What's the etiquette here??

fuerte1976

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

Why is this thread so popular?

You'd better get reading ðŸ˜

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

I'd say Kermit the Log isn't much of a reader. Skimmed Ireland's Eye once or twice and decided it wasn't for him.

Roger Hassenforder

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

[Deleted User] wrote: »

They will be after being prepared in that sink!

Public Health and HACCP THREAD >>>

Go take a good dump and lighten up Roger.

Voodoomelon

Just back from a week long jaunt around Normandy, visiting the Allied landing beaches and gun batteries of WWll. Mid-week we took a spin out to Point Du Hoc, the tallest cliff face the yanks scaled after the Brits bombed the absolute sh1te out of it weeks before, leaving tennis court sized craters scattered everywhere up top.

Anyways, let it be known I’m a right noisy bugger, I was in and out of every artillery shelter, up every viewing point, inside every underground bunker and nipping in and out of hedgerows in the hope of finding something interesting. “Interesting” however is not the word I would use to describe my findings in one particular area, marked on the map below.

A curious opening in the bushes, with a well-trodden trail befronted me. I stooped down and entered a couple of feet before stopping dead. None other than piles of human midden scattered haphazardly across the earth accosted my eyes and assaulted my nostrils, accompanied by piles, and I mean piles of tar encrusted paper and tissues as far as the eye could see. One could only surmise that due to the facilities being some 10 minutes in the opposite direction, this was an unofficial drop point for anyone with a belly of sour soup and a handful of napkins that simply could not survive the 10 minute waddle across a former battleground in 28 degree heat.

There was more bombs dropped in that bush than the whole of 1944, the dirty buggers didn’t even try to squeeze them out into a souvenir shop bag and hurl it over the barbed wire fence, leaving the area clean for the next poor soul, there was sh1te everywhere. What I saw must constitute some kind of war crime, although I was guilty myself of having a quick slash behind one of the bunkers, plenty of which stank of piss on the inside the dirty kernts.

Unfortunately the white bread attacked me again on one of the other days, which had me goose-stepping double time in the American Cemetery back to the gents at the car park. Unloaded an ungodly load into the rather well kept porcelain, the stench was unfathomable but there was an easily 30 stone yank washing hits mitts as I was exiting so pretty sure everyone had made up their minds it was him that did the damage.



If anyone plans to visit any time soon, steer clear of the biohazard symbol.

Brendan Bendar

Filthy kernts.

PicardWithHair

Had a tray of pints last night and some crested Jameson whiskey to top it off.
Was regretting it big time this morning, as I dropped a soupy bowlful of rancid arse slurry.
Then had a fry up (nothing like a fry to cure a hangover) and went in for round II - the jacks are in some state, have left all windows open.

Feeling fairly light now actually.

Roger Hassenforder

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Go take a good dump and lighten up Roger.

I'll take my dumps when it pleases me, not at the behest of a man more concerned about fcuking prawns than a traumatised victim of inadequate wastewater services.

Deebles McBeebles

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Passed by easily enough

Like a well-greased arse-rocket.

He didn't strike me as being traumatised Roger, seemed to me he was revelling in it. But fair enough. No point arguing anymore about "Spanish prawns" and their dubious "preparation".

EmmetSpiceland

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Like a well-greased arse-rocket.

I’m not sure that means what you think it means, D.

Roger Hassenforder

[Deleted User] wrote: »

He didn't strike me as being traumatised Roger, seemed to me he was revelling in it. But fair enough. No point arguing anymore about "Spanish prawns" and their dubious "preparation".

Fair enough Nialler, we'll park it and move on.
But i think the poor man was in denial, struggling to come to terms with the hand that fate dealt him. The prawns thing was anguished cry for help in his darkest hours, shîtting in a potty, wondering what to do with it.
We need to be more supportive , offer realistic workarounds and solutions, not shît frisbees and tomorrow's world stuff.

Deebles McBeebles

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I’m not sure that means what you think it means, D.

EmmetSpiceland

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

One of dumbest things I’ve ever seen, D. You have to relaxed your cheeks, or hole if you’re going “all in”.

The sparks don’t make that easy but if you don’t you’re left with 3rd degree burns on your arse, barse, ball and back.

Hal3000

I would considered myself a conservative poster here. I drop in and out (pardon pun) of this thread and have made it well known my strong opinions on the vulgarness of sharing stalls. Well, an experience tonight has destroyed me. I’ve been somewhat hoisted by my own petard !

We had a small gathering at my house tonight. Nothing snazzy, just a casual light meal with drinks. My wife’s friend’s husband attended. I’ve never met the guy before and being honest he’s a like-able enough chap. Articulate, well dressed, and a decent conversationalists. That being said, I’ll most likely avoid ever being in his company again. In anticipation of my guests arriving I decided to lay out a small spread of peanuts on our table in the dining room. Just a few dry roasted fashioned in an Ikea bowl nothing special. I didn’t think anyone would bother eating them, I can’t remember even buying them and I hate dry roasted myself, but it was an opportunity to offload them and free up much needed press space. Anyway, for the sake of this chaps dignity, I’ll refer to my wife’s friend’s husband as MR X. So, MR X, caught sight of the nuts early doors and squirreled into them. I didn’t think anything of it until I went into my own toilet later and saw two them still buoyantly floating about in my toilet bowl. I could barely get back down the stairs to face the group after the experience of seeing them. Thank god the night was being wrapped up and I didn’t have to make any further small talk. Is it me or is this just the most revolting experience ever ? I feel violated. In my own home of all places.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

Hal3000 wrote: »

Thank god the night was being wrapped up and I didn’t have to make any further small talk. Is it me or is this just the most revolting experience ever ? I feel violated. In my own home of all places.

Nasty little nut-guzzling runt. You always check the bowl for specks of slurry, splashback and skid marks when visiting friends.

Neighbours had a student lodger from Germany called Splendich who used to leave specks of brown splashback on the painted white walls of her bathroom. She was constantly soaping down the walls with a sponge for the six weeks he was there.

Bullocks

Hal3000 wrote: »

I would considered myself a conservative poster here. I drop in and out (pardon pun)  of this thread and have made it well known my strong opinions on the vulgarness of sharing stalls. Well, an experience tonight has destroyed me. I’ve been somewhat hoisted by my own petard !

We had a small gathering at my house tonight. Nothing snazzy, just a casual light meal with drinks. My wife’s friend’s husband attended. I’ve never met the guy before and being honest he’s a like-able enough chap. Articulate, well dressed, and a decent conversationalists. That being said, I’ll most likely avoid ever being in his company again. In anticipation of my guests arriving I decided to lay out a small spread of peanuts on our table in the dining room. Just a few dry roasted fashioned in an Ikea bowl nothing special. I didn’t think anyone would bother eating them, I can’t remember even buying them and I hate dry roasted myself, but it was an opportunity to offload them and free up much needed press space. Anyway, for the sake of this chaps dignity, I’ll refer to my wife’s friend’s husband as MR X. So, MR X, caught sight of the nuts early doors and squirreled into them. I didn’t think anything of it until I went into my own toilet later and saw two them still buoyantly floating about in my toilet bowl. I could barely get back down the stairs to face the group after the experience of seeing them. Thank god the night was being wrapped up and I didn’t have to make any further small talk. Is it me or is this just the most revolting experience ever ? I feel violated. In my own home of all places.

Would they have moved through him that quick Hal ? He may not have had a movement at all but went in for a slash when  a couple of nuts that escaped his cakehole and got stuck in his evening attire came loose after his wee wee and slam dunked into your bowl unnoticed ?

Hal3000

Bullocks wrote: »

Would they have moved through him that quick Hal ? He may not have had a movement at all but went in for a slash when  a couple of nuts that escaped his cakehole and got stuck in his evening attire came loose after his wee wee and slam dunked into your bowl unnoticed ?

I wondered that actually. He hit the nuts around 6.30 - 7ish. I can’t really remember but I think he used the facilities around 9.00pm. Would that have been enough time ? There has to be someone here who would know the science behind these types of things.

Bullocks

Hal3000 wrote: »

Bullocks wrote: »

Would they have moved through him that quick Hal ? He may not have had a movement at all but went in for a slash when  a couple of nuts that escaped his cakehole and got stuck in his evening attire came loose after his wee wee and slam dunked into your bowl unnoticed ?

I wondered that actually. He hit the nuts around 6.30 - 7ish. I can’t really remember but I think he used the facilities around 9.00pm. Would that have been enough time ? There has to be someone here who would know the science behind these types of things.

Science isn't my strong suit but from experience it would be the following morning before I would see signs in the dung of what went in the inlet

Ush1

Was on the Smithwicks last night and Christ on a bike the smell from the drawn out trumps fizzing from the ol back passage would make your eyes water. Bedroom was proper hot boxed throughout the night. Stick your head under the duvet if you're very brave.

Wife remarked it was a proper smell of death. She still brought me up tea and toast so no impending divorce just yet.

Sharp MZ700

Ush1 wrote: »

Was on the Smithwicks last night and Christ on a bike the smell from the drawn out trumps fizzing from the ol back passage would make your eyes water. Bedroom was proper hot boxed throughout the night. Stick your head under the duvet if you're very brave.

Wife remarked it was a proper smell of death. She still brought me up tea and toast so no impending divorce just yet.

Probably to keep you there lest there be exhaust fumes in the pipework Ush.
Not trying to rain on your parade as she did brave going back upstairs to the hot box.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

Interesting one alright. I see one of several options:

A) You say you don't know the gentleman very well but he appeared respectable. Is it possible that he was messing with your head by leaving a few nuts in the bowl? You admitted you were a little traumatized after the discovery. Maybe this guy isn't as 'nice' as he seems?

This filthy kernt was, as well as eating your nuts, pocketing them for later use. A few slipped out of his pocket as he was pulling up his pants after dropping several pounds of meat in your toilet.

C) Gentleman has an unusual but hardly unheard of physiological issue which means that food passes through his body at heightened speed. Were the nuts anyway digested we should ask?

D) Your wife tucked into a few of the nuts the day before and this was her filthy offering? Obviously you'd have to ask her.

Maybe some of the others can come up with alternative hypothesises.

For myself, I wouldn't e inviting him back, ever, Hal. Sounds like a right sick phuck, and I base that just on the fact of him finishing off an entire bowl of nuts before dinner in somebody else's house with other guests on the premises.

Bullocks

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

For myself, I wouldn't e inviting him back, ever, Hal. Sounds like a right sick phuck, and I base that just on the fact of him finishing off an entire bowl of nuts before dinner in somebody else's house with other guests on the premises.

I don't know Sally. I say fair fecks to him for polishing off the nuts, I wouldn't be eating out of the bowl of nuts after a few fingers being dipped into them anyhow so they generally get thrown out if not finished. I hate these flutes that pick out 4 nuts and knock ten minutes out of eating them! Horse them into you I say

EmmetSpiceland

I think if you’re body wants to get these out of you it can speed up the “process”. Not sure how fast this can happen though.

It’s not beyond possibility that he was suffering from a bad dose of the “squirts”. The body would forgo breaking down the legumes and let them pass through undigested.

It’s disgusting that this individual left those nuts and other shítty “detritus” floating in the bowl after he’d left. Very bad form.

Hal3000

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I think if you’re body wants to get these out of you it can speed up the “process”. Not sure how fast this can happen though.

It’s not beyond possibility that he was suffering from a bad dose of the “squirts”. The body would forgo breaking down the legumes and let them pass through undigested.

It’s disgusting that this individual left those nuts and other shítty “detritus” floating in the bowl after he’d left. Very bad form.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. There is always a chance that these nuts got swashed back up in the current after he left the toilet. In that case there is no way he could have known what horrors he left behind. Should I raise the issue with him if I see him next time ? Might mention it to my wife’s friend as I know her better and she can ask him.

PicardWithHair

Hal3000 wrote: »

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. There is always a chance that these nuts got swashed back up in the current after he left the toilet. In that case there is no way he could have known what horrors he left behind. Should I raise the issue with him if I see him next time ? Might mention it to my wife’s friend as I know her better and she can ask him.

Always stay behind till the flush has cleared to make sure all flotsam and jetsam is cleared so to speak.
Only clear t'water should be left in the bowl.

Having said that today I was visiting my Dad and his partner, she has been ripping him off for years and he used to have about £140k in personal savings and he's almost penniless now.

Left a nice scuttery skidmark in their jacks today after having a few cans of Guinness - she's robbed him enough to be able to use a toilet brush the oul bint!

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

Was the nut digested or not. Can't you answer a straight question.

Hal3000

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

Was the nut digested or not. Can't you answer a straight question.

Relax. They were definitely digested. Nuts don’t cling on to clothes like crisps. If it was a king crisp in the bowl I’d know it had just fallen off his clobber. Unless the nuts somehow fell down his shirt, end up in his briefs and fell out while he was doing his business I can’t see how undigested nuts could end up in my toilet bowl ?

EmmetSpiceland

Hal3000 wrote: »

Relax. They were definitely digested. Nuts don’t cling on to clothes like crisps. If it was a king crisp in the bowl I’d know it had just fallen off his clobber. Unless the nuts somehow fell down his shirt, end up in his briefs and fell out while he was doing his business I can’t see how undigested nuts could end up in my toilet bowl ?

You know when they’ve been through “the wringer”, they’re in the bowl in a mix of “floatie” bits with jagged edges.

Did you serve any tinned, or poached, fruit at this “party”?

Bullocks

Hal3000 wrote: »

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

Was the nut digested or not. Can't you answer a straight question.

Relax. They were definitely digested. Nuts don’t cling on to clothes like crisps. If it was a king crisp in the bowl I’d know it had just fallen off his clobber. Unless the nuts somehow fell down his shirt, end up in his briefs and fell out while he was doing his business I can’t see how undigested nuts could end up in my toilet bowl ?

You can't be sure they were digested. I believe the stomach can take the nutrients out of them without altering the outward appearance.
Maybe have a quiet word with him when ye meet again. Just ask him had he any trouble with the flush of the toilet. Don't make a big deal out of it but he will know his card is marked and will probably improve his bathroom carry on in future

fuerte1976

B0ll0cks.. Ban the individual from your homestead. Have no further interaction with him. He clearly expelled the fruits of the forest and left them on display for you.
Animal!