What's the etiquette here??

Sharp MZ700

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

If anyone wants to get into some sort of “contest” I’ll be happy to go toe to toe, just as long as there is an impartial, and independent, adjudicator. I would be quietly confident of being the “bigger” man. Ground rules would have to be established, and agreed upon, first, of course.

Might I suggest if ye were going "knob to knob"...

Any helicopter fights would only be undertaken when each competitor has towelled his parts dry, especially the Japs eye
Each competitor be clean shaven or trimmed so as to determine actual size
No access to pornographic media for at least half hour beforehand
No rubbing of any or other's genatalia either by the participants or fellow competitors.

I'm sure there's more because I've never set out rules for a dick swinging competition before.

EmmetSpiceland

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Might I suggest if ye were going "knob to knob"...

Any helicopter fights would only be undertaken when each competitor has towelled his parts dry, especially the Japs eye
Each competitor be clean shaven or trimmed so as to determine actual size
No access to pornographic media for at least half hour beforehand
No rubbing of any or other's genatalia either by the participants or fellow competitors.

I'm sure there's more because I've never set out rules for a dick swinging competition before.

Wait, what?! No!

When I said going “toe to toe” I didn’t mean literally! Jesus. I’m not going “peen to peen” with some dude. There’s a term for that when they’re out side by side or one on top of the other. I’d have to ask Johnny Flash what it is as I’ve forgotten.

No, I’d be willing to enter a “stall” and have an independent, and impartial, adjudicator taking the measurements. A female, preferably. Or even have one “online”, who would be willing to receive a number of tasteful shot, and unedited, “dick pics” and rank them in order of size.

I’m not getting into some weird, and unsanctioned, games of “Slap Willy”, “Penis Tag” or “Helm Touch”. No siree.

Also, this wouldn’t be some sort of “flop” completion. This would be about full on “ragers”, who wants to measure that sort of blobfish? You’d get all sorts of skullduggery, and malfeasance, going on with skin stretching to “fudge” the figures.

The only currency, when it comes to competition, is “The Horn”.

Everyone knows that.

armaghlad

This thread has taken a tangent that I really don’t care for. Posters are free to measure each other’s gentlemen’s regions, but please god discuss such matters on a dedicated thread. Do not sully this noble thread with such gutter talk.

EmmetSpiceland

armaghlad wrote: »

This thread has taken a tangent that I really don’t care for. Posters are free to measure each other’s gentlemen’s regions, but please god discuss such matters on a dedicated thread. Do not sully this noble thread with such gutter talk.

Now you listen here, bub. You can “shy” off when someone casts, unflattering, aspersions on your “manhood” but I won’t.

I have nothing to hide and will “challenge” anyone who says otherwise. They won’t be thinking that for long.

I’ll show them.

J Mysterio

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

I farted in a lift the other day. Around magnitude 3.5 on the Richter scale. There were a few after shocks before everyone else could alight from the lift.



They were not happy but they couldn't work out who I don't think.

Hopefully no one was looking directly at you at the time.

J Mysterio

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Now you listen here, bub. You can “shy” off when someone casts, unflattering, aspersions on your “manhood” but I won’t.

I have nothing to hide and will “challenge” anyone who says otherwise. They won’t be thinking that for long.

I’ll show them.

Could always have a pissing contest.

Sharp MZ700

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Wait, what?! No!

When I said going “toe to toe” I didn’t mean literally! Jesus. I’m not going “peen to peen” with some dude. There’s a term for that when they’re out side by side or one on top of the other. I’d have to ask Johnny Flash what it is as I’ve forgotten.

No, I’d be willing to enter a “stall” and have an independent, and impartial, adjudicator taking the measurements. A female, preferably. Or even have one “online”, who would be willing to receive a number of tasteful shot, and unedited, “dick pics” and rank them in order of size.

I’m not getting into some weird, and unsanctioned, games of “Slap Willy”, “Penis Tag” or “Helm Touch”. No siree.

Also, this wouldn’t be some sort of “flop” completion. This would be about full on “ragers”, who wants to measure that sort of blobfish? You’d get all sorts of skullduggery, and malfeasance, going on with skin stretching to “fudge” the figures.

The only currency, when it comes to competition, is “The Horn”.

Everyone knows that.

I took you up wrong so... Thank Christ.

I hate helicoptering in the stalls ,it makes a noise akin to a Trocaire box on Easter Sunday with it baetin off the sides. One thing I will say, it clears out the stalls either side handily before I drop the kaks for the number 2.

padd b1975

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Would they switch once the lad doing the “ploughing” was done, L?

That reminds me of a sex game of borderline legality.

Again it involves Gent A and B.

Gent A manoeuvres his conquest to the kneeling position on the living room carpet making sure she is facing the window. Gent B is waiting silently in the next room unknown to the lady.

A few minutes in Gent A withdraws on the pretence of readjusting his anchorage.
Quickly and silently he swaps position with Gent B who continues thrusting silently.

Gent A then sneaks out of the house and tiptoes around to the living room window and starts waving at the lady.

EmmetSpiceland

padd b1975 wrote: »

That reminds me of a sex game of borderline legality.

Again it involves Gent A and B.

Gent A manoeuvres his conquest to the kneeling position on the living room carpet making sure she is facing the window. Gent B is waiting silently in the next room unknown to the lady.

A few minutes in Gent A withdraws on the pretence of readjusting his anchorage.
Quickly and silently he swaps position with Gent B who continues thrusting silently.

Gent A then sneaks out of the house and tiptoes around to the living room window and starts waving at the lady.

Couldn’t condone that sort of thing at all, P. Would certainly be grounds for a “case”, especially in this post #metoo world.

Can’t say I could call the outcome if the scumbags involved told a different story. Even if they didn’t I’m sure one of our, esteemed, judges would only give them a “slap” on the wrists.

I did hear a tale during my college days of a set of twins who, when one would bring a girl home, the other would get her for “round” two. Twin #1 would make an excuse to use the bathroom and in the hall Twin #2 would be waiting. A quick boxers swap and that would be that. Twin #1 would head off to bed.

Now, I only heard this “story”. I didn’t know the twins involved but I had very little reason to doubt the veracity as the person telling me wasn’t one to over-embellish things.

From what I was told, none of the girls involved in the fraternal “swap” were ever made aware that they’d been “done” twice.

Ecce No Homo

Hiya Emmet, Hiya Sharpie. Apologies you guys haven't seen me in a number of weeks. I'm a member of a bodybuilding club in Macroom and we're getting ready for the playoffs.

Anyway I did this thing once or twice before and it doesn't work unless both wangs are side by side, preferably with a third 'referee wang' in the centre with inches and centimetres marked off. We used the winner from the previous gala to act as referee when we did it.

Funny thing you guys are talking about this as I had a novelty idea on my mind recently, something I saw in Croatia, but never in Ireland before. We could have a novelty 'freestyle' penis competition whereby individuals like myself participate flaccid, others can be errect or at half mast or whatever. I actually have a bit of experience in getting 'sponsorship' for these events, Emmet, Sharpie.

How I know Sharpie has been involved before is because he is on the balls about pre-comp rules, no spitting and spinning in the 15 mins beforehand, no enhancements, no pharmeticals etc.

EmmetSpiceland

Hello, E. Welcome back.

I believe I have made myself perfectly clear, to both you and Sharp, on this “matter”. I will not be engaging in any “contest” where my “johnson” will be in contact with another man’s.

I don’t want to, either by design or by chance, get myself in a position where hands would be placed on my “person”, squishing it against another “person”. Or being, slyly, “docked” during any sort of pre-game “lining up”.

I just won’t have it, so please leave me out of any further “discussion” on the matter.

Ecce No Homo

We have a word for you at home Emmet, is: "all talk and no growth".

I hope you'll wonder about this

lawred2

padd b1975 wrote: »

That reminds me of a sex game of borderline legality.

Again it involves Gent A and B.

Gent A manoeuvres his conquest to the kneeling position on the living room carpet making sure she is facing the window. Gent B is waiting silently in the next room unknown to the lady.

A few minutes in Gent A withdraws on the pretence of readjusting his anchorage.
Quickly and silently he swaps position with Gent B who continues thrusting silently.

Gent A then sneaks out of the house and tiptoes around to the living room window and starts waving at the lady.

Game?

EmmetSpiceland

Ecce No Homo wrote: »

We have a word for you at home Emmet, is: "all talk and no growth".

I hope you'll wonder about this

Now hold on just a minute, that is a slanderous statement and a scurrilous lie. How dare you?!

I have, publicly, stated that I will go “toe to toe” with any man here, just as long as it’s with an independent “adjudicator”. Preferably female.

I don’t know where you consider “home” but where I’m from, here, we don’t go around measuring our “junk” by touching them off another man’s. There are rules, and obligations, here. Good god, man, we’re not “savages”.

What sort of school did you go to?

westgolf

Senators we have gone massively away from the core topic.

Enough !

EmmetSpiceland

westgolf wrote: »

Senators we have gone massively away from the core topic.

Enough !

You’re right, of course, W. And I apologise if I perpetuated this “diversion” but I did feel “attacked” and felt the need to defend myself accordingly.

I’ll leave it at this, if anyone disagrees with anything I’ve said and thinks I’m “bluffing” my invitation stands.

Let’s leave it there, okay?

Roger Hassenforder

Ecce No Homo sounds like a man that'd be on for a Double Dutch Rudder.

Ecce No Homo

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I have, publicly, stated that I will go “toe to toe” with any man here, just as long as it’s with an independent “adjudicator”. Preferably female.

I don’t know where you consider “home” but where I’m from, here, we don’t go around measuring our “junk” by touching them off another man’s. There are rules, and obligations, here. Good god, man, we’re not “savages”.

Now pls hold on yourself Emmet. There is no Shane in touching off another man.

Actually this is something I've noticed in Ireland since a long time. I joined a football club when I arrived and for the first few months I showered naked with the lads but I notice they are all wearing boxers or keyholes in the shower, and eventually I became self conscious and started to wear keyholes too.

In Ireland you don't have a healthy relationship with your bodies, PLUS, you can't do measurements with webcam or streaming due to doctoring technology, Emmet. Even if you have a objective measurement person on hand for livestream, it could be your girlfriend or parent or whatever.

EmmetSpiceland

For the record, I always shower, and have always showered, naked after “sports”.

I’m not some dweeb hiding myself behind a pair of “shower shorts”.

But, when it comes to “competitive measuring”, I don’t believe that flaccid counts. That’s, like, the amateur side of it.

Go hard, or go home, E.

Ecce No Homo

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

For the record, I always shower, and have always showered, naked after “sports”.

I’m not some dweeb hiding myself behind a pair of “shower shorts”.

But, when it comes to “competitive measuring”, I don’t believe that flaccid counts. That’s, like, the amateur side of it.

Go hard, or go home, E.

So you are worried my flaccid member will be longer and thicker than your "rager" Emmet?

I think this matter is solved for all to see.

Roger Hassenforder

Ive never seen a bunch of lads showering after a match other than buck naked.

Calling shenanigans

EmmetSpiceland

Ecce No Homo wrote: »

So you are worried my flaccid member will be longer and thicker than your "rager" Emmet?

I think this matter is solved for all to see.

You talk a “big” game but you’re soft.

We’ve all had that experience of playing “snooker” with a “rope”. It’s no fun folding it up and trying to “thumb” it in.

That’s your “weapon” of choice. And it’s a useless one. You’re bringing a spoon to a knife fight here, sunshine. And regardless of whatever “python” you’ve got, lurking in your trousers, you’re coming up “short”.

Up your game, literally.

EmmetSpiceland

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Ive never seen a bunch of lads showering after a match other than buck naked.

Calling shenanigans

Happened in school, normal enough in the lower forms but after the summer of 6th class you’d sort the “men” from the “boys”.

The “shower shorters” would either skip the shower or wait until everyone had gone. You’d give them “hell” if they didn’t.

Odd that, looking back now, when the kids would be wearing their shorts the big hairy refs, and sometimes coaches, wouldn’t be wearing a stitch.

Ecce No Homo

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Up your game, literally.

Why you have such an interest in seeing other man's errect member Emmet?

If I place my flaccid along the top of your boner which you pressed down to become perpendicular to your Adonis belt, I still have three to four inches, maybe five, resting in space before it comes back to my body, Emmet.

EmmetSpiceland

Ecce No Homo wrote: »

Why you have such an interest in seeing other man's errect member Emmet?

If I place my flaccid along the top of your boner which you pressed down to become perpendicular to your Adonis belt, I still have three to four inches, maybe five, resting in space before it comes back to my body, Emmet.

You don’t know that. You can’t know that.

And I’ve no interest in seeing another man’s fully hard “meaty matey”. None whatsoever.

The “erotica” I would prefer features, mostly, women with particularly large “mammory” glands. If you know what I mean.

The type from, what many would consider the “golden age” of “big tit” pornography, the early to mid 1990s. My “periodicals” of preference would rarely, if ever, feature a man packing a big “girthy” schlong. It’s all about the boobs.

It’s just not my “thing”.

Roger Hassenforder

Ecce No Homo wrote: »

Why you have such an interest in seeing other man's errect member Emmet?

If I place my flaccid along the top of your boner which you pressed down to become perpendicular to your Adonis belt, I still have three to four inches, maybe five, resting in space before it comes back to my body, Emmet.

Take your invitation for docking, and GTFO dude.

Ecce No Homo

I think it's clear for all to see Emmet. You are worried that your "rager" will be shorter than the flaccid member of another man.

I'll paint a picture. You have maybe 5.9 inches of freckled white sausage, with average girth of 8 cm. Firstly, if I lay my flaccid on top then it is like full eclipse of the moon for you. Total darkness. We see no meat of yours below mine.

My flaccid member will rest on top of your "rager' like the arm of bodybuilder resting on HP pencil. And will feel warm and moist like a big tube of mince meat fresh from the butcher, Emmet.

Brendan Bendar

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Take your invitation for docking, and GTFO dude.

We got a rimmer here Roger, looking for gristle up the bang box.

That’s my take, don’t like those lads, nothing but trouble.

Take care here.

Roger Hassenforder

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

We got a rimmer here Roger, looking for gristle up the bang box.

That’s my take, don’t like those lads, nothing but trouble.

Take care here.

Threads taken a worrying turn.
All sorts of deviants and freaks walking in off the street.

padd b1975

lawred2 wrote: »

Game?

Yes.

For a more sporting experience, the regular participant can introduce a stopwatch to the event in the style of the bucking bronco nights that may have been popular for a short time some years back.