Am I being overly sensitive about being reprimanded by a colleague?

LegacyUser

A few days ago while I was in work, an accident occurred with a colleague. This colleague does not work in my department but due to the nature of the job, often the department I work in will have to assign tasks to them. I took in a call and did not get enough information so my colleague reprimanded me on this, which was completely fair but the way she went about it did not sit right with me and upset me for a bit.

5 minutes after I assigned the task to my colleague, she came over to my desk and stood by it. At first I was confused so she asked me: "Why do you think I am standing here looking down at you?". This caused me to become nervous as I instantly knew she was frustrated me but initially, I honestly wasn't sure what I had done. I hazarded a guess and she immediately rolled her eyes and responded "I don't care about that." Then I suggested that I had not put enough information in the task. She said this was correct and proceeded to say did I know how big such a location was and what I had written was not on and not acceptable. I then said I understood what she meant and she proceeded to walk out the door.

While this was going on, my other colleague (who works in my department) was sitting just a few feet away could hear everything. There was only 3 of us in the office at time, myself, my colleague from my department and the colleague who reprimanded me and our supervisor (her boss). After this happened and she walked out the door, I felt incredibly stupid and humiliated as I wished she had not been so condescending and not reprimanded me so publicly.

A few moments later, she came back in again (after I had called the client back and got all the relevant information). She did not say a single word to me, just walked by my desk and into her office space. She then emailed me information to pass onto the client. 10 minutes she walked out again and was chatting to my other colleague (they are quite good friends and knew each about 6 months before I joined as it's a tiny office). She turned to me and asked had I sent everything out. I responded that I had and she asked me "Do you understand now why it's so important to get all the information?". I told her I realised this and that was that.

Later in the day, my colleague who had heard everything, told my other colleagues who came in later in the day. They all told me that they did not agree with how everything was handled and that given that she is essentially just a fellow colleague to us and not our supervisor/boss that she should not have been so condescending in her attitude towards me.

I've been thinking about it all day and I am wondering am I just being over sensitive? As I said, I completely get the message she was trying to get to me, I just feel things could have been handled better i.e. not make me try and guess what I had done wrong.

Does anyone have any advice moving further as it is not the first time she has come to me when I've made a mistake (this is the second time it has happened with both incidents being a few months apart) and basically asked me to guess what I've done wrong.


Thanks!

dudara

Moved to Work Problems.

whampiri

No, you're not. She has no business speaking to you in the manner described. Send her an email advising her that if she has an issue with your work in future, to go through the appropriate channels. I.e. her manager to your manager to you. Also advise her that if she speaks to you in such a manner again, you'll consider it bullying and will be reporting it to HR.

Alternatively, maybe she was just having a bad day and you could leave it go this one time but if she ever goes to speak to you like that again, stop her mid sentence and tell her where to take a long walk.

shesty

Quite rude.I have been asked "do you know why I am here?" at work, always in jest, someone having a laugh.If a colleague on my level spoke to me like that I would be very annoyed.

Dav010

You messed up my neglecting to get important information from a client and you took a bit of a scolding for it, your account doesn’t include her shouting nor abusing you, take the hit and move on.

As for the advice to go through proper channels/manager, who would want their manager to be informed that they cocked up simple yet important part of their job?

whampiri

A scolding from a colleague! Who does the colleague think they are? The OPs mother? There's a formal method for addressing issues in the workplace. Using them protects both parties and certainly getting a dressing down from a colleague in full view of others is unacceptable. I'm sure the colleague wouldn't appreciate being treated in the same manner.

Dav010

whampiri wrote: »

A scolding from a colleague! Who does the colleague think they are? The OPs mother? There's a formal method for addressing issues in the workplace. Using them protects both parties and certainly getting a dressing down from a colleague in full view of others is unacceptable. I'm sure the colleague wouldn't appreciate being treated in the same manner.

Workplaces can be harsh at times when you mess up, a couple of mistakes like this reported the management and the manager could form the opinion the op isn’t up to the job.

Mousewar

Oh that would piss me off no end. I don't think I'd be sending emails to her but I would resolve to not let her talk to you like that again. Next time she stands at your desk and asks you to guess why she's there I'd be thinking of responding along the lines: "I don't want to play any guessing games. Why don't you just tell me what the issue is." Nothing aggressive or confrontational, just a refusal to be spoken down to.

osarusan

Sounds like you have a legitimate issue, but you have to ask yourself, if you take this forward, will your boss/HR just get the impression that you don't like having it pointed out that you made a mistake.

I think I'd move on, but prepare something professional to say to her if she does the same thing in the future.

Mrs OBumble

Imagine what question your colleague could post here:

Eg how should I deal with a co-worker who knows perfectly well how to do their work, but can't be ar$ed actually doing it. Time after time, I have to tell them to get basic information- and I cannot do my job until they get it. I've tried asking politely but they just laugh at me. What next -dob them into management or turn up the heat myself?

Shefwedfan

Just out of interest? What was the other mistake you made that you guessed first?

Mousewar

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Imagine what question your colleague could post here:

Eg how should I deal with a co-worker who knows perfectly well how to do their work, but can't be ar$ed actually doing it. Time after time, I have to tell them to get basic information- and I cannot do my job until they get it. I've tried asking politely but they just laugh at me. What next -dob them into management or turn up the heat myself?

Maybe have a private sit down conversation with them where you discuss the issue professionally?

I'm not sure calling him publically in front of his colleagues while playing demeaning guessing games is gonna be one of the suggestions.

is_that_so

Just move on past it. None of us likes to mess up or be picked up on it. There's learning in that anyway. However, if a similar incident occurs be prepared to politely rebuff any other attempts to put you in your place. OP should also think happy thoughts because it's Friday!

Triceratops Ballet

I'd address it with her something like "x I appreciate you were frustrated yesterday, but in future if there's an issue with my work I'd prefer if you approached me in a more professional manner and we can resolve together."

JustJoe7240

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Imagine what question your colleague could post here:

Eg how should I deal with a co-worker who knows perfectly well how to do their work, but can't be ar$ed actually doing it. Time after time, I have to tell them to get basic information- and I cannot do my job until they get it. I've tried asking politely but they just laugh at me. What next -dob them into management or turn up the heat myself?

Absolutely nonsensical, nothing to suggest this wasn't a once off..

Lollipop95

Delete wrong thread

osarusan

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I've tried asking politely but they just laugh at me.

Can you point out some part in the OP that would give the other party a good reason to make this a part of their problem?

tusk

Private conversation is always the best first Port of call in these situations. Ask them to chat and bring up your issues. Then if they do it again it's time to escalate.

Jim2007

Why do you think I am standing here looking down at you?

"Well actually I was thinking it takes you a long time to formulate what you were going to say, perhaps you'd like to come back later when you have figured it out?"

Something like that usually takes the wind out of the sails, because it is no how they expected it to go down. OP, don't play their mind games.

DeanAustin

Jim2007 wrote: »

"Well actually I was thinking it takes you a long time to formulate what you were going to say, perhaps you'd like to come back later when you have figured it out?"

Something like that usually takes the wind out of the sails, because it is no how they expected it to go down. OP, don't play their mind games.

“Why do you think I’m coming over to you?”

“Misplaced your broom again and have no way home?”

Wouldn’t get too worried about it OP. If you ****ed up, take the slap and move on. If it happens again, I’d suggest the response above (ie “I don’t know why you’re here and don’t have time for guessing games, why don’t you tell me.”).

Diziet

You are not over-sensitive. If a colleague makes a mistake it is of course ok - go over and say 'in future could you please...'. Then the outcome is better for everyone.

If she does it again, then have a word with your manager.

bullpost

Don't take criticism from someone you would never go to for advice.

LegacyUser

Hi all, thanks for your replies.

I would just like to reiterate the fact that I have ZERO issue with what my colleague said to me, it's how she went about it that did not sit right with me i.e. essentially asking me to guess what I had done wrong followed by the public dressing down in front of my fellow colleague and her boss.

To explain my previous mistake, it wasn't really a mistake per se as I did not talk to the client before discussing it with her. She had assigned me to contact a client about a matter and emailed me notes. I then went over to speak to her about it to clarify some details as to me, it wasn't clear in her notes who exactly she wanted me to contact. I said "So, just to clarify I contact (name of client, etc..)" She then looked at me and started almost whispering in a condescending tone. "Why would you do that? Why do you think you would do that?". She then started shaking her head and when her clarified what she meant, she slowly started nodding her head and said "Mmhm, yes." Or wtte.

She's incredibly close to her boss who in turn, is close to mine (mine works remotely so we only communicate via phone). I'm worried that as her boss heard her giving me a dressing down yesterday that he will start to think I am incompetent and this will then get back to my boss. In fact, yesterday, a similar case came in. This time, I got all the information correct. My colleague's boss immediately emailed me asking some questions about the client - I confirmed everything he asked and that all the information was in the email. He then said he would get another person in their department to follow up with the client.

Perhaps I'm being paranoid but does anyone have any advice moving forward from this and not letting it turn into an issue. I'm afraid that now whenever a similar case comes in that I will be on high alert whenever my colleague is in the office, for fear of being reprimanded again by her - which I don't want to feel

whampiri

You're leaving one incident affect your entire work life. Do that and you'll go mad. My advice is to go back to doing what you do and don't allow her to pull you up on anything again. Job done.

Strumms

The person in question, is a bully. If she had issue with something you had done or hadn’t done she needed to be of the ability to express this to you in a professional and constructive manner. Also with open ears to your response before she formulated her own.

The likelihood is this wasn't a ‘bad day’. You can be buckled under or hold your ground. If I was you I’d go over her head. Contact her supervisor, relate the conversation as verbatim as possible, have a hard copy of the employee manual, the section relating to expected behavior of employees and remind her boss that applies to employees across the pay scale.

CalamariFritti

Is it just me or are we are being a bit oversensitive here? I made a mistake and was called on it, but I didn't like the tone. Poor me. Who does she think she is? Someone may have heard it. My pride was hurt. I demand...erm what actually? Are you expecting an apology or something?

miamee

CalamariFritti wrote: »

Is it just me or are we are being a bit oversensitive here? I made a mistake and was called on it, but I didn't like the tone. Poor me. Who does she think she is? Someone may have heard it. My pride was hurt. I demand...erm what actually? Are you expecting an apology or something?

Expecting your colleagues to speak to you with respect is not much to ask. We all make mistakes occasionally, a reasonable person would just point it out, explain what they need and leave it at that. Going out of their way to do so in front of other people in a condescending manner is petty and unnecessary.

CalamariFritti

miamee wrote: »

Expecting your colleagues to speak to you with respect is not much to ask. We all make mistakes occasionally, a reasonable person would just point it out, explain what they need and leave it at that. Going out of their way to do so in front of other people in a condescending manner is petty and unnecessary.

It is, I agree. But nonetheless some people are a little more abrasive or sometimes they have genuine reason to be peeved or they are having a bad day. Not fantastic, but it happens.

Hardly the worst thing ever, chin up, move on. Don't make that mistake again if it bothers so much. I see people calling for action and manager involvement and whatnot. Any normal manager being approached with this will rightfully wonder whether they're back in pre-school or something. "Sister, Mary has been mean to me, do something."

Strumms

miamee wrote: »

Expecting your colleagues to speak to you with respect is not much to ask. We all make mistakes occasionally, a reasonable person would just point it out, explain what they need and leave it at that. Going out of their way to do so in front of other people in a condescending manner is petty and unnecessary.

This to a tee. Employee fûcks up, conversation should happen on a one to one basis, it’s professional and respectful. For otherwise to happen it says a tonne more and in a negative light about the boss, their judgement, leadership, decision making and communication skills.

Boss : so Jim, yesterday, how did your day go ? Any challenges of note, things that you’d do differently given the chance again ?

^ rather then a bollocking you are giving the employee a chance to honestly self appraise and communicate back. Though if he says ‘no, there isnt’ its Indicating he is unaware or unwilling to recognize his weaknesses ( issues ). That needs a different tactic.

Jim : well I got dragged into too many work conversations and try to help others who had issues and was distracted from my own goals and fell behind,I was rushing to catch up and quality might have suffered.

Boss : thanks for your honesty, I agree. Now together we speak about and agree on strategies to ensure it never happens again.


Simply you are working the issue WITH the employee, they are super aware of how they need to improve, discussed in a civil, respectful and proactive manner. Nobody loosing face or made feel two feet tall.

JeffKenna

CalamariFritti wrote: »

Is it just me or are we are being a bit oversensitive here? I made a mistake and was called on it, but I didn't like the tone. Poor me. Who does she think she is? Someone may have heard it. My pride was hurt. I demand...erm what actually? Are you expecting an apology or something?

I'm not sure, it would seem to me based on the follow up from the OP that this person is a bit of a bully. Her communication wasn't up to the required standard and when the OP went to clarify (correct thing to do) she became very aggressive and degrading towards the OP. This was heard by the OP's manager and now it looks like she is being perceived to be incompetent.

It's a tricky situation OP, In that situation my instinct would have been to whisper back in the same tone something along the lines of "well maybe if you could be a bit more clear in your instructions in future it would be a lot easier for everybody". However I'm aware that this is me and I will defend myself if I believe I am right.

Former Observer

CalamariFritti wrote: »

sometimes they have genuine reason to be peeved or they are having a bad day. Not fantastic, but it happens.

Sounds like you are making excuses for a bully.

CalamariFritti wrote: »

Hardly the worst thing ever

Nobody said it was the worst thing ever.

CalamariFritti wrote: »

Don't make that mistake again if it bothers so much.

People make mistakes all of the time for a variety of reasons. That is no reason to act unprofessionally or to try and publicly humiliate people.

Once again you sound very much like you are making excuses for a bully.