Choking

osarusan

People can do whatever they want as long as its mutual.

In this case the mutual desire for it wasn't there, and to be fair to the OP's partner, once the OP made their lack of interest clear (even if they were willing to do it if their partner wanted it), they seem to have respected that and moved on from it themselves.

Neyite

It's irreverent whether people who reply to the OP like it or doesn't like it.


The op doesn't like it and isn't comfortable with it and that's all that matters.

leggo

Hal3000 wrote: »

Why would someone get off on choking another person? Power trip? Lack of authority? Low self esteem? Absloute nutcase perhaps?

Lads you’re just making yourselves sound very vanilla in bed with this line of thinking tbh. Though “I’m sure you’d like a hug” from the other lad cracked me up, I have to say. It doesn’t matter why he likes choking, the reality is that some do and some don’t. The OP doesn’t, but the more pressing concern is he’s comparing her unfavourably to his exes. So maybe focus on that rather than “Is this guy on a power trip?? Would you not like a hug?” :pac:

B0jangles

I don't think it's at all fair to compare choking to other forms of mild sexplay like spanking or light bondage - it's genuinely dangerous if not done very carefully.

OP, this would really worry me:

I've asked about the amount of pressure to be applied as I've no experience in it and I'm worried about applying too much. I would "get a feel of it" apparently.

That's very irresponsible IMO - choking done wrong can kill or seriously injure very quickly and very easily. That is not something to be done without any knowledge of the safest way to do it. Have all the fun you want, but for heaven's sake, play safely.

heretochat

I would urge caution here as well OP given your lack of experience in this area. Your OH appears to have not substantial experience either. A bit of research together might be the way to go?

I don't think it is fair as an aside to paint the OH as some deranged weirdo who should be got rid of.

We don't know how he would react if OP told him she wasn't comfortable.

Different strokes for different folks in the area of sex after all. One person's pleasure is another's poison etc.

OP do what you are comfortable with and once everything is safe and consensual it is no-one else's business/.

Road-Hog

heretochat wrote: »

I would urge caution here as well OP given your lack of experience in this area. Your OH appears to have not substantial experience either. A bit of research together might be the way to go?

I don't think it is fair as an aside to paint the OH as some deranged weirdo who should be got rid of.

We don't know how he would react if OP told him she wasn't comfortable.

Different strokes for different folks in the area of sex after all. One person's pleasure is another's poison etc.

OP do what you are comfortable with and once everything is safe and consensual it is no-one else's business/.

Is it not a bit like being in the passenger seat of a car with a wreckless driver at the wheel.....?

Rosepetals85

If he is into that type of sex and you are uncomfortable with the hand around your throat, maybe a bit of hair pulling or a slap on the arse. It’s still be dominated but to the less extreme.

In regards to him discussing what he got up to with his ex, I’d be furious as this is making you feel insecure which I would myself. Tell him, if he dares mention the ex again he might as well go back to her and that you won’t tolerate that type of BS off him.

Panthro

Him telling you about his sex life with his ex was a dick move. He did it in the hope you'd think "OK I'd better do that too". He's playing on insecurity.

If he keeps that shyte up tell him to do one.

And if you're not comfortable with choking tell him bluntly you don't like the idea, and to stop going on about it or the only thing he'll be choking his own chicken for the foreseeable.

Is he worth the hassle.

ILoveYourVibes

vive wrote: »

For us to choke each other. I've asked about the amount of pressure to be applied as I've no experience in it and I'm worried about applying too much. I would "get a feel of it" apparently. I didn't, so asked to be guided. They did and it didn't feel like it was that much pressure. On the other hand I've been told about someone else who left bruising on them. The amount of choking pressure I was shown to apply would not leave a mark so I'm a bit confused as to how much they actually want.
I'm not entirely sure what puts me off about it. I just don't get it I guess but I don't want my partner feeling as if they're missing out on something. It's something I've initiated a couple of times recently and they've stopped it.
I think a lot of it could do with hearing about exes, which I really don't like. I know it's none of my business what went on before me but it does make me jealous having to hear about various sex stories. So I guess I'm just not sure if it's something I don't actually like or if it's jealousy and anger at someone leaving a mark on my partner.

Hi OP.

It seems to me like your partner sabotaged his intimacy with you unknowingly with that conversation.

It's left you feeling very separate from him.

It would seem to me that might need to be repaired before you think about anything else for the sake of your relationship.

Maybe take a break from sex for a week or two spend time doing OTHER things talking etc.

Someone leaving a mark on your partner etc that is just an illusion. Is there a mark there now? Maybe you feel psychologically there is. This is kind of another illusion though. Often one the person themselves feels about their ex. That person left a mark on their soul etc. But its just a mindset. It's a belief that is all.


You currently have this belief about your partner. That will fade.


I would suggest since you haven't really had these thoughts or urges to go down this route before its not something you yourself would be into.

You would know if this was something you liked.



If your BF is too immature (and he sounds it) to take it seriously then don't play this game with him.

He honestly doesn't sound like a dominant man yet. He just might like the idea of it.

And finally you don't need an excuse to not like it. You dont need a reason. If you are unsure then in reality you don't like it.

And it's really NOT worth being with him. And its so not worth getting hurt over physically or emotionally.

Sex any kind of sex etc should lift you up physically and emotionally. That includes BDSM.

If you decide to try this however. Be very comfortable and sure your feelings are that you know you will enjoy this. And PLEASE CHOKE SAFELY ! :P

Do some research. You can't put pressure on the windpipe etc. Be gentle.

Good luck and be happy with whatever decision you make

LegacyUser

OP here,
Ok I need to clarify a few things.
Firstly, I'm the man in the relationship. I was just curious to see how many people had experienced this as I never had. I don't really get the whole thing and explained this to my gf. That's when it came up about an ex who left her bruised after doing it "too hard" I guess it's down to jealousy really.

Secondly my gf is amazing. She's really great. I honestly don't think she meant it in any bad way when she was telling me this stuff. It's just irrelevant to her and she probably thought it wouldn't bother me either.

I am a bit angry at her for telling me all this stuff though and it has created problems (arguments/questions). I realise that she has a past, no more than myself but it's all of the gory details that I have an issue with. I've had all those conversations with past girlfriends but there were no intimate details. It's strange as there is no issue regarding jealousy in our day to day life but I do get quite jealous hearing about past boyfriend's, in detail. Tbf there's nothing said about that sort of stuff anymore. A few funny stories about day to day stuff, which I've no problem with. It's all in the details I guess.

There were texts and snaps, from her 'exes' for quite a while into our relationship and this has probably made me insecure too. She says she didn't reply to these people but I wouldn't be texting anyone for months with no reply. One or two messages with no reply and that would be it for me. Maybe it happens though?

I do trust her and everything but all of this unwanted information has just wrecked my head.
I need to just find a way to let all of this bull****, in my head, go and get over it. I'm fed up of thinking about it now.
Guess this is a way to vent/jot things down..
Thanks

SaltSweatSugar

OP my apologies for assuming you were a woman.

As for the texts and snaps from her exes, is she still friends with them? If she is I get it but if not it’s a bit strange.

LegacyUser

SaltSweatSugar wrote: »

OP my apologies for assuming you were a woman.

As for the texts and snaps from her exes, is she still friends with them? If she is I get it but if not it’s a bit strange.

No they are not friends, they were brief encounters with these people.

ILoveYourVibes

vive wrote: »

No they are not friends, they were brief encounters with these people.

Ah sorry I assumed you were female too.

Your reaction emotionally makes more sense now. I don't mean to generalize. But if i am honest. I think it might matter more to a man that a woman was 'marked' by someone else. Or imprinted sexually etc.

I know we don't like to generalize. But if we are talking about personal issues and not general issues etc. There ARE differences between men and women.

My apologies if this offends anyone esp the OP.

I think if you want to stay with her your post before this is probably best. Stop thinking about it etc.

LegacyUser

Hey op,

I don't think its that uncommon, I'd guess around half of the partners I've slept with have encouraged / enjoyed some light form of choking during sex. Some i know would have never been up for it and probably horrified by it so I can see where you're coming from too.

Any times I've taken part in it, its always just been a pretty kind of gentle, nothing too crazy - i see it more along the same lines as some hard spanking, etc.

Of course, if you don't enjoy it just say so.