What's the etiquette here??

Roger Hassenforder

Andreas77 wrote: »

Ex-wife was fastidious bathroom cleaner. As partners we shared twice-weekly rota leaving no surface unscrubbed for more than four days. All grouting in the shower was cleaned with a dedicated toothbrush and "winning" liquid specifically developed in laboratory for grouting. Exterior of toilet was cleaned with blue j-cloth. Rim and underside of seat was cleaned with red j-cloth, which would be disposed of after three uses (five uses for blue). Interior of toilet we used sponge and disinfectant. Unsightly, almost-permanent brown stain from previous tenant was eventually removed with elbow grease. This women would do anything I asked. I would hoist pinafore above waist and bend her over bathroom sink, toilet, or she would clutch at shower curtain and moan like a little girl as I entered from behind with penis.

Thats the worst image of this thread.
And thats saying something

EmmetSpiceland

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Thats the worst image of this thread.

And yet...

Brendan Bendar

Andreas77 wrote: »

Ex-wife was fastidious bathroom cleaner. As partners we shared twice-weekly rota leaving no surface unscrubbed for more than four days. All grouting in the shower was cleaned with a dedicated toothbrush and "winning" liquid specifically developed in laboratory for grouting. Exterior of toilet was cleaned with blue j-cloth. Rim and underside of seat was cleaned with red j-cloth, which would be disposed of after three uses (five uses for blue). Interior of toilet we used sponge and disinfectant. Unsightly, almost-permanent brown stain from previous tenant was eventually removed with elbow grease. This women would do anything I asked. I would hoist pinafore above waist and bend her over bathroom sink, toilet, or she would clutch at shower curtain and moan like a little girl as I entered from behind with penis.

You filthy kernt.

Even Fr. Seamus Donnellan wouldn’t do that.

Didn’t even lube up before rodding out the pipes.

Disgusting behaviour.

Andreas77

Ex-wife would get wet at click of fingers. Literally I would click fingers and she would be as wet as a bundle of wetwipes. I will message her now through whatsapp.

Brendan Bendar

Andreas77 wrote: »

Ex-wife would get wet at click of fingers. Literally I would click fingers and she would be as wet as a bundle of wetwipes. I will message her now through whatsapp.

Wet as an otters pocket eh?

Take your filthy fingers away with you, and clear off.

This is a respectable thread.

Andreas77

This is not the place to talk about sex Brendan.

Hector Savage

This thread has once again taken a "turn" ....

Slideways

I want to ask the pertinent question here.

I always buy quilted big roll but still fold at least twice before clean up begins. Is this a SOP amongst folk here. I’m told some people are scrunchers, it would seem to be very wasteful as there’s no option to fold and re-wipe?

Hector Savage

i never understood scrunching - ****ing manky.
Always fold, I see this as a no brainer.

Utter Consternation

Slideways wrote: »

I want to ask the pertinent question here.

I always buy quilted big roll but still fold at least twice before clean up begins. Is this a SOP amongst folk here. I’m told some people are scrunchers, it would seem to be very wasteful as there’s no option to fold and re-wipe?

What type of animal scrunches?? You're not fcuking polishing cutlery!

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

What type of animal scrunches?? You're not fcuking polishing cutlery!

The cûnt is away with the fùcking fairies, UC.

Slideways

Hey!

I’m not the one who does this. It was from anecdotal chat over a mug of tea at work that it came up.

https://foldorscrunch.wordpress.com/folding-vs-scrunching/

Andreas77

Typically I unwind between six and eight pieces of medium quilted toilet paper from my dual -roll dispenser. I pinch the tissue paper together between my thumb and index fingers so that the paper resembles an in bloom wild rose pre-dabbing. I scrap away at and massage the anus mouth, with the each of upturned flat edges, folded ribbons and incongruous troughs and ridges helping to leverage and unlodge crumbs or faecal nuggets that may have gotten trapped beneath any folds of skin or on the circumference of the anus rim, or those nasty pieces of gristle that hide inside that first centimeter of inner tubing.

A folded sheet of paper is less likely to capture all necessary debris, and involves the strong likelihood of smearing the muck around rather than abrading the poo from the surface area

Roger Hassenforder

Andreas77 wrote: »

Typically I unwind between six and eight pieces of medium quilted toilet paper from my dual -roll dispenser. I pinch the tissue paper together between my thumb and index fingers so that the paper resembles an in bloom wild rose pre-dabbing. I scrap away at and massage the anus mouth, with the each of upturned flat edges, folded ribbons and incongruous troughs and ridges helping to leverage and unlodge crumbs or faecal nuggets that may have gotten trapped beneath any folds of skin or on the circumference of the anus rim, or those nasty pieces of gristle that hide inside that first centimeter of inner tubing.

A folded sheet of paper is less likely to capture all necessary debris, and involves the strong likelihood of smearing the muck around rather than abrading the poo from the surface area

With all this digital dexterity, your wife must be up to her ankles in a puddle?

EmmetSpiceland

“Scrunching” is what children do before they have the dexterity to fold and wipe.

gerrybbadd

There's merit to both methods.

Generally, I fold, putting one fold across the index finger, and wipe across the length of the button.

However, sometimes, if I feel that there has been some serious collateral spreadage across the "area" following a particularly messy passage, then I will first scrunch, to remove debris from the blast site, before deploying my original folding method

Deebles McBeebles

I see scrunching in the same light as that guy who shat in his own hand.

Wrong but somehow hilarious.

Andreas77

Morning and early afternoon were spent in a Skoda car dealership outside Dusseldorf. I was arguing with salesman to allow me use of new car to drive home to collect Mazda for trade in at Mazda dealership. I got call on mobile from childhood friend, a buddy who I would drink a glass of lager with each week after close of business hours. In these days, outside of heads of state, mafia hitman, or big buck showman, it was rare to have mobile phone for personal use and I remember clear as day standing with back to Skoda Dealership, facing out onto ring road, and beyond, the motorway, about to buy three year old car and thinking life was pretty darn good for me. Call from childhood friend was to report that he had spotted ex-wife leaving kindergarten (she was teacher) on morning break with other teacher, hand in hand, poised for a kiss. Of course she had been having intercourse with this guy for six months. One thing that always perturbs me is where she got so much energy from as I would stretch her out every single day, often twice, without fail. I would pump her in bathroom on regular basis, on floor of bedroom, and I give her cunninlingus as she sat legs straddled on top of old fashioned television set. We had full trunk of sex toys, vibrators, dildos, double edge dildos, handcuffs, enema tools, and dirty videos.

Roger Hassenforder

TBF, while i prefer the folded pad method, in public toilets where the bum fodder is dispensed in single sheets, scrunching really is the only option.

Very unsatisfactory though, and inevitably there'll be a feeling you've got some shït on your hand.

Utter Consternation

Andreas77 wrote: »

Morning and early afternoon were spent in a Skoda car dealership outside Dusseldorf. I was arguing with salesman to allow me use of new car to drive home to collect Mazda for trade in at Mazda dealership. I got call on mobile from childhood friend, a buddy who I would drink a glass of lager with each week after close of business hours. In these days, outside of heads of state, mafia hitman, or big buck showman, it was rare to have mobile phone for personal use and I remember clear as day standing with back to Skoda Dealership, facing out onto ring road, and beyond, the motorway, about to buy three year old car and thinking life was pretty darn good for me. Call from childhood friend was to report that he had spotted ex-wife leaving kindergarten (she was teacher) on morning break with other teacher, hand in hand, poised for a kiss. Of course she had been having intercourse with this guy for six months. One thing that always perturbs me is where she got so much energy from as I would stretch her out every single day, often twice, without fail. I would pump her in bathroom on regular basis, on floor of bedroom, and I give her cunninlingus as she sat legs straddled on top of old fashioned television set. We had full trunk of sex toys, vibrators, dildos, double edge dildos, handcuffs, enema tools, and dirty videos.

Andreas, did you have a mullet and wear white sports socks when you were pumping the sh1te out of the ex?

EmmetSpiceland

Condolences, A.

Can’t be easy to find that out. Or to discover you may have been, inadvertently, mixing another man’s “porridge” for some time.

Hope you’re in a better place now.

Roger Hassenforder

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Condolences, A.

Can’t be easy to find that out. Or to discover you may have been, inadvertently, mixing another man’s “porridge” for some time.

Hope you’re in a better place now.

Given his predilection for cunnilingis atop the old TV set, I fear he may have been more than just "stirring" another mans porridge...

I hope he'll recover.

mfceiling

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Given his predilection for cunnilingis atop the old TV set, I fear he may have been more than just "stirring" another mans porridge...

I hope he'll recover.

Indeed.

The thought of gargling another lads baby gravy is most unsettling.

Back to sh*tting matters....I was in Lisbon for the weekend with herself. Bulling for a slash when I saw a sign.."worlds coolest toilet". Paid the euro to gain entry and they had a wall with every conceivable colour of bog roll on it. Was very disappointed that my freckle had been cleared earlier that morning and the only thing I required was a swing and a miss.

What colour of wrap would you lads have used on the badge?

Deebles McBeebles

Brown if I was feeling lucky.

gerrybbadd

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Brown if I was feeling lucky.

Risky DB. Mightn't pass the visual check. Heading out all proud, full sure the purse was clean, but the paper has deceived you

Deebles McBeebles

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Risky DB. Mightn't pass the visual check. Heading out all proud, full sure the purse was clean, but the paper has deceived you

Risky indeed, Gerry. Hence the caveat, "if I was feeling lucky".

Being a Prince fan, purple might be another interesting choice. There are reasons why no interior designer goes for a purple and brown colour scheme. It might even qualify as some kind of modern scat art.

Brendan Bendar

Andreas77 wrote: »

Morning and early afternoon were spent in a Skoda car dealership outside Dusseldorf. I was arguing with salesman to allow me use of new car to drive home to collect Mazda for trade in at Mazda dealership. I got call on mobile from childhood friend, a buddy who I would drink a glass of lager with each week after close of business hours. In these days, outside of heads of state, mafia hitman, or big buck showman, it was rare to have mobile phone for personal use and I remember clear as day standing with back to Skoda Dealership, facing out onto ring road, and beyond, the motorway, about to buy three year old car and thinking life was pretty darn good for me. Call from childhood friend was to report that he had spotted ex-wife leaving kindergarten (she was teacher) on morning break with other teacher, hand in hand, poised for a kiss. Of course she had been having intercourse with this guy for six months. One thing that always perturbs me is where she got so much energy from as I would stretch her out every single day, often twice, without fail. I would pump her in bathroom on regular basis, on floor of bedroom, and I give her cunninlingus as she sat legs straddled on top of old fashioned television set. We had full trunk of sex toys, vibrators, dildos, double edge dildos, handcuffs, enema tools, and dirty videos.

Were the rabbits ears up her hole, by any chance, with the unit tuned into an Angela Merkel political broadcast.

Have her fizzing like Bottled Bass for sure.

Glaze the top of the unit.

JimmieTwoTimes

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

This thread has it all - pathos, logos, poetry, philosophy, rhetoric. A true senate of debate.

It deserves the same status as the debating halls of ancient Rome and Greece.

Raconteuse

Enema tools. :eek:

sligojoek

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Have her fizzing like Bottled Bass for sure.

Glaze the top of the unit.

Ha Ha. Only you BB.

Glaze the top of both units in one go.