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Surname change after Marriage

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    #32
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I kept my name, it wasn't even considered that I would change it. I wouldn't have wanted him taking my name either.


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    #33
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    pwurple wrote: »
    It depends on your job maybe. I have to provide my credentials relatively frequently, at least once a year, along with a medical history. Having everything in another name just adds a layer of unnecessary faff. Your mileage may vary.

    You could just provide a copy of your marriage cert with them?


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    #34
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Didn't change my name, didn't expect him to change his either. Our children have both our surnames, all dire speculation from other people didn't stop me wanting my name as part of theirs. Has caused zero hassle. Like we did, they can decide when they're older what names they want to us. The middle fella has already talked about shortening his first name when he's a teenager!


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    #35
    stefanovich
    Registered Users Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭stefanovich


    redcuppatea wrote: »
    I'm getting married soon and we are trying to figure out what to do with our surnames.

    These are some of the options:
    1. Wife takes Husbands name
    2. Wife keeps own name, Husband keeps own name
    3. Hyphenate the names
    4. Blend or mesh names to create a new family name, husband and wife change their names.

    Option 1 is traditional, but if the husbands name isn't that nice, the wife may not be keen to take it. Or the wife may feel that they are entering into an equal partnership therefore taking the husbands name is not what she wants.

    Option 2 is very popular but is complicated if there are children in the future because we will want to have the same name of them and be a family unit.

    Option 3 is not really ideal, but does happen.

    Option 4, this is interesting, when you get married you can change your name to 'i love lamp' by a deep poll, if you like. But typically it's a blend of both surnames.

    Curious what are peoples take on Option 2 and 4, and have you seen option 4 before?
    Option 1 of course. Why would anyone would want to break from tradition?


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    #36
    stefanovich
    Registered Users Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭stefanovich


    lazygal wrote: »
    Didn't change my name, didn't expect him to change his either. Our children have both our surnames, all dire speculation from other people didn't stop me wanting my name as part of theirs. Has caused zero hassle. Like we did, they can decide when they're older what names they want to us. The middle fella has already talked about shortening his first name when he's a teenager!

    All this hassle just so you can assert yourself?


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    #37
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    stefanovich wrote: »
    All this hassle just so you can assert yourself?

    Can you not read? I said there was no hassle. :rolleyes:


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    #38
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    stefanovich wrote: »
    Option 1 of course. Why would anyone would want to break from tradition?

    Cos we are not all sheep.


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    #39
    Mrsmum
    Registered Users Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭Mrsmum


    I kept my name at work and in my private bank account ! Changed to his name on passport and generally outside of work sign my signature as his surname. Hop back and forth without any bother, actually it helps my brain to differentiate between work and home. His surname is way cooler than mine.


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    #40
    stefanovich
    Registered Users Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭stefanovich


    lazygal wrote: »
    Can you not read? I said there was no hassle. :rolleyes:

    Well there was of course. You decided you didn't want to take your husband's name causing a whole lot of confusion.


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    #41
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    stefanovich wrote: »
    Well there was of course. You decided you didn't want to take your husband's name causing a whole lot of confusion.
    What confusion has it caused?


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    #42
    Peatys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,881 ✭✭✭Peatys


    Loveinapril wrote: »
    It didn't make sense for me to change my name because it is mine.

    It's your dad's name. And one of your 4 grandparents, and one of your 8 great grandparents. No point being too sentimental about it.


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    #43
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Peatys wrote: »
    It's your dad's name. And one of your 4 grandparents, and one of your 8 great grandparents. No point being too sentimental about it.

    Are you going to change your name?


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    #44
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    stefanovich wrote: »
    Well there was of course. You decided you didn't want to take your husband's name causing a whole lot of confusion.

    Mod note: stefanovich, stop putting words in posters’ mouths and misrepresenting what they’ve said. It’s quite clear that you’re trying to stir the pot. If you can’t do that, then a thread ban might help next.

    As I was typing this, you posted another trolling post, which I have kindly only deleted rather than infracting you, given this warning hadn’t yet been posted. But I’d strongly suggest you rethink whether you should continue posting to this thread.

    Everyone else, this is a reminder that you don’t need to get drawn into replying to posts that you feel are inflammatory. You can just ignore them and deprive them of attention.


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    #45
    stefanovich
    Registered Users Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭stefanovich


    My humble opinion is that taking the husband's name, as is tradition, is simpler for all involved. Power struggles over surnames is a waste of energy that could be applied elsewhere to better effect.


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    #46
    Loveinapril
    Registered Users Posts: 2,336 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    Peatys wrote: »
    It's your dad's name. And one of your 4 grandparents, and one of your 8 great grandparents. No point being too sentimental about it.

    Yep, and once I was born it became my name. My dad helped create me so it makes sense I would have his name. My mother has no connection with her family and couldn't wait to get rid of her surname upon marriage so it has no place in my life.


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    #47
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    stefanovich wrote: »
    Power struggles over surnames is a waste of energy that could be applied elsewhere to better effect.

    Why do you perceive it as a power struggle?


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    #48
    stefanovich
    Registered Users Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭stefanovich


    ....... wrote: »
    Why do you perceive it as a power struggle?

    I really don't want to be inflammatory... My perception is that a lot of times the surname issue is really just used as a way for the woman to assert herself for the sake of it. Lay ground rules and disenfranchise the man from the outset.


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    #49
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    stefanovich wrote: »
    I really don't want to be inflammatory... My perception is that a lot of times the surname issue is really just used as a way for the woman to assert herself for the sake of it. Lay ground rules and disenfranchise the man from the outset.

    Disenfranchise?

    I dont know what you mean by that. What right or privilege is a man being deprived of when his wife retains her own name?


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    #50
    stefanovich
    Registered Users Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭stefanovich


    ....... wrote: »
    Disenfranchise?

    I dont know what you mean by that. What right or privilege is a man being deprived of when his wife retains her own name?

    I just think it is a nice token of acceptance from the woman. It's simpler too.


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    #51
    SozBbz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    stefanovich wrote: »
    I just think it is a nice token of acceptance from the woman. It's simpler too.

    Acceptance of her new ownership?

    Why would/should any woman give up her name just to be "nice".

    Presumably any new husband knows who he's marrying so if you want a strong, independent woman, then hardly a surprise if she opts to keep her own name and distinct identity.


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    #52
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    ....... wrote: »
    Cos we are not all sheep.

    Are those of us that took our husbands names sheep now?


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    #53
    SozBbz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    splinter65 wrote: »
    Are those of us that took our husbands names sheep now?

    No one said that. What was said is that some people don't follow tradition "just because".

    People can make whatever decision is right for them, but we don't need to be told that we've no choice and should blindly follow tradition. Both options are equally valid in my view.


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    #54
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    SozBbz wrote: »
    Acceptance of her new ownership?

    Why would/should any woman give up her name just to be "nice".

    Presumably any new husband knows who he's marrying so if you want a strong, independent woman, then hardly a surprise if she opts to keep her own name and distinct identity.

    As part of my job involves helping people to apply for rights and entitlements I can tell you without hesitation that it makes everything easier for the applicant if all the family members have the same name. His name, her name whatever.
    But double barreled is tedious and boring.
    Sth Asian culture interestingly dictates that the woman keeps her name and the male children get his name but the female children (if they are given any surname at all) will get hers.
    It’s a nightmare.


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    #55
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    splinter65 wrote: »
    Are those of us that took our husbands names sheep now?

    Wow - odd conclusion to come to.

    Following tradition just because = sheep.


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    #56
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    stefanovich wrote: »
    I just think it is a nice token of acceptance from the woman. It's simpler too.

    Itd be an equally nice token of acceptance from the man if he took the womans name. And just as simple.


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    #57
    stefanovich
    Registered Users Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭stefanovich


    ....... wrote: »
    Itd be an equally nice token of acceptance from the man if he took the womans name. And just as simple.

    And the complete opposite of what we have done up till now.


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    #58
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    splinter65 wrote: »
    As part of my job involves helping people to apply for rights and entitlements I can tell you without hesitation that it makes everything easier for the applicant if all the family members have the same name.

    You just need better IT and systems to handle that issue and make it easy no matter what names are used.


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    #59
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    stefanovich wrote: »
    And the complete opposite of what we have done up till now.

    And whats wrong with that?


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    #60
    SozBbz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,889 ✭✭✭SozBbz


    ....... wrote: »
    You just need better IT and systems to handle that issue and make it easy no matter what names are used.

    Absolutely this.

    Just because some systems are outdated, isnt a good enough reason for someone to take their husbands name if they don't really want to.

    The systems need to be able to cope with recognizing family relationships on more than just a surname.

    I work in IT and mainly with the public sector. The systems will probably never be perfect but we're always working to improve and reflect society. I worked on one recently where we removed all gender references and sought to reflect all sorts of family scenarios for citizens who interacted wtih the system. The catalyst was GDPR but the organisation recognized that society has changed since they originally designed the system and took this opportunity to make changes.

    Assuming things will always be the way they are now is a false premise.


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    #61
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    ....... wrote: »
    Wow - odd conclusion to come to.

    Following tradition just because = sheep.

    Very poor deflection. Following tradition doesn’t make anyone a sheep.


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