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Fear of labour second time around

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  • 23-04-2019 2:44pm
    #1
    LouD2016
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 229 ✭✭


    Hi all,

    Not sure if this is the right forum but feel to move if not.

    I have a 2 year old and am getting to the point now where myself and my husband are considering trying for another.

    Thing is I had a really bad labour with my son, everything seemed to go wrong. It went on for days, I needed so much intervention and he ended up in special care for days afterwards.

    Even though it was 2 years ago I still get upset thinking about it. The idea of going through it again just fills me with panic. I really don't want it to stop me having another baby and I know second time round it could go so smoothly but Im just terrified thinking about it.

    Has anyone any suggestions on how to get over the fear?


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    #2
    mirrorwall14
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,751 ✭✭✭mirrorwall14


    LouD2016 wrote: »
    Hi all,

    Not sure if this is the right forum but feel to move if not.

    I have a 2 year old and am getting to the point now where myself and my husband are considering trying for another.

    Thing is I had a really bad labour with my son, everything seemed to go wrong. It went on for days, I needed so much intervention and he ended up in special care for days afterwards.

    Even though it was 2 years ago I still get upset thinking about it. The idea of going through it again just fills me with panic. I really don't want it to stop me having another baby and I know second time round it could go so smoothly but Im just terrified thinking about it.

    Has anyone any suggestions on how to get over the fear?

    What hospital is it? The Coombe have a birth reflection service which I found absolutely brilliant and I know Anne has spoken with other friends of mine too and been excellent. You can also ask to see the mental health team once pregnant (based on a friends experience and fear of labor) though it may take a long time to be seen

    Anecdotally I was pretty terrified of my second after an extremely fast labor with decels on my first but it was a lovely (albeit super fast again) experience compared to my first


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    #3
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,908 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    Absolutely see someone in the hospital you might be attending.You can request your notes and talk through them and try to address your fears.

    Genuinely, no two labours are the same.


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    #4
    catrionanic
    Registered Users Posts: 2,091 ✭✭✭catrionanic


    As others have said, definitely as your hospital for a copy of your notes and for somebody to go through things with you. It might also be worth contacting your local Cuidiú group. They frequently have birth reflection evenings for people who want to reflect on their experience, talk about things, or even just to meet with other mums who know how they are feeling.

    I was also really scared about my second labour. Fortunately my first was straightforward, just very fast and intense. I refused to think about it all pregnancy and just pretended it wasn't going to happen. In the end, I had an amazing midwife and an incredible birth. I didn't even think to ask for gas and air. I would do it again tomorrow.

    Best of luck to you.


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    #5
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Even reading your notes will be helpful. I was far better prepared for the second delivery, despite more complicated circumstances, having read them. I was also better informed and able to be confident about conversations with staff.


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    #6
    LouD2016
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 229 ✭✭LouD2016


    Thanks all.

    I had thought about getting the notes but wasn't sure how to go about requesting them. Do you just contact the hospital directly or does a doctor need to do it for you?

    Also how did you find the response from the hospital when you requested them?


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    #7
    foodaholic
    Registered Users Posts: 1,515 ✭✭✭foodaholic


    http://aimsireland.ie/

    Aims is such a great resource


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    #8
    CheerLouth
    Registered Users Posts: 2,443 ✭✭✭CheerLouth


    LouD2016 wrote: »
    Thanks all.

    I had thought about getting the notes but wasn't sure how to go about requesting them. Do you just contact the hospital directly or does a doctor need to do it for you?

    Also how did you find the response from the hospital when you requested them?

    You apply to the hospital via the Freedom of Information act. I recently got mine from OLOL and they were lovely about it. I downloaded the form from the AIMS website.

    I had a really hard first labour & found it very therapeutic to read through the notes. By comparison, my second labour was very much a healing birth - it was a lovely experience.

    You might consider also doing something like Gentlebirth & perhaps hire a birth doula to be there for you during the birth. A doula will advocate for you, explain anything that needs to be explained & will support you in any choice you make.


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    #9
    Sunrise_Sunset
    Registered Users Posts: 1,215 ✭✭✭Sunrise_Sunset


    I had a very difficult first labour too. Lots of complications. I was very sick. I had PTSD and anxiety for months afterwards. I was also afraid to go again, but I did it. I requested my hospital notes too, as others have said. The second time around was a lot easier. Although it still ended in a c section after I tried for a vbac, it was a much easier experience and much, much easier recovery.
    I went to counselling after the first and when I started feeling mentally better and stronger, I just bit the bullet before I changed my mind, as I didn't want my kid to be an only child.


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    #10
    LouD2016
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 229 ✭✭LouD2016


    Sunrise_Sunset wrote: »
    I had a very difficult first labour too. Lots of complications. I was very sick. I had PTSD and anxiety for months afterwards. I was also afraid to go again, but I did it. I requested my hospital notes too, as others have said. The second time around was a lot easier. Although it still ended in a c section after I tried for a vbac, it was a much easier experience and much, much easier recovery.
    I went to counselling after the first and when I started feeling mentally better and stronger, I just bit the bullet before I changed my mind, as I didn't want my kid to be an only child.

    I was going to ask about counselling but thought I was just being over dramatic? No one I know really talks about PTSD after birth and it just seems to be something you get on with


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    #11
    Sunrise_Sunset
    Registered Users Posts: 1,215 ✭✭✭Sunrise_Sunset


    LouD2016 wrote: »
    I was going to ask about counselling but thought I was just being over dramatic? No one I know really talks about PTSD after birth and it just seems to be something you get on with

    It was a friend who noticed it in me and when she said it, it clicked straight away. But I still snowballed for many months after that into huge anxiety. I only had 6 counselling sessions but they helped me immensely. We discussed my existential crisis, fear of death (after coming so close), fear of my child dying, hypochondria. The anxiety ravaged my body and mind. I am so glad to be out the other side.
    My second pregnancy was about the same, but the labour so much easier. And no anxiety the second time either. I kept waiting to fall into it, but thankfully it never came.
    Every pregnancy and birth is different. Prepare yourself mentally but stay optimistic. I think counselling would be a good place to start.


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    #12
    J82
    Registered Users Posts: 99 ✭✭J82


    I absolutely recommend downloading the GentleBirth app. (I have no affiliation). The programme focusses on positivity throughout pregnancy and in birth.

    It is free for first week if I remember correctly so you could try it out first.

    There is a guidebook if you are interested in reading it (I found it excellent) but the meditation and mindfulness elements of the app are fantastic.

    I had my second son last year and was a little stressed thinking back on first childbirth experience, though it wasn't a particularly bad experience at all, but still I was concerned if I could do it all again. I found the GentleBirth programe educating and honestly, it was empowering.

    I did review my own notes from first childbirth - that was a huge comfort to me as well so that is great advice.

    Best wishes with everything. x


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    #13
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Getting my notes from Holles Street was very straightforward, it didn't seem to cause any issues. When I was at my first appointment for my third pregnancy my consultant (attended for the first two children also) had the charts from those pregnancies and we discussed a few matters arising from the previous two births.
    I would strongly suggest counselling if you think it will benefit you at all. Don't miss out on another child if you really want one.


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    #14
    LouD2016
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 229 ✭✭LouD2016


    Thanks much everyone :)

    I've sent off for my records there and will have a look into counselling I think.


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    #15
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,908 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    I got my notes from the Rotunda a few months ago....they were a bit delayed, but they notified me of it and when they were ready to start gathering them, they notified me again.Very efficient overall.It's definitely therapeutic to read them.I did have three easy births but aftercare on my first was a bad experience.Birth is traumatic, it's a huge thing that happens to your body and on a three of mine I have found my brain puzzling over it for weeks afterwards, fitting pieces together and trying to remember the ins and outs of what was happening and what my body was doing while it happened.You have to process it.So don't be embarassed by wanting to figure it out and talk about it.Like I said, I have had three good birthing experiences and I still found myself processing them for a few months afterwards, so I can only imagine how you would feel after a bad experience.


    Edit to say I saw this article today.....you aren't alone :-)

    http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20190424-the-hidden-trauma-of-childbirth


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    #16
    Zebra2016
    Registered Users Posts: 33 ✭Zebra2016


    Sorry to hear about your first experience. I also had a difficult first birth, despite plenty preparation including gentle birthing/hypobirthing. I requested access to my notes after and had a need to speak at length about it to close family and friends to process the trauma. I still think about it, and feel upset and angry about the care, or lack of, that I received.

    For my second birth, I decided given I had lost confidence in the hospital system, and was terrified of the thought of giving birth in a hospital, I had a home birth. It was a totally different experience and I am so glad I went down this route. It was still tough but the midwife gave me amazing support and this time I remember my child's birth in a positive way.

    I think it's so sad that we are left with such feelings of fear after birth and pregnancies are shadowed by this. Wishing you the very best in whatever you decide on.


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