Smoking childminder: how to handle it

gaiscioch

I've had a childminder for a month now and only recently have I been sure that she has been smoking around the child, and in my house. I came home today and had to open all windows - I'm still in shock that somebody would actually smoke in somebody else's home in 2019 when it's clear nobody there smokes. I had thought the person had bad B.O. or came from a home with bad smells. The thought hadn't entered my head that she was a smoker as I didn't know anybody who smokes. Other than this she is an absolutely lovely lady who is loved by the child.

How can I handle this without getting on her wrong side? (it took me a long time to find a reliable childminder and I don't have a backup plan as I used too much familial support up in the last long search for a childminder)

irishgrover

I would tell her that you are very happy with her as a childminder generally. However you have a very strict no smoking policy both around your children and in your house. Tell her, as a non smoker, if is very obvious to you when she smokes in your home, or close to open doors etc.
Ask her to confirm that she understands this an accepts it.
If not, then you have a problem

Gonad

Totally expected this to be about one mans struggles to contain himself around an extremely sexy child care lady

ashes2014

You could mention to her that you can smell smoke when you come home and ask her not to smoke in your house.

Neyite

I don't even know any smokers who still smoke in their own house any more.



She's out of line smoking in your home. Did she try to blow it up the chimney - maybe didn't want to leave the child alone for 5 mins inside while she was out having her cigarette?



I think you need to sit down and chat to her about it. You need to know if she smokes around your child, how often does she have a cigarette a day (and where is your child for the 7 mins it takes to smoke a cigarette?) Does she smoke in the car with your child? Does your child see her smoking? and so on.



So I'd probably make a cup of tea for us both and just say "I smelled cigarette smoke in my house on Tuesday, can we talk about it?"



My partner is a smoker. He's never smoked in the house, and has never let our son see him smoking - or so he thought. Our son figured out for himself and asked me one day was Dad gone out for his smoke. Busted. So even though he thought our child had no idea, he did and had already normalised and accepted his dad smoking. Which is disappointing as he had always hoped to quit them before his son ever saw him smoke.

Seth Brundle

As a former smoker, I never smoked in my own house as I knew that it would stink he place.
I would never have smoked around children.
Smokers know the issues around smoking and are aware of who is around when we smoke.
We were also fairly good at deciding quickly on whether somewhere was a smoking or non-smoking house (generally non-smoking houses won't have ashtrays around the place for a start)

So, your childminder knew that she was lighting up in your home and would have known that it was not a smoking house but didn't care.
She also knew that smoking when your child was around would not be a good thing (if she didn't then she's definitely in the wrong career!). She simply didn't care.
I would offer her a verbal warning that should this happen again then she is out without a reference.

Brian?

Ask her never to smoke in your house our around your child. If she has a problem with that, find a new child minder.

Keep it that simple.

db

I'm surprised you are even considering allowing this person to continue minding your child. She has already shown that she sees nothing wrong with smoking around your child so if you tell her not to smoke in the house she will smoke outside. Now she will either be smoking near you child or your child will be left on their own inside.

rubberdungeon

As your home is her workplace would the ban on smoking in the workplace apply and help support you as you explain your own ground rules too

Seth Brundle

rubberdungeon wrote: »

As your home is her workplace would the ban on smoking in the workplace apply and help support you as you explain your own ground rules too

She shouldn't need to explain it as a ground rule. It should be second nature to everyone by now and if it is not then there is no doubt that they are unfit to look after children.

skallywag

Something is not adding up on this one for me.

Even leaving the child-minding aspect out of it, I simply cannot imagine a scenario where someone would smoke in someone else's home without asking prior permission. This is not just a 2019 thing, it would have been the same twenty or thirty years ago.

If someone is so fundamentally removed from my own way of thinking, then I would have to have a serious think about whether I want this person minding my child. I am usually all for sitting down and talking things out, but in this case the person has way overstepped the mark of what is reasonable behavior. It would seriously have me thinking as to what else are they doing, which I do not see, when I am not around.

whiskeyman

Are they just smoking (a lot) out in the garden when your child is having a nap etc... and they just stink and the smell permeates around the house?
I wouldn't accuse her of smoking *in* the house, but check if they are smoking during time which she should be minding your child.

Is there any ciggy butts in the bin / grass outside etc..?

December2012

When my relatives who smole come over they go outside to smoke. However, their coats, bags etc don't. These items have absorbed the smell of smoke from being in their owners house. I absolutely have to open windows to get the stake smell out when they go.

Smokers don't realise how much smoke smells.

Rubberchikken

as someone who absolutely hates smoking i couldnt have someone smoking in my home or garden for that matter. imo its disgusting and i will not tolerate it.

someone minding my child and smoking wouldnt happen, and i know this for a fact.

the notion that someone can smoke outside and thats ok is utterly ridiculous. the smell is on them. its on their clothes, hair, skin, breath.
wherever they go its there.

i would get another child minder. they're out there. and enquire about their smoking habit before employing them.

enricoh

Ask her to get a vape yoke when inside, she will probably be outdoors a lot more in the coming months and can smoke away out there

Seth Brundle

enricoh wrote: »

Ask her to get a vape yoke when inside, she will probably be outdoors a lot more in the coming months and can smoke away out there

E-cigs have not been established as being safe.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safety_of_electronic_cigarettes

She either does not smoke in the house and ensures that the child is not in any car or place that is frequented by smokers) or she goes. It should be that simple really.

CIARAN_BOYLE

Maybe ask if the children have started smoking?

Rubberchikken

the answer is to have her use e-cigarettes!!!
are some people completely clueless??

Dalomanakora

With regards to vaping. I worked in that industry for years and I'm a massive fan of vaping and would usually recommend any smoker switches to vaping.


As for it not being safe, it's been proven to be at least 95% safer than cigarettes (per Public Health England). It contains no carcinogens and produces water vapour, not smoke, so there's no passive smoking going on.

However, 95% safer than smoking isn't 100% safe. For those reasons, i won't vape around children myself. My friends vape around their kids and that's fine because it's their choice and it's not harming their children the way passive smoking can.


But no harm in suggesting a vape that she can use outside, or in a different room to the kid if she's really desperate. I don't think encouraging her to vape around the child is a good idea though. There's no harm to the child involved but if she uses a flavoured vape, it'll give a temporary sweet smell that the child will like and I don't think normalizing it to such a young child is a good idea if mammy and daddy aren't smokers or vapers themselves.

Loveinapril

How to handle it? P45.
There is NO WAY I would hire a smoker to look after my child, let alone an idiot who thought there were no issues smoking around my child/ in my home. The health issues are welll publicised but she clearly has no respect for your child's health/ well being if she is smoking around them.

skallywag

Loveinapril wrote: »

There is NO WAY I would hire a smoker to look after my child...

Agreed.

Though to be fair to the carer she could have been asked about this upfront. Although I would also never hire a smoker to mind my child, I also know plenty of parents who would not be that bothered (assuming the smoking was not done in the house).

listermint

Rubberchikken wrote: »

the answer is to have her use e-cigarettes!!!
are some people completely clueless??

Ya and normalise E- Cigarettes with adults in your own home.

Solid stuff there.

pc7

Depending on the age of the child I'd be wary of having a smoker minding them, even if smoking outside. Some studies believe second and third hand smoke can increase the risk of illnesses and in one study SID. The first point is to talk to the carer, say you don't want them smoking in the house or at all while minding the child. The fact you didn't notice it before when interviewing or that, could it be someone visited with them? Then again I'd be very annoyed if they had people I didn't know over.

Rachiee

Only smokers think e cigarettes don't stink.
OP tell her you could smell smoke in the house and as it's not something you have discussed with her before you want to be very clear with her you don't want her smoking in the house car or around your child.
If it happens again give her a warning or let her go.

Mebuntu

This is a no-brainer. If you are 100% sure that she has been smoking whilst being your child's minder then you can be 100% sure that she has been (is) doing harm to your child's health whilst knowing full well the perils of smoking and you are willing to continue to trust this woman?

greenwaving

pc7 wrote: »

Depending on the age of the child I'd be wary of having a smoker minding them, even if smoking outside. Some studies believe second and third hand smoke can increase the risk of illnesses and in one study SID.

THIS.
There is a lot of evidence to show that smoke on clothes and person can cause damage to children so even if she smokes outside or before work it can pass to your child and have heath implications. In the UK health visitors are advising that smokers are kept away from young babies for this reason (within reason obviously - difficult if a family member or parent but they advise keeping unnecessary smokers away and not letting them hold the baby). I would not be happy with a smoker minding my child for this reason. It would be a deal breaker imo

Sleeper12

I'd get a new childminder. Anyone that smokes around children doesn't have the cop on or knowhow to be left alone with children.

idnkph

She's a lovely lady who your child loves but she doesn't give one sh1te about your child of she is smoking anywhere near them.
Tell her it's strict no smoking and if she breaks that then she needs to go.
Get a few nanny cams put in around the house.
If there is a smell of smoke anytime after this then show her the door.
Maybe start looking for a new one just incase.

colm_mcm

Any chance she’s smoking outside and you’re getting the residual smell in the house?

Milly33

Jes I would be telling her straight out that there is no smoking in the house or when she is minding your child. If she does need to have one it should be when the kid has gone for a nap and it should be outside, and make sure she washes her hands, and sprays something on her clothes. It is her choice she either wants a job or not..

Sorry but I smoke myself and if I came in to find someone had been smoking in the house (especially someone I am paying) to look after my child I would be livid.. Even those stupid vap's, people think that because they arent a cigarettes they are ok to smoke around kids but personally i would not fancy it. There is one of the neighbours in the park here. and their nanny always smokes in front of them and the parents, it looks horrible

Anne_cordelia

Loveinapril wrote: »

How to handle it? P45.
There is NO WAY I would hire a smoker to look after my child, let alone an idiot who thought there were no issues smoking around my child/ in my home. The health issues are welll publicised but she clearly has no respect for your child's health/ well being if she is smoking around them.

Absolutely agree. It’s a deal breaker. Even secondhand smoke is dangerous for your child. Get rid.