How is a man supposed to find a woman in the 21st century

Church on Tuesday

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

I'm fully aware of that, I blame myself for this situation and nobody else, I never listen to all the crap from MRA/MGTOW about blaming women and others for it. The onus is on me. I don't know whether I am capable of it though and so for me the primary target is just to be happy and content regardless of what my relationship status is.

I wouldn't mind my relationship status changing but I'm afraid of changing it incase I come off worse.

What? because you had mental health struggles?

That's not your fault. At all. And fair play for seeking help because that takes serious balls.

How do I know? because I've been there myself.

Being happy and content is actually the first building block to self improvement; a lady won't and can't fix your problems for you she can only support, that has to come from you first and you're actually doing that.

Find something you have an interest in either in real life or online, strike up a rapport with people via your interests and basically see how it goes.

Church on Tuesday

Prominent_Dawg wrote: »

1000 replies later.. I'm curious if op has met someone?!

Well he certainly has plenty to read through

OMM 0000

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

The therapist ended it suggesting she couldn't really take it much further as there is only so much she can say, and ultimately the work is down to me from there on in. I am planning on buying more CBT related books fwiw, and to try and help myself this summer. There are still plenty of improvements that can me made to my life sure.

My advice to you is two things:

* Therapy, and you take your therapists advice (you need to work on yourself too).

* Gym five days week (Monday: Chest, Tuesday: Back, Wednesday: Shoulders, Friday: Arms, Sunday: Legs).

You only have one life. You've been dealt a bad hand. Force yourself to make the effort.

Don't listen to the crabs in a bucket. This website is full of them. They want you to fail too.

kunst nugget

OMM 0000 wrote: »

My advice to you is two things:

* Therapy, and you take your therapists advice (you need to work on yourself too).

* Gym five days week (Monday: Chest, Tuesday: Back, Wednesday: Shoulders, Friday: Arms, Sunday: Legs).

You only have one life. You've been dealt a bad hand. Force yourself to make the effort.

Don't listen to the crabs in a bucket. This website is full of them. They want you to fail too.

Let me see, you've kissed over 500 women, slept with over a hundred women, you run a large software company with offices in Japan, South Korea and China... and yet you still have time to dish out dating advice on boards to lonely men.

You mightn't be a crab in a bucket but my spidey sense is telling me that you're most likely a complete spoofer.

OMM 0000

kunst nugget wrote: »

Let me see, you've kissed over 500 women, slept with over a hundred women, you run a large software company with offices in Japan, South Korea and China... and yet you still have time to dish out dating advice on boards to lonely men.

You mightn't be a crab in a bucket but my spidey sense is telling me that you're most likely a complete spoofer.

I'm in a bar right now in China. I travel a lot and spend a lot of time alone. I'm married so I don't have a lot of alternatives.

I travel most of the week.

OMM 0000

I'm going to elaborate on this.

Business in Asia is based on drinking (KTV) and I want no part of this because it means prostitution.

So my alternative is alone. It is what it is.

_blaaz

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

Its worth noting that when I was a child, a lot of my best friends after a few years often ended up becoming my school bullies, and I moved school a few times and it kept happening. So I have strong fear of getting too close to people as they often end up abusing me, or taking advantage of me, because I 'weak' and 'easy'.

Tbf your better alone anyways


If yous are happy/content with it,your probably mentally in alot healthier place than most people commenting on this


Your right to be wary of letting people too close aswell....but so long as your not actively rude/off putting to sound people its all good....but that can be a tough tightrope to walk

great advice, absolutely some of the top advice, the best!

OMM 0000

_blaaz wrote: »

Tbf your better alone anyways


If yous are happy/content with it,your probably mentally in alot healthier place than most people commenting on this


Your right to be wary of letting people too close aswell....but so long as your not actively rude/off putting to sound people its all good....but that can be a tough tightrope to walk

Don't take this advice.

_blaaz

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Don't take this advice.

Why?


If the lad is happy,let him.be??



Life is too short to be living someone elses

OMM 0000

_blaaz wrote: »

Why?


If the lad is happy,let him.be??



Life is too short to be living someone elses

He's not living someone else's life.

He's anxious, depressed, withdrawing from society.

No one here thinks he needs to become George Clooney, but he can become a guy with a partner.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health
A major survey of 127,545 American adults found that married men are healthier than men who were never married or whose marriages ended in divorce or widowhood.

Wanderer2010

OMM 0000 wrote: »

I'm in a bar right now in China. I travel a lot and spend a lot of time alone. I'm married so I don't have a lot of alternatives.

I travel most of the week.

You aren't in a bar in China at all. Not happening.

OMM 0000

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

You aren't in a bar in China at all. Not happening.

Yeah I am.

Why do you follow me around boards disagreeing with me?

Mods are welcome to confirm my IP is China.

_blaaz

OMM 0000 wrote: »

He's not living someone else's life.

He's anxious, depressed, withdrawing from society.

No one here thinks he needs to become George Clooney, but he can become a guy with a partner.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health
A major survey of 127,545 American adults found that married men are healthier than men who were never married or whose marriages ended in divorce or widowhood.

The lad literally said he deosnt mind not having a parthner??

Yes,he needs get out and not withdraw too much.....but its hardly end of world stuff not having a partner??




Yous telling him to.move to asia and ride all around him....will you be there to pick up the pieces when it all geos to shte(gets cheated/dumped,happens to everyone)...the chap is happy,let him make his own way through life

OMM 0000

_blaaz wrote: »

The lad literally said he deosnt mind not having a parthner??

Yes,he needs get out and not withdraw too much.....but its hardly end of world stuff not having a partner??

Yous telling him to.move to asia and ride all around him....will you be there to pick up the pieces when it all geos to shte(gets cheated/dumped,happens to everyone)...the chap is happy,let him make his own way through life

His comments were more like he's given up.

I never told him to move to Asia and ride all around him, so your third paragraph is fantasy. I'm happy to talk to you but you need to try to stay on topic.

_blaaz

OMM 0000 wrote: »

His comments were more like he's given up.

I never told him to move to Asia and ride all around him, so your third paragraph is fantasy. I'm happy to talk to you but you need to try to stay on topic.

OK. So here's my angle.

Come to Asia. And work here.

You'll be drowning in women.

I can help you. I run a fairly large software company in Japan. We have offices in Japan, South Korea and China.

Why lie when you posted this 2 pages ago??

OMM 0000

_blaaz wrote: »

Why lie when you posted this 2 pages ago??

Where did I say he should move to Asia and ride all around him?

Point out the exact sentence.

_blaaz

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Where did I say he should move to Asia and ride all around him?

Point out the exact sentence.

Come to Asia. And work here.

You'll be drowning in women.

Play these word games all you want mate....but perhaps you could clarify the above

OMM 0000

_blaaz wrote: »

Play these word games all you want mate....but perhaps you could clarify the above

In Asia he'll be surrounded by women who're interested in him.

His value will be high.

You're the one who interpreted that as riding women all around him.

You think a guy should sleep around when he's popular? Says more about you than me.

SharpshooterTom

_blaaz wrote: »

The lad literally said he deosnt mind not having a parthner??

I have mixed feelings on it, I've learned to live without one for now, that's not say that I wouldn't be full of regret by time I hit my 50s if I'm still a kissless virgin by then.

I have doubts about whether I'm good enough to make someone else happy in a relationship. A relationship isn't just about me and fulfilling some validation of self worth its about someone else too.

Given that I don't have the ability to connect well with people, certainly not on a long term basis, I'd fear it would break down very quickly.

I'm not saying I'm entirely happy being a loner, I'm probably not, but I fear I might be even more unhappy in a set of bad relationships and that's the problem.

Its really the fear that holds me back.

_blaaz

OMM 0000 wrote: »

In Asia he'll be surrounded by women who're interested in him.

His value will be high.

You're the one who interpreted that as riding women all around him.

Meh...like i said play word games all yous want


Zzzz

OMM 0000

_blaaz wrote: »

Meh...like i said play word games all yous want


Zzzz

It's not a word game.

You interpreted being popular with sleeping around.

I can tell you my personal opinion on this:

Sleeping around just hurts people.

But there's nothing wrong with being popular.

_blaaz

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

I'm not saying I'm entirely happy being a loner, I'm probably not, but I fear I might be even more unhappy in a set of bad relationships and that's the problem.

Its really the fear that holds me back.

Theres only one person thatll change this for you


But surely with therapy etc,yous can see/help identify whats making you unhappy and if its crap relationship....you can just pull plug and walk away at any time.... as you know its not world ending stuff to be single

Wanderer2010

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Yeah I am.

Why do you follow me around boards disagreeing with me?

Mods are welcome to confirm my IP is China.

China my a%%. You are here night and day pretending to know every nugget of wisdom to impart on us "grateful" public. :D:D

OMM 0000

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

China my a%%. You are here night and day pretending to know every nugget of wisdom to impart on us "grateful" public. :D:D

Mods are welcome to share my IP.

Not everyone here is in Longford, angry at the world.

Church on Tuesday

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Mods are welcome to share my IP.

Not everyone here is in Longford, angry at the world.

And not everyone here can or wants to live and work in China.

Wanderer2010

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Mods are welcome to share my IP.

Not everyone here is in Longford, angry at the world.

That's not very nice for the people in Longford. I know a few people from there are they wouldn't like that remark.

Mister Vain

OMM 0000 wrote: »

My advice to you is two things:

* Therapy, and you take your therapists advice (you need to work on yourself too).

* Gym five days week (Monday: Chest, Tuesday: Back, Wednesday: Shoulders, Friday: Arms, Sunday: Legs).

You only have one life. You've been dealt a bad hand. Force yourself to make the effort.

Don't listen to the crabs in a bucket. This website is full of them. They want you to fail too.

Ahh here, he's not preparing for Mr Olympia. By all means join a gym, but a detailed training schedule is hardly good advice for him.

OMM 0000

Mister Vain wrote: »

Ahh here, he's not preparing for Mr Olympia. By all means join a gym, but a detailed training schedule is hardly good advice for him.

What I recommended is generally considered the best workout routine for mass and recovery. I follow this routine myself. I like it for many reasons; one of them being how it becomes a part of your daily routine. It becomes a part of your lifestyle.

You're welcome to recommend a better gym routine.

Mister Vain

OMM 0000 wrote: »

What I recommended is generally considered the best workout routine for mass and recovery. I follow this routine myself. I like it for many reasons; one of them being how it becomes a part of your daily routine. It becomes a part of your lifestyle.

You're welcome to recommend a better gym routine.

The routine is irrelevant. He has other more important things to be thinking about. Joining a gym in and of itself is a good idea. Parkruns could be another good way to meet new people.

OMM 0000

Mister Vain wrote: »

The routine is irrelevant. He has other more important things to be thinking about. Joining a gym in and of itself is a good idea. Parkruns could be another good way to meet new people.

Gym is acknowledged as one of the best ways to help anxiety and depression.

If you're going to do the gym, you may as well do it right.

I have no interest in arguing with you.

Mister Vain

OMM 0000 wrote: »

Gym is acknowledged as one of the best ways to help anxiety and depression.

If you're going to do the gym, you may as well do it right.

I have no interest in arguing with you.

Well giving the guy's situation, I hardly think "mass and recovery" are high up on his list of priorities.

OMM 0000

Mister Vain wrote: »

Well giving the guy's situation, I hardly think "mass and recovery" are high up on his list of priorities.

I disagree. Seeing results and not injuring yourself are important.

Have you ever been to the gym?

Mister Vain

OMM 0000 wrote: »

I disagree. Seeing results and not injuring yourself are important.

Have you ever been to the gym?

Wearing a helmet while driving a motorbike is important too. What's your point? All this "broscience" stuff is not exactly helpful.

CelticRambler

Being practical, OMM, if any of the rest of us move to Japan, excluding hanging out in bars, how/when/where can we meet all these single women to be drowned in?

emo72

This thread title sounds like a Michael Bolton song.

MontgomeryClift

emo72 wrote: »

This thread title sounds like a Michael Bolton song.

But it sounds better than an MB song because it's a message board and there's no sound.

a better routine would be start more gradually 3x a week or he'll overdo, and either get injured or burn out after 10 days

i don't know the poster so i'm not going to say yeah go to the gym that'll sort you out - but i do like it

kowloon

facehugger99 wrote: »

Every workplace I've been in has been stocked to the gills with good-looking women in HR - no guys, just women.

My advice to any single chap of college-going age is to get into HR. You'll be surrounded by hot women day-in day-out and probably bateing them off you at the department Christmas party after they've had a few Cosmos.

You're welcome.

SharpshooterTom

bluewolf wrote: »

a better routine would be start more gradually 3x a week or he'll overdo, and either get injured or burn out after 10 days

i don't know the poster so i'm not going to say yeah go to the gym that'll sort you out - but i do like it

I'm planning to have an overhaul of my diet, my fitness, my clothes etc. Planning to take up some sports too.

But as I say it doesn't change the biggest stumbling block in that I don't socialise very well and I'm not popular personally. I can have all the money in the world and other materialistic things but it doesn't change who I am. I would be looking to change those things listed above to primarily help me and my mental health first and foremost not necessarily just to make myself attractive to others.

Ardillaun

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

I'm planning to have an overhaul of my diet, my fitness, my clothes etc. Planning to take up some sports too.

But as I say it doesn't change the biggest stumbling block in that I don't socialise very well and I'm not popular personally. I can have all the money in the world and other materialistic things but it doesn't change who I am. I would be looking to change those things listed above to primarily help me and my mental health first and foremost not necessarily just to make myself attractive to others.

Sorry to hear things aren’t going so well. I moved from the UK to Ireland as a teenager but things worked out for me after some mild turbulence early on. When I went to Downpatrick after college, I was struck by how macho the culture was up there compared to Galway and Dublin.

OMM 0000

Mister Vain wrote: »

Wearing a helmet while driving a motorbike is important too. What's your point? All this "broscience" stuff is not exactly helpful.

The 5 day routine isn't broscience. Recommending people go to the gym, one of the known ways to help fight depression, is not exactly helpful?

There are too many negative people here who just want to argue. I'm pretty sure at this stage I could say the grass is green and some of you would try to find a way to say its brown. Getting a real crabs in a bucket vibe.

OMM 0000

CelticRambler wrote: »

Being practical, OMM, if any of the rest of us move to Japan, excluding hanging out in bars, how/when/where can we meet all these single women to be drowned in?

All the usual ways. The Japanese have some weird social rules (yes often means no), but they're still people and want and do the same things as everyone else.

When I was single I liked dating apps as it required very little effort. You've all heard of yellow fever, but it goes the other way too.

Mister Vain

OMM 0000 wrote: »

The 5 day routine isn't broscience. Recommending people go to the gym, one of the known ways to help fight depression, is not exactly helpful?

There are too many negative people here who just want to argue. I'm pretty sure at this stage I could say the grass is green and some of you would try to find a way to say its brown. Getting a real crabs in a bucket vibe.

But he said it himself, he has bigger obstacles to overcome first. A five day gym routine is not important right now. You're getting the cart before the horse.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

I'm planning to have an overhaul of my diet, my fitness, my clothes etc. Planning to take up some sports too.

But as I say it doesn't change the biggest stumbling block in that I don't socialise very well and I'm not popular personally. I can have all the money in the world and other materialistic things but it doesn't change who I am. I would be looking to change those things listed above to primarily help me and my mental health first and foremost not necessarily just to make myself attractive to others.

Can I ask, are you sure you're not popular or people don't warm to you? In your posts you're coming across very well, articulate, intelligent, nice. I know there can be a big gulf between how we come across online and in person though.

When you say you don't socialise well, what is it? That you get very stressed out, that you offend people without meaning to, that conversations falter and fail?

It's just that I see you say you were bullied when you were younger and I wonder if to some extent you have an ingrained idea in your head of how people perceive you and it's not really accurate any more.

I understand your caution and that your priority is your mental health but from where I'm sitting you sound like a man who would have a lot to bring to a relationship. The fact that's a concern for you makes you more emotionally intelligent than an awful lot of men, for one thing.

Doctor Jimbob

OMM 0000 wrote: »

The 5 day routine isn't broscience. Recommending people go to the gym, one of the known ways to help fight depression, is not exactly helpful?

There are too many negative people here who just want to argue. I'm pretty sure at this stage I could say the grass is green and some of you would try to find a way to say its brown. Getting a real crabs in a bucket vibe.

It was around this time last year in fairness :pac:

OMM 0000

Mister Vain wrote: »

But he said it himself, he has bigger obstacles to overcome first. A five day gym routine is not important right now. You're getting the cart before the horse.

Let's agree to disagree instead of going around in circles.

I will explain my logic to you and then leave I'll leave it at that:

He said in an earlier post he's long term unemployed. So I was thinking three things:

a) Gym is good for battling depression, improving health, improving appearance, etc., but I was mostly thinking about the depression angle.

b) The 5 day routine (each body part once per week) is universally agreed as the best routine for mass and recovery. In comparison, the 'full body/three days a week' routine is far more likely to cause an injury due to overtraining. If you don't understand what I mean, I'll explain: on the 5 day routine you train arms once per week; on the 3 day routine you train arms thrice per week.

c) He needs a routine, something to look forward to, something to build a life around. Get out of the house, accomplish something, feel good. Gym is really good for this.

This sort of logic shouldn't make you angry.

OK, as I said, I don't want to go round in circles, so I'll leave this as my last gym-related post.

CelticRambler

OMM 0000 wrote: »

All the usual ways.

Yeah, but what exactly are "the usual ways" - in your opinion? Because I'm still having trouble seeing how someone dressed in designer shoes and a well-tailored shirt fits into any activity that would interest the kind of woman that interests me.

OMM 0000

CelticRambler wrote: »

Yeah, but what exactly are "the usual ways" - in your opinion? Because I'm still having trouble seeing how someone dressed in designer shoes and a well-tailored shirt fits into any activity that would interest the kind of woman that interests me.

Meetup group

Dance class

Networking event

Painting course

Museum tour

Couchsurfing event

Gallery opening

Etc.

Basically anything where there are people you can talk to. The more people you meet, the greater your chance of meeting someone you like. Also, practice makes perfect.

Personally I liked things like gallery openings and art events.

Lux23

CelticRambler wrote: »

Yeah, but what exactly are "the usual ways" - in your opinion? Because I'm still having trouble seeing how someone dressed in designer shoes and a well-tailored shirt fits into any activity that would interest the kind of woman that interests me.

What kind of women interest you? This is a genuine question, so I can think of places that might work for you.