What's the etiquette here??

Andreas77

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

The “erotica” I would prefer features, mostly, women with particularly large “mammory” glands. If you know what I mean.

The type from, what many would consider the “golden age” of “big tit” pornography, the early to mid 1990s.

Conditions supportive of a sensuous atmosphere ("film night", romantic dinner, honeymoon etc.) may be diminished if a male with an averagely portioned chest is lying on top of a female with smaller breasts (30-34) during thrusts, due to vibrational reflections which sound a little like flatulence, as air is suctioned in the hollow space between mammaries (as muscles contract and expand with milk ducts). From experience, this sounds rather like farting. The situation is worsened with the release of moisture from eccrine sweat glands, or more seriously again if the male has a concave type chest. In the back of his and her minds, they have become conscious of this farting noise and it has dampened the mood. Suggestion: play sensual music.

Another issue is if the male has put on weight, or has a hormonal imbalance (also adrenal fatigue). Situation here is that the man has breasts himself which are chaffing against the woman’s breasts. Nipples are touching nipples and the male has become self-conscious while rutting. The man or woman becomes conscious of “surfing” on the body of the other as transport atop the flesh feels somewhat mechanical. He is ashamed of the feminisation of his physique, and with each thrust he feels his breasts shunting forwards and backwards. A bead of sweat on his nipples summons unwanted thoughts of lactation. For her part, the women is secretly disgusted. Suggestion, male to have healthier diet, with more exercise.

These are just two of the more common issues that a male may have during sexual intercourse with a woman with smaller breasts. Like you, I prefer more voluminous breasts.

Brendan Bendar

Slideways wrote: »

Ah JF, I wouldn’t say I was bad humoured, have an inability to suffer fools mostly.

Indeed you are right though, mood has considerably lightened as has the load on my legs. Must have been 2kg if midden dropped off

“Inability to suffer fools” is usually a euphanism for ‘ Im a proper sour kernt’.

An arsehole, if you will.

Anyways works going on well, lad doing the plumbing assured me that a full MacPhersons paint can of water would ‘take care of everything’ just horse her into the pot.

Took him at his word, blew a strong stream of solid buttery midden into the old pot, emptied the can in, and apart from King Kong’s thumb— gonzo.

Second can shifted King Kong.





Happy Days.

EmmetSpiceland

Bullocks wrote: »

If you're in someone else's house and the animals don't bother their arse to supply a toilet brush why would you go to the trouble of sticking your paw full of tissue into their cesspit? Even if they are your skid marks - feck them. I'd consider it atrocious hospitality on their behalf and should nearly be rewarded with skiddies!

While it is, most certainly, an affront to almighty Zeus. I couldn’t bring myself to “leave my mark” on someone else’s commode.

Andreas77 wrote: »

Conditions supportive of a sensuous atmosphere ("film night", romantic dinner, honeymoon etc.) may be diminished if a male with an averagely portioned chest is lying on top of a female with smaller breasts (30-34) during thrusts, due to vibrational reflections which sound a little like flatulence, as air is suctioned in the hollow space between mammaries (as muscles contract and expand with milk ducts). From experience, this sounds rather like farting. The situation is worsened with the release of moisture from eccrine sweat glands, or more seriously again if the male has a concave type chest. In the back of his and her minds, they have become conscious of this farting noise and it has dampened the mood. Suggestion: play sensual music.

Been there, A. Doubt I’ll be in that “situation” again anytime soon but the music is a nice tip.

Might I suggest the application of a small amount of “talc” on the chest? This should help absorb some of the “moisture” without it congealing into a goopy paste.

wing52

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

While it is, most certainly, an affront to almighty Zeus. I couldn’t bring myself to “leave my mark” on someone else’s commode.



Been there, A. Doubt I’ll be in that “situation” again anytime soon but the music is a nice tip.

Might I suggest the application of a small amount of “talc” on the chest? This should help absorb some of the “moisture” without it congealing into a goopy paste.

A good daub of silicone grease will repel all kinds of liquids, emmet. Won't be washing off too handy, though.

hank scorpio89

I wonder did your man get his jax sorted or is he still karate chopping his barry white down his kitchen sink.

Hector Savage

hank scorpio89 wrote: »

I wonder did your man get his jax sorted or is he still karate chopping his barry white down his kitchen sink.

well the latest plan was to:

* Sh*te in some tupperware
* Bring said tupperware full of SHYTE into work - dumping it down the jacks - and then cleaning the f*cking thing in the work kitchen sink- you know where colleagues prepare food etc.....

allthough he seemed to have backed down from that plan.

EmmetSpiceland

Was he not going to freeze it first, H?

gerrybbadd

I thought there was real merit in making the bolus into a frisbee, and launching it afar

JohnnyFlash

It’s safe to say the dude had serious mental issues.

Roger Hassenforder

Hector Savage wrote: »

well the latest plan was to...
allthough he seemed to have backed down from that plan.

Plan might be in a brief hiatus if he's a bit backed up

Hector Savage

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Was he not going to freeze it first, H?

Ah ! of course! , phew, there was me thinking it was disgusting !!!

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It’s safe to say the dude had serious mental issues.

Yeah, or was just winding us up - probably the latter but was good craic in the thread.

A friend of mine in the US had a story of high school, some guys in his class had saved up their shit in large jars for weeks before bringing into the school and dumping it on the stairs - I guess they wanted maximum dispersion between floors.
Always amazed me the willpower required to do this, to open that disgusting jar and add to the allready pile of toxic slurry there.


Anyway they were expelled and last he heard of one of the guys he was working in that restaurant chillis.

EmmetSpiceland

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It’s safe to say the dude had serious mental issues.

It’s a mad, mad, world out there, J.

Let’s see you trying to keep it together living in a country with that heat. Then throw on a couple of “slabs” and a particularly “oily” diet.

I’m not sure he had a choice, other than the “potty”. I also think Gerry had it spot on with the freezer frisbee.

Although, I wouldn’t be shítting directly onto the cling film. I’d still use the “potty” but I’d be pouring it into the film, just to avoid unnecessary “splatter”.

padd b1975

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It’s safe to say the dude had serious mental issues.

Howard Hughes job there, no doubt.

Bullocks

padd b1975 wrote: »

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It’s safe to say the dude had serious mental issues.

Howard Hughes job there, no doubt.

Can't see the bould Howard fingering his dung down the sink haha

After the talk of freezing the bolus earlier I had to post this here after seeing it on reddit. This badass mother****er made a dagger from his frozen bolus to dig his way out of an avalanche. Thats some real improvisation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Freuchen

jcorr

[Deleted User] wrote: »

After the talk of freezing the bolus earlier I had to post this here after seeing it on reddit. This badass mother****er made a dagger from his frozen bolus to dig his way out of an avalanche. Thats some real improvisation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Freuchen

Well, I thought I had seen it all.

jcorr

jcorr wrote: »

Well, I thought I had seen it all.

I've lost count of how many times I've thought that and the internet just keeps on surprising me.

Hector Savage

Deleted User wrote: »

After the talk of freezing the bolus earlier I had to post this here after seeing it on reddit. This badass mother****er made a dagger from his frozen bolus to dig his way out of an avalanche. Thats some real improvisation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Freuchen

Good lord!

Slideways

Would this help or hinder the work schit?

Hector Savage

Slideways wrote: »

Would this help or hinder the work schit?

Would be a bit embarrasing going in as everyone would know why you're going in ...

EmmetSpiceland

Hector Savage wrote: »

Would be a bit embarrasing going in as everyone would know why you're going in ...

It would, also, ruin many potential “relationships”. Over before they had a chance to begin.

Deebles McBeebles

Begs the question, which one would you put the glory hole in?

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

It would, also, ruin many potential “relationships”. Over before they had a chance to begin.

Would foster a few new friendships too, I'd imagine. Shared interests and all.

gerrybbadd

Deleted User wrote: »

After the talk of freezing the bolus earlier I had to post this here after seeing it on reddit. This badass mother****er made a dagger from his frozen bolus to dig his way out of an avalanche. Thats some real improvisation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Freuchen

Ah FFS, not wan picture of his frozen shyte knife. That's all i wanted to see. Wonder did it have a naturally serrated edge to it?

EmmetSpiceland

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

Would foster a few new friendships too, I'd imagine. Shared interests and all.

I dunno, S. I was once over with a girl I had the “hots” for. We’d been out during the day and went back to her place. Now, nothing was on the cards bar, possibly, some light, to heavy, “petting”.

I was bursting for a “slash” when we got back but she was, obviously, in more “need” as she pushed past me asking if it was ok if she went first. I said no problem and waited patiently for her to emerge so I could head in.

God, when I did, the stink. It actually knocked me back. It was, pardon my french, uafásach. She’d opened a window but it did very little. Even half a box of matches wouldn’t have shifted that “pong”.

I wasn’t too in the mood to “fool” around at that stage. She was a cracking looking girl, not from here, so I obviously revisited the “scene” after a few drinks on another night. Think my hesitance to make a “move”on that occasion, due to the “boner killing” smell, was mistaken for some sort of chivalry.

Wasn't going back without the booze though.

gerrybbadd

The poor girl was only letting you know up front what was in store.

Maybe she wanted to "clear" the pipes in anticipation of a bit of "action", and was hoping not to suffer the embarrasment of a few wild howlers whil you were up to yer auld tricks in her knick knacks.

You should have walked out of the jacks a proud man, and said to her "The Lord Jaysus above, the fúckin' smell ya left in there, it'd knock over a camel. Fair play, couldn't have done better meself"

JohnnyFlash

Lot of moronic 'suggestions' and 'ideas' floating round this thread recently. Absolute claptrap. I want a cubicle with ceiling to floor brickwork, a good thick door (also floor to ceiling), a working lock, an Armie Shanks high level toilet with a pull chain, 4-ply paper (rolls, not those single sheet fiascos), hot water and soap, paper towels or high-quality hand dryer.

Don't want to be sharing facilities with women. It's a terrible idea. And I've heard they leave the shítters in terrible condition - fanny pads and gee bullets strewn about the place, piss all over the floors, sheets of toilet paper used to remove mascara etc.

Say NO to unisex toilets.

gerrybbadd

Johnny, the voice of reason as always. Fair play John, you always bring us back to ground.

Lads, where do we stand on Bidets? I've never had the fortune (or misfortune) of using one. I get they're a tap for your Fight Club Acid Wound, but whats the craic afterwards? Are you meant to "towel off", or is it a wadge of toilet paper that's required?

I think the Japanese Lads are far ahead of all with their toilet tech. At least them lads take it serious

Hector Savage

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Johnny, the voice of reason as always. Fair play John, you always bring us back to ground.

Lads, where do we stand on Bidets? I've never had the fortune (or misfortune) of using one. I get they're a tap for your Fight Club Acid Wound, but whats the craic afterwards? Are you meant to "towel off", or is it a wadge of toilet paper that's required?

I think the Japanese Lads are far ahead of all with their toilet tech. At least them lads take it serious

Aglomerado

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Lot of moronic 'suggestions' and 'ideas' floating round this thread recently. Absolute claptrap. I want a cubicle with ceiling to floor brickwork, a good thick door (also floor to ceiling), a working lock, an Armie Shanks high level toilet with a pull chain, 4-ply paper (rolls, not those single sheet fiascos), hot water and soap, paper towels or high-quality hand dryer.

Don't want to be sharing facilities with women. It's a terrible idea. And I've heard they leave the shítters in terrible condition - fanny pads and gee bullets strewn about the place, piss all over the floors, sheets of toilet paper used to remove mascara etc.

Say NO to unisex toilets.

This is all, sadly, true. I have even seen a fanny pad stuck to a wall. In a government office!