hector Savage

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Maybe I’m just being “gullible” but I find the level of detail to be too much for some shítty “tall tale”.

I mean, think about it, you bring home a “slab” of cans, and you proceed to drink the lot. Couple that with an oily, “Mediterranean”, diet and you are looking at a recipe for disaster.

Just imagine your only toilet is “dry” and has an issue with the pipe. No water in the sink either. All you’ve got is a little child’s, a toddler’s, potty.

Now, I ask you, would you, or would you not, take a big scuttery, burning, “dump” into said potty? Or would you hold it, like a gentleman, doing untold damage to, the business end of, your digestional tract?

I’m failing to see where the “doubt” is creeping in. And I, for one, will not be abandoning the poster in their hour of need.

He's in Spain, he can always go down to the local cafe and get a cortado ... or a cafe solo .... for €1.20 and pop into the jax there and blast the back of the pewter with gouts of hot arse slurry.

Would sound like a bucket of mackerel being dumped from a height on a tiled floor.

Roger Hassenforder

J Mysterio wrote: »

He's not to be abandoned, he is to be ridiculed. After all, this is an etiquette thread, and he is surely guilty of gross misconduct.

I also cast further aspersions as to his character given the unwholesome threads he has propogated in recent days.

There might yet be redmption for this lost soul however, provided he honestly engage with the group, admit his misdeeds, and follow the sage advice to be found here.

He sounds like he's crying for help.
Just needs to own his actions, and ask.

Not deny agency, present his jerimiad as the stars aligned against him.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

Story doesn't even surprise me to be honest and I would take it at face value.

Acquaintances of a friend that live in Drumcondra have a potty in their apartment too. Two middle aged guys (early to mid fifties), a bit rough around the edges, big drinkers, and there would be poppers and occasionally other drugs around the house according to him. They would have a prostitute in one room being ploughed by gent A while gent B watched from the next room while sitting on a potty.

Brendan Bendar

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

Story doesn't even surprise me to be honest and I would take it at face value.

Acquaintances of a friend that live in Drumcondra have a potty in their apartment too. Two middle aged guys (early to mid fifties), a bit rough around the edges, big drinkers, and there would be poppers and occasionally other drugs around the house according to him. They would have a prostitute in one room being ploughed by gent A while gent B watched from the next room while sitting on a potty.

:eek:

Sssssssssteaddyyy....hope it was a plastic potty, rubust and solid.

Lad I knew reamed the sack off himself on a supposedly solid porcelain unit.

Nearly ripped the nutbag clean off, showed me the stitching so he did.

EmmetSpiceland

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

Story doesn't even surprise me to be honest and I would take it at face value.

Acquaintances of a friend that live in Drumcondra have a potty in their apartment too. Two middle aged guys (early to mid fifties), a bit rough around the edges, big drinkers, and there would be poppers and occasionally other drugs around the house according to him. They would have a prostitute in one room being ploughed by gent A while gent B watched from the next room while sitting on a potty.

Would they switch once the lad doing the “ploughing” was done, L?

J Mysterio

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

Story doesn't even surprise me to be honest and I would take it at face value.

Acquaintances of a friend that live in Drumcondra have a potty in their apartment too. Two middle aged guys (early to mid fifties), a bit rough around the edges, big drinkers, and there would be poppers and occasionally other drugs around the house according to him. They would have a prostitute in one room being ploughed by gent A while gent B watched from the next room while sitting on a potty.

What a delightful intervention!

Bullocks

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

SThey would have a prostitute in one room being ploughed by gent A while gent B watched from the next room while sitting on a potty.

Was the phrase "drive it into her now Patsy used in that scenario ? 
I heard a similar story about a few lads that used go out for a few pints of a sunday afternoon and negotiate a concession price with a prostitute on the way home . "Patsy " was stocious this evening and when it was his turn to honour his part of the deal with the lady of the night he went at it doggy style while the boys watched on from the kitchen drinking tae . One of the more astute observers noticed Patsy's doodle was off target and he was only slobbing it around the good ladies legs but she was moaning and groaning goodo as if it was the best hop of her life . His mate wanted Patsy to get the job done properly so in he went and grabbed the doodle , held it in the right spot and shouted "drive it into her now Patsy ". 
I never heard talk of a potty at these parties but noting would surprise me .....
Wonder is it the same lads

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

Bullocks wrote: »

Wonder is it the same lads

Not saying much since we're in Ireland but actually yes, one of the guys is called Paddy.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Would they switch once the lad doing the “ploughing” was done, L?

I don't know. I'm supposing yes? I didn't ask.
Dirty buggers either way.

J Mysterio

Fuçking hell if this isn't the best thread there ever was :pac:

Bullocks

J Mysterio wrote: »

Fuçking hell if this isn't the best thread there ever was :pac:

Without a shadow of a doubt it is

sligojoek

Problem solved lads.

EmmetSpiceland

Bullocks wrote: »

One of the more astute observers noticed Patsy's doodle was off target and he was only slobbing it around the good ladies legs but she was moaning and groaning goodo as if it was the best hop of her life.

That’s an old prostitute’s “trick”, when a fellow was “in his cups” she would position him between her, slightly greased, thighs and tell him it was “in” so he’d pound away without causing her too much discomfort.

Just to be clear, I do not know this from “experience”.

Slideways

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That’s an old prostitute’s “trick”, when a fellow was “in his cups” she would position him between her, slightly greased, thighs and tell him it was “in” so he’d pound away without causing her too much discomfort.

Just to be clear, I do not know this from “experience”.

I’m beginning to doubt where the personal experience meets anecdotal evidence in your stories E.

Word on the street has it that a certain poster here wouldn’t have the length to penetrate from the council end. Strictly a missionary lad

Kermit.de.frog

I farted in a lift the other day. Around magnitude 3.5 on the Richter scale. There were a few after shocks before everyone else could alight from the lift.



They were not happy but they couldn't work out who I don't think.

Sharp MZ700

Nothing like downing a grand creamy pint of midden through the trapdoors early of a morning.
I had to have a look just to see,(that doesn't make me an out and out animal does it?)- kind of a runny brown like a Murphy's stout surrounded all round by a creamy bubbly froth which was definitely the start of my shìt as I had to "wind the accelerator" for that bit, I remember that much. After that t'was a haze of happiness.
Heading out for a fry up now just to keep things interesting.

Sharp MZ700

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

I farted in a lift the other day. Around magnitude 3.5 on the Richter scale. There were a few after shocks before everyone else could alight from the lift.



They were not happy but they couldn't work out who I don't think.

Is that a Dutch oven or is it solely for under the duvet?

Aglomerado

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Is that a Dutch oven or is it solely for under the duvet?

Sounds more like a 'hot box'.

Had a curry last night and the 'tremors' are increasing in magnitude. I'd say about half an hour before I befoul the pan with a gout of buttery arse fudge.

EmmetSpiceland

Slideways wrote: »

I’m beginning to doubt where the personal experience meets anecdotal evidence in your stories E.

Word on the street has it that a certain poster here wouldn’t have the length to penetrate from the council end. Strictly a missionary lad

I can assure you, S, that good ol’ Emmet never “pays” for it. I mean, I suppose we all “pay” in some way but that’s more of a “social” contract and not illegal.

But, either way, I wouldn’t be paying for burgers when I’ve got steak at home. Plus, the prices are a joke. Imagine forking out €150-200 to bang a “pro”? Nah, not for me. I’d save myself the hassle, knock one out and put the money to better use.

As to your “length” comment, I haven’t heard anything of that nature. And I wouldn’t like to. But, if any of you are silly enough to think that’s me you’d be sorely mistaken. Never had any complaints in that “department”, lots of compliments though.

If anyone wants to get into some sort of “contest” I’ll be happy to go toe to toe, just as long as there is an impartial, and independent, adjudicator. I would be quietly confident of being the “bigger” man. Ground rules would have to be established, and agreed upon, first, of course.