Job Opportunity: Wingman

Wingman Drumbeat

Being based just outside Limerick, I have been a small time contributor and regular lurker on this board but I have set up a new account for one specific purpose.

I became single last year after a very long term relationship and, prior to that, I used to enjoy going to pubs and meeting new people. Most of my friends are now married or live far away and I have a very limited local social circle. I haven't tried online dating but, from what I've heard, it's not for me. I prefer face to face conversations and non-digital smiles.

I'm looking for a Wingman. I am male but it doesn't matter to me if the Wingman is male or female.

I would like to go out for a couple of beers one night a week or fortnight with someone who has a good sense of humour. While the main purpose
is conversation about anything at all, being prepared to be distracted by others would be a positive attribute.

I'm a beggar here but, ignoring that, here's the job spec: I'd hope that you should like people and be optimistic in general. A few strong opinions make for hearty debate
but too many knocks the craic out of it. Reasonable social confidence is helpful but over confidence is likely troublesome. You should have lived an interesting life or want to. You'll probably be over 35 because I'm at least that and most people need that many years to experience the best and worst of life.

The more I read this the more it sounds like a description of the people I'd like to meet but, to be clear, this is a role of mutual facilitation. I've got your back and you've got mine in this context. I will do what I can to smooth your path to the one you think you desire. I will make you look good, laugh at your jokes and boost your confidence. Of course, this is best done by friends with years of history but we, strangers right now, can give it a go.

Perhaps I am well wide of the mark here and no one else sees this as a symbiotic opportunity. Nonetheless, I will meet whoever thinks this may have legs. Depending on the reaction, I will either meet you one-on-one in a pub or cafe in town or else I'll publicly nominate a location and sit there ready to meet whoever turns up.

I could put all sorts of qualifications and disclaimers on this post and I've considered that some may think such an advertisement offensive. Please step aside. I'm just a guy who's back in town and wants a laugh, good conversation and to explore new people. PM or reply to start the ball rolling.

Clareman

Please keep the moderation to the moderators and also keep the responses as civil as possible

James Bond Junior

I'd do it but I'm moving away in 2 months. Best of luck dude.

mdmix

Fair play for getting back out there, it’s thought to dust yourself off after a break up. You sound like you have the right attitude anyway, much better to have a good social circle than just looking for another relationship. Anyway, I will be away for most of the summer but might give a shout after that.

Best of luck

Stanford

Have you an age range in mind for your Wingman..?

osarusan

Does the position come with a pension?

Wingman Drumbeat

Stanford wrote: »

Have you an age range in mind for your Wingman..?

Flexible but the ideal candidate would between 35 and 45 I guess.

Does the position come with a pension?

Hopefully this position is not going to be viable for more than a few years but, as with any pension, you'll get back what you put into it ;-)

Mango Joe

I think this is a great idea... OP best of luck in your search I hope it all works out.

Come back and post your tales and exploits in due course please!

Miike

Mango Joe wrote: »

I think this is a great idea... OP best of luck in your search I hope it all works out.

Come back and post your tales and exploits in due course please!

So much this. I'd read a book about this! Sounds like it could be mighty craic - Best of luck OP!

fryup

OP is your name Richie Rich by any chance?

ongarboy

Fair dues for being proactive OP. Is there a meetup.com local group in Limerick? You could find similar like minded people this way.

Just an observation....your post is very detailed and targeted and almost a box ticking exercise. Most friendships or relationships (or any sort of human interactions for that matter) start off and evolve organically and people gradually connect/disconnect depending over time, starting with small talk that gradually leads onto a deeper, more involved connection. You sound like you are trying to force a friendship. You shouldn't have to "do what you can" to please the other person or feel you have to make them "look good", "laugh at their jokes" or "boost their confidence". That will happen naturally if you both connect and their is a chemistry (platonic or otherwise). Forcing it, calling it out as a prerequisite of a friendship or even thinking about such things in advance would do the exact opposite in nurturing a friendship in my opinion.

I personally would be wary of that....however if there are others you think exactly like you do and feel that is how they make friends with the criteria you laid out, then you will find someone on your wavelength and it's a win win for both of you. Good luck!

Wingman Drumbeat

Thanks for your encouragement and for sharing your thoughts ongarboy and for articulating them clearly. There are a few Meetup groups in Limerick.

I agree that my post is detailed and targeted but it is not a box ticking exercise. While new friends are always welcome, I am not looking for friends in general. Such friendships happen naturally in the way you so accurately described and none of the actions you quoted from my post should be "worked at" in a general friendship.

However, I see a Wingman as a role and it is usually one fulfilled by a friend who is also single. Both people want to meet a new partner but neither wants to sit around on their own in a pub with that one purpose in mind.

I am fortunate to have good friends - they just don't meet the criteria of this role. If I meet a friend for a couple of pints, I don't think it is appropriate for me to abandon them to go to talk to someone else in the pub with a view to getting a date.

While the role of Wingman is fairly clear neither do I think we should spend the evening looking around at other people. There would have to be some shared interests other than finding a date but I'm just declaring it up front as a sometime priority. This should be fun and, despite the serious tone of this post, if it is not fun then I'm not interested. I realise that the arena for this is focused on pubs/clubs and that narrows the opportunities in both timing and activities but I like the pub atmosphere and it is my preferred meeting place.

Thanks for the encouragement too Mango Joe and Miike :-) I will PM you as and if the story unfolds!

Granadino

Are you going to go out with this wingman with the aim of approaching women and "chatting them up"? This sounds like it could go pear shaped if you´re with someone you don´t really know.
What if the women ask "So how do you guys know each other?"

Problem Of Motivation

Granadino wrote: »

Are you going to go out with this wingman with the aim of approaching women and "chatting them up"? This sounds like it could go pear shaped if you´re with someone you don´t really know.
What if the women ask "So how do you guys know each other?"

Better than being asked "Are you hear alone?"

Mango Joe

Granadino wrote: »

Are you going to go out with this wingman with the aim of approaching women and "chatting them up"? This sounds like it could go pear shaped if you´re with someone you don´t really know.
What if the women ask "So how do you guys know each other?"

Going by the erudite and articulate nature of the OPs posting style generally then I suspect operational trivialities such as this will be anticipated and despatched with ease.

…...My guess would be that on being asked a question of this nature they'll just casually smile and indicate that they met each other whilst they were both incarcerated in some class of mental institution......

Wingman Drumbeat

Mango Joe wrote: »

they met each other whilst they were both incarcerated in some class of mental institution......

Haha spot on Mango Joe! It would either be that or we met at the embalming session at a funeral director conference in Las Vegas.

Granadino

I played in bands for years and always enjoyed watching lads chatting up women. You would see the whole thing unfold. A lot of the time, the lads were shot down, but 99% of the time, it was if they were loaded with drink and wouldn't leave them alone...

TheDiceMan2020

Best of luck OP.

You should write a guide to meeting birds in Limerick afterwards for the craic.

Mango Joe

OP I'd actually do this but I might be more hindrance than help I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that my wit, charisma and devastating good looks have a marked effect on the female psyche and so guides their urges all too capably.

- It would be like trying to catch fish with a modest fishing rod while standing 10 meters downstream of an active Norwegian Factory Trawler.

Wingman Drumbeat

Mango Joe wrote: »

I'm afraid that my wit, charisma and devastating good looks have a marked effect on the female psyche and so guides their urges all too capably.

Sure your name isn't Magnet Joe?

I'm overwhelmed by your imagery. Are you saying you are so attractive and skilled that females are powerless to resist you? Look, it would be demoralising to leave your co-Wingman as a constant third wheel but I am always open to learning new techniques from a mentor such as yourself. If I have to be the guy that your target's friend has to feel sorry for then so be it. I'll take a sympathy cuddle when it's offered in the course of a good education.

I may be able to get into town on Friday evening and would happily conduct possibly the first ever Wingman interview should you feel you can leave some scraps at my table.

Mango Joe

Wingman Drumbeat wrote: »

Sure your name isn't Magnet Joe?

I'm overwhelmed by your imagery. Are you saying you are so attractive and skilled that females are powerless to resist you? Look, it would be demoralising to leave your co-Wingman as a constant third wheel but I am always open to learning new techniques from a mentor such as yourself. If I have to be the guy that your target's friend has to feel sorry for then so be it. I'll take a sympathy cuddle when it's offered in the course of a good education.

I may be able to get into town on Friday evening and would happily conduct possibly the first ever Wingman interview should you feel you can leave some scraps at my table.

Dude I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound arrogant or obnoxious when I say this but that's kind of like asking U2 if they'd like to call to your brothers shed to try and play a few tunes with you.

Have you tried a little-known product called Sex Panther? It could be a game changer for you, drives the women wild - The stats speak for themselves here.

Brian Fantana: Sex Panther by Odeon. This stuff is illegal in 9 countries. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent. It's a formidable scent, it stings the nostrils...in a good way.
Brian Fantana: [daubing the cologne on his neck] Yup.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. They say 60% of the time, it works every time.
Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make any sense.

Wow I can't believe this went 2 pages without anyone saying "You can be my wingman anytime"

Great idea OP, hope it works out

Wingman Drumbeat

Magnet Joe

What is this U2 you speak of? Surely you should go up to U11 for a man of your prowess.

I have ordered 500 bottles of Sex Panther to bathe in and I will go cruising 60% of the time.

I withdraw my offer to audition you. It sounds too risky to be in your presence. The dizzying lack of oxygen caused by the swarm of your prospective mates, the confusing attraction I would no doubt experience near you and the black hole of your heart would extinguish me and all around you. Please never leave your house.


*** trudges off looking at the sky to stop the tears from falling ***

Chicken George

How much is this job paying ?
Do I get a bonus if I pull a few birds for ye?

Stop moaning ffs

What if she likes me more?
Do I get bonus pay of she wants a threesome and I have to engage in bumping uglies?
Can you outline your musical and cinematic interests cos no way am I talking about soccer or GAA at any point

Wingman Drumbeat

"Chicken", payment for this role is by reciprocal benefit and the suitable candidate will have the same objective as myself and we will be more successful as a team. Your questions imply you have nothing to gain unless paid so my apologies for not being clearer before now. Nobody, ahem, pulls birds for me. The Wingman pulls sometimes and perhaps I do too. As ever, our individual success will be decided by the object of our individual affections.

"Stop moaning", I have turned down every threesome I have been offered this year so your participation in that would be neither required nor welcome. See above regarding bonus.

I cannot sustain a conversation about sport beyond rugby. Over the years I have learned a few trite observations on other sports to help me to hide my ignorance and and feign interest but it does not excite me as much as a conversation about Tarantino's lessons for the world in Pulp Fiction or the delight in the whackiness of exactly half of the Coen brother's movies or the raw physical pain and heartache experienced for days after watching Manchester by the Sea.

Until recently I liked most types of music except Rap and I have softened on that now. I understand how Opera evokes rapture in some listeners but I find the voice the greatest instrument and, while it gets exercised the most within that genre, it is wasted for me there. I'll take Lana Del Ray's duet with Lenny's son, Miley's Jolene, a good long cowboy song or Emma's Closed Book any day all day.


This thread has been supportive and encouraging and I thank the many of you for your kind words. It's nearly two weeks old and it is time for me to move on without a Wingman. I will fly solo tomorrow evening. If any of you is in a pub in town and notices a guy pretending to read a book while looking around, go easy on him. If you are in the company of an unattached lady (without designs of your own) consider helping two people explore happiness for a while. You could be that remote Wingman, the one high in the clouds who swoops down unexpectedly to brighten the horizon, the one to help a brother, the one you might have wanted when in a tight spot yourself.

*** camera pans back, fades to silhouette flying into sunset ***

enfant terrible

Any success with your plan?

Wingman Drumbeat

ET, success with my plan? No. Meeting the objective? Resoundingly yes.

The plan was to get a Wingman and I failed. Despite the encouraging curiosity here, I had no applicants in the first couple of weeks and, as there were no more posts, I didn't bother to check DMs thereafter. Regrettably, this meant I missed a DM from a girl volunteer until 3 weeks later and I had moved on.

In that time, I had a couple more attempts at visiting a few pubs on my own but it felt too creepy and I never really got comfortable with it (but I did manage to read a few chapters of a book).

I decided to do what the rest of the world seems to be doing and I set up an online dating profile on a few sites and the results were outstanding. In case anyone else finds themselves in a similar situation to myself, I'll give more detail here than was asked in case it is helpful. To recap, I had come out of a very long term relationship and my confidence and self esteem were low when I advertised the Wingman post. I didn't feel I had much to offer and I wasn't sure how easily I could converse with strangers. Also, I'm over 15 years older than when I last dated.

It's been three months since I set up the profiles. It would take ages and pages to write about my experiences. I have met the most extraordinary women during that time in real life and chatted online to many more. I thought I carried excessive emotional baggage but I have learned that anyone over the age of, say, 35 with a life well lived, carries plenty of baggage and that doesn't make any of us broken. The people I have dated are fascinating, interested, kind and fun loving. They have overcome difficulties that might crush others and they still have hope and optimism and happiness to share. When I started, I could not have imagined feeling the raw excitement and thrill of these past months or the fulfillment of getting to know these people. I have been incredibly lucky and I'll stop gushing before someone throws up. For now, I have enough and I have removed my profiles. I feel much better about my situation and my outlook and I owe it all to my new friends. Oh and I'll omit the juicy stuff but it has been out of this world!

I haven't found many people writing real experiences of online dating in Ireland so I don't have anything to compare with. Women I have chatted with have told me that their experiences online are varied to say the least and it is common for people to dip in and out of it because it can be draining, excessively superficial and unacceptably obscene. I try to forget about the number of unanswered messages I sent and dwell instead on the delightful responses and connections I have made. I still have a long way to go and much baggage to unpack before I can make the life I'd like to have and share but this has been an excellent and uplifting start and I know now that there is more than one person for everyone so plenty to be positive about.

Thanks for asking ET.

Tiobkuhi

Have to say, I really enjoyed reading that.

Keep us posted.

dominatinMC

Wingman Drumbeat; on a dank, dreary mid-week Wednesday morning, that post of yours was uplifting and just the tonic! Good luck going forward

Mango Joe

Sorry late seeing the update on here.....Great post Wingman, yes it's funny how our own inner voice will usually work its way around to convincing us we're useless and undesirable - Such an unfortunate trait in us dumb humans.

Glad you're doing well - Best of luck with everything.

PS I've read the above sentiment on online dating a few times over the past while - While not perfect and with lots of irritating people and so on it does seem to be hugely efficient in ultimately bringing nice people together - Anyone reading this who was discouraged in the past should maybe give it another go!