have i messed up my toddler.

toxicity234

So my 2 and half year old was with the speech therapy on Friday.
He has little or no gestures at the moment, he doesn't wave or point.
he leads us to what he want and doesn't point.
He know his letter and numbers but has very few words.

one of the thing that was said is to reduce his screen time and to sit him down and work on thing with him.

So Saturday we did a screen free day and we spend the day with him playing and getting him to do things.
Early in the day we were playing and he throw his toys off the table and I told him to pick them up. He refused and start crying so I put him in a time out for 3 mins and then brought him back and he pick up and put away the toys.
1st time we tried this and he nailed it no problem

So Sunday we when to my brother and his 6 kids, he love been around them and again lead them to whatever he want to do. ( asked them to make him point when he want something)
After about 10 mins he arrived into the room that I was sitting in with a biscuit tin. not know what he wanted I put the tin on my head and he gave me a look like WTF so I hand it back to him and he took it and pointed to the photo of the biscuit and look at he, as much as to day I want this.

This happen over 2 days without Screen time. The other games that we playing he picking thing up quickly.

There is some signs of autism. he like his number and letters. he does throw tantrums but not every often.
He does have great eye contact and has lovely social skill(without talking).
he love other kids company and like play ball with his cousins.
When a new child arrives he will come up all excited but then play beside then not with them.
He doesn't like fireworks but is fine around other noises.

I have a feeling that he a little deaf in one ear but we are have that checked.

The things is that talking to my wife last night and we we're talking about screen time. The TV is always on in my house and we we're working out the little man was getting about 3 to 5 hours of the tablet/phone as well.
We we're both shocked.
This surely would have a huge affect on his development.

I can't believe that it was so stupid not to be checking his time on screen.
My question is have I complete mess up my child??

drunkmonkey

You need to cut out the TV and Tablets, phones etc would be a good starting point. He's still very young though and should pick up things quickly, they can be very quick to suggest autism but if you haven't thought them how to do things there going to fail tests they give him to evaluate difficulties.
Who looks after him during the day, our crèche is very good and they learn a lot. If there's not somebody helping him grow during the day as well as been sociable during the day and picking up things from other kids his own age you could possibly end up in your situation.
Just work with him more, you'll know yourself if he's getting it or not.
If he the oldest? He's nobody to learn from at home if so.

My niece didn't speak until after 4, I'd be concerned but just keep working on it, she's fine now at 10, playing camogie, getting on well in school no speech difficulties. She was the oldest of all the nieces and nephews so again nobody to pick things up from, she was pulled out of her babysitters as it wasn't a good environment and wasn't progressing at all.

beauf

toxicity234 wrote: »

...
This surely would have a huge affect on his development....

Research seems to be mixed on this. I would limit it, but I wouldn't stress out over it. In my limited experience some kids will be more effected than others. But its a habit and thus can be trained out.

There is a wide range (time span) of what is considered normal. Maybe get a book or something and learn what are the actual milestones. You'll get all sorts of crazy opinions here good and bad.

Considering increasing the 1:1 time you have with the child and also bring to lots of social activities. Where they mix with others.

Kids don't come with manuals and they aren't all the same. You can only do your best.

fits

Pointing and waving are important milestones to hit by 18 months if not before. One of my boys missed them but he had gross and fine motor delays too. I would think it’s important to have your boy seen but I doubt if the screen time is the sole cause. Definitely reduce it though. My boys don’t have access to phones or tablets at all. They still watch too much Pippa pig though. And when that’s on we aren’t interacting with them.

Bandana boy

They **** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were ****ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

Keyzer

Bandana boy wrote: »

They **** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were ****ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

That's super helpful for the OP, well done...

BarryD2

Some children are slower to talk than others. You say he knows his letters and numbers? So you say, show me an A and he picks up the letter A from a pile?? In which case he must hear and understand what you're saying.

If you're talking to him he hears you and he's also hearing speech and sounds on TV. Speech is largely a matter of copying sounds and refining them I think - like a soundboard backwards and forwards. Have a nephew who was slow to talk but once he started, became proficient very quickly.

He may well have some issues that need monitoring but I wouldn't beat myself up over technology. Particularly if what he's watching also has a speech & sound component.

shesty

You haven't messed him up.But you know now, screens have to stay off.Talk to him and read to him.
Some screen time might be fine for most kids, but if you are encountering speech and language issues, then cut it out for now.Screens don't talk back and are not interactive (yes I know there are apps, but it seems to be particularly the TV the OP is referring to), and kids need the social interaction to learn to read facial cues, emotioms and the like.So best off to leave them out for now.

Anne_cordelia

3-5 a day? That’s extremely excessive. Every day? That needs to go as does leaving the tv on in the background. Some screen time is fine especially if you are watching it with him and using it as interaction time. The guidelines seem to be no screentime for under 2’s and maximum of an hour a day for over 2’s if I remember correctly.

The WHO published a report on screentime last April. It’s worth a look. https://www.google.ie/amp/s/amp.irishexaminer.com/breakingnews/technow/children-should-be-limited-to-one-hour-of-screen-time-per-day-919788.html Link to an article on it.

Anyways you haven’t messed him up as any damage done by screentime can be undone now that you are aware of it. It will take a bit of work. Screentime doesn’t cause autism so if it’s that then it’s not your fault. Anecdotally though I’ve come across a few children who had delays but eventually caught up and interestingly they would have all had excessive screentime.

Milly33

First time mum so cannot offer any major advice, but I would say try to cut the screen out... I just do'nt get them myself but can see why parents do it.. start it now before it gets to be a bigger problem

jlm29

Kids are very adaptable, he’ll get used to the screens being gone in no time.
Also, from reading your OP, the part about the biscuits stood out to me. He didn’t pick the ability to gesture at the biscuits up because he had 2 days with no screens, but rather because you encouraged it. I think as parents, we often know what our kids want and just do it, especially when there’s only one. Now that you’re more aware of it, you’ll start putting in the work and he’ll hopefully pick up on stuff very quickly

antix80

Op, you're not a doctor or child psychologist. Well, neither am I but I don't see how you are diagnosing your child with signs of autism when nothing you wrote suggests anything of the kind. On the contrary, you're the one who put a biscuit tin on your head when he was trying to communicate.

JustAThought

Hi OP - you sound like normal, kind, caring worrying, parents trying to do your best by your child. No you havn't broken him!Keeping a close eye on the tablet and screen time use is very important and no doubt you will see tantrums and positive changes as he engages and interacts more and explores more outside of tele/tablets. All kids develop differently and have their own idiocyncracies and quirks - you sound like you're doing a great job and trying hard. Don't be too hard on yourself

BrookieD

OP cut out the Tablet and TV, The amount of kids that are just given these by "busy" parents is crazy and I have seen the affect on kids from 2/3/4 yrs old. One Parent i know its a default goto grab tablet/phone when out and shove into face to "keep them quite". As such they are ALWAYS grumpy, selfish, demanding, and were late developing conversation skills so much so they were checking for autism that was not there.

We have a few rules since day one.

NO weekday tablets/Phone activity
TV is not on until 5:30/6pm week days - Wife will not switch on during the day at all.
No Gaming during school nights,

Weekend they have some screen time but ALWAYS monitored, NEVER if going out with family/friends for a meal will we permit a device.. We get so much more conversation from them its unreal. Our 10yrs old asked for a phone for his birthday, NOPE not till confirmation and at that it will be same rules as above. The developmental difference between our lads and niece/nephews is staggering, they converse more and were able to converse at a much earlier age, are not as grumpy, could clearly articulate wants and needs and are far more well rounded as people with much better manners.

Sorry but i really think Device parenting is just lazy, get down talk and remove devices, you will find it makes a huge difference.

OP you did your best with the information you had at the time. Now you know differently so do your best to implement those changes. Someone on here said your post shows no signs of autism in your child. This is not true and is worrying advice as early intervention is essential for best outcomes. Make sure you keep pushing with Early Intervention team to diagnose/rule out autism. You are trying you best keep doing so and be very proactive at this time. It is clear you love your child very much and that they are lucky to have you. Take care. Any specific autism advice do not hesitate to PM me as I am highly qualified in that area.

corkgirl17

First step would be to get their hearing checked. When my son was 2 and a half he wasn't talking or interacting as much and everyone said oh such a child didn't talk til they were 4 and even doctors told me that he would do So in his own time and boys are lazy blah blah blah. He ended up needing grommets which we then assumed was the reason for speech delay. But he was obsessed with numbers, letters and colours and were the only words he used. Our speech therapist suggested getting him assessed so we went privately and yes he did have Autism. He is coming along great now, great temperament, very affectionate, has his moments as all kids do and will be starting early intervention this September. The numbers and letters thing struck a chord with me. Perhaps ask the speech therapist what they think as sometimes as parents we are too close to notice things. Not to scare you or anything but early intervention is vital.

catrionanic

corkgirl17 wrote: »

First step would be to get their hearing checked. When my son was 2 and a half he wasn't talking or interacting as much and everyone said oh such a child didn't talk til they were 4 and even doctors told me that he would do So in his own time and boys are lazy blah blah blah. He ended up needing grommets which we then assumed was the reason for speech delay. But he was obsessed with numbers, letters and colours and were the only words he used. Our speech therapist suggested getting him assessed so we went privately and yes he did have Autism. He is coming along great now, great temperament, very affectionate, has his moments as all kids do and will be starting early intervention this September. The numbers and letters thing struck a chord with me. Perhaps ask the speech therapist what they think as sometimes as parents we are too close to notice things. Not to scare you or anything but early intervention is vital.

All very good advice, but I will add here for balance that I also have a 2.5 year old who is obsessed with letters and numbers! Points them out everywhere we go - signs, car reg plates, etc. He is developmentally totally normal though, thankfully, and an extremely sociable wee chap. Definitely no autism. So I wouldn't read into the letters and numbers too much.