teens selling personal items/possessions??

fritzelly

Hannaho wrote: »

Thanks, Alwaystired, the thing about the weed is that I only once or twice felt that he might have taken some - that's not to say he isn't taking it more regularly, and also my sister ask the G.P. to do a drug screen on him when he attended for an infection there recently, but the G.P. said she couldn't do one -ethical/legal issues etc. I will ask my nephew tomorrow if he is taking drugs, and, if so, does he owe money to anyone for them. I don't believe I'll get a straight answer though at all.

Sorry but shouldn't his parents be taking him to task for this not his auntie (if there's even anything untowards happening)
If I was him I would be saying what's it got to do with you, you're not my mother.

Dave0301

rule supreme wrote: »

Does he play that fortnite game .

Or FIFA.

In game purchases are huge business these days.

Always Tired

PowerToWait wrote: »

I have to say, I feel bad for this kid. Between his mother trying to get him drug tested with no good cause to suspect, and you giving him the 3rd degree over a few hundred quid that could be spent on a thousand innocent things, he's probably feeling the pressure.

Like a previous poster said, loads of teens do similar and always have done. It's a rite of passage. He's an adolescent.

Yeah smoking weed is part of being a teenager for many of us.

But, if my mother, who like this kids mother is not well off, had spent a lot of money on expensive photo and music equipment and I went and sold it she would kick my arse into the next life, and that's before any of the other stuff.

He did something quite wrong there, and the fact he has no explanation for where the cash went is what is leading to the suspicion of using drugs. He obviously didn't donate it to the poor he did something with it that he shouldn't be doing. Using drugs shouldn't be demonized but stealing to get money for it is very concerning behaviour.

Always Tired

fritzelly wrote: »

Sorry but shouldn't his parents be taking him to task for this not his auntie (if there's even anything untowards happening)
If I was him I would be saying what's it got to do with you, you're not my mother.

On the other hand, I have told my auntie lots of stuff I would never tell my mother.

And when I wouldn't get up to go to school one day and my mother had to go to work she sent my aunti in who beat me with a broom till I got out of bed. Saying 'You're not my mother' would not have helped me.

I guess it depends on the relationship OP has with the boy and whether she can open up a dialogue with him to make him comfortable enough to be honest, and not just afraid of consequences.

Effects

happywithlife wrote: »

Drugs unfortunately is the most likely culprit

Alcohol maybe

Alcohol is a drug

happywithlife

PowerToWait wrote: »

happywithlife wrote: »

No but for those with experience in the area it throws up an absolute red herring

That's not what red herrings are. And what experience, in which specific areas does one need to have in order to immediately advise the kid is poly addicted and on the road to ruin?

Red flag. My bad. Apologies.

Noone is saying definitively he is poly addicted and on the road to ruin but it is worth consideration.
I said in my first post I work with teens, I have experience in addiction.
There are growing reports around youth addiction & they do warrant taking seriously. A quick goggle search threw these up for me to link to.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwj96LLFppLjAhUTecAKHaMADWMQzPwBegQIARAC&url=https://www.irishtimes.com/student-hub/ease-of-access-leads-to-student-gambling-increase-1.2970728&psig=AOvVaw2plexPKc8C2p1RvodUwzGJ&ust=1562021732825951

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5445143/&ved=2ahUKEwiqk63EppLjAhVJPcAKHR8HC38QFjABegQICBAB&usg=AOvVaw2uoObk89wnm2yRxx8TyE4s

https://www.problemgambling.ie/youth-gambling-awareness.html

That 2nd one from Canada is worth a detailed read in my opinion

Lots of UK reports available and while somewhat comparable their laws around gambling are different.
What is interesting is most reports estimate problem gambling among teens at 1-2 % roughly. That Canadian report gives an EU overview and cites a major relaxation of gambling regulations / availability in the past 4 years and the report itself is 2 yrs old
Obviously this is my area of ..interest but no doubt similar reports are available for drugs & alcohol but its late & I'm heading to bed.
OP you've a lot going on. Ensure to look after you & your own family too in midst of this. Try to be the good cop as opposed to the bad cop in this and hopefully he can confide in you and it can be easily sorted

dartboardio

Definitely weed, drugs etc.

I used to do the same unfortunately when i was 14/15/16.

Selling all my nice new things for money for weed. Laptops, presents.. You name it.

There wont be any red flags for someone of his age as its so 'normal' nowadays. Everyone and their father is smoking it.

I started smoking that when i was 13 right up until about 17. Everyday like, eventually got sick of it thank god. It killed brain cells and my motivation, and I believe developed anxiety and paranoia.

I would have sold anything, my phones, laptops, anything i could get my hands on that was of worth. (regret it big time now)


I hope its not that anyway, and hope ye figure it out, maybe it was some innocent thing and he blew it on food and the cinema, who knows.

But more than likely 90% its weed, or some form of drugs..

Ye might not see any red flags as that could be his 'normal' look now. Maybe he smokes with his friends and by the time he comes home he is fine etc..

happywithlife

Effects wrote: »

happywithlife wrote: »

Drugs unfortunately is the most likely culprit

Alcohol maybe

Alcohol is a drug

Yes but as common usage dictates it gets cited separately. Most reasonable people understand that

strandroad

PowerToWait wrote: »

Could be prostitutes as well, throw it out there anyway for added salaciousness.

You think you're being funny but I'm aware of a similar situation, the teenager in question did not take any items but "lost" a significant sum of money he received as a gift and it turned out to be a cam girl site thing.

AngryHippie

I'd say an honest confidential conversation would go a long way. (it won't get back to his mum/dad from you, you can encourage him to talk to them in his own time if its serious, but get to the facts first)

Not a conversation about addiction or any of the worst case stuff, more about what he's up to, what he's into. Build enough rapport with the kid so he knows he can tell you if he's struggling with something (anything being the ultimate goal). Respect his privacy and explain that you are there for help and support.

Reinforce the point that if he crosses any legal lines there is not much you can do to help once the law is involved, but up to that point you can pick him up from anywhere, take him to anywhere and help him fix anything.
Trust is vital. I had parents that I trusted, I tried anything and almost everything when I was younger and I got out of my depth a few times, asked for help and sorted myself out. It's part of becoming an adult and he will need help. Offering to be that person for him will be far more productive than a lecture about addiction, accusations and a forensic bank audit

If there is something serious going on that he's not taking seriously, a few nights volunteering helping the homeless or addicted will open his eyes to whats around the wrong turns.

Statistically, your suspicions are probably correct, and he probably is dabbling with some vice. Realistically you will both be better off if you let it bring you closer together than driving you further apart.

fritzelly

Poor kid has been hung, drawn and quartered by people on here with no reason bar selling a few bits and bobs he doesn't want
Cinema 20 euro a pop, taking the girlfriend out 50+

Cop on, he's not robbing the money off the mantlepiece

Always Tired

fritzelly wrote: »

Poor kid has been hung, drawn and quartered by people on here with no reason bar selling a few bits and bobs he doesn't want
Cinema 20 euro a pop, taking the girlfriend out 50+

Cop on, he's not robbing the money off the mantlepiece

Think you need to cop on tbh.

He didn't buy those items or have permission to sell them whether he wanted them or not. And he hasn't given an explanation, or have any new clothes or possessions, so why do you think that is?

16 year olds dont go on dates that cost 50+ dude. They buy naggins and cans and 4 lights split between groups.

And if he's going to the cinema that often to spend 700 quid in a few months then he must be the next Roger Ebert or Quentin Tarantino, though his lack of interest in photography kinda puts paid to him being a budding filmmaker.

CrabRevolution

fritzelly wrote: »

Poor kid has been hung, drawn and quartered by people on here with no reason bar selling a few bits and bobs he doesn't want
Cinema 20 euro a pop, taking the girlfriend out 50+

Cop on, he's not robbing the money off the mantlepiece

Selling something other people paid for without permission and pocketing the cash for yourself isn't just innocent "selling a few bits and bobs he doesn't want".
I'd also have found it very tough to spend 700 quid in the space of a few months on the cinema and McDonalds at 16, especially since the OP says the parents give him money for food and transport on top of that.

fritzelly

First off when you are given stuff they are yours, no one here has given a present away, sold it or given it to someone else

Given 100 euro a week, guy is living the high life

Hoping he is spending it on video games and shame on you all. If the parents have no idea what's happening and fob him off to an auntie then there are bigger issues

Yes, when someone give you a present, it's yours, and theoretically you could sell it. But, I think in a situation when it's a significantly expensive present from someone who cares about you, then it's a bit of a kick in the arse for them.


If I was his parent, he'd be getting nothing more significant than sock and jocks from now on.


As for the money - I hope ye get to the bottom of it and it turns out to be nothing too scary.

GooglePlus

I used to do the exact same thing when I was his age but it wasn't for drugs or the likes, I actually did it for extra cash as I was seeing a girl at the time (first relationship).

I was too shy to let my parents know and that's why I hid it. When they found out, it actually worked in my favour as they'd throw a few extra bob my way for the dates etc.

Don't be jumping to conclusions, teenagers are odd. This isn't necessarily anything sinister.

uck51js9zml2yt

I'm more aghast at him getting 15 euro a day.. that's just mad.

What ever happened to making lunch for him going to school.
Take out a fiver for lunch, what does he do with the other 10 a day?

jlm29

Alaya Mango Wreckage wrote: »

I'm more aghast at him getting 15 euro a day.. that's just mad.

What ever happened to making lunch for him going to school.
Take out a fiver for lunch, what does he do with the other 10 a day?

That’s it. He has a huge disposable income for a child his age. And using his mothers debit card for buying games etc. And the OP doesn’t say it, but I would bet that if he was going to the cinema etc, they were throwing another few euro in his direction.
€700 might not seem like a lot of money to some people posting on here that it’s grand to make your way through it at that age, but if he’s getting through €700 + euro in a few months with no way of accounting for any of it, then at best he needs some serious lessons on money management, and at worst there’s more to it.

thequarefellow

jlm29 wrote: »

That’s it. He has a huge disposable income for a child his age.

Exactly. Stop giving him so much cash, buying his wardrobe of clothing etc. He's 16 for goodness sake. He should be working a part time job. It would give him focus, responsibility and a respect for money. It would be the best thing you could do for the guy.

Get Real

As Jlm29 said, disregarding any conclusions about drugs etc that people may come to-

A 16 year old has gone through 1,400quid in the last couple of months.

Presuming he's already covered by parents for clothes, food, phone, internet, music. 1400 is alot to be p1ssing about with at that age.

Now if the family, and himself, can afford it, more power to them, I won't begrudge them that.

But it's the principle of it. What'll this lad be doing in two years time in college? If money is easy now, and he managed to save none of it, what'll he expect for the bigger purchases and events in his late teens and early 20s?

At the minute, he's "earning" more than someone in college in their 20s, working weekends and evenings to fund their lifestyles. He's spending more in recreation than some full time working adults are.

If he'll be funded by the parents for certain "necessities" in college (holidays, nights out, clothes, car, dates) then that's the family's business and not mine. Some children are lucky like that.

But as a learning tool, this lad needs to have his lunches made for him/ stuff bought in supermarket so he can make his own lunches. Or if not that, he'll need to do chores for social spending.

For his own sake. He'll be out of school soon, and if it were put in terms of a college job, he'd have to work every Saturday and Sunday for two months to earn that money. Some people work 5 days a week for a month to come out with that and with the reality of bills.

Hypothetically, even if the family are millionaires, he should know the value of work and money regardless.

TheBoyConor

fritzelly wrote: »

Poor kid has been hung, drawn and quartered by people on here with no reason bar selling a few bits and bobs he doesn't want
Cinema 20 euro a pop, taking the girlfriend out 50+

Cop on, he's not robbing the money off the mantlepiece

The thing is they weren't really his to sell. His parents paid out the money to buy those things and he fecked off and sold them at a massive discount because hey, since he didn't pay for it day one it was all profit. He's a cheeky little bollox about it and to be slamming doors and giving you cheek in your own house is inexcusable. I'd turf him out the door if he acted like that in my house.

worker bee

adam240610 wrote: »

Is 10-15 euro a day not a bit excessive for lunch/leapcard in the first place as well?

That seems like quite a chunk of disposable cash already for a child. I work full time and don't have that much money to spend on luxuries.
If he takes a lunch from home he has that money available to him for treats (legal or otherwise).
Could they pare back or make him account for how he's spending his money and see how that goes? Does he have a part-time /summer job? That might make him more money conscious and might also reduce his free time to be doing anything else.

jlm29

fritzelly wrote: »

First off when you are given stuff they are yours, no one here has given a present away, sold it or given it to someone else

They’re his parents. They bought him stuff to develop a hobby. I wouldn’t consider them gifts really. I’m going to buy my kids school books soon. I don’t consider that he can hock them to buy Pokemon cards. Fair enough, they’re technically, but it’s with the understanding that he uses them, and when he’s done with them, if there’s a market, they will be sold and the money used to fund next years books.

Bandana boy

Is the kid overweight ?
It could just be takeaways , a kid of a colleague in work was caught spending gift money he was supposed to be saving for a summer holiday for curry chips !

skallywag

If one of my kids sold something of value that I had given them, without me knowing, and without them being able to justify what they had done with the money, then it would most certainly be the last time that I would be shelling out on such an item for a hobby, etc. When I was sixteen I wanted to sell a high valued bike that I had, I was into cycling extensively at the age of 13-14, but then went off it completely as I grew older. My parents dug their heels in and would not let me sell it unless I had a plan for the money, and not just to have a wad of cash to squander. I was quite mad at the time, but I see their point completely right now. They told me that they had no issue with me buying and selling as I saw fit as long as I was buying things with my own money that I had earned myself. I went on to get a weekend / summer job from which I bought lots of items which I then went on to sell as I wish without them caring.

In the OP's case I agree that it is worrying that there is no clear picture where the cash is going, but those who are saying that it must be drugs need to have a bit of a think to themselves. I can think of loads of other avenues where I would have put such cash when I was a teenager, none of it in anyway 'sensible' perhaps, but there are certainly lots of avenues apart from drugs.

Water John

Conor, showing him the door, wouldn't qualify as a parenting skill.

TheBoyConor

Parents are the ones that need parenting skills. The OP isn't the kid's parent.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

TheBoyConor wrote:

Parents are the ones that need parenting skills. The OP isn't the kid's parent.

Are the parents on boards? Do you know if the have done anything about it?

700 isn't too difficult to spend in a couple of months. Could be spending it on his friends, showing off etc. Hopefully it's not on the cancer that is micro transactions in games.

Have the parents confronted him and asked where the money is gone?

jlm29

Adelina Prickly Restaurant wrote: »

Are the parents on boards? Do you know if the have done anything about it?

700 isn't too difficult to spend in a couple of months. Could be spending it on his friends, showing off etc. Hopefully it's not on the cancer that is micro transactions in games.

Have the parents confronted him and asked where the money is gone?

Did you read the OP? They confronted him and first he told them the stuff was in the attic. When he admitted they were sold he couldn’t say what he had bought with the money. It seems from the OP that the lack of information about where the money went is more of a concern than the fact that the money is gone.

rainbowtrout

Should he have sold expensive items without chatting to his parents about it first? No. Is he horsing drugs into him? Possibly not.


Over the course of three months, €700 is only about €50 a week. That's easily spent, especially when you consider his 'lifestyle' where his mother is giving him €10-15 per day. He could easily have spent it on online gaming (as opposed to gambling), also if he goes to discos or nightclubs at weekends, that money would be gone in the blink of an eye. If he started smoking (not necessarily cannabis), and was buying €20 Benson and Hedges, his money wouldn't be long going with nothing to show for it. A game for the playstation - €65. Would a parent even notice one or two extra games in the house?

Sure he could have rolled up a €50 and snorted the whole lot up his nose, but teenagers want to hide smoking and drinking naggins just as much.

He's probably spent some if not all of it on stuff he doesn't want to account for, but it doesn't automatically mean drugs and gambling. His parents should be dealing with this, not the OP.