What's the etiquette here??

Is this shit thread still running!?!

JohnnyFlash

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Is this shit thread still running!?!

It is indeed, compadre. It’s a very important topic for many people. You just don’t get this sort of valuable advice and support anywhere else. Look at some of the main posters in AH who don’t contribute to this thread - angry, moody, argumentative, and very very ‘bound up’. There is a solution.

Hotblack Desiato

This episode is disappointingly brief, but more is to follow.

=============================================


Subject: My Anal Fissure Bob
From: afissure@yahoo.com (Joe Cidoni)
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 93 01:02:00 +0200

<KEYWORDS: YOUCH!, VIOLENT ANAL DILATION, OH JEEEESUS, HELP>

Hello Again,

Some of you may remember my previous post regarding my anal
fissure, Bob.

The surgery that had been scheduled for October 29th has been
postponed until December the first. Bob has had a stay of
execution or a reprieve if you will.

Bob has become a holy terror of an anal fissure and my surgeon
has informed me that the most effective way of dealing with Bob
is a form of surgical exorcism that is know to the medical
profession as; VIOLENT ANAL DILATION. I am not making this up!
They are going to anaesthetise Bob and I and then dilate my
asshole to a diameter that until that moment it had never known.

My greatest fear is becoming conscious and out of the corner
of my eye seeing the medical staff zipping up their trousers.

Semi tasteless: I have met a man named Ream. This is his name.
Word of honour. It just seems so appropriate that I meet him at
the stage of my life when violent anal dilation is required.
Maybe I should spare myself the trauma of surgery and spend
more time with Ream.

tgdaly

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It is indeed, compadre. It’s a very important topic for many people. You just don’t get this sort of valuable advice and support anywhere else. Look at some of the main posters in AH who don’t contribute to this thread - angry, moody, argumentative, and very very ‘bound up’. There is a solution.

Indeed JF, I dare say it's the single most important thread on the whole website. Has got many a person through some dark times

sligojoek

I've a 17 year old son and at the moment he'd lay cable for Ireland. I heard the front door closing and he's gone out for a walk. The OH just called me upstairs to see his latest deposit. The A Shanks was full to the brim with water and toilet paper in various stages of decomposition. Nothing for it but the poker. Took a bit of breaking up but I sent it on its way. The poker is now reddening as it sterilises in the fire.

sligojoek

I've a good mind to shove the handle of the poker up his ar$e and leave the red end out so nobody can remove it without wearing asbestos gloves.

EmmetSpiceland

sligojoek wrote: »

I've a 17 year old son and at the moment he'd lay cable for Ireland. I heard the front door closing and he's gone out for a walk. The OH just called me upstairs to see his latest deposit. The A Shanks was full to the brim with water and toilet paper in various stages of decomposition. Nothing for it but the poker. Took a bit of breaking up but I sent it on its way. The poker is now reddening as it sterilises in the fire.

You did it? Why? He’s 17 ffs! He’s well able to unclog his own “mess”.

EmmetSpiceland

sligojoek wrote: »

I've a good mind to shove the handle of the poker up his ar$e and leave the red end out so nobody can remove it without wearing asbestos gloves.

Now that’s more like it!

Sharp MZ700

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

You did it? Why? He’s 17 ffs! He’s well able to unclog his own “mess”.

As a 17 year old the treacle trellis in the bog was the least of my worries Emmet. Far more concerned with stashing the porno and mopping up the floor before the rug stuck rigid.

EmmetSpiceland

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

As a 17 year old the treacle trellis in the bog was the least of my worries Emmet. Far more concerned with stashing the porno and mopping up the floor before the rug stuck rigid.

Would you not have employed the use of a “tuplip” as a wankerchief?

Or fold up sheets of toilet paper, tear a hole for your lad to slip through to work as a makeshift “**** bib”?

There’s really no need to be “spilling” large amounts directly onto the floor. I couldn’t, personally, get behind the use of a sock.

sligojoek

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

You did it? Why? He’s 17 ffs! He’s well able to unclog his own “mess”.

Oh he is. I've shown him how. And he has it "mastered".

In my post I said he was gone out for a walk. he just flushed it and fúcked off. The bombsite had to be cleared before the older sisters come in removing make up and throwing more "sh1t" into the potty.

Brendan Bendar

sligojoek wrote: »

Oh he is. I've shown him how. And he has it "mastered".

In my post I said he was gone out for a walk. he just flushed it and fúcked off. The bombsite had to be cleared before the older sisters come in removing make up and throwing more "sh1t" into the potty.

Tough times Joe, sympathies.

Roger Hassenforder

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

As a 17 year old the treacle trellis in the bog was the least of my worries Emmet. Far more concerned with stashing the porno and mopping up the floor before the rug stuck rigid.

If you can lean his sheet against the wall, you might think about some kind of intervention.

gerrybbadd

sligojoek wrote: »

Oh he is. I've shown him how. And he has it "mastered".

In my post I said he was gone out for a walk. he just flushed it and fúcked off. The bombsite had to be cleared before the older sisters come in removing make up and throwing more "sh1t" into the potty.

You did the right thing, coming to us Joe. Fair play to you.

The poker - that's revolutionary. Some lads here are fans of using the Clothes Hanger. But the poker - i can see real benefits. Sturdier, construction wise, and capable of being steralised via hot fire.

Ecce No Homo

My penile is warm and wet as I spin spin spin all morning long this flaccid piece of thick wet trunk

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

Very nice E. Reminds me of "In a Station of the Metro" by Ezra Pound.

gerrybbadd

gerrybbadd wrote: »

sligojoek wrote: »

Oh he is. I've shown him how. And he has it "mastered".

In my post I said he was gone out for a walk. he just flushed it and fúcked off. The bombsite had to be cleared before the older sisters come in removing make up and throwing more "sh1t" into the potty.

You did the right thing, coming to us Joe. Fair play to you.

The poker - that's revolutionary. Some lads here are fans of using the Clothes Hanger. But the poker - i can see real benefits. Sturdier, construction wise, and capable of being steralised via hot fire.

I've never needed one myself fortunately but one of these might be the right tool for the job.
https://www.handyhardware.ie/product/73342/Faithfull-Deluxe-Toilet-Auger-0301GP?gclid=CjwKCAjw8NfrBRA7EiwAfiVJpewP5Nvcl_f2vL4AQW4Jy8CzpM4tv_Mq42DP8w6ojaKdW9ReT4H0JxoCyBwQAvD_BwE

Voodoomelon

I tried an Indian restaurant in Newry last night and despite my intestines lifelong disagreement with white bread, I stuffed my face with a full naan, aswell as some fiery dishes. Got to work this morning and spent a good 20 minutes with hot slurry pouring out of me. The most bizarre smell i've ever encountered filled the room, spices, herbs, garlic, peppers, sweetness, absolutely incredible. I'm sure the next occupant will be just as amazed.

EmmetSpiceland

gerrybbadd wrote: »

You did the right thing, coming to us Joe. Fair play to you.

The poker - that's revolutionary. Some lads here are fans of using the Clothes Hanger. But the poker - i can see real benefits. Sturdier, construction wise, and capable of being steralised via hot fire.

Just to re-iterate, the wire clothes hanging is only to use to “chop” up a very large log into smaller pieces.

It can be use to “hook” out excess tissue but it’s main function is the “chop”.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

It sounds to me like that boy is getting too much of an easy ride. Next time he leaves silver snakes clinging to the inside of the bowl, or globs of semen in the washing basin plug hole, bring the entire family in and tell him to extract them with a q-tip. It'll be like that magnetic frog pond fishing game but with ropes of jizz. And get him to scrub down the streaks of gravy in the toilet immediately afterwards too, even if they're not his.

Sharp MZ700

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

It sounds to me like that boy is getting too much of an easy ride. Next time he leaves silver snakes clinging to the inside of the bowl, or globs of semen in the washing basin plug hole, bring the entire family in and tell him to extract them with a q-tip. It'll be like that magnetic frog pond fishing game but with ropes of jizz. And get him to scrub down the streaks of gravy in the toilet immediately afterwards too, even if they're not his.

Hear hear.

Once he's earned his own crust and has his own gaff be sure and return the compliments as well.

Lil Sally Anne Jnr.

Yes, let's see how he likes it when daddy calls over to his student apartment only to leave sticky ropes of semen clinging to viscous specks of daddy's slurry on the inside of the shared toilet bowl, while sonny boy sits in his kitchen cum dining room with his new friends during freshers week.

EmmetSpiceland

Lil Sally Anne Jnr. wrote: »

Yes, let's see how he likes it when daddy calls over to his student apartment only to leave sticky ropes of semen clinging to viscous specks of daddy's slurry on the inside of the shared toilet bowl, while sonny boy sits in his kitchen cum dining room with his new friends during freshers week.

You don’t know that’s all they’d be eating in there.

partyguinness

gerrybbadd wrote: »

You did the right thing, coming to us Joe. Fair play to you.

The poker - that's revolutionary. Some lads here are fans of using the Clothes Hanger. But the poker - i can see real benefits. Sturdier, construction wise, and capable of being steralised via hot fire.

All valid observations but I would query the need to sterilise a fire poker.

Like what else are planning on doing with it that would require sterilisation.

JohnnyFlash

partyguinness wrote: »

All valid observations but I would query the need to sterilise a fire poker.

Like what else are planning on doing with it that would require sterilisation.

Might have a couple of young bull calves that need seeing to.

gerrybbadd

partyguinness wrote: »

All valid observations but I would query the need to sterilise a fire poker.

Like what else are planning on doing with it that would require sterilisation.

The gentle flame would also be beneficial in the quelling of any potential scents that may arise

Sharp MZ700

gerrybbadd wrote: »

The gentle flame would also be beneficial in the quelling of any potential scents that may arise

Arse grapes would pucker up hastily at the sight of said red hot poker also. I'm sure there are side effects to using a red hot poker on or near the 24 spoke, but the positives seem to be numerous.

partyguinness

gerrybbadd wrote: »

The gentle flame would also be beneficial in the quelling of any potential scents that may arise

Though you will have to get over the initial scent. It might take a something stronger than a few doses of Ambi Pur to mask that scent. Standing there smouldering midden off the end of a poker like some sort of blacksmith. It will be unique that is for sure.

Now, I'll admit I am not familiar with the scent of burning midden so maybe it's not that bad.

EmmetSpiceland

partyguinness wrote: »

Now, I'll admit I am not familiar with the scent of burning midden so maybe it's not that bad.

It stinks. Really ****ing badly.

padd b1975

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

It stinks. Really ****ing badly.

Same affect on the nostrils as a good sniff of Brasso.