Shy Preschooler

shelly82

My little girl 3 1/4 yrs old is so shy and seems anxious. In playschool she has to be lead by teachers where to sit and what to do. Her teacher has brought it to my attention. She is well able at home and warms up to her own age child in a one on one setting. In large groups she is always the timid, shy, quiet one and it hold her back on having fun which makes me sad. I would love to know how I could help her come out of herself?

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My daughter was very shy at that age, now she is six and comes out of school hi-fiving all her friends, kids in other classes wave at her and know her name, she went to a boy’s football party yesterday by herself not a bother on her. She will go up and pay in the shop by herself or call into a neighbor to ask them something if I told her too.
Her shyness is almost a distant memory now, but she used to cling to my leg if we went to anyone’ s house and her Montessori teacher told me she barely spoke.
I didn’t do anything exceptional to change things. I suppose just giving encouragement, instilling confidence, being patient, trying to get her to take part and giving her little jobs to make her more independent.

shelly82

Kathleen Odd Chrome wrote: »

My daughter was very shy at that age, now she is six and comes out of school hi-fiving all her friends, kids in other classes wave at her and know her name, she went to a boy’s football party yesterday by herself not a bother on her. She will go up and pay in the shop by herself or call into a neighbor to ask them something if I told her too.
Her shyness is almost a distant memory now, but she used to cling to my leg if we went to anyone’ s house and her Montessori teacher told me she barely spoke.
I didn’t do anything exceptional to change things. I suppose just giving encouragement, instilling confidence, being patient, trying to get her to take part and giving her little jobs to make her more independent.

Thank you for ur reply, you would be so worried for them. Hopefully, she will grow out of it too.

shesty

Please don't worry!!!She is so small, and some kids are just quieter than others....and that's ok.I was that shy child and as an adult I still prefer one on one over big groups.It's just me but I am totally comfortable in my own skin.By contrast I have a first child who sails into school every day since day 1, totally outgoing-and yet I can see she is drawn to play with the quieter children, because she needs that balance around her, a calmness to counter her own noise.It takes all kinds.Your daughter is so young still, she may not have the language fully yet to be as social as some of the others seem. Just let her know you are there, you have her back and you won't push her into things she isn't comfortable with.Maybe organise a couple of one on one playdates with some of the other kids if you feel she would get anything out of it, but equally accept that maybe she just doesn't have that need to be hugely outgoing, and she will find her way as she grows.I actually don't think the teacher was right to say that to you.

shelly82

shesty wrote: »

Please don't worry!!!She is so small, and some kids are just quieter than others....and that's ok.I was that shy child and as an adult I still prefer one on one over big groups.It's just me but I am totally comfortable in my own skin.By contrast I have a first child who sails into school every day since day 1, totally outgoing-and yet I can see she is drawn to play with the quieter children, because she needs that balance around her, a calmness to counter her own noise.It takes all kinds.Your daughter is so young still, she may not have the language fully yet to be as social as some of the others seem. Just let her know you are there, you have her back and you won't push her into things she isn't comfortable with.Maybe organise a couple of one on one playdates with some of the other kids if you feel she would get anything out of it, but equally accept that maybe she just doesn't have that need to be hugely outgoing, and she will find her way as she grows.I actually don't think the teacher was right to say that to you.

Thank you, I know I'm probably over thinking it. She doesn't mind going to playschool but whenever I pick her up she has a little sad worried face. Full of life once she's back with me.

heldel00

Just be very careful that she doesn't pick up on your worry or hear you talking about how shy she is.
I have heard parent's say things like "oh he's so shy. Doesn't open his mouth. Don't know what we're gonna do with him" ...and so on. Imagine the knock to confidence that must be.

shesty

I always feel so awful for the kids when I hear their parents etc. saying things like that or pushing to join into big activities straight in the door, like birthday parties etc,especially when they don't know anybody.There's nothing wrong with them.Everyone doesn't have to be a big loud extrovert.I always want to ask the adults would you go and be best friends with everyone the second you walked in the door of a stranger's party??The answer would almost be certainly be no...not unless there was alcohol involved.....