What to do with such a housemate??!!

Wanderer78

dubstarr wrote: »

Well then you take him in.

why? independent living should be encourage here, but casper may not be ready for that right now, hes lacking in many of the critical skills to do so, he should be encouraged to do so. this truly isnt the responsibility of the op, but of caspers close family and friends, unfortunately sometimes, that option also isnt available.

California Dreamer

Wanderer78 wrote: »

he needs help .

He needs to f**k off!!!

OP did a good thing. Got walked onand is going to sort it out!

dubstarr

dubstarr wrote: »

Well then you take him in.

Wanderer78 wrote: »

why? independent living should be encourage here, but casper may not be ready for that right now, hes lacking in many of the critical skills to do so, he should be encouraged to do so. this truly isnt the responsibility of the op, but of caspers close family and friends, unfortunately sometimes, that option also isnt available.

Because you seem to be overly invested in the fact that Casper has all these things wrong with him.

When the op hasnt even mentioned anything like that.
If Casper asked the op for help thats one thing.But theres no way i would get involved in someones else life like that.What if you are wrong.

I think you are projecting your issues on to him.

Wanderer78

dubstarr wrote: »

Because you seem to be overly invested in the fact that Casper has all these things wrong with him.

When the op hasnt even mentioned anything like that.
If Casper asked the op for help thats one thing.But theres no way i would get involved in someones else life like that.What if you are wrong.

I think you are projecting your issues on to him.

possibly, but i suspect im not, i spend some time around others on the spectrum, ive spoken to many professional working on these issues, caspers story resonates with many of the stories ive heard

people on the spectrum can be very much unaware of their issues, unaware that their world is not the world of the norm or the neurotypical. casper should be encouraged to engage in the up keep of the house, encouraged to cook for himself, encouraged to learn to drive etc etc etc, hes actually being enabled by not doing so

Graces7

Wanderer78 wrote: »

possibly, but i suspect im not, i spend some time around others on the spectrum, ive spoken to many professional working on these issues, caspers story resonates with many of the stories ive heard

people on the spectrum can be very much unaware of their issues, unaware that their world is not the world of the norm or the neurotypical. casper should be encouraged to engage in the up keep of the house, encouraged to cook for himself, encouraged to learn to drive etc etc etc, hes actually being enabled by not doing so

For your humanity and insight, thank you

dubstarr

dubstarr wrote: »

Are you Casper.You dont know him,why are you saying hes showing signs of autism and mental health issues.Its possible hes just a user.Not everything needs a diagnosis.

For living in the real world and having some basic cop on, thank you

dubstarr

JayZeus wrote: »

For living in the real world and having some basic cop on, thank you

Ah shucks:o:D

sbsquarepants

Wanderer78 wrote: »

casper should be encouraged to engage in the up keep of the house, encouraged to cook for himself, encouraged to learn to drive etc etc etc, hes actually being enabled by not doing so

Bullshít.

Casper should be tossed out the front door.

If you don't want to do that OP at least warn him, pull your weight, pay your way or you will be thrown out the front door.

Even if casper is on the spectrum (which I'm not in any hurry to accept by the way) he is not your problem. He's some bloke you work with, you tried to help him out and it's not going well. Cut your losses and fúck casper!

Edgware

I'm not moving out and that's final

Fieldsman

If I were living with ye it's the smell of all that smoke that would offend me rather than Casper

Thoie

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

Well, you cannot expect someone to shower him or herself every day, but, there is the decency of brushing your teeth, and making yourself presentable for others.. You work with other people nonetheless..

Um, yes you can. I have a sedentary job, and work from home, and I manage to shower pretty much every day. There might be the odd day once or twice a year where you decide to have a PJ day, and not shower, but they're the exception. And I'd expect adults to brush their teeth twice a day, and wash their hands multiple times a day (after using the toilet, and before preparing food at least).

Sardonicat

Thoie wrote: »

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

Well, you cannot expect someone to shower him or herself every day, but, there is the decency of brushing your teeth, and making yourself presentable for others.. You work with other people nonetheless..

Um, yes you can. I have a sedentary job, and work from home, and I manage to shower pretty much every day. There might be the odd day once or twice a year where you decide to have a PJ day, and not shower, but they're the exception. And I'd expect adults to brush their teeth twice a day, and wash their hands multiple times a day (after using the toilet, and before preparing food at least).

You most certainly can stipulate to a licencee that you expect them to maintain the same minimum personal hygiene standards as yourself i.e. daily shower. I have actually had that stipulated to me when entering a house share ( not that I needed it to be! ) . I was told that everyone who lives here is expected to shower or bath daily. Seemingly the last tenant didn't and used to stink the place out (perhaps it was Casper) and they did not want to share a home with someone like that again. Its a perfectly reasonable condition to apply to someone living in the same house as you.

Seanachai

Sardonicat wrote: »

You most certainly can stipulate to a licencee that you expect them to maintain the same minimum personal hygiene standards as yourself i.e. daily shower. I have actually had that stipulated to me when entering a house share ( not that I needed it to be! ) . I was told that everyone who lives here is expected to shower or bath daily. Seemingly the last tenant didn't and used to stink the place out (perhaps it was Casper) and they did not want to share a home with someone like that again. Its a perfectly reasonable condition to apply to someone living in the same house as you.

I get the hygiene thing, but being told this like entering a military barracks in your 20's\30's must be deflating.

Sardonicat

Seanachai wrote: »

Sardonicat wrote: »

You most certainly can stipulate to a licencee that you expect them to maintain the same minimum personal hygiene standards as yourself i.e. daily shower. I have actually had that stipulated to me when entering a house share ( not that I needed it to be! ) . I was told that everyone who lives here is expected to shower or bath daily. Seemingly the last tenant didn't and used to stink the place out (perhaps it was Casper) and they did not want to share a home with someone like that again. Its a perfectly reasonable condition to apply to someone living in the same house as you.

I get the hygiene thing, but being told this like entering a military barracks in your 20's\30's must be deflating.

Well, I was a bit taken aback when she said it but she was quick to qualify why she felt she had to stipulate it ( the former dirty house mate). Its no fun telling an adult they must bathe daily but apparently some people do require telling ( and going by the regular 'How often do your shower ' threads that appear on AH there's quite a few out there ). I would not share living space with someone who didn't bathe daily. And it really is best practice to have the rules of the house laid out to you plainly before you move in. It's all well and good being easy going and take it as it comes, but when you've got some one like Casper how are you gonna tackle the 'Please have a shower' conversation several months in? Far better to lay it on the line before you agree to someone moving in with you. So if they say "I think showering everyday is excessive ", you can say "Fine, but you can't live with me. "

Ray Palmer

I must say to claim a shower is needed every day is extreme especially to claim it is unhygienic. I do generally as I cycle a lot so tend to be twice a day.If I have not exerted myself on a day of not cycling I probably won't. I certainly wouldn't smell as a result and if you do go to a doctor as there is something wrong

iamwhoiam

Sardonicat wrote: »

Well, I was a bit taken aback when she said it but she was quick to qualify why she felt she had to stipulate it ( the former dirty house mate). Its no fun telling an adult they must bathe daily but apparently some people do require telling ( and going by the regular 'How often do your shower ' threads that appear on AH there's quite a few out there ). I would not share living space with someone who didn't bathe daily. And it really is best practice to have the rules of the house laid out to you plainly before you move in. It's all well and good being easy going and take it as it comes, but when you've got some one like Casper how are you gonna tackle the 'Please have a shower' conversation several months in? Far better to lay it on the line before you agree to someone moving in with you. So if they say "I think showering everyday is excessive ", you can say "Fine, but you can't live with me. "

Honestly there is no need to shower everyday . Of course do so if you want to but it is a life choice and no adult should be under pressure to shower every day
We managed years ago with a bath once a week and I have absolutely no memory of my family being smelly
I shower mainly once a day but there are days when a wash is fine and no one died around me yet

GBX

Well OP. Did you have the conversation with the freeloader?

Sardonicat

Yes, you washed yourself thoroughly everyday, as did most people. Those who didn't stank Now that most homes are equipped with electric showers it's faster to do that in the shower. If an adult doesn't wash themselves everyday (be it in a shower, bath or the old fashioned way at the sink, they would not be living with me. Though why you would put yourself through the palaver of a strip wash and the various yogic positions that requires when 5 mins in the shower would get the job done is beyond me.

And if someone is petitioning to live with you as a licencee you most certainly can specify that you expect them to bathe daily if they're going to live with you.

iamwhoiam

Sardonicat wrote: »

Yes, you washed yourself thoroughly everyday, as did most people. Those who didn't stank Now that most homes are equipped with electric showers it's faster to do that in the shower. If an adult doesn't wash themselves everyday (be it in a shower, bath or the old fashioned way at the sink, they would not be living with me. Though why you would put yourself through the palaver of a strip wash and the various yogic positions that requires when 5 mins in the shower would get the job done is beyond me.

And if someone is petitioning to live with you as a licencee you most certainly can specify that you expect them to bathe daily if they're going to live with you.

So where do you draw the line ? Should they shave to suit you ? Wash behind their ears at your timing ? Wash their hair on particular days ? Should their toe nails be a certain lenght ? Should they change towels to your tune

Personally if any adult told me how often i should shower I wouldn't share with them as despite my showering most days to be told to do so would rattle me from the outset

L1011

This thread is ridiculously off-topic really

Sardonicat

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Sardonicat wrote: »

Yes, you washed yourself thoroughly everyday, as did most people. Those who didn't stank Now that most homes are equipped with electric showers it's faster to do that in the shower. If an adult doesn't wash themselves everyday (be it in a shower, bath or the old fashioned way at the sink, they would not be living with me. Though why you would put yourself through the palaver of a strip wash and the various yogic positions that requires when 5 mins in the shower would get the job done is beyond me.

And if someone is petitioning to live with you as a licencee you most certainly can specify that you expect them to bathe daily if they're going to live with you.

So where do you draw the line ? Should they shave to suit you ? Wash behind their ears at your timing ? Wash their hair on particular days ? Should their toe nails be a certain lenght ? Should they change towels to your tune

Personally if any adult told me how often i should shower I wouldn't share with them as despite my showering most days to be told to do so would rattle me from the outset

Clean their bodies everyday and brush their teeth would be where I would draw the line. As it would be for most people. It's not asking a lot now is it? And if that's something they regard as excessive they can look for accommodation elsewhere.

Ray Palmer

Sardonicat wrote: »

Clean their bodies everyday and brush their teeth would be where I would draw the line. As it would be for most people. It's not asking a lot now is it? And if that's something they regard as excessive they can look for accommodation elsewhere.

Most people would consider it incredibly invasive and rude to tell somebody else what you think they should do personally. It is asking a hell of a lot for you to decide what others should do. That is excessive, intrusive and rude.

Sardonicat

It's NOT IF that person is looking to live in your house as a licencee. You can stipulaye anything you like. Mandatory pink fluffy slippers when in the living room. Like I said, it was laid down to me when I was looking to move in a house share as a licencee. I wasn't offended. I bathe at least once daily anyway so it wasn't an imposition.
What about our friend Casper? He's living in the OP'S house and he doesn't keep his body clean. That's rude. It's excessive. It's expecting other people to put up with his stink. He's deciding for others that they have to live with it. He's imposing his (lack of) standards on them. This problem wouldn't have arisen if minimum hygiene standards were laid down before they agreed to let him move in. It's not imposing on anyone. He didn't have to live there if he didn't like it.

Alrigghtythen

Sardonicat wrote: »

Clean their bodies everyday and brush their teeth would be where I would draw the line. As it would be for most people. It's not asking a lot now is it? And if that's something they regard as excessive they can look for accommodation elsewhere.

What if they didn't one day, say they got held up at work and was too tired when they got home? Would you kick them that night? Or would you wait for 2 days in a row?

What if they had a wash while you were out and you kicked them out because you thought they broke the agreement?

Blaizes

WalterWhite88 wrote: »

Just work colleague. We took in his pet, as there was no place to get a room, it was very hard. So we decided to offer him a spare room..

Done up that room, as to be nice, and, we got a long very well..

His pet is living under your roof as well :eek:

lulu1

If he's a friend it will be hard for you to tell him to go especially if you work together but he is abusing your friendship.

I would give him a few weeks to find a place and make sure you don't end up driving him all over the place looking

I don't think he will change How long has he been living with you OP ?

Blaizes

OP the whole thing is incredible and to think that Caspar has brought along a pet as well! That must be very hard on you and make the domestic situation even more challenging.

Just curious as to whether it's a large or a small animal and does Caspar maintain a better standard of hygiene for his pet than he does for himself.

The_Conductor

I think the OP has gotten sufficient advice on how to deal with the situation they find themselves in. Unless I am contacted directly by the OP requesting the thread be reopened- thread closed.