Is there anyone in your family you don't talk to?

Mrcaramelchoc

I don't talk to my sister anymore.and i don't care if i never do again.it was just one thing after another and the straw was broken a few months ago and that was it.i told her where to go and we haven't spoke since and i have to say im by far less stressed.

biko

Nope, I'm on good terms with them all, and have always been.

branie2

I'm on speaking terms with my family as well

banie01

Yep, so many of them in fact...
That I sometimes wonder if I'm the problem, if I was wrong?!
But...
Then I remember, the majority of them are really just cúnts and my life has been a lot more copacetic since I cut some ties!
So it really was them

RMAOK

Talk to everyone in my family

JohnnyFlash

My absolute weapon of an ex-wife.

lbc2019

Talk to all of my family.

Just passing terms with my youngest brother but that suits us both

gormdubhgorm

There are few extremely annoying aunts, who I try to avoid if at all possible.

But besides that no, I have not reached the level of these lads feuding.

edenbridge146

Hi OP

Yes my darling sister who i utterly despise.
WE both came from same family, 5 year gap, brought up with same Mother and her morals are so different to mine.
We were both pregnant together on our boys and her son starts selling cannabis at 15 and she plays the victim the whole time. My lad is studying medicine. I'm no martyr by any means but she has this constant 'entitlement' mentality despite never worked a day in her life.
She constantly lashes out in jealousy at what i have while I maintain 3 jobs.
She spends 50 euro a week on drink while living on 'disability' - comes home plastered while the son selling weed is left to mind his 2 sisters
So enough is enough - i feel sorry for her little girls to be honest.
Her youngest was 5 when she told her husband, 'by the way shes not your daughter'
Like the list goes on and on and of course shes the angel in my mothers eyes cos she sees me as more 'capable and stronger' . She doesn't listen to sound advice. Won't be told and an awful temper too

Social Services are all involved but ya can only bring a horse to water

is_that_so

Talk to all but can't speak for all of them!

jcorr

Speaking terms with all of them.

My older brother is away abroad so it's hard to get a chance to chat to him.

mvl

When growing up I was exposed to these type of disagreements leading to ppl not talking to each other in my extended family, caused by various reasons (from inheritance to ... mental issues). And even if I was the child, what adults were doing in my eyes didn't seem the right thing to do.
... So as adult I have a family rule: I think it is not normal not to talk to family members, in usual circumstances (exceptions to this would be very serious matters e.g. a crime of some sort). So I am making efforts even when some decide not to talk to me for silly reasons ...

eviltwin

I only talk to one brother. I've a sister and brother I haven't spoken to in years. My sister and I will pass information about practical things via text but that's it. My brother and I haven't spoken to our mother since the mid 90's, we want nothing to do with her and vice versa. Its horrible tbh but we didn't have a happy family life and I think we all just feel we want no reminders.

Infernal Racket

Don't speak to my older sister who is a roaring alcoholic. Broke up a really good family unit leaving my elderly unwell parents to raise my 2 nieces. So she can **** right off and good riddance

ArtyC

Yeah a brother , completely stripped any use out of parents for his own financial gain- treats us all with disdain now .

Common enough not to speak to family members just not talked about

IamtheWalrus

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

My absolute weapon of an ex-wife.

Did you see signs of this before? I’m curious how one could marry someone they now see as a weapon? Did they change? Any tips on how to avoid this?

Littlehorny

edenbridge146 wrote: »

Hi OP

Yes my darling sister who i utterly despise.
WE both came from same family, 5 year gap, brought up with same Mother and her morals are so different to mine.
We were both pregnant together on our boys and her son starts selling cannabis at 15 and she plays the victim the whole time. My lad is studying medicine. I'm no martyr by any means but she has this constant 'entitlement' mentality despite never worked a day in her life.
She constantly lashes out in jealousy at what i have while I maintain 3 jobs.
She spends 50 euro a week on drink while living on 'disability' - comes home plastered while the son selling weed is left to mind his 2 sisters
So enough is enough - i feel sorry for her little girls to be honest.
Her youngest was 5 when she told her husband, 'by the way shes not your daughter'
Like the list goes on and on and of course shes the angel in my mothers eyes cos she sees me as more 'capable and stronger' . She doesn't listen to sound advice. Won't be told and an awful temper too

Social Services are all involved but ya can only bring a horse to water

I have a friend who's a lovely person and her sister is the exact same type as you've just described, a total selfish entitled loser.
It took my friend years of running around after this waste of oxygen till she finally had to distance herself from her because of the stress that she caused. There comes a time with someone so toxic that at some point you have to scrap them off.

Mr.Maroon

edenbridge146 wrote: »

She spends 50 euro a week on drink while living on 'disability'

I know people who genuinely struggle to survive on Disability Allowance and to see it handed out to people like this really annoys me.

I may be making assumptions about your sisters "disability" and perhaps she deserves every penny, but the picture you painted suggests she conning the system.
The eligibility for DA really needs to be tackled by the Government.

gormdubhgorm

Jayus. After reading a few of these other posts I feel very fortunate with the family I was dealt.

Church on Tuesday

I haven't spoken to my Father for over two years. No loss.

A chap with a massive chip on his shoulder and a very jealous individual.

It's nice to know I'm ultimately twice the man that prick will ever be.

Not every family is like the Waltons.

Infernal Racket

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

I haven't spoken to my Father for over two years. No loss.

A chap with a massive chip on his shoulder and a very jealous individual.

It's nice to know I'm ultimately twice the man that prick will ever be.

Not every family is like the Waltons.

A lot of families pretend to be like the waltons. The reality is quite different

Church on Tuesday

Gerry G wrote: »

A lot of families pretend to be like the waltons. The reality is quite different

I have found out the hard way that that is very true.

banie01

IamtheWalrus wrote: »

Did you see signs of this before? I’m curious how one could marry someone they now see as a weapon? Did they change? Any tips on how to avoid this?

The person you marry, and the people you both become in a marriage are often very, very different people.

Any long term relationship can breed a familiarity that sometimes develops into an active hatred.

No relationship is a bed of roses and if conflict isn't dealt with, it simmers and explodes and those we once cares most about are often caught closest to the blast.

I don't speak to my sister or one of my brothers.
Both are very narcissistic people with huge ego problems.
I have always found that even the most seemingly happy families, are anything
but, once you get under the surface. It is sad though but you can only give family a pass for so long before you decide how much it takes out of you and the others left.

Badly Drunk Boy

I get on with all of my siblings, but when there is conflict, it's always between the females. Two sisters aren't speaking at the moment.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Very close to immediate family, I talk to my sister and mother at least once a day, father and brother a couple of times a week. My siblings in fact live together and refer to each other as wombmates so I'm probably the least co-dependant leg of the stool there (they do have housemates and each have a partner so it's not quite as odd as it sounds).

There are a few extended family members I've pretty little time for, but don't see them enough to be actually "not talking" to them, y'know? Just avoid them at family events and decline their friend requests on Facebook and that.

Both my parents come from large families who are frankly probably too involved in each other's lives. It can be a tough unit to break into, I've definitely felt sorry for people's partners, there can be a definite lack of understanding of boundaries and firm resistance to that can be interpreted as hostility or contrariness. There are a dozen or so of us who keep a little distance and the rest might as well live in the Big Brother house.

But, I took all that closeness and being in
each other's pockets for granted growing up. As I get to know friends and hear their backgrounds and realise just how many people are making their way through life without that level of support and attention I'm more and more grateful for what I have and more admiring of how other people survive and thrive without it.

Cee-Jay-Cee

My whole family (me, 1 brother, 2 sisters and my mother) all get on very well and speak to each other regularly.

I haven't had a conversation with my dad in 19 years as he's dead although I do talk to him regularly.

I know so many families that don't speak to each other and in many cases its over wills/inheritance, they've wasted countless years fighting and bitching over money/land that life has passed many of them by and they have nothing but bitter memories and anger to reflect on.

theteal

There's no conflict or anything but I communicate very little with my brothers. We've all lived abroad at different times, it's just a case of picking up where we left off when back. If there's something up we'd be in touch alright but there's no general chat or anything - although in saying that, if either are in the parents house for the Sunday video chat, they'll go out of their way for a little chat with their niece (can't blame them, she's a funny little fecker)

I couldn't tell you the last time I spoke to my uncle (godfather, for what that's worth), in fact I couldn't say the last time my aul' fella spoke to him and he's his brother. I have a Thai first cousin that I've never met - not that I speak to my Irish cousins much.

Ah I've got some weird social deformity, clearly.

Hector Savage

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

My absolute weapon of an ex-wife.

Is that the one who had a fanny like a ripped out fireplace ?

whisky_galore

Had been on good terms with an uncle up to the point when a solicitor's letter came looking for a handout over a supposed right of way to a shed which hasn't existed for nearly 40 years. He found out I was thinking of going for planning for a house and thought he'd make some easy money. In the event, I didn't build in the end.

He didn't even come down when my dad, his own brother, was dying and didn't even come to the funeral, saying he gets travel sickness. Just for the latter, as far as I'm concerned he can fück off for himself.

Gerry G

Gerry G wrote: »

Don't speak to my older sister who is a roaring alcoholic. Broke up a really good family unit leaving my elderly unwell parents to raise my 2 nieces. So she can **** right off and good riddance

Don't take this as sermonizing, but I have an alcoholic sister too. I've mentioned here before the heartache she caused over many years. She's well into recovery now, and I'm so glad we didn't cut her off, or she'd probably no longer be alive.

It isn't easy to maintain contact with someone over years of personal abuse, financial and emotional blackmail, deception; not to mention, watching a loved one systematically destroy themselves. I don't blame you for cutting contact, and we did that many times, but never walked away finally. The hardest thing in the world for some of us to accept is that she wasn't to blame. She was seriously sick.

Not telling you what to do, but it really is an illness, almost as though your loved-one is possessed by alcohol. Nobody chooses addiction, and bad behaviour is just a manifestation of that addiction -- not unlike other mental disorders. I hope there comes a day when you can all move on and bury the hatchet (but never forget where it is buried, it's always trying to get out again).

FTA69

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

My absolute weapon of an ex-wife.

Stop the lights. I split up with my one there four months ago and for the first three weeks we were chatting away about house matters and I’d call around and give her a hand with DIY stuff while moving my stuff out etc.

All of a sudden then one day she’s gone full lunatic, obstructing the smallest thing and sending me passive aggressive nonsense. Absolutely we’ll rid; nothing more lonely or dispiriting than being stuck in a relationship with someone like that.

FTA69

Don’t speak to my aunt who lives over here. She’s a seething racist who was talking lorry-loads of sh*t about me going out with a black woman, on top of that she’s an investment banker and member of the Conservative Party while I’m a socialist who works for a trade union. I couldn’t care less about political differences but every time I met her she’d start ranting about Corbyn or the poor or blacks or some nonsense and then storm off in a rage when someone contradicted her. She’s ruined countless family occasions with her antics, none of us can stand her but we put up with it for my Nan’s sake. I haven’t spoken to the wagon in years.

_Brian

Yea.
Two sisters of mine and their families, two brother in laws on my wife’s side.

**** them, life’s too short to deal with crazies

freshpopcorn

I've an aunt who's a troublemaker and she's tolerated. She visits maybe once or twice a year. She threat's people fairly badly, is always giving out, always wants to see people in trouble,etc.
She contacts radio stations and plays the victim and the saint.
If you did cut her out she'd be out to get you at work,report you to social welfare, litter warden, you name it and they'd be no issue.

My siblings don't get along and I can see both sides off it. They both have valid reasons but they push one an others buttons. My mother finds it very difficult and I end up being the one she talks to.

D3V!L

Unfortunately you can't pick your family. I have quite a few siblings and talk to all them bar one, not as frequently that I'd like though. The one I don't talk to manages to re-enforce my opinion of him every time we meet. I'll happily walk past him on the street and not bat an eyelid.

freshpopcorn

One tad of a disadvantage I was at regarding cousins was. When I was born my siblings and first cousins were all teenagers so I never got the childhood experience a lot would have with them.

My brother is an absolute basket case. He'll tell the few remaining people still prepared to put up with his crapola what a total selfish kunt you are if you have the temerity to interfere with his entitlement to steal from you.

valoren

My younger brother. We haven't spoken since 2015. He'd been with his now-wife since 2003 and while she was a head-melting attention seeking drama queen, she was treated civilly for his sake. She had him groomed since day dot that she was a victim of years of bullying at school and at work and being extremely gullible as he is, he believed her. He would protect her.

She exploited him to that end because he was a good looking guy who had his pick of partners and she feared getting dumped I suppose. It was a trauma bond. It was hard to watch her be increasingly abusive towards him over the years but still he was a grown man who needed to figure out by himself that she was just a manipulative liar who was mugging him off. If he was happy getting screamed at, it was his problem and so long as her screaming remained directed at him there was no problem.

Over time she groomed him against our older brother, had him believing he had no time for him but they remain close. He got abuse for not falling out with him after he made an innocuous but poor joke about her appearance (i.e. "You're dressed like a hooker lol!") and had a meltdown demanding an apology for getting "called a whore"). My younger brother knew he was joking and for literally years after was harangued about not falling out with him. I guess what she was doing was to try and enact a split between them so that my younger brother would consequently become isolated from our brother's wife, who is a lovely person. The less time he spent around her (and her sane normality), the more bat **** crazy she looked in comparison.

All this played out when she started a new job in 2013. She lovebombed my now wife who she worked with and who I subsequently met through them socially. My younger brother had gotten married not long before. As we were dating, his controlling wife expected us to go out with them virtually every weekend. To do our own thing was grossly insulting to her, a rabid, vapid attention whore. When it became apparant that this wasn't happening, that we had our own pursuits, interests etc on one of the intermittent nights out we had, she had a toxic and very public meltdown attacking me and my family for having no time or respect for her. It was so vitriolic that I simply chose to go no contact.

Subsequently at their job, she began bullying my girlfriend terribly, ostensibly to provoke a reaction from me. Months went by and seeing that she'd been cut out, to cover up her meltdown and subsequent cutting out, she began grooming my brother to believe I had instead cut HIM out intentionally and that I did it to hurt him on purpose. The toxic narrative she spun was that I was always an arrogant asshole and I had abandoned him at the first sign of a serious relationship, that he'd been used.

As he was always walking on eggshells in the cycle of abuse that was his marriage he just went along with it, betraying me in the process and chickening out on calling his wife to account for her historical toxic behaviour. I guess he couldn't face even more abuse. She continued to bully and harass my girlfriend (again, to prevent my brother from getting to know her) about the 'rift' that had developed and by haranguing my girlfriend it drew me back. After she started confronting her at work repeatedly I met my brother to compel him to talk some sense to her before we personally fell out. I asked him if he thought what she was saying (i.e. me having no time for him) was true and he firmly said he did. His wife, before he came to meet me, had told him that my girlfriend had been bullying her at work since they'd met. My brother believed that too and that was the last straw. We'd never had a bad word with each other before but I guess my wife and the good nature she represented just inflamed his toxic wife and she manipulated us against each other, isolating my abused brother all the more. All because of one cancer in our family he had the stupidity to remain involved with and marry. She would subsequently slander and smear my wife and me as the bullies and essentially condemning my brother from ever having his own personal relationship with us. She cyber bullied her on Facebook and I called her to account, did my brothers talking for him. I wiped the floor with her and she subsequently ran to her parents who contacted me with accusations of bullying and a warning to cut further contact. I was happy to do so and we were vindicated.

A narcissistic personality disorder matched to a gullible, easily lead partner is a lethal combo. They have two kids now and the only thing keeping him having access to his kids is the expectation that he believes the toxic narrative that my wife and I are bullies. So long as he continues to turn a blind eye to her abuse/lies then he'll be ok and can pretend that his wife didn't split his family apart.

Rubberchikken

no but then im too lazy to fight with others.

Tell me how

On speaking terms with all siblings and very close to parents. Can see gaps widening between me and most of my siblings as they all progress with forming and focusing on their families. I understand that, but I do find it difficult personally for different reasons. Don't think it'll lead to falling out per say, but it does make it easier for misunderstandings to turn in to arguments as you aren't in contact as much to nip them in the bud.

My father doesn't talk to one his brothers. Don't know why that is but I feel sorry for both of them as they could be company for each other. I saw him (my dad) walk directly past him (his brother) on the street once and I thought it was very sad. I asked him about it once and he said, 'we do talk, as much as we want to.......'

aoh

Youngest of 6. Talk to one brother every week. When (if) the rest of them call, I'll talk to them but they are condescending and demeaning. I don't live in the right country, I'm not married and don't have kids therefore I'm stupid. I'm never right and they all have to "fix" me

Mad_maxx

Father died when I was twenty three, if he were alive, I suspect we would not be talking, wasn't a violent man but hadn't a clue what being a father was, day he died, one sister ( seventeen at the time) uttered the following to me

"I never knew my own father"

Most self centred person I've ever known, probably had some sort of narcissistic personality thing going on, don't believe he knew how to consider others

Day of my twenty first birthday which I celebrated in Australia, had a letter arrive from him, demanding I sign some legal document which he required for revenue, no asking how I was, this was 1998 so email and mobile communication was less common

Recliner

I don't speak to my mother. I'm not close to any of my family, left over legacy from the upbringing we had. We do speak, but not regularly, wouldn't be unusual for over a year to pass where we wouldn't speak or see each other.
It's desperately sad.

Infernal Racket

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Don't take this as sermonizing, but I have an alcoholic sister too. I've mentioned here before the heartache she caused over many years. She's well into recovery now, and I'm so glad we didn't cut her off, or she'd probably no longer be alive.

It isn't easy to maintain contact with someone over years of personal abuse, financial and emotional blackmail, deception; not to mention, watching a loved one systematically destroy themselves. I don't blame you for cutting contact, and we did that many times, but never walked away finally. The hardest thing in the world for some of us to accept is that she wasn't to blame. She was seriously sick.

Not telling you what to do, but it really is an illness, almost as though your loved-one is possessed by alcohol. Nobody chooses addiction, and bad behaviour is just a manifestation of that addiction -- not unlike other mental disorders. I hope there comes a day when you can all move on and bury the hatchet (but never forget where it is buried, it's always trying to get out again).

My sister got every opportunity to get well and kick the disease. Her ex husband spent thousands on rehab but she couldn't give a toss and doesn't even attempt to try and get well. So again, I'll say she can **** right off, life is too short. My parents have up on her too eventually after years of trying.

Gerry G

Gerry G wrote: »

My sister got every opportunity to get well and kick the disease. Her ex husband spent thousands on rehab but she couldn't give a toss and doesn't even attempt to try and get well. So again, I'll say she can **** right off, life is too short. My parents have up on her too eventually after years of trying.

Your reasons are valid, nobody would dispute that. But she has an illness, and that's also valid. It doesn't mean you must forgive her, neither does it mean she's at fault. You have a sister with a mental disorder.

is_that_so

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Your reasons are valid, nobody would dispute that. But she has an illness, and that's also valid. It doesn't mean you must forgive her, neither does it mean she's at fault. You have a sister with a mental disorder.

The trouble for addicts, especially ones who've been offered so many chances, is that ultimately many people give up on them. That's just human.

is_that_so

is_that_so wrote: »

The trouble for addicts, especially ones who've been offered so many chances, is that ultimately many people give up on them. That's just human.

Absolutely. And the more concentrated the burden on on particular relative, the more likely it will not be sustainable. We were lucky, we have a big family.

The more people who are around to support someone in recovery, the better. Unfortunately, alcoholics are like dying dogs: they are experts in chasing people away.

MuffinTop86

banie01 wrote: »

Yep, so many of them in fact...
That I sometimes wonder if I'm the problem, if I was wrong?!
But...
Then I remember, the majority of them are really just cúnts and my life has been a lot more copacetic since I cut some ties!
So it really was them

Copacetic?

Yeah maybe it’s you... :-D

eviltwin

Rubberchikken wrote: »

no but then im too lazy to fight with others.

Estrangement doesn't always involve fighting. I certainly don't have any animosity towards my family. For my own mental health and general wellbeing I need to be distanced from them but I wish them all the best.

Miaireland

I talk to all my family, admittedly keep in touch better with some more than other. Honestly if it wasn't for Social Media I would not know what some of them are up to.