Don't know how to part

LegacyUser

Ive decided that I cannot try anymore. There so much crap gone on between us it's to hard to forget. I was at this point a couple of months ago and relented..tried again but received the same blaming, hurtful words. I am all done. I cannot continue being blamed for it all. Even when I say that to my partner they say it's my problem that I can't let stuff go..Nothing about that couple of weeks later they'll hurt me with almost the exact same viciouness again.
So I'm now at the point where being out of this marriage would be better than living in it trying to forget, blind to all the previous times. Sitting here with no one else to talk to other than you guys😐 I do apprecite it though. Partner is doing the passive aggresive stuff so i generally stay quiet.
I don't think we can sell and buy two properties. I don't have own bank acc...stay at home parent...three teenagers..the only positive is im finishing a degree this month. Its such a mess.
Has anyone managed to seperate but live in same house for couple of years??
I rely on them for so much. They could decide to not support me and where does it leave me then.?? I'm scared to be honest...and sad.

LastStop

Tosadtostay wrote: »

Ive decided that I cannot try anymore. There so much crap gone on between us it's to hard to forget. I was at this point a couple of months ago and relented..tried again but received the same blaming, hurtful words. I am all done. I cannot continue being blamed for it all. Even when I say that to my partner they say it's my problem that I can't let stuff go..Nothing about that couple of weeks later they'll hurt me with almost the exact same viciouness again.
So I'm now at the point where being out of this marriage would be better than living in it trying to forget, blind to all the previous times. Sitting here with no one else to talk to other than you guys😠I do apprecite it though. Partner is doing the passive aggresive stuff so i generally stay quiet.
I don't think we can sell and buy two properties. I don't have own bank acc...stay at home parent...three teenagers..the only positive is im finishing a degree this month. Its such a mess.
Has anyone managed to seperate but live in same house for couple of years??
I rely on them for so much. They could decide to not support me and where does it leave me then.?? I'm scared to be honest...and sad.

So you have enough and want nothing to do with your partner except their money......

Look, you've already identified that the law states you can be separated but living under the same roof. So if that's the plan as you can't go anywhere else you should make it clear that's what's happening.

Open your own bank account, go to Flac and get advice, Move into a spare bedroom, When your degree is done start putting it into use and support yourself, build some savings. If things aren't amicable it can turn into a long drawn out process and very expensive.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

LastStop wrote: »

So you have enough and want nothing to do with your partner except their money......

Jesus, is there really any need for that?

Do you have any idea what it's like to be a stay at home parent and to rely on your partner for everything? Imagine that relationship sours, but you still need to ask your partner, or ex, for money to buy food, clothes and to cover entertainment. Try and have some perspective...

LastStop

Kendrick Wet Zinc wrote: »

Jesus, is there really any need for that?

Try and have some perspective...

20/20 thanks.

Don't come to an online forum and expect to see 100% sympathy and support. You're likely to encounter people who have been on both sides of the situation. I could have written a lot worse but I didn't. Also I offered some advice.

newman10

LastStop wrote: »

So you have enough and want nothing to do with your partner except their money......

Look, you've already identified that the law states you can be separated but living under the same roof. So if that's the plan as you can't go anywhere else you should make it clear that's what's happening.

Open your own bank account, go to Flac and get advice, Move into a spare bedroom, When your degree is done start putting it into use and support yourself, build some savings. If things aren't amicable it can turn into a long drawn out process and very expensive.

That's typical of the bull**it comments that people don't need when they are hurt. Passive agressiveness is a treat of voilence, 3 teenagers and financial abuse. Find a family law solicitor

CelticRambler

Not much solidarity on boards.ie this weekend ..

Tosadtostay wrote: »

I cannot continue being blamed for it all. Even when I say that to my partner they say it's my problem that I can't let stuff go..Nothing about that couple of weeks later they'll hurt me with almost the exact same viciouness again. ... Partner is doing the passive aggresive stuff so i generally stay quiet.

Simple question: in what way do you think any of that would change if you were still living under the same roof?
My answer: probably in no way at all. So a legal separation won't improve your situation one little bit if the two of you stay in the same physical space.

As things stand at the moment, it looks like your only option is to prepare for a separation in the future. That's something you can start working on straight away:
- get yourself a bank account of your own this week;
- make sure you finish your degree and use all your contacts to get some work for yourself, paid into your own account obviously
- get out of the house and make acquaintance/friends with people that you can count on in the future to help you with practical things - lifts, spare rooms, good excuses to not spend the day/weekend at home.

Instead of wearing yourself out trying to figure out how to get legally separated but still stay together for a couple of years or more, set yourself the target of being effectively separated by the end of two/three years - there are plenty of people supposedly happily married that barely see each other from one end of the week to the other.

LegacyUser

Believe me I dont want sympathy. I don't want to be judged either. Advice from those who have been through this before..yes.
I want to limit the damage to both of us and our children. I'd stay in relationship if I thought that was best for kids.
I will open account this week and finish degree and eventually support myself fully. But there are bills and expenses that I won't manage right now. I personally don't take money. It will be a while before we can live separately.
Celtic Rambler.. Thank you for your advice..I cant even see beyond tonight right now. This isn't going to get any easier though is it🙁 I wish I could see into the future....

CelticRambler

Tosadtostay wrote: »

I cant even see beyond tonight right now. This isn't going to get any easier though is it🙁 I wish I could see into the future....

You can see into the future, but only if you make an effort to look beyond "tonight". Your situation is not unique, but what happens in the future is entirely up to you.

Later this week I'll be meeting a charming little old lady who spends every day being emotionally abused by her husband, and I've watched her deteriorate physically and mentally since we first made acquaintance three years ago. Why won't she leave him? I don't know. She won't even grant herself a weekend's break unless he's already decided that he's having time with the lads.

If you don't want your future to be something like that, then you have to choose to make it different. That doesn't necessarily mean a sudden dramatic change, but you've got to decide to do something and work towards achieving that. Opening a bank account and finishing your degree are two good steps; now add a third objective for the months after that ...

If you're looking for something to get you out of the house, with or without the children, think about this.