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What do 12 year olds like these days??
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31-05-2019 3:11am#1I don't know if this is in the right place but I wasn't sure where else to post.
Long story short... my brother, his wife, and his stepson (12) have been made homeless and so they will be moving in with me and my family (ie, me and my parents and siblings) over the next few days. With the way rents are at the moment and their/our circumstances it is likely they will be living with us for at least a few months.
My brother's wife is foreign and she has a son from a previous relationship, who grew up in her home country. He only came here late last year, so he's already had to make pretty big adjustments, trying to adapt to Irish culture (he was fascinated by Halloween) and school and learn English. His English is still quite poor (though he has done well considering he hasn't been here very long) meaning that it has been quite hard to get to know him, especially since I'd only see him every other week or so, if even.
I suppose it seems trivial, and maybe this seems silly, but since I'm going to be living with him I'm trying to figure out what to make conversation about and show an interest in stuff he is likely to be interested in. There's only so many times I can ask him how is school (as if he likes talking about that in the first place!) and even that is finished now for the summer. I have a very weak grasp of his language, but I'm going to brush up on that just for practicality.
But I am starting to realise that I am not "cool" anymore :rolleyes: and I have absolutely no idea what kids his age (or any age really) are into now, though... tv, games, video games, books etc... obviously there's more to him than that but it's just to start off with. He's quite quiet and shy and things are going to be awkward enough (there will be eight of us in a 3 bedroom house now) without being clueless for what to be saying to him. I'm 30, for context.
So I'm just wondering, what can we talk about? I'm sorry if this seems ridiculous but I just feel sorry for him and want to make this a bit easier for him in some small way.
Edited to add: obviously I'm not asking how to parent, just looking for suggestions from parents!
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Crikey, that's going to be a difficult few months. It's fantastic that you want to be so involved but the first thing I would say is to talk it through with his parents and ideally the other members of the household. The whole situation is likely to run a lot smoother if everyone is singing from the same hymn sheet.
A 12 year old, if they are let, is likely to go around with their head permanently stuck in a phone or other electronic device. A little bit is fine but IMO the best strategy is to keep them busy with activity. Ideally activity with his peers and then fill-in the blanks as it were. Are camps an option for some of the time? Huge variety out there but, of course, they can be expensive.
Other activities, you can do together, can be anything from playing with LEGO, doing some coding to going for a hike or a cycle. Especially Greenway/trail/mountain biking. Beach, especially if there is some surf. Cheap days out Dead Zoo, Art/Science Gallery etc. If you are handy at DIY you could take on an apprentice and do that project that you have always been thinking about.
In my experience (if you plan it right and include a picnic/cafe stop) a 12 year old will happily cycle for miles, or do a hike up a hill for 2-3 hours but if you ask them to just go for a walk they'll be moaning after 10 minutes. It's amazing what they will talk to you about during this time also. You could easily make that very enjoyable by getting him to teach you his language.
Pushing the boat out a little: My son is big into history. When he was 11 I took him to London HMS Belfast, Imperial War Museum, Science Museum etc London is a brilliant place to go. When he was 12 we went to Ypre and the Somme. These were just me and him and were great bonding trips. Obviously, money is tight but you might be able to figure out other trips and/or ways of keeping the cost down. Everyone in the household may be very happy to make a donation in lieu of a quiet weekend
Anyway in summary, they are not aliens or monsters and you don't need to be cool. The coolest thing you can do for him is to give him your time.
Fair play to you.0 -
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If his English isn't the best I'd say keep things geared towards activities where verbal communication isn't the primary focus. Obviously ye'll want him to continue to improve but it'll take a bit of pressure off him and at 12 I'd assume that he'll continue to improve just through immersion.
So sport's a good one, iirc you're into painting, you can gauge his interest in that. Ideally I guess he shouldn't be glued to a screen the whole time but if there's a console in the house maybe ye could play a bit together.
Given the ages and your relationship to him I'd say there's a fair chance he'll just latch on to you anyway you'll be back here asking how do you get 12 year olds to eff off
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Sorry for only getting back now, things have been hectic and my laptop broke down (if it doesn't rain it pours!).
Thanks a million all of you for your suggestionsjudeboy101 wrote: »God love your parents ,OP. Can i ask, what are you doing in the house at 30?
Cooking, cleaning and paying rent. I lived out on my own for years and moving home was supposed to be a temporary situation but then the rents began climbing and now I'm stuck. I'm not here by choice, I can't afford to move out.0 -
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