How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

Church on Tuesday

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

It's simple really; if you're a man who may wants kids later in life (as I may do) then be with a woman who wishes to have the same.

A much younger woman in that case.

Tell me how

leahyl wrote: »

I matched with two guys from work on tinder and neither worked out - in both cases they didn’t want anything to happen even though they swiped for me? The first one he said he doesn’t have relationships with people at work....so his game was what exactly? Lol. He has left since

The second guy is still there but he had come out of a relationship and didn’t want anything serious. I had put on my profile that I wasn’t after anything casual and he still swiped for me?! Wtf!!

Have you ever gone out for a night, not looking to meet anyone, and woke up the following morning beside someone?

It is hard to say what makes people attracted to each other and someone might well have a very enjoyable one off event even though they weren't specifically looking for a hook up just because they clicked with someone or whatever.

I think when people say they don't want hook ups, what they are trying to convey is "Don't send me d*ck pics" but if they are not open to making a connection that might be short lived yet enjoyable and rewarding on both parts then they may be closing off their own chance to make a meaningful connection.

Anyone who has a definitive list of "not looking for hook ups. Wants to think long term, wants someone who knows what they want", isn't looking for a relationship per say, they are auditioning for someone to play a part in the life they want to live.

leahyl

Wibbs wrote: »

Maybe it's a tactic for some blokes? With Tinder it seems generally speaking women have the upper hand on quantity of matches and they then sift for quality. If I were on it as a bloke and not looking like 6'4" Clint O'Rockjaw, captain of the GAAAAAH Team, I'd swipe on every single woman that looked close enough to my range of what I found attractive. Throw a wide net and see what comes up.

Yeah, who knows really! It's a minefield on tinder! I think it's time for one of my many "breaks" from it :pac:

leahyl

Tell me how wrote: »

Have you ever gone out for a night, not looking to meet anyone, and woke up the following morning beside someone?

It is hard to say what makes people attracted to each other and someone might well have a very enjoyable one off event even though they weren't specifically looking for a hook up just because they clicked with someone or whatever.

I think when people say they don't want hook ups, what they are trying to convey is "Don't send me d*ck pics" but if they are not open to making a connection that might be short lived yet enjoyable and rewarding on both parts then they may be closing off their own chance to make a meaningful connection.

Anyone who has a definitive list of "not looking for hook ups. Wants to think long term, wants someone who knows what they want", isn't looking for a relationship per say, they are auditioning for someone to play a part in the life they want to live.

Yeah, like I said I don't want something short lived....don't want to waste my time....

As for the second part I bolded, well....generalisation much? You're saying I'm not looking for a relationship because I've stated that I don't want hookups I'm auditioning for someone to play a part in the life I want to live....eh yes, just like those who want hookups are doing the very same, as that's the life they want to live, which is perfectly fine.....different strokes for different folks.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

Maybe it's a tactic for some blokes? With Tinder it seems generally speaking women have the upper hand on quantity of matches and they then sift for quality. If I were on it as a bloke and not looking like 6'4" Clint O'Rockjaw, captain of the GAAAAAH Team, I'd swipe on every single woman that looked close enough to my range of what I found attractive. Throw a wide net and see what comes up.

It's like applying for jobs, for men you start off with high standards and after 6 months with the rent overdue are down at McDonalds begging then for a job.

Women on the other hand are like the employer with a ton of crap CVs to sort through.

Obviously there are exceptions for both sexes, but look at the other poster that had to work up courage to swipe right twice on guys who had swiped right on her already. Those two had probably swiped right on 100 women each on the past month. I think it's naive as a woman to think anyone will actually read your profile. Maybe AFTER you swipe back on them. Before would be an utter waste of time.

Tinder is the last place a woman should look for a long term relationship IMO. Why do you think companies pay recruitment agencies a fortune?

Tell me how

leahyl wrote: »

Yeah, like I said I don't want something short lived....don't want to waste my time....

As for the second part I bolded, well....generalisation much? You're saying I'm not looking for a relationship because I've stated that I don't want hookups I'm auditioning for someone to play a part in the life I want to live....eh yes, just like those who want hookups are doing the very same, as that's the life they want to live, which is perfectly fine.....different strokes for different folks.

It's a general comment. It's not all about you.

leahyl

Tell me how wrote: »

It's a general comment. It's not all about you.

Yes, a generalisation about all people who state they don't want anything casual/hookups, of which I am a part of....so....not getting your point there. You replied to my message so....

My original statement:

"I had put on my profile that I wasn’t after anything casual and he still swiped for me?!"

To which you replied:


"Anyone who has a definitive list of "not looking for hook ups. Wants to think long term, wants someone who knows what they want", isn't looking for a relationship per say, they are auditioning for someone to play a part in the life they want to live."

So, yeah it is about me seeing as you replied to my post with that

Wibbs

Tell me how wrote: »

I think when people say they don't want hook ups, what they are trying to convey is "Don't send me d*ck pics" but if they are not open to making a connection that might be short lived yet enjoyable and rewarding on both parts then they may be closing off their own chance to make a meaningful connection.

Or and crazy notion here, they simply don't want hook ups. That has always been the problem with the sexual revolution and its aftermath, it opened up so many new options and that's great, but it also came with the assumption that everybody wants to shag, have short term flings. Indeed it can often be seen as self limiting, even prudish if one's bed post hasn't crumbled to splinters because of notches in it.

Anyone who has a definitive list of "not looking for hook ups. Wants to think long term, wants someone who knows what they want", isn't looking for a relationship per say, they are auditioning for someone to play a part in the life they want to live.

Which is what damn near everybody does anyway. You "audition" hookups too. Everybody has a basic yes/no/maybe criteria about people they meet(boundaries can be made more nebulous by drink). This usually happens within minutes if not seconds of meeting someone new.

Mister Vain

Mister Vain wrote: »

Yoga classes?

it waa a hypothetical to get thread back on track

(the mrs does her yoga in the living room, for a. start)

Feisar

Jaysus when did it get so hard?...

(That's what she said!)

Neon_Lights

Answer: Assume they're lesbians, vegans, feminists or a combination of all three then try to change their mind

ginandtonicsky

I don't do the apps. They do bad things to my self-esteem and I don't like feeling like I'm someone's option in a sea of options.

I've found I meet way more men since I made that executive decision to not use the apps. It was a scary decision. I'm a 34 year old woman and it felt like I was "opting out" of dating altogether by choosing to not use Tinder / Hinge / dating-app-du-jour.

What I've actually found is that there's sort of a backlash against them at the moment, where single people are really fed up of them and men really want to meet women in that real, old-fashioned way. And if given a chance, they'll be a lot more forward about asking out or expressing interest if you open the door a little. Flirt a little, engage them in banter, eye contact, laughter, smiles, all that good stuff.

Since January I've met about 6 guys "in real life", through a combination of conferences, work acquaintances and weddings. Just by being social and being open with everyone I meet. I've found if I open the door a little by being friendly and flirty, guys will walk right through. It's a wonderful revelation to make and has done wonders for my self-esteem and general optimism about meeting a partner in the future.

The latest guy I'm seeing was someone I met at a work conference. We had that slow build of getting to know each other over a few days, the prolonged stares and smiles and "does he or doesn't he?" mystery, ending up talking together in the corner at social events in the evening. Him asking my colleague about me, that penultimate kiss on our last night together. It's hard to manufacture that on the apps, which is my biggest problem with them. The dates you organise just throw you into this stilted pressure cooker environment where it's like you have a gun to your head: "DO YOU FANCY THIS GUY? WOULD YOU MARRY HIM? WOULD YOU HAVE HIS BABIES? IS THERE SOMEONE BETTER OUT THERE? DECIDE NOW!!!"

He's also 44, divorced with 2 kids and lives in New York while I live in London. I'd never have "swiped right" on him on a dating app, because he's nowhere near "right on paper". But he's perfect and the most kind, honest, wonderful guy and we're both invested in making it work.

I find as Irish people we're not so good at taking the bull by the horns and fostering romance, expressing interest in one another, all that stuff. What I've learned though is you have to take responsibility for your love life and create the opportunities for yourself. Be the most open and attractive person you can be. Would YOU date you? Are you putting yourself in the right line of fire to meet guys / girls? Are you able to be friendly and light-hearted about yourself? So many people get so heavy about this stuff and develop an "ALL women / men are like X, Y, Z" after a few bad experiences, which plays into their body language and creates a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy as far as their love life is concerned.

SusieBlue

I recently deleted all the apps too.
I noticed I was becoming overly cynical and critical of the intentions of every guy I connected with, and was only wasting both my own time and his.

I was offered a free one-month trial of Tinder plus and that was just the nail in the coffin, instead of making things more straight forward it just made me more anxious to have so many options (yes I know how ridiculous that sounds).

I'm going to take a break for a few months to try to develop a healthier most positive attitude, I'm going on a big holiday in September so I might try again after that.
If I meet someone IRL in the mean time that would be great, but if not that's ok too.

I think I need to reassess my "type" anyway - I continuously seem to go for guys who either have commitment issues or are way too overbearing and controlling. I'm hoping a few months break will make me more open minded and relaxed about it all.

I swipe right on 95+% of girls on tinder and might get a match a week if I'm lucky out of ~500.
It's all a bit bollocks really and listening to some of my female friends is pretty irritating. A couple were going on about how they match with everyone they swipe with which puts them off because they think all guys on Tinder are desperate. I suggested whichever app it is where women have to send the first message and got "Oh that sounds horrible".
Basically it comes down to what everyone knows even if it's not polite to say it.

leahyl

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

I don't do the apps. They do bad things to my self-esteem and I don't like feeling like I'm someone's option in a sea of options.

I've found I meet way more men since I made that executive decision to not use the apps. It was a scary decision. I'm a 34 year old woman and it felt like I was "opting out" of dating altogether by choosing to not use Tinder / Hinge / dating-app-du-jour.

What I've actually found is that there's sort of a backlash against them at the moment, where single people are really fed up of them and men really want to meet women in that real, old-fashioned way. And if given a chance, they'll be a lot more forward about asking out or expressing interest if you open the door a little. Flirt a little, engage them in banter, eye contact, laughter, smiles, all that good stuff.

Since January I've met about 6 guys "in real life", through a combination of conferences, work acquaintances and weddings. Just by being social and being open with everyone I meet. I've found if I open the door a little by being friendly and flirty, guys will walk right through. It's a wonderful revelation to make and has done wonders for my self-esteem and general optimism about meeting a partner in the future.

The latest guy I'm seeing was someone I met at a work conference. We had that slow build of getting to know each other over a few days, the prolonged stares and smiles and "does he or doesn't he?" mystery, ending up talking together in the corner at social events in the evening. Him asking my colleague about me, that penultimate kiss on our last night together. It's hard to manufacture that on the apps, which is my biggest problem with them. The dates you organise just throw you into this stilted pressure cooker environment where it's like you have a gun to your head: "DO YOU FANCY THIS GUY? WOULD YOU MARRY HIM? WOULD YOU HAVE HIS BABIES? IS THERE SOMEONE BETTER OUT THERE? DECIDE NOW!!!"

He's also 44, divorced with 2 kids and lives in New York while I live in London. I'd never have "swiped right" on him on a dating app, because he's nowhere near "right on paper". But he's perfect and the most kind, honest, wonderful guy and we're both invested in making it work.

I find as Irish people we're not so good at taking the bull by the horns and fostering romance, expressing interest in one another, all that stuff. What I've learned though is you have to take responsibility for your love life and create the opportunities for yourself. Be the most open and attractive person you can be. Would YOU date you? Are you putting yourself in the right line of fire to meet guys / girls? Are you able to be friendly and light-hearted about yourself? So many people get so heavy about this stuff and develop an "ALL women / men are like X, Y, Z" after a few bad experiences, which plays into their body language and creates a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy as far as their love life is concerned.

You speak a lot of sense. I’m afraid I’m becoming that person who is getting too negative about it all. I’m also not very experienced so that doesn’t help. That’s completely correct that there is a pressure (at least for me anyway) on the dating apps where I’m trying to decide straight away whether I fancy then or not/thinking ahead too much, whereas if I met someone in real life and it happened naturally I don’t think I’d feel the same.

I do get the impression that a lot of people are getting sick of the dating apps but maybe I’m wrong. I know they have worked for many people but I think you need a certain type of personality or sometimes it’s just pure luck if they meet someone.

leahyl

leahyl wrote: »

You speak a lot of sense. I’m afraid I’m becoming that person who is getting too negative about it all. I’m also not very experienced so that doesn’t help. That’s completely correct that there is a pressure (at least for me anyway) on the dating apps where I’m trying to decide straight away whether I fancy then or not/thinking ahead too much, whereas if I met someone in real life and it happened naturally I don’t think I’d feel the same.

I do get the impression that a lot of people are getting sick of the dating apps but maybe I’m wrong. I know they have worked for many people but I think you need a certain type of personality or sometimes it’s just pure luck if they meet someone.

I get the impression they worked for certain people and specifically because they were new. People who are growing with the Apps ever-present are less likely to have them work out IMO because they will use them differently to how people used them when they started out.

leahyl

Is there anything to be said for having all the singles on Boards meet in a public place and just see what happens? :pac:

I've never been drawn to the self-conscious artifice of online dating. Other posters have remarked about the difficulty of finding that special someone out there. I can only speak from experience, but have faith & don't succumb to the pressure of unrealistic expectations. Without sounding glib, joining activity groups like hill-walking or dancing can be quite helpful if one doesn't have a large peer group. Take a chance or two, life is too short for regretting what could have been.

leahyl

Deleted User wrote: »

I've never been drawn to the self-conscious artifice of online dating. Other posters have remarked about the difficulty of finding that special someone out there. I can only speak from experience, but have faith & don't succumb to the pressure of unrealistic expectations. Without sounding glib, joining activity groups like hill-walking or dancing can be quite helpful if one doesn't have a large peer group. Take a chance or two, life is too short for regretting what could have been.

Nice post, can you elaborate on what you mean by bolded part?

leahyl

Deleted User wrote: »

I swipe right on 95+% of girls on tinder and might get a match a week if I'm lucky out of ~500.
It's all a bit bollocks really and listening to some of my female friends is pretty irritating. A couple were going on about how they match with everyone they swipe with which puts them off because they think all guys on Tinder are desperate. I suggested whichever app it is where women have to send the first message and got "Oh that sounds horrible".
Basically it comes down to what everyone knows even if it's not polite to say it.

That's suprising. I find that lately I have been the one to send the first message to a few guys and haven't got any replies; maybe guys are showing girls what it feels like! :pac:

victor8600

leahyl wrote: »

Is there anything to be said for having all the singles on Boards meet in a public place and just see what happens? :pac:

That would be a riot! :pac:

Deebles McBeebles

leahyl wrote: »

Is there anything to be said for having all the singles on Boards meet in a public place and just see what happens? :pac:

World's saddest cattle mart comes to mind. All wandering around a field in Wicklow like Funland from Father Ted.

leahyl

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

World's saddest cattle mart comes to mind. All wandering around a field in Wicklow like Funland from Father Ted.

Sheesh! Speak for yourself :pac: It'd be like a night out but where you know evereyone is single and all want to meet someone; no guessing games as to who is unattached.

Deebles McBeebles

leahyl wrote: »

Sheesh! Speak for yourself :pac: It'd be like a night out but where you know evereyone is single and all want to meet someone; no guessing games as to who is unattached.

Oh ok, so more like Ugly Love Island

leahyl

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Oh ok, so more like Ugly Love Island

I'm a stunnah

SusieBlue

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

World's saddest cattle mart comes to mind. All wandering around a field in Wicklow like Funland from Father Ted.

Was there one before or am I remembering wrong? I vaguely recall someone posting about one but I'm not sure if it was an AH meetup or a singles night!

Deebles McBeebles

SusieBlue wrote: »

Was there one before or am I remembering wrong? I vaguely recall someone posting about one but I'm not sure if it was an AH meetup or a singles night!

A few I think, not sure if any were singles events though.

Dial Hard

SusieBlue wrote: »

Was there one before or am I remembering wrong? I vaguely recall someone posting about one but I'm not sure if it was an AH meetup or a singles night!

There hasn't been an AH beers in a long time. Something about a mod ruining the last one by taking surreptitious pics of some of the women. The Online Dating Group used to meet up fairly regularly; no idea if they still do, though.

leahyl

Dial Hard wrote: »

There hasn't been an AH beers in a long time. Something about a mod ruining the last one by taking surreptitious pics of some of the women. The Online Dating Group used to meet up fairly regularly; no idea if they still do, though.

:eek::mad:

Deebles McBeebles

Dial Hard wrote: »

Something about a mod ruining the last one by taking surreptitious pics of some of the women.

This is why we can't have nice things. Is that for real though? Creepy.

CelticRambler

leahyl wrote: »

Is there anything to be said for having all the singles on Boards meet in a public place and just see what happens? :pac:

Home Topics Society & Culture Family Parenting Pregnant Due February 2020

SusieBlue

Dial Hard wrote: »

There hasn't been an AH beers in a long time. Something about a mod ruining the last one by taking surreptitious pics of some of the women. The Online Dating Group used to meet up fairly regularly; no idea if they still do, though.

That's crazy, are they still a Mod? :eek:

pinkyeye

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Think things through before posting.

Almost all women want children. That's a fact. How do we know this? Because almost all women have children.

Therefore it's not an "enormous sweeping generalisation" to say "women would be happy coming home to a house at 60 to their kid saying hello".

Do you really believe what you're saying, or do you just come here to argue with people?

You're not making sense.

If I come home at 60 and my kids are still living there they'll be getting a boot up the hole. :rolleyes:

Dial Hard

SusieBlue wrote: »

That's crazy, are they still a Mod? :eek:

No.

Doctor Jimbob

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

A few I think, not sure if any were singles events though.

AH meetup, singles event, what's the difference? :pac:

leahyl

Unfortunately, we're probably all scattered around the country so we wouldn't be able to come up with a suitable venue.....ah well, I tried :pac:

CelticRambler

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

I've found I meet way more men since I made that executive decision to not use the apps. It was a scary decision.

Same thing for me, from the male side, a few years ago. My decision was more financially motivated than anything else: I looked at what a supposedly premium package could offer me on any/all of the usual dating sites and decided it'd be way simpler, and more fun, to spend that amount on extra diesel to go further out of my stomping ground. If nothing else, at least I'd be guaranteed a more active social life.

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

The dates you organise just throw you into this stilted pressure cooker environment where it's like you have a gun to your head: "DO YOU FANCY THIS GUY? WOULD YOU MARRY HIM? WOULD YOU HAVE HIS BABIES? IS THERE SOMEONE BETTER OUT THERE? DECIDE NOW!!!"

He's also 44, divorced with 2 kids and lives in New York while I live in London. I'd never have "swiped right" on him on a dating app, because he's nowhere near "right on paper". But he's perfect and the most kind, honest, wonderful guy and we're both invested in making it work.

This was the other reason I opted out of any kind of premium upgrade - none of them change the barriers (especially age and geography) that every site encourages its members to put up.

Meanwhile back in real life, I found myself debunking OMM's "numbers game" at a dance last Friday - a very small attendance but because of which I had a chance to dance and chat with one in particular that I hope to meet again next weekend. The fact that we'll both have to travel to Germany is irrelevant ... :pac:

Feisar

Back when I was at the ould craic my main modus operandi was meeting women in the flesh out and about. Which in Ireland means Pub/Late Bar/Night Club. Used to find the late bar's the best, more lively than the pub but without the excess noise of a night club.

As with everything location is key, you need to be somewhere there is a lot of traffic in the venue, some pinch point or other. No point in being in a corner somewhere. After that stand out and be high energy. I won't repeat what other's have said regarding grooming etc, have that stuff down, get in a bit of shape etc.
I'm not saying it'll rain women but no point in sitting at home being sour.

Some people seem to have a complex about Tinder etc, just another string in the bow, I never gauged myself on my success on it or not, odds are skewed in ladies favor but who cares?

What more can you do than play the hand yer dealt as best you can?

Can I mention some good tips I picked up from PUA stuff? (For shame I read a few books!)

Dress well, get a good haircut, be well turned out
Be higher energy than those around you
Have a convo opener or two, I'm not talking about whole conversations to make you appear high value as they was but sometimes it can be hard to start. A good one I used to use when at a bar was "did you see the two girls fighting outside" read it in a PUA book, it usually gets some sort of answer as it's unusual. If a girl jostled by me at the bar, I'd always remark "I'll get served first anyway". Of course I'd have given the sexy blonde behind the bar a good tip earlier. You are suddenly pre selected as the say. Another wee tip is don't be "pecking" I think it's called from memory. Taller lads will have a habit of leaning in when talking to hear and be heard to someone specifically a female as she will generally be shorter. This has the effect of crowding someone out/being imposing/invading their space.

leahyl

leahyl wrote: »

That's suprising. I find that lately I have been the one to send the first message to a few guys and haven't got any replies; maybe guys are showing girls what it feels like! :pac:

About damn time, they've had it coming. :P

best tip is never ever be or have anything to do with PUA culture

Doctor Jimbob

Having a pre-prepared conversation opener is fecking odd behaviour.

Deebles McBeebles

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

Having a pre-prepared conversation opener is fecking odd behaviour.

Mine is "So, I was just thinking...about your boobs", slight pause followed by large smile and finger guns.

Doctor Jimbob

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

Having a pre-prepared conversation opener is fecking odd behaviour.

"Hello." *stare*

Deleted User wrote: »

best tip is never ever be or have anything to do with PUA culture

Depends. It does work and if someone's aim is to get laid then it's a useful tactic.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Depends. It does work and if someone's aim is to get laid then it's a useful tactic.

Depends what you mean "work" I guess.

Like weird diets built around cayenne or turmeric that distract you with complete nonsense while actually getting you to do nothing more complicated than take on more water and fresh food - and less juices and processed foods. They "work" by repackaging the bleeding obvious to people in a way that distracts them from the fact it is the bleeding obvious being given to them again.

PUA from what I have seen of it so far just distract you with complete nonsense about "conversation transaction modes" while actually getting you to do nothing more complicated than dress a bit better - exercise a little more - and engage with more people than you had been to play the numbers.

I suspect if PUA or weird new age diets "work" for an individual - it is because they are good at distracting from the fact they are selling the same core nugget of common sense people have been selling that individual all their lives.

Damn have I just made myself the target for the first post of the usual re-reg guy who is likely waiting for _just_ this type of post to trigger his next new account? Sorry mods/admins!

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Depends what you mean "work" I guess.

Like weird diets built around cayenne or turmeric that distract you with complete nonsense while actually getting you to do nothing more complicated than take on more water and fresh food - and less juices and processed foods. They "work" by repackaging the bleeding obvious to people in a way that distracts them from the fact it is the bleeding obvious being given to them again.

PUA from what I have seen of it so far just distract you with complete nonsense about "conversation transaction modes" while actually getting you to do nothing more complicated than dress a bit better - exercise a little more - and engage with more people than you had been to play the numbers.

I suspect if PUA or weird new age diets "work" for an individual - it is because they are good at distracting from the fact they are selling the same core nugget of common sense people have been selling that individual all their lives.

Damn have I just made myself the target for the first post of the usual re-reg guy who is likely waiting for _just_ this type of post to trigger his next new account? Sorry mods/admins!

Hmm, you seem to know exactly what I mean by "work" since it's all I said in my post, i.e., getting laid. It's not for me, I don't have the common sense or habit of negging or undermining people to bring them to my level or play power games in a first interaction with someone.

Also it's weird that people so dislike the PUA stuff while also claiming it's all basic common sense.

ginandtonicsky

SusieBlue wrote: »

I was offered a free one-month trial of Tinder plus and that was just the nail in the coffin, instead of making things more straight forward it just made me more anxious to have so many options (yes I know how ridiculous that sounds).

My colleague did the Tinder plus thing recently and told me she had 1,400 matches within a few days :eek:

I mean seriously, how are you going to see the goodness or uniqueness in any one person if you've got that amount of men to choose from. IME, it just leads to this weird online shopping mentality developing where you start prioritising the wrong things and constantly thinking you can do "better"...and round and round we go. I don't want to think about humans that way.

SusieBlue wrote: »

I'm going to take a break for a few months to try to develop a healthier most positive attitude, I'm going on a big holiday in September so I might try again after that.
If I meet someone IRL in the mean time that would be great, but if not that's ok too.

Best of luck with it! It's been the best thing I did for myself lately. It forces you out of yourself, if you know what I mean. You focus a bit more on meeting people and building relationships, you become a bit more open-minded about what the "right" guy looks like.

Realistically, IME of romantic partners, he's not going to look like what you think he'll look like. Coz he'll be human and not some manufactured prototype you can order up on a dating app and put through a round of auditions before deciding you're willing to invest. You get what you need, not what you think you want in the end.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Hmm, you seem to know exactly what I mean by "work"

Nah - I opened my post intentionally pointing out that I am not sure what you mean

But sure if you wanna go out and get laid - as I said it will "work" in the sense that it is likely nothing more than a psychological placebo that gets you distracted while it does nothing more than make you do some very obvious things.

But if PUA gets you laid more it will likely be for that reason. It is not likely to "work" in the sense of getting you laid more for any of the reasons _it_ is claiming you will get laid more. Just like a weird Turmeric diet which helps you lose weight - is not likely to be getting you to lose weight for any of the reasons _it_ says - specifically using turmeric! The claims about turmeric - just like the claims about PUA - are incidental entirely it seems to me.

Thats what I mean when I say "it depends what you mean by work". It will "work" in that it might get you laid more - but not "work" in the sense that any of the getting you laid more has anything to do with anything specific to PUA in and of itself.

If I create a new Pick Up movement tomorrow that says "If you want to get laid more then eat a banana - then get your best mate to shoot you in the forehead 20 times with a big NERF gun - then go hit on 20 women" it will work. And it's working will have _nothing_ to do with the banana or the NERF gun. Rather it will "work" for the same reason PUA might work. Which is that I just got that person to go and talk to 20 women they otherwise might not have.

Deleted User wrote: »

Also it's weird that people so dislike the PUA stuff while also claiming it's all basic common sense.

Not what I claimed anyway. Read it again. What I said is that weird fad diets and things like PUA are themselves just packaging _around_ already existing common sense that has nothing to do with that fad diet or the PUA. In other words what I said was the exact opposite of saying PUA is basic common sense. No I said PUA is nonsense packaging used to distract you from the fact all they are actually doing is re-selling you the same common sense.

Feisar

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

Having a pre-prepared conversation opener is fecking odd behaviour.

OK, before I was an overflowing bucket of confidence I used a few, it's not the end of the world.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Nah - I opened my post intentionally pointing out that I am not sure what you mean

But sure if you wanna go out and get laid - as I said it will "work" in the sense that it is likely nothing more than a psychological placebo that gets you distracted while it does nothing more than make you do some very obvious things.

But if PUA gets you laid more it will likely be for that reason. It is not likely to "work" in the sense of getting you laid more for any of the reasons _it_ is claiming you will get laid more. Just like a weird Turmeric diet which helps you lose weight - is not likely to be getting you to lose weight for any of the reasons _it_ says - specifically using turmeric! The claims about turmeric - just like the claims about PUA - are incidental entirely it seems to me.

Thats what I mean when I say "it depends what you mean by work". It will "work" in that it might get you laid more - but not "work" in the sense that any of the getting you laid more has anything to do with anything specific to PUA in and of itself.

If I create a new Pick Up movement tomorrow that says "If you want to get laid more then eat a banana - then get your best mate to shoot you in the forehead 20 times with a big NERF gun - then go hit on 20 women" it will work. And it's working will have _nothing_ to do with the banana or the NERF gun. Rather it will "work" for the same reason PUA might work. Which is that I just got that person to go and talk to 20 women they otherwise might not have.

So it will do what it says but that doesn't mean it "worked"? Interesting knot-tying there.

Not what I claimed anyway. Read it again. What I said is that weird fad diets and things like PUA are themselves just packaging _around_ already existing common sense that has nothing to do with that fad diet or the PUA. In other words what I said was the exact opposite of saying PUA is basic common sense. No I said PUA is nonsense packaging used to distract you from the fact all they are actually doing is re-selling you the same common sense.

So talk to more women is common sense. The negging etc. is all just packaging that has no relevance?

pinkyeye

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I'd be fairly shy as well.

I've no idea if she's single though I think she might be or if she'd even be interested. I wouldn't even consider it if she were regularly in the building I work in.

The Tinder lads you mentioned might have swiped right accidentally perhaps? London has a lot of people so I'm certainly guilty of that though I've never found anyone at work on it.

It's easy to find out if someone is single or not. Just get into a conversation about holidays or something and ask casually "is it just you and your partner going?"