What's the etiquette here??

Deebles McBeebles

gerrybbadd wrote: »

I'm after experiencing my own horror there just now.

Jesus, Gerry. Not sure I'm fit to live in a world where two fine, upstanding gents such as ourselves can have horrific experiences in one day. I'm shook now although that may be a delayed hangover.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

The cleaners really are treating us like any other piece of chite they have to deal with. A firm rap of the knuckles on the door there Monday and an order given to evacuate the premises ASAP so a deep clean could be done. Put me off my game, raised doubts in the mind, and I had to mission abort. Walked out like some guilty mongrel past Anastasia who gave me a look like I was a speck of bile before she stormed in to the cube.

rocksolidfat

What an odd thread!

gerrybbadd

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

The cleaners really are treating us like any other piece of chite they have to deal with. A firm rap of the knuckles on the door there Monday and an order given to evacuate the premises ASAP so a deep clean could be done. Put me off my game, raised doubts in the mind, and I had to mission abort. Walked out like some guilty mongrel past Anastasia who gave me a look like I was a speck of bile before she stormed in to the cube.

Sorry to hear this.

Did it take you long to recover?

I'd imagine a shock like that could lead to a tight pursing of the lips, causing the bolus to retract back into the bowels.

fuerte1976

Not at all my good man/woman.
Quite enlightening to be honest for both body and mind 😊
Welcome.

rocksolidfat wrote: »

What an odd thread!

Roger Hassenforder

rocksolidfat wrote: »

What an odd thread!

A veritable information resource it it, some sage advice mixed in with the jerimiads

fuerte1976

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

rocksolidfat wrote: »

What an odd thread!

A veritable information resource it it, some sage advice mixed in with the jerimiads

Yes Roger, indeed, some poor associates could do with some sage to thicken the dung...

EmmetSpiceland

fuerte1976 wrote: »

Yes Roger, indeed, some poor associates could do with some sage to thicken the dung...

Couple of spoons of “Bisto” might help as it “browns and thickens”.

fuerte1976

Or cornflower..

knockers84

Anyone try that vi poo spray?? The smell was actually coming out of the jacks and pretty sure people could smell it in work. It was a humongous ****e after a rake of Guinness and a curry on the way home the next morning

It was the size of a 500ML can

gerrybbadd

knockers84 wrote: »

Anyone try that vi poo spray?? The smell was actually coming out of the jacks and pretty sure people could smell it in work. It was a humongous ****e after a rake of Guinness and a curry on the way home the next morning

It was the size of a 500ML can

Jaysus i hope there was no tearing. Sometimes, you'd consider getting an Episiotomy done to relieve the pressure.

Sharp MZ700

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Jaysus i hope there was no tearing. Sometimes, you'd consider getting an Episiotomy done to relieve the pressure.

It'd be so handy to have a zip from the anus up a few inches up the back at times. Only downside it'd need a powerhosing clean afterwards if it got in the way of the ballast.

gerrybbadd

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

It'd be so handy to have a zip from the anus up a few inches up the back at times. Only downside it'd need a powerhosing clean afterwards if it got in the way of the ballast.

Great thinking S.

Scientists are so mad to put in implants into eyes for vision enhancment, implants for music controls in arms - this is the real issue. A zip in the gootch. Amazing.

Patent that lad. Fair play to you, this is wonderful

knockers84

knockers84 wrote: »

Anyone try that vi poo spray?? The smell was actually coming out of the jacks and pretty sure people could smell it in work. It was a humongous ****e after a rake of Guinness and a curry on the way home the next morning

It was the size of a 500ML can

I use that Fabreeze stuff. The throne room got a liberal dousing after having an 8oz buffalo burger for dinner last Sunday.
Wouldn't be a bad idea to have a set up like fire sprinklers in the ceiling that activated when flushing to eliminate the fent. That could be a good project for lads who are into home automation and all that jazz. Smart toilets are the future.

gerrybbadd

I think the only job would be some form of "net" that could be laid down on the waters surface prior to sitting down.

Highly scented, this "net" would catch the bolus prior to entering the water, wrap around it, and contain the scent. The whole lot could then be flushed.

I wonder could you genetically engineer spiders to do the work.

gerrybbadd

gerrybbadd wrote: »

I think the only job would be some form of "net" that could be laid down on the waters surface prior to sitting down.

Highly scented, this "net" would catch the bolus prior to entering the water, wrap around it, and contain the scent. The whole lot could then be flushed.

I wonder could you genetically engineer spiders to do the work.

Not a bad idea gerry, I'm starting to think along the lines of the Phillips hue lights though. An app to control every aspect of the bathroom experience. The lighting, possible "fent suppression systems" and if the throne itself was WiFi enabled you could set it to flush before you even got down to business to ensure maximum cleanliness. Or have it on a timer if you are a creature of habit. The possibilities...

Aglomerado

gerrybbadd wrote: »

I think the only job would be some form of "net" that could be laid down on the waters surface prior to sitting down.

Highly scented, this "net" would catch the bolus prior to entering the water, wrap around it, and contain the scent. The whole lot could then be flushed.

I wonder could you genetically engineer spiders to do the work.

I think the barking spider would be amenable to this.

Hotblack Desiato

knockers84 wrote: »

Anyone try that vi poo spray?? The smell was actually coming out of the jacks and pretty sure people could smell it in work. It was a humongous ****e after a rake of Guinness and a curry on the way home the next morning

It was the size of a 500ML can

You should have offered your services to their product development department.

Doubt it was designed to take that on, maybe a "heavy duty" version for the Irish market is in the works?

EmmetSpiceland

I stay away from the “chemical” sprays and the like. A book of matches, kept about one’s “person” at all times, is all, I believe, you need.

Always light two or three after a, particularly, “heavy” session and they’ll help to dispel the odour.

If that’s not enough I would suggest burning a small amount of one’s own hair, as this really kicks up the “covering scent”. Sure, it’s not pretty but it’ll mask any inconvenient “pong”.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

Am I unusual in that I love to have others come into a heavily fented cube after I've dropped a few slurry bombs? Love to get that tangy flavour up into other people's nostrils and perhaps put them off balance for the rest of the day. Hopefully get themselves to ask a few hard questions about their life choices by close of business.

Hotblack Desiato

It does sometimes bring a wry smile that these noxious molecules which were up my arse mere minutes ago are now literally up the nose of someone I don't like

gerrybbadd

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I stay away from the “chemical” sprays and the like. A book of matches, kept about one’s “person” at all times, is all, I believe, you need.

Always light two or three after a, particularly, “heavy” session and they’ll help to dispel the odour.

If that’s not enough I would suggest burning a small amount of one’s own hair, as this really kicks up the “covering scent”. Sure, it’s not pretty but it’ll mask any inconvenient “pong”.

Are we talking head hair or arse hair? I'm bountiful in both

Bullocks

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

Am I unusual in that I love to have others come into a heavily fented cube after I've dropped a few slurry bombs? Love to get that tangy flavour up into other people's nostrils and perhaps put them off balance for the rest of the day. Hopefully get themselves to ask a few hard questions about their life choices by close of business.

Yes Sally you are unusual, highly unusual.
Where do you stand on walking into someone else's "arse vapours"

EmmetSpiceland

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Are we talking head hair or arse hair? I'm bountiful in both

I’d use head and arm hair. The more “course” pubes smell terrible when burned.

The aim is to “mask” the smell, not make it worse.

Plus, can’t imagine tugging out arse hairs being much “fun”.

JohnnyFlash

If it isn’t the shïtter of a loved one, sexual partner, or close family friend then I don’t see why you’d bother trying to get rid of the smell?

Drop the K’s, spool up, unload the cargo, do the paperwork, then flush the fûcker off to Ringsend. No need to be masking odours. Sounds a bit gay to be honest.

EmmetSpiceland

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

If it isn’t the shïtter of a loved one, sexual partner, or close family friend then I don’t see why you’d bother trying to get rid of the smell?

Drop the K’s, spool up, unload the cargo, do the paperwork, then flush the fûcker off to Ringsend. No need to be masking odours. Sounds a bit gay to be honest.

Of course you wouldn’t bother with any “after care” unless it was a toilet of someone connected to you.

Sure, you’d probably end up setting off a “smoke alarm” if you did that in work.

“Sound gay”, really J? Come on. It’s 2019 not 1996.

JohnnyFlash

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

If it isn’t the shïtter of a loved one, sexual partner, or close family friend then I don’t see why you’d bother trying to get rid of the smell?

Drop the K’s, spool up, unload the cargo, do the paperwork, then flush the fûcker off to Ringsend. No need to be masking odours. Sounds a bit gay to be honest.

It's just good manners, or etiquette. Sharing a house at the moment and Fabreeze or similar product is vital to smooth house sharing.

armaghlad

To be fair, there are on occasion times when the odour offends even one’s own nostrils to such an extent that there is genuinely held concerns for the welfare of others.

Scoundrel

Ya can't bate leaving a good shtink after ya tis the most satisfying part sure how is the next person in suppose to appreciate your work other than by smelling it?

gerrybbadd

In a bad way today patrons.

I don't know what's brought it on, but i've been "within" in Trap 1 at least 4 times this morning, as well as once before i set off for work while at home.

The morning started pleasant enough, couple of farts to rouse the family from their peaceful slumber. A chuckle or two were had (admittedly, all me). One last anal thrust was my undoing unfortunately, and i left I good brown streak in me brand new Penney's finest white jockeys. Straight into the bottom of the laundry basket with them. I wasn't too happy, i was only after putting them on.

So, i've been alternating between the absolute trots, pure hot soapy liquid, and mini snooker ball sized solids. I'm sure if someone was to walk in during me "at work", they'd be certain it was a man that could no longer refrain from "breaking the seal" after a ten pint session on the lager.

Strangely enough, there has been little scent to the leavings. I'm hoping that's a good thing, but of course, the nose may be a little blocked also