teens selling personal items/possessions??

Hannaho

Hi! My nephew sold two cameras he had - one basic, one fairly good - he is 16 and has lost interest in photography. It was a hobby when he was 13/14, and he was quite good at it. He also sold a trumpet - he plays the trumpet, and is also really good at it. He sold the initial trumpet that he had age 13. My sister said it was about 500 euros new. He got a new trumpet two years ago, as he has won several competitions. My sister and her hubby really annoyed as it is only when they went looking for the cameras - their son said he would help out with the photography for the TY musical, and would also do work experience with a local photographer for TY, that they realised it was gone. My newphew initially said he didn't know where the two cameras had gone, that they were in the attic, but then when my sister said they had also searched the attic, he said he had sold them both for 550 euros, including two lenses. My sister and her hubby then told my nephew that they couldn't find his old trumpet, and he eventually admitted that he had sold that too, and received 150 euros for it. So in all, he received about 700 euros for items he sold in the last couple of months, but here's the issue for them also, he didn't buy any big items with the money, it's not in his account, and he continually gets 10-15 euros a day from my sister depending if he needs to top up his leapcard as well as buy lunch. My sister is annoyed at the lies, worried re what he actually spent his money on, and is annoyed that they have been working hard to give him money for daily stuff, when he has earned over 700 euros selling stuff in the last few months. Sorry for long post. Wondered what people think here. My nephew is over in ours at the moment, with my sister's permission, as she and hubby are so mad at him.

happywithlife

Drugs unfortunately is the most likely culprit
Or gambling
Alcohol maybe

Some will say I'm jumping to conclusions but I work with teens, I've experience with addiction work and I have heard so many retell selling stuff like that - games consoles are also a top selling item btw - so I'd assume the worst here.

Some seriously harsh questions need to be asked & do some digging yourself. If

Hannaho

Thanks, Happywithlife. I have the same suspicions, but about gambling rather than anything else. I see quite a lot of him, as he spends time with my son. I know of two incidents when my sister told me he was drunk, but I see him several times a week, including weekends, and no sign of being drunk, no smell of drink. Many of the children he hangs around with were into Cannabis a year or two ago, in fact the school he used to attend - one of the top 400 - was awash with Cannabis, and I heard through another parent, that 35 children were suspended between 2nd and 5th Year for either being in possession of Cannabis/taking it or dealing in it. Quite shocking really! I would have worked a lot with young adults, 18-25, with addiction issues, and usually can read the signs of cannabis use. Once or twice a while back, I did consider this, but not recently. Re gambling - my nephew lives with my sister and her partner, but my nephew's dad was big into internet gambling, I mean thousands, which is why my sister broke up with him. However, my nephew has had no relationship with his dad for many years, since a young child. My sister's partner, is really his dad, and is very good to him. However, I remember recently telling my newphew I would take him and his friend to the races for a day, as we passed a racecourse, something I would have done as a child, as my family had an interest in horses, but the first question he asked was could he bet, and how likely he would be to win. I have never hard him mentioning anything else on betting, but I did hear him mentioning many times re ways of getting money. I'm scared for him. He refused to answer any questions re what he did with the money, or what he has to show for it.

strandroad

happywithlife wrote: »

Drugs unfortunately is the most likely culprit
Or gambling
Alcohol maybe

Some will say I'm jumping to conclusions but I work with teens, I've experience with addiction work and I have heard so many retell selling stuff like that - games consoles are also a top selling item btw - so I'd assume the worst here.

Some seriously harsh questions need to be asked & do some digging yourself. If

Or possibly bullied for money.

Water John

My kids are not long out of their teens but would tell you gambling, esp online, is a major problem. first likely culprit.

Hannaho

Thanks again for replies. How does my sister handle this though. As he is staying at my house at the moment, I have tried several times yesterday and today to talk to him about it, but his answer was that they were his possessions and he is entitled to sell them. I asked him then to go home and bring me the stuff that he is supposed to have bought with the money, but he said it's all over his house, and it would take ages to find it. I said I could give him six/seven hours today to look for the stuff, I had plenty of time, and could wait, but then he became ansty and said he had other stuff to do. We went though what other sfuff he had to do, which was almost nothing, then I challenged him on, stating I felt he was fobbing me off, and being dishonest, then more defensiveness, before going to another room and banging the door loudly. Re the gambling - my sister doesn't see huge evidence of things he bought. He has a bank account, he set up himself - not sure how he managed to do this at 15 - but my sister doesn't have access to it. How to handles this, any suggestions would be great. If, by any chance he is being bullied for money, what would there be to look out for.

Nikki Sixx

I’d imagine it’s drugs. In an elite school there is more money and a high chance of drugs being bought with disposable income.

PowerToWait

It's 700 quid. Over a few months he could've blown it on any amount of stuff, some of it not wholesome but probably nothing more than alcohol and maybe cannabis. Maybe just clothes, trainers, Nando's, treating a girl, cinema, hanging out basically.

Like, it's easy to spend it, not exactly a ransom.

PowerToWait

Nikki Sixx wrote: »

I’d imagine it’s drugs. In an elite school there is more money and a high chance of drugs being bought with disposable income.

Could be prostitutes as well, throw it out there anyway for added salaciousness.

adam88

First of all I wouldn’t take any cheek off him. If he’s badly stuck for money he could start robbing to feed his habit. Jesus I’m angry reading the way he treated you inside your own house and you doing him a major favour taking him out of an angry situation. You need to sit him down and lay down the rules and if he doesn’t like it, tough. Let him back to his mom and dad.

This really needs to be nipped in the bud before it gets totally out of control. Hope it works out well for the young lad. Too many life’s wasted due to addictions

happywithlife

Get onto any reputable addiction centre near you & they should give you pointers.
Gam anon should have meetings in your area and are also a good port of call.
There's been a few documentaries recently around the area so maybe have a look at those.
Have a look at spunout & headspace websites, try contacting pieta house, cahms, jigsaw. Maybe a local 3rd level institution might give you pointers as 2nd level wouldn't have anything in place.
There are a few books etc but to be honest it's a wholly under researched & poorly understood issue.
I'm not surprised about that cannabis stat. We haven't a clue.

Hannaho

Nikkisix- it's not private school, but is in the top 400. He would say that the kids with money there took cocaine, and the children whose parents weren't that well off, took cannabis.

Powertowait, he doesn't seem to have new clothes - in fact, his clothes looked so worn out recently, that my sister went and bought him half a wardrobe, as he refused to go shopping to buy clothes, even on his own. Treating a girlfriend - we don't think he has had any girlfriend as such but does have a lot of female friends. His brother is only 15 months older than him, and would usually hear if he had a girlfriend. Other stuff - I don't know - he uses his man's visa debit card to buy games, with her permission. He won't talk, so it's going to take a while to find out. 700 quid isn't a lot of money, but when a family isn't that financially well off, and a child sells significant items that were bought for him, without saying anything, and then refuses to say what the money was spent on - it makes one uneasy, and also rankles - I think this is why my sister is so annoyed.

boege

OP
Unfortunately this story sounds familiar to me.

It is unlikely that cannabis was the only drug in the school you mention, most likely MDMA/E was also involved. It is possible your nephew is also dealing (selling to friends). It needs to be checked out fast to rule this out.

One of the big giveaways of heavy drugs use is some personality change. Your son will have spotted this if he is hanging around with your nephew.

If your sister is up for it, get him tested for drugs. Check his bedroom, search all around him. Best to fear the worst and rule it out. Believe me!

PowerToWait

So we have concluded definitively that this kid is a drug dependent gambler because he sold a few bits for 700 Euro several months ago?

Hysterical in more ways than one.

Edit; now people implying he's a drug dealer. Call the police, search his room. What are ye like?

Baron Kurtz

If you threw in a few paragraphs and used the word husband for hubby, things could work out just fine.

Baron Kurtz

PowerToWait wrote: »

So we have concluded definitively that this kid is a drug dependent gambler because he sold a few bits for 700 Euro several months ago?

Hysterical in more ways than one.

It's a shoe-in for the next Corrie episode

happywithlife

PowerToWait wrote: »

So we have concluded definitively that this kid is a drug dependent gambler because he sold a few bits for 700 Euro several months ago?

Hysterical in more ways than one.

Edit; now people implying he's a drug dealer. Call the police, search his room. What are ye like?

No but for those with experience in the area it throws up an absolute red herring.
You're a fool to dismiss it out of hand. Noone has said its definitive but its most certaintly a very real possibility that requires consideration

Hannaho

Thanks again for replies. I am going to talk to him again tomorrow. He either opens up by tomorrow evening, and answers my questions, produces the stuff he bought, or can ask friends, including female friends, that they bought stuff with the money. My son knows that some of the guys they both hang around with did cannabis before, but not now. One of them had terrible anxiety from regular cannabis use. My sister lives in a nice enough village, but I understand there are regular drop off of drugs, daily basis, but I don't know how much the local teens are involved in it. If my nephew doesn't answer the questions i have, he will have to go back to his mum and stepdad - stepdad is really angry about it - so it won't be a pleasant atmosphere for him.

strandroad

Hannaho wrote: »

Thanks again for replies. I am going to talk to him again tomorrow. He either opens up by tomorrow evening, and answers my questions, produces the stuff he bought, or can ask friends, including female friends, that they bought stuff with the money.

If he tells you that he spent it on cinema parties gifts etc don't take his word unless he shows you corresponding messages or photos.

Hannaho

Yes, standroad, I will have to ask him for all the proof, but the way teenagers are, they'll say they lost it, deleted it etc. Trying to get a definite answer will be a minefield, but still has to be tried.

Always Tired

If he's not 18 then he would have a hard time getting an online betting account. Sure he could bet with cash but just from what you're saying I kinda doubt thats it.

My guess is weed. It's way more common among 16ish year old kids than gambling is, and as someone who has been into both in a past life I started smoking at 14 didnt gamble until I was 20 and even though I gambled for many years I never sold anything to gamble with the money, I'd be surprised if he was that far gone to do that already.

A 16 year old kid I know was telling me recently he owes a dealer 100 quid in tick for weed, and that's in a small town.

cute geoge

Is it such a good idea to push this too much .You seem to be on top of the situation ,it might be a bit of nurturing he needs as much as any thing less .More then likely he was up to no good with the money ,these things can go either way but he does not seem to be such a bad young lad yet!!

Hannaho

Thanks, Alwaystired, the thing about the weed is that I only once or twice felt that he might have taken some - that's not to say he isn't taking it more regularly, and also my sister ask the G.P. to do a drug screen on him when he attended for an infection there recently, but the G.P. said she couldn't do one -ethical/legal issues etc. I will ask my nephew tomorrow if he is taking drugs, and, if so, does he owe money to anyone for them. I don't believe I'll get a straight answer though at all.

strandroad

Hannaho wrote: »

Thanks, Alwaystired, the thing about the weed is that I only once or twice felt that he might have taken some - that's not to say he isn't taking it more regularly, and also my sister ask the G.P. to do a drug screen on him when he attended for an infection there recently, but the G.P. said she couldn't do one -ethical/legal issues etc. I will ask my nephew tomorrow if he is taking drugs, and, if so, does he owe money to anyone for them. I don't believe I'll get a straight answer though at all.

Would you or his parents not smell it off him though. Maybe it's just me but I can always tell who smoked it.
Pills are a lot harder to detect I think.

PowerToWait

happywithlife wrote: »

No but for those with experience in the area it throws up an absolute red herring

That's not what red herrings are. And what experience, in which specific areas does one need to have in order to immediately advise the kid is poly addicted and on the road to ruin?

Ultimate Seduction

Some people have crazy parents!

PowerToWait

Hannaho wrote: »

Thanks, Alwaystired, the thing about the weed is that I only once or twice felt that he might have taken some - that's not to say he isn't taking it more regularly, and also my sister ask the G.P. to do a drug screen on him when he attended for an infection there recently, but the G.P. said she couldn't do one -ethical/legal issues etc. I will ask my nephew tomorrow if he is taking drugs, and, if so, does he owe money to anyone for them. I don't believe I'll get a straight answer though at all.

I have to say, I feel bad for this kid. Between his mother trying to get him drug tested with no good cause to suspect, and you giving him the 3rd degree over a few hundred quid that could be spent on a thousand innocent things, he's probably feeling the pressure.

Like a previous poster said, loads of teens do similar and always have done. It's a rite of passage. He's an adolescent.

adam240610

Is 10-15 euro a day not a bit excessive for lunch/leapcard in the first place as well?

rule supreme

Does he play that fortnite game .

strandroad

PowerToWait wrote: »

I have to say, I feel bad for this kid. Between his mother trying to get him drug tested with no good cause to suspect, and you giving him the 3rd degree over a few hundred quid that could be spent on a thousand innocent things, he's probably feeling the pressure.

Like a previous poster said, loads of teens do similar and always have done. It's a rite of passage. He's an adolescent.

He still deserves to suffer some consequences though, even if there are no drugs behind it those items were not necessarily his to take and sell for quick cash.

In a modest lifestyle family a couple hundred quid goes a long way. In fact probably closer to a grand if you could sell them properly.

Always Tired

Smoking weed is common enough and not a reason to go nuclear ordinarily, but what's concerning is he has lost interest in his other hobbies to the point he sold away the tools for not just one but 2 creative outlets.

As a teen I skateboarded, made art, played music and smoking weed was just part of the scene for some and not the whole thing. It never killed my motivation but that is the major negative side effect it can have beside the money aspect. And looking back now it was the kids who seemed to focus on just getting high and did nothing else that tended to also be the ones who moved on to harder drugs.

It's usually easy enough to tell though some kids are better at hiding stuff. My mate used to get his pockets searched every time he came home by his stepmom and if she found anything she fined him different amounts of money depending on how serious it was. He soon got good at hiding stuff, used Visine for red eyes, wet wipes to get the smell off his fingers etc.

If he isn't being honest he might just be afraid of being punished, he needs to feel like he can talk about it without getting in trouble and that his parents won't lose the plot over it.